I threaten the guard captain!

>I threaten the guard captain!

>I point and laugh at the witch's hat!

>I steal the king's scepter while he isn't looking!

Other urls found in this thread:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=YcW7ttZfZ8c
youtube.com/watch?v=eDc5jnrBD1A
readcomiconline.to/Comic/Marvel-Adventures-The-Avengers/Issue-26?id=91089
youtube.com/watch?v=A6gbN7azsb8
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

...

> I offer a witch a dead, corrupted body as a bribe

>I light the inn on fire!

I've had that one happen before. The same player also pulled
>I set the prince on fire
in a different campaign.

>Every time the party walks into a town
>"Do I see anyone carrying coinpurses..."

>I sneak up on the dragon!

> I threaten the merchant prince!

> I steal the airship!

> I break out of prison!

>I jack off in front of the queen
>are you sure?
>I jack off onto the queen

>As we start our adventure, I walk behind my companions ...and I slit their throats.
>...
>Do we roll initiative first or do they roll perception first?

>I convince the warlord to give up his horde to me!
>You're level 3.

>Party bought passage to a merchants city
>One party member is a wererat
>Starts sneaking around the boat at night in rat form biting people
>Says "Oh yeah, this guy would make a great rat" every fucking time
>Party Barbarian finds out and strangles him to death
>Thatsthat.jpg

>I threaten the Dragon of the entirety of the Triads
This happened three times on different occasions, by different players, during the same campaign.

>I set the pillow fort on fire

This was after a pair of assassins leapt into it, thinking I was inside. I initially made it to sleep in, but then my PC remembered he was a literal hobo and slept behind it.

The king's palace almost burned down because I didn't feel like putting it out afterwards, and neither did any of the king's guard after I informed them multiple times that the guest wing was on fire.

This thread is triggering me. For a long time I had to deal with a group of players that simply did not understand that concept that not everything they encountered is a challenge to overcome nor the possibility that some things were simply out of their current capabilities. It didn't matter how many party wipes they forced me to dish out, in their eyes their level 5 party should be able to kill the good aligned demi-god dragon whose trying to help them along with their quest.

"Alright guys, you in the middle of a Rakdos district, you need to pass on there to get to the sewer. As you walk, a women secures into your arm and asks if you want a good time."

>I push her into a wall and announce that nobody touches a boros legion guard!

One of the first campaigns I ever ran started with something like that.
They were going to go on a quest for the king to track down a theif who had somehow made off with the entire treasury (using magic no doubt). They were talking to the king in his throne room, getting the details, etc.
>I stab the king.
He even moved his miniature next to the king and made a stabbing motion, so I decided that he wasn't joking and that he just killed the king. The player was rather distraught about this, but I reminded him that he said it in character and made the motion so it happened. The campaign then became a wild ride of running from the law and eventually starting a peasant revolution just so that the stupid character could go home in peace.

Turned out pretty well.

...

I've been there. I know the horror.

>everybody in the party is either CN or acts like one
>rampant kleptomania and sociopathy
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

stealing an airship is a perfectly viable first-session strategy. Especially if the party just broke out of jail.

I would like to do that often, but never actually act on it. My own version of the DM rolling pointless dice to keep people on the edge.

>" I smash the barmaid over the head with a bottle"
You have been thrown out of the pub and ordered to leave town
>"How dare they! Fucking peasants. I'll show them. I take a shit in the town well."
There is now a mob of angry peasants coming after you with pitchforks and torches. Would you like to run away?
>"Stupid peasants. I can take them"
[one fight later] the peasants surrounded you and ripped you apart because this WFRP, not Pathfinder, and you cannot take on a whole village by yourself.
>"Stop railroading us, GM. Don't you know about player agency?"

I make it a point to throw any shit that mentions player agency out of my group at this stage.

I have never once seen it used in any context other than players trying to justify being chaotic fuckheads. Not once.

>you can roll your ass outta here.

>starts sneaking around the boat at night in rat form biting people
>Says "Oh yeah, this guy would make a great rat" every fucking time
Fucking lost.

>For backstory reasons, I don't have understandings of social norms
>i.e. I know how to rent a room in a tavern, buy things from a shopkeep, and how money is valuable, but I'm not going to consider stealing wrong because 'I don't understand!'

I realize this isn't common, but I've seen it a couple of times and I hate it.

I wouldn't mind it so much if it was the party rogue going off to do some idle pickpocketing during party downtime, decided by a roll.

But this was literally every time we stepped into a city, every time we went out onto a street and there were people walking around. And he always phrased it as checking to see if anyone had gold first before doing anything, so there'd be a perception check and then a stealth check.

>Starts sneaking around the boat at night in rat form biting people
>Says "Oh yeah, this guy would make a great rat" every fucking time
Mother fucker I'm trying to take a shit here but I can't stop laughing

You know the rules

>"I am visibly tempted to turn the barmaid into a golden statue, but do not act on this."

How do you react, DM's?

I wonder why he felt the need to bring it up, continue the game, and scrap any form of inanimate transformation that might have been planned.

>>Says "Oh yeah, this guy would make a great rat" every fucking time

Is there some reference or implication I'm missing?

Transform him into a statue and say what a coincidence
Thats also my fetish

Invite him for a private rp later

Funny thing is, even they know it's bullshit. You notice you never get anything about player agency if you keep the other characters from killing theirs for being a fuckhead.

No, it's just certain people on Veeky Forums or Veeky Forums as a whole try to turn every thread into an "epic thread!!!!" They're normally characterised by daft, unrelated reaction images and /b/ idiom. Basically the guy was sneaking around and had a catch phrase which is a little bit funny but as soon as multiple people feel the need to reply to the comment with little more than. Proverbial "lol" it loses a lot of its comedy unless it's actually remarkably witty etc.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=YcW7ttZfZ8c

Well that escalated quickly.

>i cast ballistic missile

you clearly know nothing user
youtube.com/watch?v=eDc5jnrBD1A

In Forgotten Realms, people sometimes carry around a secondary coin purse just for thieves.

It's a religious thing, like fucking everything else in that fucking setting.

...

>>Says "Oh yeah, this guy would make a great rat" every fucking time

>Party successfully negotiates truce with minor BBEG in his base, through skillful RP and much self control.
>As we're leaving, the party munchkin walks up to the BBEG and asks "Mind if I have a go at one of your Elite Guards?"
>We all immediately know its because he wants to see what the Guard might drop.

How does one be "visibly tempted" to turn someone into a golden statue? What kind of face would one make?

I did something similar.
I was a pirate. Whipped out my dick in front of the ice queen/goddess during a conference with the leaders of the world's nations.

They all cheered, except for the ice queen.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD FINGER
HE'S A MAN
A MAN WITH MIDAS TOUCH

>its not his face

>not Thatsrat

>"I shake the jar a little. Does it sound like something is in there?"
"Uh. It sounds like sloshing, and maybe something bobbing around inside."
>"Like a ding against the glass? Is it a hard something, or like, soft?"
"Soft"
>"This is so exciting!"
>"The professor explicitly said not to open, unwrap, break, make direct eye contact with, or refer to the jar as if it were sentient, on pain of excruciating, mind-numbingly painful death"
>"Yeah but it's got something IN it!"
>"Please do not shake the jar full of unspeakable evil"

>All those long pointy things to stab him with
>just bum rush him one at a time instead

See shit like this is why we invented guns. Peasants are too stupid for melee combat.

So what did happen anyway?

SM presses it and Marvel does a continuity reboot or did Galactus get punk'd... again?

>"Alright, do any of you guys have bombs or gunpowder left? We need to clear this building and I can cast one more Animate Dead before I'm out of juice."

>*while infiltrating a guard tower* "I shoot a frag grenade from my gauntlet launcher to take out this patrol!"

not OP but i am still bound to comply

>mfw me and my friends watched this last night
>it was their first time and I had brought it up
>by the end worrying if I had just alienated the few friends I had

They sort of liked it, at least we knew not to take it seriously.

...

Thanks god there is a team mom in the group that cuff the others characters on the head whenever they want to do stupid shit like this.

If they didn't like it, they're not people you want as friends user. That movie is gold.

...

I guess when he hold peestol like this, he DID shoot the inaccurate.

>Says "Oh yeah, this guy would make a great rat" every fucking time

Jesus why

What the fuck did he expect to happen.

So as the guy who posted it I'll give you the explanation I was given:

Fella with the gun had one of those lasers underneath the barrel, but couldn't see the dot. Put his palm in front of the barrel to see if it was on, and shot himself in the hand like the retard he is.

I fucking hope he was never allowed back in there.

Was it, at the very least, the first time that person has ever held a gun?

I hope to god, and no idea, respectively.

Quite possibly the stupidest shit I've ever seen. And I've seen The Gingerdead Man.

He's looking at the laser sight.

>playing with normies
>"oh, this blacksmith is a cool guy, can we convince him to go with us?"
>"Why is that black knight trying to kill us? Next time we see him we should ask."
>"I don't care, i'm taking this red dragon baby as a pet and i'm gonna raise him to be good."

>playing with neckbeards
>"I pickpocket this peasant lmao"
>"I spit into guards' face"
>"This quirky sympathetic antagonist who actually helped the party this time? KILL HIM, LOOT THE BODY"

Explain yourselves, Veeky Forums.

They play baseball.

Holy shit consequences that actually make sense. I wish I could play in your game.

...

The normie group pretty much sounds like mine. I guess we're just all normies.

>she said no man can beat her?
>I run to the back room and dress up in full drag beneath my armor
>are you wearing panties?
>the whitest and laciest
>I also glamour my face
>let's see the bitches face when I take off my armor

Sure, if only because your last example is interesting. The "normie" example is a compassionate player that forms emotional bonds to the characters and tries to play out those interactions in game. The "neckbeard" example is a player who desires to play out actions in-game that would be impossible or at least frowned upon in real life. They purposefully distance themselves from relating to characters because doing so would make it harder to play the game the way they want to.

Your last example is interesting though because both player types are likely to consider it. Players who have been hurt, mislead, betrayed by, or struggled to overcome a villain are likely to hold a grudge that is more real to them than the character itself. For them to forgive, or even temporarily work alongside that villain, they need to first overcome that grudge. It is that requirement to put aside such emotional baggage that makes those story moments powerful but also difficult to reproduce in a game.

They fucking what? I want to see the scan of SM dunking on fucking Galactus now!

Had that happen in an Exalted campaign.

turns out no one knew how to fly an airship.

It was... a kinda short campaign.

>PC: "I attack the king!"
>Me: "Why?"
>PC: "It's what my character would do."
>Me: "Why?"
>PC: "What?"
>Me: "Why would your character do that?"
>PC: "..."
>Me: "Well?"
>PC: "He hates Kings."
>Me: "So he's going to attack them in their own castle surrounded by guards?"
>PC: "Yes"
>Me: "Why is your character an idiot?"
>PC: "He's not."
>Me: "Would you attack the President in the White House?"
>PC: "Yea I got a question. Why are you such a railroading faggot?"
>Me: "My response question: Why are you even here?"

Basically my advice is: every time a PC says "it's what my character would do" ask them why.

readcomiconline.to/Comic/Marvel-Adventures-The-Avengers/Issue-26?id=91089

> in-character "Have you heard about [thing that doesn't exist in the game world, and only exists OOC?]. I'm going to insist on talking about it because I find it funny."

for the guard

Lmao.

youtube.com/watch?v=A6gbN7azsb8

Not that user, but this is fucking brilliant.

Can't remember the last time I read a comic.

I dunno, I've got a character who steals shit pretty regularly because he intrinsically values his race over the ones he's stealing from. Also, they're a very collectivist culture, so he naively believes they'd userstand that "he needs it more than they do". What you're probably thinking of is the character using their backstory as a get-out-of-jail-free card for jumping every coin purse in his reach.

OP here, thanks for complying in my absence.
You're goddamn right. If someone doesn't like it, well, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life. My GF is about to endure the acid test.
Steve Oedekerk's Thumb Wars and Bat Thumb are also fairly funny/quotable though not on the same level as Kung Pow.

I'd say yes but we most likely live several thousand miles apart. Pity, that, I'd welcome the players. Irreconcilable political differences is making my current group increasingly difficult to keep on track without being drawn into the left half of the table ranting about "killing the capitalist bourgeoisie who own all the capital and oppress the poor worker" while the other half of the table argue back that they actually belong to the class of people whom the others are talking about killing.
A moderate exaggeration but many sessions do become severely side-tracked by communist-vs.-capitalist ravings

I don't see anything wrong with this.

Put them all into the gulags of an unidentifiable government organization. When they break out reveal to them it was all an illusion caused because they wouldn't shut the fuck up and get over themselves and it provided 0 XP and they will continue to get that until they all drop that shit the moment they get to the table.

>fucking brilliant
>lol now we can beat galacticus

I hate capeshit so much. So much potential, yet so much shit.

This. Continued questioning will turn That Guy into a sputtering mess as he tries to explain his metagaming or stupid antics as being in character.

>oh yeah, this guy would make a great rat
I'm not even mad. I kek'd. Hell I would've ran with the idea of the sudden influx of wererats in the new merchant city
>skavenuprisingnow.jpg

>PC: My response answer: Because you invited me over and when you explained how the game was going to work you said we'd be able to do whatever we wanted to. So answer the question, why are you such a railroading faggot?

She turned Albanian.

>readcomiconline.to/Comic/Marvel-Adventures-The-Avengers/Issue-26?id=91089

Jesus Christ this is glorious.

>Quirky sympathetic antagonist
>Not killing them off

Then he could have pointed it at literally anything other than his own body with the same results. The guy is a moron, has no business around firearms, and his buddy watching him do it should get a bullet for letting it happen.

>I threaten the guard captain!
This one is retarded.
>I point and laugh at the witch's hat!
>I steal the king's scepter while he isn't looking!
These two are just cheeky.

>Pathfinder
>Player makes a Mwangi human gunslinger
>Calls him Germain, aka "Tenacious G"
>Plays him as a weed smoking gangster nigger
>Derails the campaing by going off on his own, and inserting stereotypical nigger commentary into everything
>wanders off down the beach in search of chicken, gets eaten by a pterodactyl.
I was this player, I'm not even sorry.

That instructor needs to be fucking fired.