Super anal players

I'm a DM running 2 5e D&D campaigns.

One is of my friends who are veteran nerds and know all the ins and outs. One of those guys is a super anal rules guy. Meta games like crazy but is a decent role player.
By meta game I'll say things like "The tiny hobgoblin speaking coherent common" and he'll snap that hobgoblin's are just big stupid goblins. (for the record my hobgoblin is based off of a book series I read where they were small intelligent goblins).

My other group is guys who've never played a tabletop RPG. They're a standard group of bard, fighter, wizard, cleric, and rogue. This group has been playing with me in my college and its a hyper casual game. Fun silliness happens.

Anyways, I let the new guys face against a super nerfed red dragon whelp, and I totally wanted them to kill it. However, the bard saw 1 too many memes about D&D bards fucking dragons and wanted to try and seduce it. This caused a nice chuckle in the group and seemed well welcomed so I thought "Why not." His charisma rolls versus mine. He ended with the higher rolls and now they have a romanced red dragon on call, should they need it.

All around this was a funny situation that really peaked their interest in the game.

I enjoyed it and told my other group about it. Everyone except Meta gamer laughed and agreed.

Then meta game guy had to give me a hard time about "Chromatic dragons don't see humanoids as equals," "Hey Cody, can I make a stupid check to seduce this beholder" things like that. Since then I've done everything I could to piss on established lore to trigger this fucker to get across the point that **It's a game and a DM will do what he needs to make the game fun.**

What do you guys think about people like this? That follow the rules to literally that slight deviations trigger them?

Monster maual entries aren't rules, just say that your hobgoblins are different and your red dragons are different, or maybe that a single red dragon just MIGHT be able to break the stereotype once in a while.

That's what I do. I won't let one guy's bitching ruin my story or the other players' fun.

>and he'll snap that hobgoblin's are just big stupid goblins.

He's not much of a rules lawyer if he thinks that. According to the 5e MM, the hobgoblin's Intelligence is 10, which not only is the same as a goblin's, it's also the same as a bog-standard human's.

Meaning default goblins and hobgoblins are as intelligent as humans on average. They're not "stupid". That's actually the POINT of default hobgoblins: they're intelligent, strong, and organized.

BUT I take your point otherwise - your game, your world, your hobgoblins, your rules. Just, something you might want to point out to him next time, perhaps while smiling and resting your head in your hand and inviting him to look it up himself if he doesn't believe you.

Bonus points if you're wearing a tophat and purple suit at the time.

If a player is metagaming and expecting the DM to follow the Monster Manual/base setting to the hilt (which pretty much nobody does), they're not being super anal, they're being autistic.

Super anal is on Wednesdays.

I usually wear a red fez, desu.

Ironically we have our sessions on Wednesday.

Unfortunately, wearing cool hats in this day and age means you are a neckbeard and look like a faggot.

Kind sire, I wish I could ATLEAST grow a neckbeard.

I would give my powerful beard to you sir, it os great, wow people when it grows and grooms nicely, but I haye having that into my face.

And about that player, just do something. Even my rules lawyer can survive some handwaves and weird encounter for the sake of fun.

If he wants to play as a character that knows things about the world, tell him he's wrong, and then explain what he actually does know. Surely civilization would have had enough contact with hobgoblins to know how intelligent they might be.

The player isn't being a rules lawyer, OP, they're being an asshole.

You're the GM. The world works the way you say it works. Part of your job is keeping generally consistent, but the fluff given in books aren't shackles the players used to bind you, nor are the rules.

If they continue making disruptions in sessions, flatly tell them to stop. If they're confused by something they can ask after the session rather than interrupting the flow and ruining it for everyone else.

OP you can't romance a red dragon. Diplomacy isn't mind control, it allows you to convince someone to something they might actually be willing to do. If you let a character use this to convicne random monsters to fuck him, that's your choice, but your game is ridiculous bullshit and it is 100% your fault, not the fault of the rules.

I am so sick of these fucks thinking that a high diplomacy check means they can do whatever the fuck they want. I also hate charm person spells for the same reason. At least those are magic so you have the excuse of "he's under a spell" but really the only reason for spells like that is if you are going for some kind of King Theoden type of curse where you are using the king as a front for your evil plans, or just being cutesy with barmaids in the tavern. But then you get Charm Monster and people think they can use it to fuck dragons. No. I am sick of people hijacking D&D games for cheap humor. That is not what it is about. It's not a comedy game like Cards Against Humanity. Stabbing random NPCs for fun doesn't make you a creative roleplayer or a free spirit, it makes you a fucking jackass. Kill yourself, anyone who does this. Seriously fucking kill yourself. Why is it acceptable for people to abuse skills like this, until you end up with a huge glut of grogs who want to do away with Charisma-based rolls entirely? This is why. These people ruin games by hijacking them for their own entertainment, fucking up the GM's world and story, and destroying any chance of anyone wanting to tell that story ever again. When I was young, my dad told me stories of his AD&D campaigns. Those were my greek legends. They went on a quest to rescue their friend's brother miles away and fought strange beasts and stopped an evil cult but never found the brother. It was a good story. What stories are the fa/tg/uys of today going to have to tell their children!? Some stupid fucking shit about how the bard convinced the local town guard to suck his cock?

...My fucking god, this angry rant. You are so amazingly mad about someone else having fun in a way you disapprove of.

>STOP LIKING WHAT I DON'T LIKE: THE POST

Although on a related note...

>What stories are the fa/tg/uys of today going to have to tell their children!?

My drow elf thief has twice killed white dragons that were significantly stronger than her, nearly by herself. The first time she was level 8 against a CR 13; the second time, just yesterday, she was level 14 against a CR 20.

The first time the solo-kill was an accident; she had climbed on the dragon to stab it more effectively but then the dragon flew away from the rest of the party, who couldn't catch up. The second time was sort-of deliberate; she'd put a Bag of Holding in another Bag of Holding to suck both her and the dragon to the Astral Plane (cleared that this would work with my DM first) in order to save everyone else, but didn't expect to survive the subsequent fight. Thanks to a mix of magic items and blind luck, though, she did. Although she's now stuck in the Astral.

No one ever believes me when I tell these stories, though.

I want to contribute to the thread but I'm pretty sure the person I'm describing, or at least other members of our group, browse this board often, and God would that be pushing it with the group ready to fall apart at any second.

>Since then I've done everything I could to piss on established lore to trigger this fucker to get across the point that **It's a game and a DM will do what he needs to make the game fun.**

You're putting too much effort into it. Rules people are subhumans. Tell him to fuck off and be done with it.

If your player was under the impression that he was playing in a specific setting, and you've pulled a fakeout, you're being a dick by constantly pissing on the standard fluff for it.

If it's a homebrew setting, then he's being a dick.

Had a player once build a "goblin" in a forgotten realms campaign, and then after the campaign started he proceeded to insist on Pathfinder goblin fluff being the one that applied, and acted like a twat. He turned the whole thing into a joke campaign, and like half the group joined him, and it was a miserable time for me, so I ended it.

Because these cocksuckers come and join our games. These are the player base now. Are you saying you will be playing RPGs with the exact same people, and only those people, for the rest of your gaming career? What happens when 1 or 2 of these guys gets married to some used up roastie and has to work 60 hours a week to provide for Jamal's children? Or when one of them fucks off to another state? Or just gets bored of playing with you guys? Every group has lost players. You want new ones? You want new RPG friends? This is the pool you will have to pick from.

Tell me, in all honesty, you stupid libertarian fuck: is this the kind of player you want? The kind that wants to be like "lol I fucked a dragon, give me XP... ok let me roll for this .... OMG NATURAL 20"

These people do not give a fuck about storytelling, about the mechanics, or anything like that. They don't play this game for a hobby, or for creative fulfillment (because let's face it, fantasy writing is mostly shit and RPGs are the way most people experience their fantasy stories these days), or really for anything. They are playing it to do stupid shit based off something they read on /r/D&D, or saw in Critical Roll, or read in some D&D greentext that you godawful fuckers have been spreading on other sites. Now they think that that is the point of D&D, to create some kind of meme-worthy story to share online. This is the crap that has happened to the RPG community, and by standing by idly and taking a pussy-ass laissez-faire attitude, you are completely complicit in their shit-spewing and I would treat you the same way as I treat them every time I meet one of these ADHD-riddled fucks.

You're trying way too hard to sound like a faggot

t. The meta gamer from OP's group

Sounds like he's playing in the wrong game

It's a retarded situation and I would fucking hate it if that happened in one of my games, but everybody apparently thought it was awesome, which completely validates it. It's a silly game where silly things happen because that's what they think is fun, and condemning people for doing silly things in a game they want to be silly is like condemning people for watching a romantic comedy when you're not there because you don't like romantic comedies.

>Player blatantly metagames
>constantly "just happens to know/stumble on" monster attacks and weaknesses
>Red Dragons start breathing Lightning
>Werewolves require garlic to kill
>Vampires need to be garrotted with Holly branches
>They're all immune to traditional weaknesses, and some gain strength from them
>hfw

I told the newest member of our group that I switch up the monsters every once and a while like this and he had no problem with it. From what he said to my buddy, it sounds like he enjoys it. I have no idea what these guys are bitching about. It seems counter productive to constantly cry about not playing the same game over and over.

I mean, I love me some pussy, but you need dick down some twink booty every so often.

Terrible analogy, dude

>no Khalid or Jaheira

Get that crap outa here.

Maybe that's because I am actually right and you know it.

>I mean, I love me some pussy, but you need dick down some twink booty every so often.

Is... Is she a he?

>not knowing Monroe, premiere material for bait and switching nonces..

THAT DOESN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION!

My boner is very scared right now.

Sorry, user, time for me to nod off.
You'll find out wether you're gay or not if the thread is still up tomorrow.

You're right, but holy shit that autism.

This is the Super Anal thread.

Butt stuff is mandatory.

You're both wrong.
1. meta dude isn't respecting rule zero
2. you aren't respecting D&D

D&D Dragons are kinky bastards who will fuck and reproduce with a lot of beings.

The only species that interbreed more in the D&D world are the humans.

And that's only counting reproduction, not the stuff both humans and dragons do for other reasons.

Now, just a CHA roll isn't going to be enough.

You are the exact reason most people will stay the hell away from tabletop RPGs, you're a friendless autist neckbeard who cares more about The Almighty Rules than letting people have fun.

Are you GMing OP's game? No? Then shut the fuck up and go back to fapping to the rulebook cover.

He's right though

>fantasy game
>player can't imagine a hobgoblin able to speak

wew lad

3. D&D isn't respecting me

>What do you guys think about people like this? That follow the rules to literally that slight deviations trigger them?


Tell him to go play WoW if he wants a stringint ruleset that removes all possible creativity from the DM. And go back to 4th ed while you're at it

>Stoneforged
>Noonshadow
>Lightfingers
NOW INTRODUCING THE DWARF FORGEFIGHTER, HAMMERSTRIKE MACFORGEBEARD

>Hey Cody, can I make a stupid check to seduce this beholder"

Did you tell him that love is in the eye of the beholder?

Hah!

>but you need dick down some twink booty every so often

You go ahead and enjoy that, my man. I'll stick to the poooooosay.

He's not