That DM Stories

Alright here we go lads. Let me tell you about Kevin.

Kevin was the kind of perma-DM that slaps a high school club together to try and get people to listen to him. He made Powerpoints (Fit with Deviantart pics and friends' not-too-good drawings of characters), talked about every detail he fancied, and tried to DM full 12 man groups because he was the club President.

Now all of this wouldn't be bad, if it wasn't for the fact that he

>Respected unnatural minmaxing
>Reward said minmaxing with ludicrous buffs
>Would also give said buffs to his personal friends on a whim

Now Kevin had issues, as in straight up issues like some kind of God Complex, hence why he preferred to DM. The issue is that he really REALLY wanted to be involved as God. So let me tell you about fucking Mortos Vivos.

>Mortos Vivos is a (sort-of) Human Artificer, and was Kevin's first character ever made
>Vivos is a borderline capital-G God, capable of opening black holes, killing souls, and creating pretty much anything he could imagine
>He has a pet/nemesis dragon named Ragnarok that has at least 2 confirmed world kills
>Vivos also has literal split personalities, one of which being the God entity while the other (His 'son') is a typical anime lolrandumb Artificer who also happens to be uber-powerful and know nothing about his actual power
>Despite being portrayed as the Lawful Good God of the games, Vivos was always an antagonist, and Ragnarok was a walking TPK
>Vivos is ALWAYS in the game, regardless of how different it seems from the last
>This all came to a head in a single game

>Game starts out in fairly neat Steam-punk esque setting, with the party heading towars the industrial Lawful Evil continent for various reasons.
>Land, talk a bit with natives (Who are crazy), realize that pirates are using Airships to do hit an run tactics on the edge of a desert
>Party decides to steal an airship to deal with the pirates

1/2

>the cyborg went and had gay robot sex for money
>the player rolled a critical success on seduction

I'm listening.
Or, uh, reading.

2/2
>Successfully get Airship, travel into the desert
>Sudden engine failure, ship crashes, only visible landmark is a distant massive tree
>Get to tree, massive fucking thing, and we get inside of it to find a sleeping dragon
>At this point someone rolls perception on the tree, we find out it's made of souls
>"What?"
>To which the party Warlock (A WoW nut) responds by trying to absorb the souls and become uber powerful
>"WHAT?"
>He rolls bad, though, and we think it's all just going to pass
>Nope
>Tree begins to collapse, sucking itself and everything in it (us) into a small book located at where the base of the tree had been
>That was written by Mortos Vivos
>Who up until then had never even been alluded to, let alone mentioned
>In the book we discover his Lawful Good side and that he's constantly fighting Ragnarok, who keeps trying to end the worlds he makes
>Decide to kill Ragnarok with a trap, so he lets us out of the book
>Turns out fucking Ragnarok was getting busy while we were in the book, entire world is pretty much dead
>Lure him to castle to initiate the trap
>As he lands suddenly Vivos pops out and opens a black hole, TPKing the group and Ragnarok as we roll initiative
>Campaign ends basically with him looking over the horizon thinking of how to continue

And thus Kevin's last game as DM was utterly reviled and ridiculed behind his back until he graduated, after which it was openly ridiculed

It's like the worst sort of TPK there is. Like a Deus ex Machina that just fucks everything up.

We called his time as President 'The Dark Ages' afterwards, with good reason.

>Playing a sandbox game, all right, but kind of dull.
>A few complaints to the GM, he wasn't making things exciting or gripping enough.
>Promises to do better
>We visit new city, of which we had heard there was a large gladiator arena, and frequent competitions, of which we, as fairly strong adventurers, might want to compete in.
>The Arena's owner is named "Dildo".
>About half the time, it's just "The arena" but the other half, it's "Dildo's arena", said without a hint of a smile.
>We join some of the games, and fight our way through competition, including, towards the end, Dildo's hand picked team, lead by himself.
>We win the fight, and while Dildo himself isn't killed, we beat him up pretty badly, crippled him really.
>Ok, that was a bit weird, but nothing too bad, right?
>We leave the city, and go on our murderhoboing ways.
>We get ambushed by a giant mechanical thing, which shouts that it is MECHA-DILDO, come to destroy us for revenge!
>Bear in mind, before this, this was a pretty high middle ages sort of setting, with no machine more powerful than a water wheel, but now there are apparently personal Dreadnought suits.
>Tough fight, barely win.
>This cycle would continue until I at least dropped the game (and presumably is still ongoing), of every 3-4 sessions MECHA-DILDO coming back with an even bigger and stupider battle suit to try to get his revenge.

that'll teach you whiny bitches not to wish for excitement

How did he even get to be the president of the club? And why did that mean he was perma-DM? I've been president of a club before, and if someone else had been better suited to the task, I would've definitely let them lead instead.

user that's fucking great. Kind of stupid, but great.

He founded it and cemented himself by making the other officers his toadies. Like I said he had a literal God Complex and would disregard most criticism when it came to DnD, and because we typically met in a computer lab before going off campus he would just spend our entire time in the lab on his own Powerpoints to drown out any other DMs unless he permitted them. A month after he was gone we had three games running, a sandbox homebrew, a Deathwatch campaign, and standard DnD crawler.

He was a gigantic That Guy, and any time he came back to check on the club there was a discussion of which game would have to bite the bullet keep him at their table.

>DM continuously abuses fellow player's character, non-fucking stop.
>Wonders why he makes excuses not to game with us
>while talking shit about him for not being here.

It wouldn't be so fucking insufferable if he wasn't a big reason he's even DMing. Or playing RPG's at all.

Or if I wasn't the one who introduced them to each other.

This would be vaguely funny, in a kind of "No More Heroes"-ish kind of way, if it weren't COMPLETELY genre-blind. Hell, drop the whole Dildo schtick and you've got a pretty entertaining Saturday morning villain.

>Playing a futuristic dystopian mercenary game
>Think cyberpunk after the 'cyber' part has gone out of fashion.
>Make a combat monkey character, brutalized product of a private 'reform school'
>Based on Monstrous Regiment.
>GM likes the idea, and his face lights up when he hears the character is female.
>"So she was raped in that school, right?"
>Looks eager for me to go into detail about it.
>No, I don't want to go there.
>"No, she wasn't."
>GM tries to convince me that it's impossible NOT to be raped in that situation.
>Stand my ground, GM drops the subject. Think I've heard the end of it.
>The fuck I have.
>GM does a 'walking inside your own psyche' session.
>"Your character was the victim of incestuous rape! You open a door and come across the repressed memories!"

Seriously, this guy was pretty creepy about having female PCs raped, whether in backstory or in play.

Should've slapped him.

Did you walk out? That's too weird to endure

Damn fuckin' right I did. That wasn't even the end of it.
Fitting with the Monstrous Regiment theme, I had her in a lesbian relationship with another survivor of the school.
Upon coming across these memories, while I was sitting there in stunned silence, he tries to explain that the character is no longer gay now that she's confronted these repressed memories. She was now bisexual.

I don't even...

Jesus christ m8

I mean it doesn't sound great, but at least he was trying and there wasn't any deliberate malice behind it.

And they're the ones who wanted it accurate to the lore, and he warned them before working on doing so that it was a bad idea. He doesn't sound like a 'That DM' to me, and more of just that the player's expectation were radically different than what he made

>Near novice offers to GM the occasional setting after our GM said that he was sometimes pushed for time to prepare content for us
>GM agrees
>New GM makes a '1930's island of doom' survival setting where we have to try and get off the island
>5 minutes in, and it's clear he barely understands or follows the rules at all, and acts like an obnoxious tv host
>"Woah, that giant sloth got a 20 on you! It mauls your face! Let's coin flip to see if you get an ugly scar or a sexy scar!"
>Coin flips
>"Ooh, it's a sexy scar! Permanent +1 to charisma!"
>A bit later
>"And as you finish wading through the swamp, you find...yourself covered in leeches! Quick! Get them off, get them off!"
>Night time (in universe)
>"So, Mr Barbarian, you suddenly find yourself shivering and vomiting all throughout the night. That's 1d2 str and con and you're fatigued! You just got malaria! Oh no! Those leeches were assholes after all!"
>Next day
>Fighting a couple of big tigers
>"Oh dear...haha, you all fucked your perception checks! An invisible giant chameleon tongues and swallows the ranger whole from behind before he can scream!"
>Since we all failed our checks,we weren't allowed to see the chameleon or where the ranger went. Half digested ranger eventually escapes however and we beat the encounter.
>Rules lawyer player starts complaining at him.
>DM looks a little sad

I'm not too sure how to feel. He might just be the Who Killed Captain Alex of GMs. Technically garbage, and yet, I was actually having a lot of fun with his naive goofiness and enthusiasm as he took the rules and used it as toilet paper.

This actually sounds funny. It sounds as if he was trying his best to keep the party on their toes and you're crying because he didn't let you rules lawyer.

I think he was trying to imitate the bombastic radio hosts of that time

Hah! That sounds fucking glorious.

He prob should've informed the players what kind of game he planned, rather than saying "DND" and roleld with it.
Prob this.

>Me "Well, I have to go help him. I-"
>GM "But you're evil."
>>GM "No, everyone in the game has to be evil. You can't be neutral because you can still choose to be good"

This made me do a literal double take and say what aloud, and now people are looking at me. Seriously, what?

That was exactly it. He put a lot of effort into his narration and voice.

Felt quite like the DnD equivalent of King Kong, minus the tribesfolk and the gorilla (He said he didn't want to have NPCs since he thinks the other GM's campaign had become the NPC show to an extent, and firmly believes that NPCs should never be on the same level of importance as the PCs, let alone overshadow them). It's a nice change of pace from the NPC heavy high fantasy stuff the other GM was doing.

I'll try talking the rules-heavy player down a bit, since the new GM was clearly having a great time in spite of his very shallow knowledge of the rules. Besides, he might get to better grips with the rules over time,

LOL! YOU SURE ENJOYED YOUR WACKY WEBSITE!!

You should also talk to the GM about using a system that's better suited for the kind of gameplay he has in mind. Paranoia, maybe?

The best DM I ever had was apparently aggressively hitting on the female player. In a text game on Roll20. Through whispers and private messages on the Discord group we were using for out of Roll20 contact. We got maybe 10 sessions in and then she left obviously, without saying anything to anyone, and the game just ended, no message from the DM, nothing. He just never showed up or logged on again. Me and the other 3 players were super disappointed because it was genuinely a gripping, tight and fun game. A few months later the girl showed up on Discord and explained what happened and why she left, we were all totally shocked. The guy seemed normal, a nice person, we never entered his magical realm or anything.

I mean this guy was a seriously good DM, never had another game as good as that. Guess some people just can't control themselves around girls in their hobbies.

?????????????????????????????????

>GM: You face a hallway, with a floor covered in caltrops. On the other end, two goblins with bows start shooting at you.
>Me: OK, I raise my shield and move slowly to avoid the caltrops.
>GM: Fine. You don't step on any of the caltrops, and move about a quarter of the way in. One of the goblins hits you and does 3 damage.
>Me: I continue moving carefully, while promising to myself to kill that goblin first.
>GM: You are now halfway across the hallway, still avoiding the caltrops. Both goblins miss with their attacks.
>Me: Good. I continue to walk towards them.
>GM: Aha! You didn't say you were moving carefully to avoid the caltrops, so you step on one! Take four damage!

>You only checked [general space], you didn't check [specific object] for traps! Take [effect]!

>Aha, you fucked up [in universe slang never used before or since], the enemies are alerted to you!

More cancerous than even that shit is the DM who's a fucking munchkin. Every encounter, every enemy, every mechanic is all powergamed out the fucking ass. Every time we went anywhere it was a near TPK, to the point that the party glued themselves together like the fucking Delightful Children from Down the Lane.

Then he'd send me a tell after the game like "why do you guys always stick together so hard? seems out of character"

You clearly mentioned "continue".

That should be enough there.

>Party enters a magical doorway.
>Each character is teleported to their own alcove.
>After we spend an eternity determining what is going on in the room, examining the alcoves carefully.
>Getting no where, he finally mentions there's a wooden pole next to everyone.
>The puzzle is literally that each of the alcoves is an elevator, and that there's a lever you're supposed to pull.

>Kill evil boss man.
>Evil bossman has prisoners who are also evil, who did evil things.
>Spend half an hour discussing what we should do with them.
>Finally come to a consensus.
>Demigod warps in, threatens us with Demigod powers, and takes the prisoners.

I don't even.

>First 5E game a few sessions in
>Cleric player walks into a bedroom and searches for treasure.
>Rolls decent but finds nothing
>I walk in and check a specific place in the room (under the bed)
>Pow +1 magic shortsword

cleric is still salty to this day

Ehh that's okay. I treat search check as a cursory search, it won't discover hidden boxes inside the chimney behind a loose tile etc.

So... what, you want players to roll 20 search checks for every room?

I think Paranoia would be really up his street. He only started playing TTRPGs since last October though, so he might not have heard of it.

>5e phb actually advises doing this
>example given is searching a room not turning anything up vs searching a specific box on a specific cabinet finding a plot-important item
goddamn fucking why
i mean i get the sentiment because just 'i roll to search the room' is boring, but there comes a point where you may as well play a point-and-click adventure game instead

Well, as a player it's your duty to tell him about it, then!

I'll do that next time I see him. He said his campaign would only last about 4-5 sessions, and given session 2 is today, I'd say it's best he sees this one to the end.

You guys got fucking played.

That's where you start insisting on lavishly describing every breath until he gets the point.

I can deal with sadistic DMs, Bad DMs or just boring DM's
But I cannot deal with a DM who takes away your player agency nor can I deal with smug DMs

>Down one of the bosses
>'Ok, for my turn I-'
>GM cuts me off
>'Ok, cutscene time!'
>'I shoot him in the face, because I go by the 'double tap' rule (which my character has done pretty much constantly throughout the campaign so far)'
>'But you can't, it's a cutscene'
>'There's no way my character would just stand around and watch him struggle on the ground like this, since he's clearly not dead yet'
>Downed boss punches the ground, doing 1d4 damage to everyone
>'Right, NOW he shoots him! He's causing injury to him! There's absolutely no fathomable reason why he wouldn't put a bolt through his head right now.'
>'Cutscene'
>'Then what would my character be doing?! Stand there drooling like a retard? He has over 20 wisdom and intel, so it makes no sense from a story or gameplay perspective'
>'Just go with it, ok?'
>Boss transforms into a DBZ angel brawler after punching the ground two more times, causing 2d4 damage

Dunno whether I was just trying to kill the 'cool factor' or not, but it rubbed me the wrong way.

>implying you can handle /d/Ms

The worst experience I've had with a DM was dealing with his dmpc in 5e. I've played in a game of his before where he didn't have one, and it was pretty good and I actually count him amongst my friends. But dear god his dmpc was fucking terrible.
>Lawful Good Paladin
Hey that's not so bad
>Is actually an Ancient Gold Dragon, chosen child of Bahamut
>Read from the Book of Exalted Deeds
>Possessed a set of broken and uninspired artifacts that gave only major and minor benefits of his choice
>A +3 sword that was a Sunblade, Holy Avenger and a Vorpal Sword that could cast True Resurrection once per day without cost and as an action, destroy portals at will
>A set of +3 platemail that granted him resistance to all damage for 10 minutes once per long rest. Gives him golden wings in humanoid form that grants him a fly speed of like 120. Is bound to a magic rune placed upon his body that he could activate as a bonus action to don and doff.
1/?

>A shield that can cast sunbeam and sunburst on a spell charge basis, like 15 charges, recharges all points outright, and the spells only cost 1 and 2 charges respectfully. Can reflect any spell as a reaction, grants advantage for initiative and perception, can be used as a weapon to deal 2d8+str as a bonus action attack
>Has a guild of interdimensional knights that's his wow guild that hunts demons across various other mediums. They're all just below him in terms of mary sue power levels. Being in the guild granted you retarded bonuses like resistance to spell damage and permanent tongues
>As a golden dragon he gets Draconic Casting including wish, and 30 Charisma so his paladin aura gives +10 to all saves
>Like 8 Epic Boons
>His morality is the morality of the setting. Even committing mass murder is justified for him.
>I've heard from one player that one session involved entering his magical realm involving ogres raping female orcs to the point of feeblemindedness.

>Got super mad when someone tried to usurp his spotlight
>Actively went after players that weren't on board with his dmpc, would think of ways to nerf characters if they dared outshine him or just adopt what took the spotlight as his own
>Got tired of dming once and wanted to be a fulltime player (with all bonuses intact), when it did happen he got mad that his self insert was in any kind of peril
>Continued to get mad when spotlight was stolen in a game no longer run by him, and more livid when those artifacts were taken away by the new dm (who was his roommate and retired his character in order to dm), his bonuses reduced to more manageable levels so he doesn't eclipse the entire party
>Would simply refuse to act or sabotage other players if they didn't follow his strategies
Completely different man when he doesn't have a character on the board.

>my first game of D&D - 3.5
>DM wants to run a one-shot in the Forgotten Realms
>He has us all make level 15 characters - um, okay...
>Very soon the party meets a powerful gnome wizard who is clearly a DMPC
>we're raiding a ruined temple of Gond full of undead and magitek
>In the last room is a magical version of an AT-ST
>Nobody's piloting it
>Turns out the DM only put it there because he wanted his gnome wizard character to have it
>He's under the impression that anything that happens to his character in his own game will carry over into someone else's game
>The rest of us get nothing and he never offers to run a game again

that sounds fucking horrible

And you'd never think that when two of our mutual friends were about to be evicted and lost their jobs he offered them shelter for months until they got back on their feet. It's almost like he's a completely different person when he's playing.

And this is the same man who argued with his roommate dm that sanctuary protects from aoe spells and when his roommate didn't give a fuck he just tilted his own character mini over and just let the party tpk.

Sounds like an incredibly shitty anime plot. Probably where he got inspiration for it too.

>Combat Monkey
My niggah. I played a Neo-Hominid starship pilot in Eclipse phase that was addicted to Speed, basically 'space-cocaine'. Having a prehensile tail and feet always makes things interesting.

That's not on you user, there is no fucking thing as a 'cutscene' in a TTRPG in the sense your GM declared. That's some real bullshit.

Your GM wanted to masturbate while you watched. It's pretty normal to get put off by forced voyeurism.

Unless you're playing with a /d/M.

I always took that as if you roll high enough, then you should find it. But if you don't roll high enough, and then someone looks in the specific spot you hid it, they find it.

Only having to look place by place is stupid and tedious, especially for the GM who has to describe everything in every room in detail for that to work.

He did nothing wrong, you asked for it. You asked for exact, and stringing up bows is a little to impractical for getting bumrushed by orcs. Dedicated archers only belong in groups or more of an unrealistic pulpy game.

Nothing against archers, I enjoy playing them sometimes.

>cutscenes
This isn't a movie or a video game. It's just fucking stupid.

lmao where did you find these people?

Apparently, crack dens are really into dnd

That sounds fantastic, though.

>the secret origin of Waluigi

I understand the plot irrelevancy and that your DM was probably a scrub or something, but by god I'm stealing this so hard and sending it at my players, especially since I had plans for the mad blacksmith to be constructing power armor in his spare time.

It wasn't really the plot irrelevancy, there wasn't much of a plot to speak of. It was mostly a combination of

A) It was setting jarring. Everywhere else we go we hear about how primitive everything is. This is a setting where he took plate armor out of the picture because nobody knows how to craft it, and while it's a point of ridicule in universe, you have superstitious peasants who think water wheels are demonic instruments, or something powreful mages use. To have a personal armored exoskeleton was just jarring as hell.

B) It was quasi-railroady. That fucker would not go away, no matter what we did to kill him. And yes, we did explicitly mention prying it open on defeat and stabbing the shit out of the man inside after the fight. I would think it was a running joke, if not for the fact that our GM gave no sense of humor off of it. Not to mention that the suit kept getting bigger, and by the time I called it quits it was like 30 feet tall, yet it kept sneaking up on us.

This more or less goes for the rest of the guys who responded to me.It was wacky, I suppose, but it wasn't wacky fun, it was just wacky stupid and annoying.

>Star Wars: Age of Rebellion
>Set before, during, and after Return of the Jedi
>We're at about the halfway point in the campaign
>Nine goddamned players
>Already pissed at DM outside of game because he did stupid and careless that made me look really, really bad at work and he would disappear anytime it came up "because he didn't want to make me mad."
>Briefing for a mission
>DM is trying to be secretive and sly, but a lot of this is sounding like we're planning for the Battle of Endor
>Ask "Hold up, is this going to be the Battle of Endor?"
>"No it's not."
>Suspect he's BSing me, follow up with "Because there are a lot of missions where details can be hidden from its operatives, an assault on the Death Star is NOT one of them."
>"I already said it's not the Battle of Endor, 'kay? Sheesh."
"Very well then."
>Few minutes later
>"And then, as you drop out of hyperspace, you see the Death Star II. DID I JUST BLOW YOUR FUCKING MINDS WITH THAT CLEVER FORESHADOWING?" (slight exaggeration)
>"You told us this WASN'T the fucking Battle of Endor."
>"I did?"
>Frustration from this combines with thing outside of game that I'm still mad about, making me pretty infuriated.
>He asks if I'm alright, seems genuinely confused as to why I'm not pumped up
>I brought up the thing he did outside the game and walked out

>"You saddle up to him, and he notices your low cut shirt and-"
>"What? She's a soldier. Why the fuck is she wearing a low cut shirt? I specifically bought armor."
>"Well, how are you going to convince him otherwise?"

I'm laughing hard, not just at the idea that the GM thought you would have to flash titties to convince someone, but also that you wrote "saddle up to him" instead of "sidle up to him", which has its own hilarious mental image.

>Same campaign
>Friend is playing Commander
>I play an utterly deranged soldier who once got a shitload of noncombatants killed, and the only way he could live with that was to convince himself that this is unavoidable in war and steers everything in ways that will get more people killed so he can say "See! This is what happens! It's not my fault!"
>Basically, he kills innocent people to justify the first set of innocent people he killed
>I do this for RP potential to see how Commander Friend handles it
>DM has PC that acts as CO and support pilot
>Has severe PTSD, slight Booster Blue problem, hates my character for being a murderhobo
>Is actually pretty nonintrusive for a DMPC
>Do a mission where we have to kill some Black Sun dudes on a train, civilians onboard
>Murderhobo uses poison gas!
>Black Sun dudes put on gas masks while civvies die
>We kill them with guns like sensible people would
>Debriefing
>Commander Friend is furious at my Murderhobo for the dead civvies
>"THERE WAS NO OTHER WAY!"
>Some shouting back and forth, Commander Friend is about to slap down a court martial order
>DMPC gets angry and orders him to stand down
>allofmywut.jpg
>DMPC has a contrived fake death, other players get dragged down to Murderhobo's level and we effectively become a rogue unit
>Commander Friend is not complicit, but is helpless and outnumbered
>He also misses a few key sessions letting us do things behind his back
>I felt bad, but couldn't say anything
>Say what you will, but I'm dedicated to my RPing
>One player who stayed on the sidelines of our war crimes has had enough, and works out a ploy to take down our unit
>Fucking finally
>She leads us into an ambush
>DMPC comes back to take part in ambush
>At war crimes trial, Commander Friend receives dishonorable discharge for allowing his unit to go rogue
>DMPC gets credit for helping take us down

We're no longer friends with this DM.

I remember this pasta, it's still fresh. DMPC name gave it away but the intro is new

So your GM gave the party an arch-nemesis who is essentially Damaramu with an even stupider name?

My first GM had some weird ass campaigns that made no sense and supposedly had a plot.
>3.5 campaign
>first campaign ever
>it's a friends' organized group
>a veteran GM and a weird guy he invited to help him
>make a generic halfling rogue
>party: a druid, a fighter noble heir, a cleric, and a wizard ran by GM's friend
>generic meet-at-the-tavern introduction
>GM's friend is a cunt about it
>also there's some dwarf npc I know
>GM doesn't give me any more details, but I roll with it
>party at the count's castle
>unimportant stuff happens
>we're at the party
>the count charms us for no reason and we all fail
>dwarf doesn't
>he jumps on the table and starts fighting the count
>some werewolf thing comes out of a window
>something in the wall starts eating the guests
>doors are locked
>panic and spend 30 minutes planning how to get out
>wizard casts open lock on the doors
>find dead guards and party loots a couple black swords from them
>rats are running from town
>the sword reacts with a statue in the middle of town
>someone hits the statue with it
>cuts through like butter
>almost kills us all
>run away
>end up in a desert for 2 weeks
>reach a town
>meet the not gyniu force town guards
>report what happened on last town
>nothing comes out of it
>there's also duelist
>and something about werewolves
>party almost gets wrecked
>end up as heroes
>another weird guy, joins with a sorcerer
>and we go into some sewers because reasons
>GM tries to pull some bullshit with doppelgangers and fails
>fight gnolls
>spellcasters hide in the back being smug cunts about it all the way
>invites a third guy, less weird
>he's a lvl7 rogue
>fight him
>runs away
>from here sessions become less regular
>we even end up in another dimension
>then my halfling and the druid wake up in an inn
>investigate a bit to no avail
>campaign just dies
We played some other of his campaigns, and we're still friends, but my friends were happy when he stopped GMing and I stepped up.

>DM brings back one of my PC's as a NPC boss for the session, tells me about this before hand.
>Comes to the session and doesn't let me control him, alright I can understand that ofcourse but I still give suggestions on what he would do.
>I take a certain amount of pride in how I play my characters with a bit of tactical inituion, simple things like taking cover, searching rooms like a one man SWAT team etc.
>He ignores my suggestions on each action and doesn't look up the way the he's using works.
>Character proceeds to get his ass kicked because he doesn't shred the only ranged guy who is taking pot shots at him.
>Takes a single point of damage and has one of his two melee henchmen come back to heal him.
>Has him fire a full burst into his own man in an attempt to hit two PCs.
>Doesn't balance range weapons against melee weapons. You get bonus's for firing a gun when it melee range with the target apparently.
>Gets out of the truck hes in to change his form, okay. I only ever had him change form once because he hated doing it, but I can understand. But he proceeds to get out of the truck on the side with everyone else, leaving him open to attacks from everybody for an entire round instead of getting out on the other side and flipping the truck at the players.
>Other players start making fun of me for how my character got so easily beaten.

What should have been a challenging boss fight was a damn joke.

I kinda feel like the DM was fudging the dice behind the screen since he has a habit of fucking with my characters for some reason.

What kind of fever dream madness is this?

What's so bad about this?

Commander Friend was about to take action against Murderhobo, DMPC stops him from doing this, then blames him for failing to stop Murderhobo.

>Going in for a 5e horror campaign
>GM tells us to roll serious characters, UA allowed
>Roll a Changeling Spell-less Ranger
>Generic for a Changeling, "never true with anyone, always tries to get on everyone's good side so that when he wants to stray into evil, he can guilt others into going along."
>Another player makes a Grave Domain Cleric
>Fascination with death, works to keep people from going to the other side with near necromantic powers
>New guy picks a Dwarven Wizard, generic "village wiped out by demons, vows to fight them," solid 5/10
>Game day
>We're all part of the new army draft, sent to patrol a border village near giants
>All of us are part of a unit
>One more player joins in, DM's best friend
>It's a Catgirl Shifter Druid
>Acts like a stereotypical animu catgirl
>We all go to the village with NPC army mates >Catgirl plays all of his interactions with "I say (general statement) (command) (nya)," almost every time the character brought up
>DM completely plays into it
>Later find out the DM wanted this character in the whole time
>Later on, we make it to town
>Lichens attack us, kill most NPCs
>New PC is a possessed NPC, different persona from the NPC
>Supposed to be creepy as fuck
>Catgirl punches them while demanding they act like the former NPC
>Eventually we get to a Priestess
>This is where the DM comes in in full force
>Priestess is a lesbian
>Accepting of everyone
>Wants to fuck Catgirl
>When my character realizes this and tries being a girl, the DM retcons it to be "accepts everyone except Changelings"
>Spends half the session trying to make the Catgirl notice the advances
>Catgirl player knows this, wants this, but keeps rolling low
>So the DM has him keep rolling perception checks until it works
>Same DM that only allows one investigation check each dungeon room
>Eventually they fuck
>That keeps Catgirl out of the combat encounter
>We almost wipe
>DM wanted Catgirl to fight but also wanted him to be out of the fight
I still don't understand.

Ah ok.

Another one:
>same friends minus two, and one newcomer
>another LGS type friend of the GM
>party: drunken monk(me), a conman rogue, a great weapon fighter, and a water orc fighter/barbarian/both(?)
>GM homebrews rules
>well all get a feat and a flaw of our choice
>begin at a pirate island
>end up at a tavern anyways
>fighter is bullied in and out of game by the GM when he plays his "addiction to women" flaw
>monk drinks so hard owners make and place his portrait on top of the bar
>gets invited to drink with some obviously evil captains
>lackeys come tell them they captured "her"
>get told to kill a tied up woman
>refuse
>get tied up too
>the rest of the party intervenes
>a ship begins shooting at pirate island right before the fight
>her friends rescue us
>captain is basically half magitech terminator
>meet water orc, the woman we saved and her fuck buddy/gf
>GM makes fighter roll will to check if he fell in love
>he fails
>fighter gets turned down and ridiculed
>he's still trying though
>everyone goes to sleep
>monk stays drinking and asking stuff to the lesbos
>they're going to a flying island to get a wish
>the ship also flies
>arrive
>disembark with some crew and captain
>follow a path
>water orc intentionally triggers a trap because hurr durr low int
>spikes render the captain useless
>it's up to us, and the lesbos now
>forgot to mention fighter has a sword with 6 personalities that influence his thoughts
>one of them is a dog
>GM rolls a d6
>dog wants to pee so you too
>has him describe the whole ordeal
>we finally get to a temple
>go through traps and enemies
>turns out water orc minmaxed for combat doing a fuck ton
>all combat is balanced around him while we barely poke enemies
>boss is a bunch of living statues on a platform
>water orc pulverizes one
>rogue manages to tie a rope to almost all of them
>monk manages to throw one out of the platform with the help of the fighter
>all the rest get pulled too
>water orc destroys the other one
Cont.

>>begin at a pirate island
>>end up at a tavern anyways
To be fair, the tavern is probably the best place to be on a pirate island.

>friend helped crowdfund Blades in the Dark; wants to run a one-shot with me and my brother
>we usually play 40k rpgs, so this might be a nice change of pace
>we decide to run a cult, with my brother playing an alchemist and me playing a conman styled after pic related
>everything goes well until we run out of money
>ask GM what would be a good way to make money
>"You could get some work from a local crime boss, he wants you to heist money from a rival gang"
>Given that we have an alchemist and a talker (not exactly combat material), I plan on talking my way into the safehouse and hopefully retrieving the money undetected
>We're planning this out when GM informs us that this is a combat scenario, adding that you can use any roll for combat so long as it's justified.
>"So basically, my only way to fight is to talk people down?"
>"Yeah, but you'll need crits if you really expect that to work."
>thinking that maybe I should instead use my leet speaking skills to inspire my cultists to fight better and hopefully give us an advantage, I ask how many enemies we're fighting.
>Not only do they outnumber us, but they're all higher leveled than my cultists or either of the PCs.
>So basically, he took a non-combat party, and was telling them to go into combat against an enemy that even a combative party would have trouble with at our level
>Fuck it, back to plan A (with GM assuring me it won't work since this is a combat scenario)
>Run up to doorguard with my cultists and other PC in tow and tell them I'm part of their gang and was just attacked by someone who took our uniforms/colors/whatever.
>Roll crits; guard believes it. Also manage to convince the guy running the safehouse to leave with most of the gangsters there to go hunt the people who did this to us.
>There's like two gangsters left along with four or five guards watching the vault. We're still out-classed, but at least not outnumbered anymore.
cont.

>Tell alchemist friend to go distract the gangsters while I figure out what to do next.
>He drops and starts doing pushups, challenging the gangsters to out-do him (his alchemist was kind of a jock)
>"The gangsters draw weapons on you and order you to freeze."
>"Why? They think we're part of their gang. Why would they be nervous around us?"
>" No they don't, you only told the leader and the door guard that. These guys never heard that."
>"...so they just missed everyone else leaving to go after the people who supposedly mugged us, and were ok with apparent strangers in their safehouse until one of them started doing push-ups?"
>GM rolls some dice. "One of your cultists freaks out and shoots at one of the gangsters. The vault guards are coming upstairs to see what's going on."
>omfg.jpg
>Guards come up and execute my cultist who fired, holding the rest hostage. Fortunately, they didn't frisk us (for some reason), so alchemist still had his bomb, and I managed to convince them I was a harmless old man.
>At this point, I'm convinced the GM wants to either kill the party and end the session or is planning on introducing a deus-ex-machina GMPC or something
>Say fuck it, let's fight.
>Unsurprisingly, we get our asses handed to us. All my cultists die, I'm in critical condition, GM majorly fudges dice so that alchemist kills the remaining guards, steals the loot, and leaves while also carrying my half-dead body.
>Afterwards, GM want to know what we think of system.
>We point out that this whole mess doesn't leave a great impression
>"It's a combat scenario, what did you guys expect?"
>mfw

>He's under the impression that anything that happens to his character in his own game will carry over into someone else's game

How old is he, like 12?

I've put it in a few threads. I skipped Kevin's first few games because they were much less interesting though.

Still though, Mortos fucking Vivos.

This guy sounds to charasmatic and entertaining to be That GM. user, you MUST let him run Paranoia sometime.

>a humanoid demon manifests
>tells us he was enslaved by a princess
>he was tasked with bringing her back or something
>he can't leave the temple, so he sends us to be his errand boys
>transported to some town
>rest at tavern
>fighter doesn't drink, but sword influences him to join some random dwarves
>ends up in a duel with a dwarf because he refused his daughter's hand in marriage
>next day
>meet the same dwarf from the first campaign
>offers the fighter a cool ass flame sword in exchange for the cursed sword
>doesn't think twice
>try join a combat arena fight because we all need gold
>nope, sorry no fights going on today
>we inscribe anyways
>find out afterwards we have to go to the count for more clues
>wait a minute
>it's the same fucking vampire
>it's the same town
>there's also an interdimensional gate in his castle and what we need is inside
>the lock has the same shape as the cursed sword
>motherfucker
>dwarf is nowhere to be found
>our few leads take us to an elven city on the canopy of a giant trees forest
>on the way up a gnome illusionist fucks with us for no reason at all and leaves
>some beasts attack us too
>magic barrier around town saves us
>except for one of the lesbo pirates
>when we find her she's badly injured
>monk believes alcohol cures everything
>before leaving, he gives her a huge gulp of my infinite beer mug until fighter stops me
>turns I just got a doppelganger really wasted
Cont.

Fair enough.

>having accidentally ruined the GM's plan, we hit the tavern
>meet the champion of the previous arena
>more unimportant stuff happens
>water orc brother wants to joins the campaign
>something extremely blurry happens
>we find his spellcaster chained up and hanging from a tree or something
>he shows us his portrait
>obviously evil, plants even wither around him
>extremely broken too
>when we decide to question him instead of freeing him right away, he breaks free and floats down
>friend from previous campaign joins with an illusionist
>helps spellcaster in his shady bullshit for some reason
>they tag along, but no one really trusts them
>water orc player is getting annoyed by his brother
>return to town
>magic barrier is disabled
>beasts wrecked the elven paradise
>champion is nowhere to be found
>spellcaster takes the chance to pillage all the town with a bag of holding and fly
>water orc gets pissed and both start fighting irl
>next session never happens
>fighter player never wants to plays a campaign again
Funnily enough, when questioned about it nowadays, the GM blames the failure of the campaign on the guys he invited and the rogue player that started missing sessions to do more sane normie stuff.
That wasn't our last campaign either, we also did zombie gurps and CoC.

Well that was a ride and a half! Thanks for sharing mate.

I've got one.

>Be in party, escaping a town.
>Town guards are chasing us.
>Out jumps a hobo looking human with little teeth and a long beard.
>Starts dancing, the GM goes into abnormally great detail on the dance and his sketchy appearance.
>"Ihihi ahaha would you faaain gentlemen like to buy a cat's tail? Maybe two?" This was spoken in my language, which is not English. He sounded very crazy as the old man, like an autist trying really hard to do the emperor from star wars.
>But a happy whimsical emperor. It was awkward to say the least and the DM was really into it.
>We keep running and don't buy the cat's tail.
>...
>A few sessions later we need to pass the desert in a horseless transport machine. Would take too long to explain how it was really supposed to work.
>Need special government controlled tickets to board. We are not so friendly with that government.
>The ticket enforcer: "I see you don't have tickets... hmmm I am in need of a cat's tail however..."
DUDE! (later turns out he had this cat's tail twist planned long beforehand and even some logic behind everything)

What was the logic behind it?
I don't know about anyone else, but I'm usually pretty suspicious/attentive of something whenever the GM puts a lot of detail into it.

That sounds like some Golden Age Lucas Arts Adventure Game convoluted logic.

That's metagaming, user. You wouldn't do that, would you?