Things That Will Never Happen at Your Table

Play something other than 3.PF or NWoD... don't get me wrong, they're fun enough, but, I want to try something else damn it!

>attempt to have character do/say something cool
>don't get interrupted by the other PCs and the GM has the NPCs sell it well

>I'm glad you liked the food I brought user. It's the least I can do since you're GMing.

>PvP combat
>ever acceptable

confirm it with the player OOC, if they say no, have your character put the issue aside until a better moment, if they just don't want PvP at all, then you leave and find a game that is okay with it.

Really, because now you just sound like a shit dm, famalam

>Now that we're all here on time, let's begin immediately!

>"Wait a minute, why would a trap be in this room?"
>"Well, judging by the history of the place that we looked up through the local archives and libraries, and also what we learned through interviews of the locals and from canvasing the dungeon/scene/building, it would be very odd to place a trap right here."
>"I agree. Especially because it wouldn't flow very well with predicted traffic in this area..."
>"How odd...unless..."
>"This isn't where they enter through!"
>"Quick, this wall is odd! Lets search it."
>They find the secret passageway and successfully bypass the trap
>Instead of bitching at me because they walked in head first into an unexplored area with no caution whatsoever.

>being a pussy

>We just overcame that encounter! Here, let me NOT play the victory music from Final Fantasy 7

If you want to fight another player just play 40k, Dungeons and Dragons (I can't imagine you play something else) is designed to be collaborative.

That doesn't mean you can't get in a PvP fight on occasion, and I don't play DnD technically, anyways, Pathfinder is essentially DnD so yeah but any system can accommodate a player battle because people get into arguments and sometimes those escalate.

>Wow user, you were such a good DM. Everyone had a fun time, and will definitely comeback.

This did happen and I eventually suffered a minor breakdown under the stress of trying to maintain my 100% Approval Rating. The only time I stopped making people happy in regards to DMing was when I stopped doing it.

Any TRPG in GENERAL will facilitate PvP, because all the rules are just methods of resolving conflict in a fair and even manner.

>Hey user, can you DM for our all girls sleepover RPG night? We'll make an exception just for you *giggles*

>expecting players to use information you don't properly provide
Brought it on yourself, senpai.

Ahahah that's a good one

>I can't read: the post
The GM gives specific examples of info sources left untapped in his actual games.

My players ever enjoying the combat in Mutants and Masterminds 3e. They're wonderful roleplayers, and they seem to enjoy my game as a whole, but there's always something to complain about whenever initiative is rolled by at least someone in the group.

You're re-

Oh, thank you user.

A game with players and a GM that all want to play the same kind of game.

>Dungeons and Dragons is designed to be collaborative.
But so is 40k.

"AD&D is shit, THAC0 was a mistake. Pathfinder is much better."

>Theres a chink in my armor

"Why yes, I would love to try diplomacy rather than smashing everything in sight into a chunky red paste"

> This Injured Dragon isn't attacking us despite looking right at us, how about we say ONE DAMN WORD to him before we loose 10 arrows and a fireball at him before using hounds to try and track down his loots?

Followed by:

>"Did he mumble something from between split and bloodied lips while collapsing?"
>"Dunno, let me check with my greataxe, maybe he said there's loots in his skull."
>"Right-o, Barbaranon, whatever he was saying it was probably a ruse. My crap meta knowledge says these scaly assholes are always teh evilz."

>Now that our loyal Forever-DM has expressed his boredom with, and distaste for, PF why don't we give at least one of our twice weekly games over to something he wants to run rather than pressing the PF or nothing ultimatum yet again?

>they never detect your magical realm

>I have another great character concept that isn't my 11th Wizard with a thirst for magical knowledge in a row!

>I have another great character concept that isn't my 14th Elf with a Tiger animal companion in a row!

>I have another great character concept that isn't my 7th Extra-Edgy Rogue exiled form the Assassins Guild for loving the moment of the kill too much in a row!

>Elf with a Tiger animal companion
Man, fuck Warcraft.

this one

Thank God this will never happen, that sounds terrifying.

>Hey user this time we haven't brought a set of pre rolled shit on our character's sheets because we finally understood that we shouldn't do that after you burned our old character sheets multiple times
They never fucking learn

I assume you told them first, before the burnings?

4th consecutive session of a campaign.

...

>Hey, user, I have chosen to play something other than chaotic neutral this time. I kinda got bored of acting like a sociopath on a power trip.

>Hey, user, I have made a nice backstory with well-defined goals that you can incorporate into your campaign. No empty sheets this time! I know what kind of character I want to play.

I'd blame Drizzt instead of Warcraft for that trope.

How else am I supposed to show everyone at the table that I'm better than them?

Expecting the players to do library research and interview locals every time they want to go into a dungeon is a bit much to ask, don't you think?

One of the biggest reasons I play mostly with custom-made monsters is to avoid the unfun experience of players basing how they react to encounters off of meta knowledge.

What said

My tism is too strong for that shit

I have never met anyone who has played any of these characters. I've met a dwarf with a panther companion. I've met a wizard who's basically an envoy of a somewhat tyrannical government. I've met a deceptive rogue pretending to be an obedient slave while secretly pulling strings and manipulating others behind the scenes.

You don't talk to the NPCs your having drinks with when you first reach a town? You don't have a fucking nerd that visits libraries at every opportunity?
You don't even have your thief canvas the area before you go in?

That actually happened - if you count Uno as a traditional game.

Unfortunately for me I did a wee bit of drugs and just was too fucked up to do anything.

Well, my most recent campaign takes place in the underdark, so the last time we were in a settlement we had very little freedom, got caught up in a deadly conspiracy, and barely escaped with our lives.

So, just like the surface, only under. Got it.

fucking rekt

If you're using a setting with established monsters, it's not meta-gaming for a player to pull out a torch and oil whenever a troll walks in from the forest, otherwise it'd be metagaming to say that goblins are little green men or that oozes are immune to grappling.

Nobody likes going through the tutorial when they already know how to play the game and nobody wants to pretend to be retarded and waste turns jumping through hoops just because they don't want to deal with the GM accusing them of meta-gaming.

>Run a mystery campaign
>The first few sessions are highly received and they love the classic mysteries and solving them
>As the campaign goes on and is steered by the players' choices, they move away from detective work and my encounters/"mysteries" get progressively weaker as I run out of inspiration
It's the sensation of being aboard a sinking ship and being the only one to realize it yet

we have an in setting solution to this: personal duels are super common, with laws and things and requiring the consent of bith parties and a healer at hand. Deaths are frowned upon, and you forfeit any profit or prize from the duel, but they are uncommon and nit considered a crime if all other rules are observed.

>Pathfinder

of COURSE

> Haha my backstory is actually based off steven universe
> Celeste wouldn't take that attitude from the guard. I'll attack.
> Did you hear the way Zephyr said "good job" after that dungeon? What was that all about?
> You don't know I'm a vampire yet!
> What? user you said Saphire was going to be the only vampire in the group!

I did this with the worst kind of group, but never again regardless

Shift it into another kind of game. Add more combat, change locations, whatever. It needs something fresh. What system are you using?

D&D 5e. I wanted to run Eberron and the players opted for an Inquisitve Agency based game.
I'm never making the same mistake again, and the players have basically given up on the agency and gone off to be a generic adventuring party anyways.
One player was going to a university half a state away, so their character exited the campaign under the premise that they had stolen and stashed something valuable from the House they worked under and had to go on the lam again because their pursuers caught up. I thought it'd be a fine idea for the other players to be hired to track down their own fleeing friend and confront them in time for Christmas, when the player would be in town. They dallied and missed every clue and method to track them down without NPC aid, and only just got to catch up with them now over spring break. But the party's all decided to say bollocks to the reward or negotiating with the new group that has appeared offering to negotiate for the stolen artifact and wants to run across the countryside with the player who is about to be out of town. Good news: Lots of new locales and chance for adventure. Bad news: we're dealing with the stress of whether we're going to wire them in or put the campaign on hiatus til summer.

I'd get slightly drunk and play it completely straight and end up making them all mad at me because I slowly get them picked off one by one.

that's... really sad.

keep trying, though. make a note of good players that gel well with you, until you've curated a selection, then try to set up something.

W-we will play next time for sure

I've had a group with someone on skype before - it was awful at first but when we moved where we were playing to a place with a decent PC with loud speakers and fast internet it was fine.

>I know exactly what number to add to this roll, so I will henceforth make this roll and immediately inform the GM of the total!

>tfw get told off by a party member for doing this
The dm made it talk so fuckin talk to it

>Let's all make our characters together so we can have a cohesive group that doesn't completely despise each other.
Other than that they're a pretty good group.

Sounds like you have a problem with GMing. It can be actual work to improve, and sounds like you either need that or new not asshole friends to run for

...

>That was a good session man, I liked the part where you ( ), and thought that other part was boring.
I get that they think it's nice to be like some personal hugbox but I need actual feedback too, fuck.

>Hey user can we try a system other than 5e?
I just wanna run a cool cyberpunk campaign

Similar issue. My response was just to use the Modern Magic UA and a LOT of homebrew. Changed a lot, but they still played it without realising any difference cause I said it was still 5e and there was a d20.

>Hey user, we decided to just use paper sheets, dice and books instead of literally playing LoL while we wait turns to attack things
>Hey user, why dont you play a character instead of DMing
>Hey user, sorry we drank your half of your bar, we brought our own snacks and drinks this week instead
>Hey user, mind if we play something besides 4e fighter, wizard and rogue?

I felt a tear form typing this.

>We really should do some training and research before we challenge that Pokemon gym leader
>I'm happy you threw that haymaker. I did not expect using lava as a gym floor
>I'm not upset that the gym is providing an appropriate challenge for us.
>I'm glad my Pokemon can use their abilities in New and interesting ways I haven't thought of before
>I'm so happy we won by the skin of our teeth! I was on the edge of my seat the whole time!

Why did I agree to this in the first place?

>Hey, let's not try to seduce every female in sight.

>
That's what you get for carelessly going into a fucking dungeon full of things that can and want to kill you. It's like Vietnam, only ten times worse.

Drop them. Seriously. Use an excuse or just tell them to fuck off. It won't get better.

>Maybe we shouldn't shoot every slightly suspicious person we see

>Play something other than 3.PF
>Not because you dislike it/think it's bad, but because you've just played it so much

Fair enough, user. May you find a 5e, Star Wars FFG, 40k FFG, or MASKs game that scratches that itch for something different.

>All the players actually show up on time
>All the players stay in the game
>No one's there to just shoot the shit
>Get through an entire adventure path as a party, both IC and OOC

>Hey user, we decided to just use paper sheets, dice and books instead of literally playing LoL while we wait turns to attack things

If your group seriously does this, they're complete cunts. It's not like you can even pause LoL or anything, so they'll be rushing their turns, barely listening... fucking hell.

>we're gonna play single class characters and not pick a bunch of min maxxing shit and make every encounter fucking pointless because we either do a million damage on the first turn or we just abuse intimidate/diplomacy
>we're not going to get upset when there are traps in the game because we understand that traps are a thing in this gameworld
>were not going to be passive agressive cunts but still demand you keep running the game for us because we're entitled shits.

Don't blame your players for it if you're using D&D. Trying anything other than brute force is stacked against them because of the rules.

Your players don't thank you for being the DM? damn they are assholes

>Here is my character user! I have made them using the supplements you allowed and is a context relative character that has a very good reason to get involved in the story you told me you want to run.
>Oh man, we fucked up. We should consider our next option carefully and not act violent in a situation that we can get maimed.
>Man, we fucked up again. It's okay user, it's not your fault we failed to prepare adequately for this situation.
>Since you're running the game seriously, I'll play a character that is semi-serious at least!

GMing is a task only the soulless can endure.

Storytime? Sounds like a fascinatingly bad trainwreck.

That's the ideal.

>Playing a fucking MOBA during battle, of all things
I'd understand a turn based mobile game you can put away whenever but this shit? Fucking unacceptable. And not bringing snacks when you drink all your DM's stuff is awful etiquette. Get a better group user, you don't deserve this.

>hey user, thanks again for DMming. If you ever need someone to talk to we're here for you. We know you've been pretty depressed lately so we're gonna stop playing videogames and powergaming at this game so we can focus on telling a good story rather than just killing everything in sight. We just want to let you know we're here for you man, and we appreciate everything you do for us. Thank you.

Post ending in 72 decides how I kill myself.

Not playing ttrpg its better than playing with a shitty group

>>Here is my character user! I have made them using the supplements you allowed and is a context relative character that has a very good reason to get involved in the story you told me you want to run.

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH

I had one play autistically argue with me for several days to allow an expansion book that allowed him to put a torch bracket on his shield, and wouldn't accept me just allowing him to do that without needing to put a whole other book in there, just for him.

All I wanted to do was run a base pathfinder game, without having to track down two dozen books and work out what's balanced to use, because new GM.

Before my last session a player promised to bring pizza. They proceeded to bring a 2 hour old (now cold) Walmart pizza and cookie cake with the nastiest fucking icing ever.

no one cares about you enough to try and get that, user

anyway, don't do it. sounds like you, too, could use a better group

Don't do it, get help instead.

>I can GM, and this time I haven't fallen for the GMing memes I've read everywhere and actually prepared to run something since it actually takes experience to run a game by the seat of your pants!
Why does everyone think they can just wing whole campaigns on their first try GMing? I've literally never seen any of my friends do it well. You need experience, and you don't ever get experience if you never run a planned game. You just make your players sit around and do nothing for 4 sessions before the game finally dies. EVEN WHEN I TRY TO DRIVE THE PLOT. LET ME BITE YOUR HOOKS, PUT ME ON THE FUCKING CHOOCHOO TRAIN TO PLOT-VILLE, I WANT TO BE ABLE TO DO SOMETHING

How about you ditch the dickheads and find a group that doesn't make you miserable? Speaking from experience, it helps loads.

Don't

I've seen a lot of shitters on this board suggest to new GMs to not prepare anything, using player agency as the excuse. It's depressing.