I don't know how to play this Dungeons and Dragons thing. Teach me.
D&D newfag
Gavin Russell
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Anthony Morgan
Read The Fucking Book
Lincoln Adams
RTFM
Josiah Parker
Step 1: choose an edition
Step 2: Never play, Bitch about why your system is the best.
Alternatively:
Choose Pathfinder. Bitch about how your system isn't that bad with one hand.
Colton Price
Go to the Gamefinder thread and find a party playing DnD.
Nathaniel Carter
Pick a fantasy genre that you want to play in and then pick the system and group.
Do you like medieval fantasy? If you don't, then best look at other settings and rulesets.
Joseph Cox
Even if he does, he'd best look at other settings and rulesets.
Jeremiah Myers
get off your lazy ass and read the fucking thing. You might actually learn something
Owen Long
Well instead of being a cunt, I will actually try to help OP, because all of the D&D books, even including 5th edition which is at-worst the second most newb-friendly edition, NONE of them are good at teaching the game.
What edition do you want to play, OP? Do you even know?
William Hall
Pick an Edition of the game you think you can reasonably find being played or you would like to play.
Obtain core rule books for edition.
Read the books.
Obtain a group. Either by assembling interested friends or locating a game group online through roll20 or at a Friendly Local Games Store.
Find how you play and see how that playstyle meshes with others.
Don't be That Guy.
Try to have fun, but at at the expense or to the discomfort of others.