I'm doing an impractical inventions dwarf for a character in d and d...

>Folding Greatsword
>>Snaps in half on a 1
I may do something like this. A weapon smith who makes lots of gimmicky weapons.
>Extendable club
>A bunch of rods of varying thickness that can be screwed together
>As an action you can screw or unscrew additional rods together
>0 rods screwed together is a club
>adding one rod makes a quarterstaff
>adding another rod makes a great club
>Really just a a collapsible pole

...

Combat bread actually sounds reasonably good. I mean, if its like the fantasy equivalent of a MRE/war ration.

Regardless it would be hilarious to see someone beat their way through a dungeon with a super hard dorf baguette.

>wand of un-disintegration

Platemail of invulnerability basically works as the name suggests but the wearer is rendered incapable of any movement.

This one is funnier.

Now,to the useless items
>Breastplate of Teleporting
Your body goes away,but your soul and mind stay

>Unremovable Earring of Poison Imunity
Also makes you immune to most flavors and alcohol.
>The pill is immortal, not you
Put it on a arrow or weld metal on it to make a bullet/bolt.

>Orb of slope detection

With how powerful that is, I feel people would get past their disgust.

The most powerful Katana ever made
Invulnerable, high level buff to attack, and cannot be affected by other magic, including enchantments.
Is the size of a cockroach, and the powers are in proportion to its size.

Too OP. You can just keep recycling it, after a wash.

Or better yet: do the "swallow a key" trick with string, and tie/glue the string to it in such a way you can retrieve it "cleanly"

If it cannot pass through the system, it retains its power.

If you don't digest a pill, you don't get its benefits. I'm sorry I couldn't make that come across in my description.

But you broke it by saying it goes through your system unscathed.

Regardless: an OP pill like that is either super rare and has effects for a limited time, or is super expensive, so it can only be stolen to be viable. Otherwise, it's like using that one special move in a video game that fucks everything over, like Link tossing people around the ring without touching them in Soul caliber - you land it once, and you just do that for the whole damned match.

Or that one up-arrow, lick move from Jade empire that I used through the whole game to wreck everyone's shit - they couldn't even land a fucking hit on me.

You don't get invulnerability from it because your body can't process it. It doesn't get crushed by your teeth, broken down by your saliva, dissolved in your stomach, or absorbed by your intestines. No quantity of the medicine is taken in by your system. The pill is invulnerable. Hence it exits your system unscathed. That's what I meant to convey.

I got it, user. I thought it was funny. You're not alone.

>Magic torch that lights up when something with an int score over 3 is within a mile of it
So, with luck it'll always be lit when I'm within a mile of it?

I think anything capable of language has a score of 4+, even if that's not a hard and fast rule.

I mean, I'm assuming there's a hard and fast rule in 3.X, but that's because that edition has a hard and fast rule about literally everything whether or not it makes sense to have one.

Explosive Plate Armor
>explosive runes on every plate on the armor, dealing damage to user and attacker.
Worry Stone
>Makes holder extremely nervous and gives an extra preperation of a spell
Calm Stone
>Makes user extremely calm, GM talks in monotone, Enemies do twice as much damage to user.
Book of Cooking
>first five pages regular cook book, rest of pages have explosive runes
False Coin
>coin that shouts "WRONG" when lies are said aloud
Dodge Stone
>small fingernail sized stone that always misses target when thrown

>Cane of Disguises
Instead of faking a limp, this cane cripples you so that you won't get caught in a lie

>Dodge Stone
>>small fingernail sized stone that always misses target when thrown

I would have fun with this.
>Throw stone at ground
>Stone must miss ground
>Stone spontaneously alters course to nearest path parallel to the ground and accelerates to escape velocity
>Stone blasts through anything in it's path that isn't part of the ground

Wheel armor so you go faster.

Magically folded steel, folded in the golden spiral. Genius.

A suit of armor designed to minimize friction. Weapons just slide right off! Even the boots are frictionless! There's no achilles heel on THIS suit!

A sword made of paper, for easy storage and use. The edge is surprisingly sharp. Not for use against enemies composed mostly of water or fire, such as demons, efreeti, nereids or humans.

The universal multisword! Interchangeable blades mean this sword can be converted in an instant to suit your fighting style. Whether you need a claymore, cutlass, katana, khopesh, rapier, sabre, scimitar or tulwar, this sword has it all. Any blade to suit your needs is folded and stored in the hilt, ready to be used with a flick of the wrist. Patented flexiblade technology means it all fits in a surprisingly small package. Weight is another matter, however.

Is this a Jojo reference?

It makes you indestructible only on the 3-4 seconds you are shitting it

Like Roboduck?

More likely, you throw it at the ground, it misses, slows down due to air resistance, bounces harmlessly off of everything else, and settles to floating in the nearest depression just barely over the soil. As time passes, dirt gathers around it, and it is lost to the ages anyways.

You know, I sometimes wonder if Oglaf reads Veeky Forums.

yes

It is well known that even stole a joke or two.
People here just keep eating it, we are past the point of no return.
Same as /v/ with Buckley and Penny arcade.
Or /ic/ and Shadbase.

They become so meta with this place that them taking stuff from Veeky Forums is seen as a good wink instead of poor creativity.

>Distorted weapon bent to the fibonnaci sequence
>Practically unusable
>When in an area with non-euclidean geometry like the Far Realm it takes the form of a proper blade that is immensely powerful and can slay nearly anything with ease

It's basically a discworld reference. Dwarven bread is basically concrete and used less for eating and more for beating the shit out of your enemies with.

>Helm of Orc Avoidance
You cannot see or hear orcs while wearing this item. Likewise, orcs cannot hear or see you. If you are an orc or half-orc you cannot see or hear yourself.

>Long Sword of Archery
While wielding this weapon, you deal extra damage with shortbows and longbows.

Digestion would destroy the pill and the pill can not be destroyed.

Pill's actual effect is an analgaesic on par with aspirin.

Now tie an artifact of doom to it.

>steal brad neely's style
>with absolutely none of the humor
>like so little humor that it's actually negative humor and I stopped laughing about something else too

LOL

>longsword of archery
Hold the sword in your teeth.

On a 1 you cut your own bowstring.

Sure. Why not?

>Dancing Dentures
Your false teeth fly out and bite people. You have trouble casting spells with a verbal component.