FUCKING KEIKAKU

ITT: Stories you have of times when everything goes according to plan.

New to D&D and all that, so I have nothing to contribute unfortunately. But I love hearing tales of crazy bull-shit you guys pull that somehow works in your favor.

You mean greentext stories?

Personal experiences mostly.

But user, 100-100% of those greentext stories are fake.

>party come to a village besieged by goblins
>being the group of assholes they are they decide to help the goblins
>after everyone in the village is dead the party hold a feast with the goblins
>a crippled goblin is forced to dance for the amusement of everyone
>after the feast one of the players asks if he can have the cripple as a servant
>after some haggling the goblins agree
>the party leave with the cripple
>the cripple is the one who was masterminding the goblin siege
>the cripple was working for the big bad
>the cripple is now the big bad's goblin on the inside

It went well

I've told stories that actually happened to me, and Veeky Forums doesn't believe them.

That's what I get for playing with autistic sociopaths

Who cares really? AGP is great even without being real. The goal should be entertainment, not nonexistent upvotes.

So, most recent campaign, still ongoing.

Party is a bunch of sellswords, thieves and conmen trying to make it in a big city. And by big I mean it's your typical Ravnica style mega-city.

Anyway, we get this job from a powerful modron that's new to town. We need info from him, and the only way we're getting it out of him is to fix a problem he wants corrected. There's a group of buildings that are all level, save for one building near the center of the group that's approximately 4 feet taller than the others. He wants us to "correct" that. Naturally, we decide to blow it to kingdom come.

The party consists of my changeling rogue, a halfling monk, a tabaxi rogue, and a human alchemist.

First step, we needed to procure some explosives. We remember that, hey, the police of this city just confiscated a bunch from a gang we had set up, let's just go get that. So I use my shapeshifting ability to transform myself into one of the more popular cops that we've had a few dealings with, a guy named Hark. Meanwhile the alchemist used his Disguise Self spell on another member of the party to make them look like a nondescript officer. We roll in, and thanks to some good rolls (thank fuck for my Actor feat) we manage to get the barrels out with no problems at all.

So, we had determined the building was a library of some sort, and thanks to the tabaxi climbing up the front and peering in through the windows, we see there's a magic circle of some sort at the top. When he describes this to the alchemist, he realizes that if that circle is disturbed, it'll also explode.

So, we go around town gathering supplies for our big plan, and the alchemist made a small shaped charge to place on the magic circle. The plan went something like this:

First off, we all come in dressed as members of a cartel we're trying to delegitimize. This cartel has a lot of goblins in its ranks, so our halfling friend was disguised as a goblin to help with this disguise. We hid the barrels inside crates and put a bunch of books on top of them inside the crates, and claimed we were making a donation to the library. Next, to create a distraction after the bombs were in place, we hired a bunch of homeless people we found inside a drug den to come in and really fuck up the joint. This allowed us to light the bombs, and also cleared out the top room so the tabaxi could plant the shaped charge and light it.

Well, the whole thing went off without a hitch, and the building went up like a firework. The modron gave us the info we needed, and all it took was the destruction of a completely peaceful monastery. We're not very good people

>playing half-orc who's noble bastard
>vaguely planning on having him have a character arc where he tries to get an actual title because he wants to sound fancy
>game progresses
>mentions he has some noble blood
>party tells him he should get the orcs together hold the human kingdoms hostage to have him become king
>IC against OOC completely for it
>human kingdoms are in complete chaos because a demon god was summoned
>orcs are too busy fucking off doing their own thing
>party splits up
>my barbarian and the bard go to orc land to get them to help us murder god
>barbarian's clan hates him
>the bard uses PR magic to turn the entire clan against the current leader and yhey murder him
>he then sends off my character's competition for leadership on a wild goose chase to kill elves
>have my orc clan going around beating other clans in submission to unite under one banner to kill god
>the party's had fucked off most of the game doing god knows what
>he started a revolution in the human capital and it's now rubble
>brightside he made a company that produces a fuck ton of weapons
>party use our combined resources to in fact beat the shit of the demon god
>party's going their seperate ways
>barbarian uses orcs to conquer the humans and become king

It's not exactly according to keikaku but I got more than I wanted out of that.

None, unless you mean our hail marys and so on. I have a few of those, nothing real amazing though.

>GM running Halloween special
>entire city was transported into shadowlands
I'm drunk and don't remember real well. It was Eberron
>We're trying to escape
>Final chase scene ends with me jumping off a tower
>stab my flaming bastard sword into the not!Headless Horseman
>GM thought I would die
>Remind him I have ring of feather fall
Again, drunk. Don't recall the exact name, all I remember is the effect states that I take no fall damage
>mfw I use similar suicidal tactics all the time

You're asking for green texts. Pic related is one of my favorites.

This wasn't even planned, it was a fucking incredible coincidence that turned out perfectly.
>I need to justify a warlock being the ruler of a nation.
>It's a 'you kill it you get it deal' succession method, so I think of who he needs to kill to become king.

>First owner was a red dragon, who was killed by the warlock's brother, a barbarian.
>But the barbarian was killed by the secret wife of his treacherous lieutenant.
>Having agreed beforehand that the lieutenant should kill her if need be (her suggestion) circumstances forced the lieutenant to kill the mother of his children.
>Lieutenant, who is now a general, gets killed by an assassin, the father of the general's son's lover.
>The assassin's daughter has the general's son's child but the assassin puts the kid up for adoption without asking his daughter, leading her to kill him (not his first abuse).
>The assassin's daughter ends up marrying the general's son, who became the new general. But she's killed by a wizard trying to make a deal with a dark goddess.
>The wizard ends up being punked and killed by the warlock mentioned at the very beginning, who works for the goddess the wizard tried to cut a deal with.

SEVEN different deaths ended up perfectly aligning for him to take legitimate claim of the crown. And the kicker is that the warlock's patron is a goddess of fortune and fate.

In my current 5e game, my GM decided to start us off by having us all be slaves of a dwarf merchant. Also, we can't play wizards or sorcerers.

So I made a warlock. The GM let us have a session 0 where we had to explain how we came to be in the possession of the dwarf merchant in the first place.

>young, impressionable tiefling wondering around the harsh world of dog-eat-dog neutraldark world
>encounter sect of people worshipping a strange, unusual divinity
>invited to sit in to one of their meetings
>sure
>really warm people, friendly and open to me
>hit it off like a house on fire with the yuan-ti head of this establishment
>he teaches me how to meditate and put the worldly problems behind me
>thanks to him, build a bond with the Great Old one
>he tells me about his path of growth and invites me to do the same
>go to city and sell myself to slavery
>money goes to the cult, so they can afford more rare components for the next meetings
>my new brethren wish me luck as I leave with my new dwarven master
>with any luck I will be able to amaze him and persuade him into supporting my cult

And that's how my character met the party. I will also be treating this 5e game like a game of MAID: I can't wait!

My keikaku this game is to
a) impress the master
b) seduce the master/make it so that I am the most important person in his Life
and c) absorb the Great Old One's power all for myself and destroy the world to rebuild it

I'm playing a beguiler with points in shapeshifting in DW campaign, son of the pic related. I have to mention in advance that the following may involve references to a Veeky Forums favourite boar plus some cuts as to better sell the story.

> party(portal mage, thief, druidess) is ambushed and captured by an evil druid cult
> they are led to underground lair where druids will sacrifice them to summon a fire demon to burn the nearby city
> al-druida
> ritual is underway
> one of the druids leans towards the leader and whispers
> ""SNEAK ATTACK"
> beguiler, who was up to this point disguised as druid shapeshifts into fuck hueg wolf
> the party breaks free
> we slaughter them, inadvertently summoning the fire demon
> whatever, druidess makes a pact with him
> KEIKAKU
> DORI

At this point druidess learns fire teleportation. It will be relevant later.

> few days later we are breaking into necromancer's underground lair, in order to stop him from stealing some of Death's power using an ancient ritual
> party is druidess, portal mage, beguiler and paladin for a change
> we storm into main chamber at the last moment, fight breaks out
> I pull out a prepared trinket
> time slows down, can see lighting bolts lazily flying through the air
> tfw quicksilver
> I pace to the head necromancer, throw him into the hands of paladin, finish the ritual screaming "IT'S TO DANGEROUS, DONT COME NEAR, I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT"
> "TELL MY FAMILY I LOVE THEM"
> I pull it off
> party cheers me, only paladin is suspicious
> keikaku_dori

ctd.

> month later we are investigating a cult of evil magical knights
> we kinda get distracted and allow fuckers to burn half the city and murder one third of citizens
> I disguise into their leader, meet one of his underlings as he murders full house of innocents
> I ask him how is the ritual going
> we have some complications
> show_me.jpg
> I take a torch and allow him to lead me into the trap (I was certain he saw through the disguise)
> we pass some heaps of bodies, with me still keeping cool ("Brother, is your resolve lacking, it should be few meters higher") and not backstabbing the bastard as my instincts tell me to
> we enter a cavern, empty except one thing (and I experience a deja vu)
> large ice cristal with eldricht abomination sealed inside
> the knights are using cursed swords to slaughter people on the surface and then to stab the cristal with all those negative energy to break the abomination out
> I know everything I need right now, it's time to kill
> "Sneak att..."
> suddenly, distraction glabrezu appears
> at this moment our druidess uses the fire-teleportation skill to spring my counter trap and deliver the rest of the party
> they arrive as I am being thrown around like Loki in the Avengers finale
> keikaku dori?

Was getting caught part of your keikaku?

Original plan assumed seamless infiltration, but still could work as a countertrap.

It didn't involve the torch going out (which has almost happened when I dropped it as glabrezu caught me).

What's the next step in your master plan?

The Game is Warhammer Fantasy (fantasy flight version w/ all those cards and shit)

The Party: 100 % DORF. Ironbreaker, Grudge Keeper, and me the Slayer.

>Got some Gobi fucks ambushing the shite out a caravans comming through the mountains. Dosen't mater if it's Dawi or Umgi, coming or going.
>the fuck kind of Gobi's got the brains to stake out one spot and go all road bandit?
>Head out to fix this shite
>Stop in at a trade post just before the bit in the mountains where the caravans get waylaid.
>Not sure exactly where that is lets ask around.
>head into the tavern, get some stew and ale look around.
>Few Dwarfs, merchants looks like. An Umgi or two.
>One really anoying Umgi. Got a big ass book, keeps asking questions about Dwarf culture, making notes in the book.
>clearly pissing off the merchants he's harrasing
>Grudge Keeper decides THAT is the guy with the info we need, based on nothing at all.
>So Grudge Keeper has a massive coughing fit after slaming his ale down on the table.
>Even that dim witted Ulgi can't help but notice THAT noise. Comes over to start pestering us.
>I shove my empty ale tankard under his nose the second he's in arm's reach. He obligingly gets me a refill.
>There's a good lad.jpg
>When he gets back, before he can open his mouth GK asks him what he knows about these goblins.
>GM sets up a tracker. We get on our social interaction rolls and we move towards getting something usefull. He advances the other way along the tracker, if he gets to his end before we get to ours all he's done is waste our time.
>Iron Breaker has all the personality of a lump of Driftwood with downs syndrome
>I've only got intimidation trained, and the fellowship of a leprous Gronti
>So while the Ironbreaker just uses his action to provide assitance to the Grudgkeeper I shift into conservative stance
>I "intimidate" the Umgi Schollar by shoving my empty ale tankard under his nose every time he tries to get a word in edge wise.

>Dnd 5e, final confrontation with giant Hezrou demon
>Party consists of Gnome BardLock, Dwarf Life Cleric, Dwarf Moon Druid and me, Half-Elf Rogue Sniper
>Felix The Fleet and his Marvelous Midget Menagerie is on the case to kill a demon and get the favour of the governess
>Suddenly Cultists, roughly a dozen, all channeling into a huge ball of "Heal the Hezrou" energy
>Druid shapeshifts into giant Scorpion and engages, Cleric keeps him alive whilst I and the Gnome scale the wall the Cultists are casting from to get to killin
>Gnome has to climb, I have Slippers of Spider Climb to aid the journey
>With every cultists we kill the orb gets weaker, but it's taking a long damn time
>Last ditch idea, if it's healing energy, I want some of that
>Drink potion of invisibility, sprint for the gold up the wall to the ceiling
>Directly above the ball, it's now or never
>Fall roughly 60 feet into the orb
>Suddenly absorb an immense amount of healing energy, rise to 15 Con, then fall the last 10 feet to the ground with the full impact
>Immediately knocked unconscious, Cleric has me up next turn
>Kill a demon, become heralded as heroes, the Dwarf Druid proposes to the governess and is promptly rejected
>Hail Tymora

>Conservative stance is representative of me not actively trying to scare him, but still being kind of scary all the same.
>Don't want to fuck it up and send him off screaming before we get any usefull info out of him.
>It works. GM rules my efforts reduce the difficulty as the scholar can't make much headway.
>Despite massively favorable dice pool, GK only gets one success. The Dice Gods have spoken.
>Do this a couple of times, One sucess from the GK. Every. Damn. Time.
>Time to switch gears.
>shove a full mug of ale under the Umgi's nose.
WHY THE FUCK AREN'T YOU DRINKING WITH ME?
>Massive success on my roll. Scholar grimaces but decides not to appear rude.
>He's a total fucking lightweight. Typical
>Still. One. Fucking. Sucess.
>Shift reckless.Grab the Umgi in a headlock.
I LOVE you, you little fucker! Your great, just the best Umgi ever!
>By this point the GM checks my stats and hands me the intoxicated condition.
>Rules that my succsfull headlock keeps the schollar from doing anything, can't advance along his track this turn.
>Grudge Keeper gets one fucking sucsess. We're two away.
>GK takes stress to assist the damn IB we tell him to just fucking roll.
>He rolls. We win. Info gained.
>Scholar used a goat path to get here, avoiding the ambush zone.
>AH HAAA! I've got rope, pitons and a hammer. We'll sneak in the back then climb or decend right to the middle of the Gobi camp, ambush the FUCK outa them snotskin bastards.

>Play VtM, 3-player coterie
>We're local Scourges, investigating sudden influx of Hunters
> I play Tremere, other two players are Brujah and Gangrell
> They both suspect I'm a spy set on them by the Pyramide, 'cuase they both know a bit of Thaumaturgy
> Of course I am, but I'm sdubtle about it, and actually quite helpful at tracking down Hunters, while those two are only good at combat stuff
> Bug myself and tape every word they say, occasionally rattle on them to my Sire using a ritual they don't know, drop GPS-trackers in their pockets and cars, you know, the routine
> Go full Batman with ritual-infused equipement - enchanted knives in the boots, blood-infused tablets, material components in every pocket,. 322 revolver, loaded with bullet infused with my own blood, a vial that stalthly steals small bits of blood from the person that holds it, you name it.
> By the third night they both are on the first blood bond with me without knowing it, as I fed them "bottled blood in apill" when they were low after some intense fighting.
> I have enough dirt on them to sell them to the Prince for Masquerade breach and disloyalty
> Wild Lupine apperas
> We have machineguns, Protean claws, and a silver-chain wrapped baseball bat, still a tough fight, rhey both spend all their Will to stay alive.
> Gangrell is badly mauled and low on blood, and with her low self-controll it's a big risk to a party, and the werewolf is on fire
> I give her another "blood pill", she drinks it and realizes she's on the second bonds with me and no will left to attack me
> She opens her mouth to warn Brujah, but I draw my revolver and shoot him in the heart with a blood bullet. He's on the second bonds too
> Dominate them both to spill where they learned our clan's secrets, then march them to the Chantry
> Regent with some high-level Domination brainwashes them into NPCs
> On the next night I blood bond them to the third level, turning them to my adoring sidekicks and personal attack vamps.

I've stolen glabrezu's fire resistance (skill learned after earlier ritual, the necromancer one) allowing druidess to burn him, we stopped the knights and saved the day (kinda).

As for master plan, for now I am just getting as much allies, power, artifacts and equipment as I can to resolve some daddy issues.

>Scholar is drunk as fuck, so we get him to pay for our provisions, a couple of mules, a cart and keg of ale. In return for letting him come along to chronicle this adventure.
>I'm also drunk as fuck so I take a piss.
>Forget to button up.
>Ride on the cart, drinking from the keg the whole while.
hey, human. You didn't mentin the ruined watchtower along this path.
Huh? ohzat thing? Ya cou sneeze on it a knock it down, itz empshy.
>gm has us roll observation.
>I fail to notice my prick is still hanging out.
>Fortunately for us, the goblin wolf riders inside the tower fuck their roll up so we still see them coming a mile away.
>I rush out ahead of the party.
>GK and IB lock shields and brace
>Umgi shits himself
>two wolf riders bear down on me. I casually kill the goblin on one.
>two more slam into the GK and IB. Only end up hurting themselves due to the high difficulty of attack two well armored Dawi.
>Of course, they're not good on the offence so it STILL takes both of them to kill one of the Goblins.
>Couple more Goblins are in the tower, with bows. Stupid ass wolf riders charged out so far the Gobi archers can't hit shit.
>back around to my turn, smile and play the drunken swing card. I stagger around, kill one of the wolves and get to move a recharge token from one of my action cards to the target. Get my defense back online with that. Bat aside the other goblin's attack so hard the shit falls of his wolf.
>Over in the other pile the other gobo tries to stab the IB. IB blocks with his sheild so perfectly he unseats the shit.GK smashes his head in while he's still on the gound.
>I use a twin weapon style attack to hit the last gobi and his wolf. Kill the gobi, wound the wolf.
>Wolf takes a bit out of me. Nothing serious though.
>Over on the other side things are dragging along. Umgi's never been in so much as a slap fight his whole life, so he's only making my fellow dwarfs job harder.

>Wolves snap and bite at them, doing little damage but causing fatiuge with the bonus effects of their attacks.
>Finish off my wolf.
>Finally notice I've been fighting with my prick on display. Grumble as I tuck it back into my striped shorts.
>Start to stagger over to help with the wolves.
What're you doing. ya daft cunt? Go get those archers!
Huh? Those gobi prick whittlers can't hit shite.
>Whatever. Turn around.
>Wolves, and Dwarves continue to chip away at one another. Dwarves slowly winning despite the Human being made out of fuck up.
>I get within short range of the gobi archers
>They roll so fucking bad trying to shoot me their damn bows break.
>they charge down out of the tower.
>use slayer strike to kill them all in one swing
>Look back, wolves are finally dead. Human's puking his guts up.

Just as keikaku...more or less. That was last weeks session. We'll see how things progress this weekend.

Sounds like a blast, I'm jealous

I hope that none of the allies turn on you user.
>GM cackle

Why aren't you just playing paranoia if youre going to backstab people?

I'm really not into backstabbing, but I like to play different characters. And this one happened to be a backstabbing cunt. Other players are fine with it, we're all good with avoiding metagaming (I made all the preparations for my KIEKAU in plain sight without any secret notes to GM) and we all had a nice laugh when I finaly betrayed them. Besides we all had backup characters - in VtM every night could be your last one.

Most of them are PCs, it's only the matter of finding suitable leverage and doing some favors.

Then telling them what I need and taking them with me.

And when they inevitably betray me, because my actions would mean releasing god-eater free, they will see that all was merely the trick and even their betrayal was a part in my scheme.

At least I hope so. I suspect I will have to improvise along the way when something gets fucked up.