King asks for goblins to be "taken care of"

Slowly start charging money for these luxuries.
The goblins, now used to this better standard of living, will agree to work in my factory for money.
With my new invention, the assembly line, I will turn the kingdom into my merchant state.

A paladin wouldn't do that. In D&D it's a nongood act to aid your enemies when they are evil.

Adventuerers have absurd amounts of money, it's fine

I am tame Goblin for use for man! Am domesticate! Goblin learn from man!

YOU AM PLAY GOD!

I really hate alignments. Your character could do nothing wrong, except maybe steal something once or twice without getting caught, have an evil alignment and people somehow know who you are because of that.

It's just like fallout and how people just know if your good or evil because of karma. Hate that garbage.

No! Am future!

If the only thing you've done wrong is steal something once or twice, there's a pretty good chance that your character is not evil(depending on what they stole and why, obviously). For that matter, most versions of D&D don't even have you detect as evil until you have at least a few HD, unless you're a cleric or the like.

>humans are now the "goblins".
>disgusted, and dissalusioned, you cleanse the lands

The best way to solve the homeless problem is to give them homes to live in.

>npc asks you to "take care" of the goblins
>use one of them as the party's comfort woman

Who /devilish/ here?

I've often felt the best way to solve the goblin problem would be to convince them to swear fealty to the local king, in return for military aid against other goblins.

>one of them

>Implying the king can afford to hire adventurers who can defeat us with all the XP earned by completing the quest with diplomacy

You clearly have no clue how alignment works.

Karma reflects how your character acts, if you go around shooting civilians and stealing you act like a raider.

Pretty much this.

Goblins are vicious wicked bastards, that are also quite cowardly.

They will take any advantage, and turn on you in the slightest moment.

I know that.

I'm talking about when your doing stuff behind people's backs or you do good things and not wanting recognition for it and people just know if your good or bad. If magic is involved I'm not happy with it but hey its magic.

Your fault for playing an edition where they still have "detect alignment".

Again, the karma system is supposed to reflect how your character behaves. Nobody magically knows if you stole, but the game figures if you steal a lot you'll just end up looking shady and shifty.

And there is literally a radio station describing you doing heroic or psychotic shit. NPCs talk between themselves, rumours spread, and wireless communication/travelers are common. Karma just reflects that crudely in game, just how HPs relfect your character's physical wellbeing.

youtube.com/watch?v=U6cake3bwnY
Relevant.

>the Jarl has asked the party to take out a local witch causing trouble
>the party accompanies her on a spa day and helps her get a makeover
>now looking and feeling forty years younger the witch has turned a new leaf and decides to use her powers to help the locals instead of hexing them

would have this quest as a daily/10

BURN THIS THREAD AND EVERYONE IN IT

That's pants on head retarded. By that logic a freethinking hippie who just happens to be constantly kind and helpful to the wrong people would be chaotic evil.

did he fuck the elf yet

Congrats you're a shit DM.

That is absolutely not true unless you're talking about shit stone age editions of the game.

>The Mafia boss asks you to make Sammy swim with the fishes.
>You take Sammy on a 7 days cruise to the Bahamas and help him get his divers license.

>The King commands your party to remove a Dragon and take his hoard
>You form an investor's coalition and through Kobold insider trading, successful execute a hostile takeover, removing the Dragon as CEO.

> King asks you to "slay the lich."
> Fight through the undead hordes and tie a reindeer to him.

I gotta say I wondered how Mr. New Vegas knew shit. He was an AI, right?

>"BY THIS TIME IN SEVEN DAYS, THAT DAMNABLE WIZARD HAD BETTER NOT STILL BE ALIVE," says the King, demanding the death of a wizard from a foreign land.
>Adventure all the way to the foreign kingdom, cross valleys and mountain ranges, over streams, rivers, and gorges.
>Defeat the mystical golem-guards of the wizard and his evil kingdom
>Defeat his summoned demon-guard-fucktoy-succubus
>Defeat his second in command wizard
>Finally confront him
>He goes full Lich after we arrive
>Go collect reward from King, then give over the city plans to the Lich
>Check on near-dead King after the inevitable hostile takeover by the Lich
>"Why did you betray us?"
>"Well, technically, a Lich isn't alive."

If players were summoned using a wish spell

>They tell you to deal with the goblins in the mountains
>You pave the way to a mutually beneficial trade agreement between the goblins and human settlements

>Dwarf king commands you to slay the wood elves
>Destroy all the wood engravings and statues depicting elves in the hold

>King asks you to kill the elves who live in the forest due east
>Visit the hold library then return and report that technically by Dwarf reckoning the elflands are one giant city full of trees

>King demands that you leave the throne room and kill every elf you can find
>After a week inspecting the hold you report no elves

>The king commands his guards to throw you into the dungeon
>You return with them, reporting that the hay made for a soft landing

>King demands you be locked away with the key thrown away
>They lock you in his bedroom, you regret that you had to smash through the floor to report back with news of your success

>King demands the headsman attend to you
>You report that he was nice but you're not looking for commitment

>King demands someone, anyone kill you
>Jester makes racy jokes causing you to break into uncontrollable laughter

>DM takes your character sheet
>"I knew I shouldn't have approved Moucho Grarx "

Because you always act like you're evil. That's why white collar criminals are jailed all the time.

>Do something stupid because you're a contrarian faggot
>Get punished
>REEEEEEEEEE BAD DEE EHM!

Shut up.

For a second I read this as the cockatrice guards having helms with little roosters on them.

I like my version better.

>DM doesn't communicate with his players that he doesn't like the way the game is going
>Kills them with gmpcs
they deserved it

The Courier is a tribal though, it makes more sense they wear their heart on their shoulder so to speak.

>ask for someone to be murdered
>sic a bunch of crows on him

I feel like this should be a thing. Famous comedians as tabletop characters.

Goblins or NPC's?
Because honestly, that's a pretty nice reward if they gave you a comfort woman for taking care of the goblins.

So you imprisoned the Goblin King?

That works.

Why the hell is he hiring a bunch of murder-happy mercs to do this? Trying to shift the blame when the gobbos declare war because some murder-hobos murdered a bunch of them?

>goblin comforts
>stabilizing goblinkind
AAAAAHHHHH I NEED TO PLAY THIS GAME

Do you have a screencap of that rule in the book?

Fuck off Merkel, You have no power here.

>Tell Goblin birthmothers that the babies are being looked after an educated
>Farm baby goblins for XP.
>Since all Goblins are always evil, killing them is a good act.
>Charge evil people to kill in my Baby Goblin Farm
>Everyone is technically good.
>Everyone goes to heaven.

Beautiful.

It's just crazy enough to work!

>In D&D it's a nongood act to aid your enemies when they are evil.

Wrong. In fact, helping an evil person find redemption is one of the most Good things you can do.

Am I seriously the only one who's read the Book of Exalted Deeds and the Book of Vile Darkness?

Depending on the game, but assuming we're talking about D&D, Goblins are not always evil.

>This is what lawful evil actually believes

>filename

Oh no it's happening again!

>implying user believes in redemption

>Hippies
>not evil
They ruined a generation.

Incorrect. It's an evil act to allow evil acts to be committed. Evil creatures are far more likely to do said acts, so it is often safer to smite and move on. But given time and the chance to do real good, by redemption, a paladin should do so. Barring any other pressing issues, like the end of the world, of course.

>when you accidentally spend the best years of your life shitposting and playing games and now you're all alone and basically mentally retarded
You could do this for any generation.

>they offer comfort woman for taking care of the goblins
>you use the goblins as comfort women anyway

>when you accidentally spend the best years of your life fucking wives whose husbands died in a war and running from police and now you're all alone and basically mentally retarded
>when you accidentally spend the best years of your life greasing your hair and hot-wiring cars and now you're all alone and basically mentally retarded
>when you accidentally spend the best years of your life dancing and sucking dick at the disco and contracting HIV and now you're all alone and basically mentally retarded
>when you accidentally spend the best years of your life rebelling against society and being edgy and violent and now you're all alone and basically retarded
>when you accidentally spend the best years of your life cutting yourself and taking picture of yourself crying and now you're all alone and basically retarded

youtu.be/U6cake3bwnY

Something something /pol/, something something refugees.
What? It was bound to happen.

For everyone's benefit

>players try to get off muh railroad amazing epic story to surpass tolkien
>FUCK YOU REEEEE ROCKS FALL EVERYONE DIES!!!!