Your DM says that the envoy of the King looks your party in the eye, and says

Refa pls.

I'm a construct

I kill him because the DM didn't give us a combat for too long. Gotta keep the XP flowing.

*teleports behind u*
>heh kid...thought ur little poison would be the end of me??? arrogant..
*stabs u*
>ur agents cant get me.....
*chops off ur head*
>on the plane...of...hell..

Poison his girlfriend, get him to re-start a policy he turned away from, and then dare him to blow up an island, of course.

I ask why he bothered to use binary poison when he could just tell me he would have an agent poison me in the future.

The whole point of a binary poison is that part two won't set off any poison detection schemes, so no matter how thoroughly the king has his food checked there's still a chance it could get through. That's why Londo used it against Refa to begin with.

I'd cast Slay Living, ideally as a surprise attack while the envoy is still monologuing.

After the fight, I'd cast Neutralize Poison at the first opportunity. I'd then consider acquiring a Periapt of Proof Against Poison at a Magic Item Shop in the next country over.

"Nigga I'm a warforged, I didn't even drink anything."

This.
Then the King.
Maybe even turn the campaign into hunting King and Agents bloodline to the third fold.

AH, MEESTAH GARIBALDI

help I can't get his voice out of my head

>I drop my trousers and piss on the king!

Charge him, put my bag of holding inside my portable hole, and sing all the way to the void.

"...so utterly immune to magical and alchemical attempts to remove."

Murder him, have the necromancer keep us alive while we remove our entire cardiovascular system and replace it with somebody else's.

That is an excellent idea. I imagine it would cause a fair amount of psychological trauma though.

Our parties are generally the least murderhobo-y parties ever, so I'd know we're dealing with some kind of psychopath here.

>Half-Drow Bard

>"I told you killing them would be a bad idea, but noooo, no one listens to me. I just sing my songs and look pretty, and you all ignore me unless you've gotten stabbed. I'm siding with the king, at least he's not a total ass.

Break his arms and drag him by his legs as we go and murder the king

He doesn't need to remove it, only make it useless.

Either way that DM writes dialogue like a fourth grader, uses bullshit made up ways of robbing players of agency, and actually uses "murderhobo" in character. The answer is to never play with that cunt of a DM again.

>also playing D&D

That's putting it mildly, Also not taking organ rejection into account either.

time to accelerate lichdom I guess

Well, it's time to take over a kingdom I guess.

Whats the fucking point of a 2 part poison?

You could have just given him 1 deadly poison the whenever you were going to give him the second part and the result would be identical

It's manufactured for villains who like to monologue.

If the player "murderhoboing" is apparently such a huge problem in-universe why is this guy using the most obtuse fucking method of dealing with it?

This King sounds pretty wet-behind-the-ears if you ask me. Why doesn't he just send paladins after the party or something?

Honestly, he botched the concept.

What he SHOULD have done is poisoned them with a lethal, long-lasting, but slow poison, then supplied them with doses of an antidote whose supply is exclusively controlled by the Crown, manufactured by student alchemists ignorant of the full properties of the compounds they're working with. They break the deal, antidote production stops, and no-one inside that supply chain knows enough to spill the beans, ensuring the adventurers can't simply get the formula and make their own.

Dune ought to be required reading.

yes but what is the point of paying for all that antidote when the easier option is to just kill the party. he isn't even asking them to do anything for him, he just wants them to stop killing.

It's quite simple really, instead of using magic to get rid of the poison, I use magic to make myself immune to poison.

"I'm undead, you blind fool. And you're about to recollect the exact formula for the antidote."

>yes but what is the point of paying for all that antidote when the easier option is to just kill the party. he isn't even asking them to do anything for him, he just wants them to stop killing the wrong way.

even easier. you can completely stop them from killing the wrong way by killing them.

I research "Detect Binary Agent" in my spare time. I'm a collegiate wizard, I'll have it down in moments.
Oh, and as a side note, the king may feel he's won this round, but I will be using mind control on him at the next possible opportunity and I will make him destroy everything he has ever loved from people to buildings to concepts until his kingdom is a smoking ruin, populated by arcane horrors only the most insane conjurer would even have cause to release by accident. Then I'll peace out of his particular fucked plane, and leave him to gibber over all he's lost.

Motherfucker you did NOT know who you were stepping to.

"ah think ye may have the wroong person laddie. ahm good aligned and havent killed a single thing witoot tryin teh talk em doown ferst."

my characters accent is thick and inconsistent.

I STEAL FROM THE KING

Wizards are a vengeful beast, when provoked. I'm starting to think they should introduce a school of Vengeance ala paladin oath for wizards, just because that's pretty much what they're used for now.

>Motherfucker you did NOT know who you were stepping to.
To be fair, that's pretty much the first third of Londo's story arc.

MEESTAH MORDEN

I'm playing a fairly neutral wizard in this current campaign, and I make a point of giving NPCs three chances to get out of my shit books when they start to cross me (lethal threats get vaporised, natch).
It's become quite a thing when the DM has an NPC refuse the olive branch a couple of times, because I've managed to drop a couple of decent sized Terrible Fates on people.

Dickass halfling thief? Immured in a Wall of Stone to die.
Noble patriarch who decided we were patsies? House military strength subtly but thoroughly compromised, overeager son talked into igniting tensions with powerful rivals, noble target murdered - slowly - with halberd bearing rival's banner. Likely fate of his house explained to him in dispassionate detail as he died, so he would realise his lineage was dying with him.
Gnomish Tinker using mechanical spiders as contract assassins? Blinded, tongue cut out, hands smashed to pieces, Teleported to a distant land where he knew nobody and none of the language, dumped on the street as a pauper.

Oof. Mind if I get your input on an idea? I ain't a wizard, I'm a warlock, level 6, but essentially in the past session, at the very end, I got knocked out by our ranger's pet when I was low on hit points because I snarked. They then went further and stole my (very expensive) bottle of Rum that I acquired from a pirate king about 8 sessions back and was saving for a special occasion. I want to get payback, but i'm not very creative.

I roll insight, because he is obviously lying.

He's your party mate. If you don't get your rum back, stop adventuring with him. Out of character, explain this isn't the kind of play you're looking for.

I have seen where this road goes, with brother fighting brother before the DM's steady gaze. Even if you win, you will lose.

You fool, I switched glasses while your back was turned.

To gain their cooperation

Iron Heart Surge

Done.

heh, look at that, a situation where IHS is actually properly used

Good thing we're playing DnD, and poison fucking sucks. CHARGE!

>Smite Evil

>poison fucking sucks

Unless it does CON damage

Of course if he drank it, you can always kill his character first.

True, but even then poison can be easily trivialized mid-combat even by low level characters.

Well done.

And, because sooner or later, they'd do it to him.

Wizard is just another containment class for the edgelords that think they are too clever to be filtered by rogue or warlock.

...

lol i have 18 con i don't give a fuck

Then they can't kill the right way.

Why tell him?

Agree wholeheartedly, then when he's left conspire with the group to kill the king and all of his cronies, including this half-assed Londo impersonator, slowly, painfully, cripplingly. We also never eat anything anyone else has ever given us, ever again.

Fuck the GM, and fuck his stupid fucking plots which are so rubbish that they can be resolved with simple murders, and fuck this stupid use of the term "murderhobo'ing" as a verb in what I can only assume is a medieval setting.

That scene worked with Reefa, because Reefa was a politican, and a shitty one compared to Londo, who he believed to be his pawn, and himself to be under the protection of the Shadows. Also because he couldn't simply have Londo killed.

This agent is a dead man, it's time to teach the GM a lesson about how to properly motivate players, and that's not by fiat'ing a poison in to their systems which will kill them if they step out of line with the fiat introduction of another poison.

What is this, amateur hour?

What's he gonna do? Give me both parts of the poison, AT THE SAME TIME? Inconceivable.

But my character has literally never murderhobo'd. Nor has anyone in the party. The only thing we have killed so far is some magically mutated animals and some zombies.

But feudal lords were murderhobos to each other. If you want them to stop, you have to give them a knighthood and full pardon for all the sins done. A spiritually uplifting sum of money is good too.

>telling me where the poison is in my body

I pay a cleric to regrow my stomach after chopping it out.

Lose my shit, scream "Mollari!" and kill the King's envoy plus as many guards as I can before I am felled. I have faithfully served the crown as a knight for twenty years. The best years of my life serving the land, the people, and the crown. Yet, after the lost of Turan, there's been a pretender on the throne and this envoy put him there!

You realize that any REAL party of murderhobos would die, right?

Because they wouldn't hear about the poison because they killed the envoy before he could get two words out.
Am I wrong?

Bitch I'm literally powered by god. I plant a curse upon you in the name of our lord, and so long as you dare threaten a paladin of His will, you will never find peace in this life or in the next.

Have one lining the glass, the other in the drink.

I've definitely played a Wizard of Annoyance Reduction

>Be blaster Evoker at Imperial Academy of Magicks in not!Finland
>Given a study sabbatical read: exiled to not!Australia after students destroy a campus building
>Settle in to life of quiet research. Win!
>Fast forward a decade
>Humanocentrist Emperor declares war on local humanoid bogans
>Humanoids unite, invasion + Great Ghost Dance-tier cataclysm topples local Imperial presence
>Resultant anarchy finally rouses me from solitude
>Rather than kill me, as an Imperial that knows the Capital, they want to employ me as a diplomat
>First mission, sent to negotiate with Lich that owns the western reaches of the island
>Lich wants exactly what I want -- to be left alone to study.
>I offer a sympathetic ear, and mention that getting these fuckers sovereignty will speed the process of getting them to STFU and STFD
>Success! Lich is now stalwart ally
>Next up, sail home to pitch the case before the Emperor
>Through cunning and combat, wheedle our way into an audience
>During the audience, psionics users find out king is being mind controlled
>His ancient, cloistered mother is actually an Illithid!
>Defeat the threat
>Find out Illithid kingdom is infiltrating the surface world from a fastness deep in the Underdark, wants to enslave all surfacers
>*theshitiputupwith.jpg*
>Finally defeat Illithid threat
>Adventuring party fucks off to the planes to go be Big Damn Heroes
>Settle in the frozen Northern wastes, open Evocation academy, finally get some godsdamn peace

>What does your character do, Veeky Forums?

Probably just wonder why he told me this when I haven't touched the drink provided.
Then stab him and leave.

Besides, there's no poison that's impossible to remove, so it's a dumb idea.

>Besides, there's no poison that's impossible to remove, so it's a dumb idea.
There's the taint of Veeky Forums.

...

My character is a 7 foot tall rock Golem without speech capabilities.

If I could speak, I would tell the person in front of me about the fact, that rocks cannot be poisoned, especially via oral intake.

Laugh.
He has not had a functional stomach for at least 56 years.
He then detains the envoy, and carries him back to the ship for servitorisation.
Then prepares another chamber for the King.
Attempted murder of an Inquisitorial agent is quite a grave Heresy.
So is attempting to disrupt the Inquisition in their attempts to purge an area of traitors, xenos and heretics.

Yes, and it's an in-character account. He could very well be bluffing/lying/etc. He's not a damn wizard, what does he know? Also, why take the chance that it's actually a binary poison? Fucker's willing to poison me in the first place, maybe he said it was binary because he thought it'd get us to leave his castle before we could take anyone with us?

Naw, just arrange a resurrection or restoration/regeneration spell and have someone knock you out before removing your digestive tract. Messy and expensive, but it gets the immediate problem solved and frees you up to tackle the king.