Penal Regiment Veeky Forums "Off to new adventures!"-edition edition

>a young Harakoni man equipped with a grav-chute and las-carbine approaches the Colonel and salutes
Sir, when's our next op? I'm more anxious than a grox at a Cenestan shotgun wedding to get me airtime.

>The Colonel would look the man up.
We'r are wait for new orders okay. No worries.
Should get resupply done, and then we go to war like supposed to.

thread's kinda dead

>the man looks pretty defeated
Well... Alright then. The waiting is the worst part everywhere, I suppose.

That is correct, but these traitors are not to be underestimated. They are a dangerous and cunning breed that will not stop until either I am captured, dead or they have been destroyed.

>With the ship currently being repaired and resupllied, Major Andre would have assembled the bulk of the regiment's 3rd Company in one of the hangers for training.

>they are now pink

>A set of quick, Heavy footsteps can be heard echoing a short ways away from the three men. Followed by a deep, joyous giggling.
>Crashing through half a squad of Guardsmen, would be a large, Ogryn with long, clumped up, shoulder length Brown hair, and light blue "Carapace" armour. A joyous smile on his face.

Cur'ah'nel! Thunda found that coat you wanted!

>having never seen an Ogryn before, the ex-Warhawk takes a few steps back and has to resist raising his weapon
What in blue fuck...?

Is no problem will take care of it if the need arises. Trust me, is alright.

I don't remember having an ogryn? Oh well I'll roll with it.
>The colonel would step closer to the Ogryn

Good job there, uh, is there something else I've asked for?

here, join us in circlejerking, beware: there's people there. discord.gg/ycaQZ

>The large a human would look down at the tiny (compared to him) man. Flashing him a toothy grin as he pays the man's head.

Silly gourdman! I not blue! Only armour is blu'! I colour of skin, see!

>He'd push his large arm up against the Corporal's face.

You need go to read mores! I was once as can fusied as you ares! Now I smart! S.M.R.T! SMART!

>He'd let out a loud, hearty chuckle.

>the man looks up at the Ogryn, looking for signs of a head wound.

You must drink too much Gun'goh juice Cur'ah'nel! I'z is be put un'dah you'z coma- comu- YOUZ BE BIG BOSS FOR WHILE! Me is you'z body gourd! Trust me! I taste delicious!

>He'd begin chewing on his own arm at this point. But would stop after the first few nibbles. The expression on his face indicating he might be contemplating something.

Hmmm... Me is think need salt... What you think Cur'ah'nel?

>He'd shove his now drool covered arm infront of the Colonel's face. Indicating he should try and bite him to test the flavour.

>There do indeed appear to be signs of former head wounds on the large, 12 foot tall Ogryn's head. With many of the scars seemingly having been caused by blunt force trauma or sharpnel.
>Not understanding that the Corporal is staring at him. He continues to pet the man's head, as if he were some kind of dog.

Eh maybe later. We need to get this repair and restock done soon. We need to go to war.
>He'd turn away and light another lho
Soon we go fight enemies. Yes.

>Forze looks at the Colonel, then back at the Ogryn
N-nobody is going to say anything about the monster touching my head?

>Thunda would frown at the Colonel not tasting his arm. But would grin at hearing if them going to war soon.

YAAAAAY!!! I like doing da big "Boom Booms" with Ripper gun! Hehehe!

>He'd hoist the massive ripper gun from his back, and begin aiming it at things. Chasing handfuls of guardsmen, and other personel to drop to the deck to avoid being possibly shot up.

It leave anyone who try to hurt ud'der Gourdsmen in pieces! Hehehe!

>Hearing that a "Monster" is touching the man's head. Thunda would quickly grab hold of, and press the man against his armoured chest. His large Ripper gun aimed all around, and an angry look on the large Bone 'ead's face.

NO MONSTAH GOING TO HARM YOU 'EAD, FELLOE GOURDMAN! NOT WHILE I 'ERE! RRRAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

>Forze's eyes go wide, as he is now terrified of being crushed. He starts praying to the Emperor in Konndar

Well then. In the meantime, you may call upon my void expertise whenever you wish.

>the techpriest gives up trying to change the colour of his heresy and stores it back in the cube he then comes over
Hello why are you shouting?

>The man would find himself held against the large Abhuman's body, as Thunda tries to use his own body to keep him protected from the "monster" that had been previously patting his head. Oblivious to the fact that he himself, was said monster.
>Thunda would scan the area for any sign of the "monster" that had been patting his new friend's head. The massive hunk of cobbled together metal that would be his Ripper gun aimed outwards.
>As a Bone 'ead, Thunda would be smart enough to remember to check the ceiling for any sign of monsters, as well.
>Once Thunda deemed the area secured against any possible monsters. He would place the Corporal back on his feet. Before patting his head, and flashing him a toothy grin, in an effort to calm the man down.

D'ere! Youz safe now gourdman! Thunda good bodygourd! He make sure monster no try pat head again! And if d'ey do-

>He'd hoist the Rippers up again. An angry look on his face.

I'll kill 'em deds!

>Forze continues to pray, and slowly moves away from the Ogryn

Yes...yes it does.
>He'd sigh and turn over to the Admiral again

Your void expertise wouldn't happen to have like, a quick mapping for wherever there is maybe a possibility for enemies?
>He'd have a hearty laugh
I'm just kidding, but seriously though. These people need to fight.

>Having accidentally pulled the trigger on his Ripper gun, while trying to emphasize his point of "killing the monsters ded". The shot would narrowly misses the disguised Necron, by mere millimeters. Before impacting on the bulkhead next to him.

>Thunda would stare at him for a moment. An "oh shit" look on his face.
>He'd let out a short, nervous giggle for a moment before speaking.

Hehe... Sorry...

No orders from segmentum command?

Dun't worry Cur'ah'nel! I'll use it mostly to protect you'z! I promises!

>the scrawny,hunchback seems lost and look around holding a missive
who is in charge here? please

Sadly not much, they seemed surprised that this wasn't in their "misplaced and/or excommunicated regiments"..list. Thing.

Could always ask... but they're busy with their simulations about the wars on small tables with smaller depictions of soldiers that they can't figure out the real wars on the real tables with real soldiers.

>Vadim would chuckle
Yes Thunda, mostly.

That would be me...you. I am Colonel Volkov, and you are?

>Picking up the weridly shaped creature. He'd place him directly infront of the good Colonel.
He is! He is a Cur'ah'nel!

>Arrive behind Xenonem
What is this noise ?
Do we have an Ork on board ?

>Thunda would jump up and down in excitement! His meaty hands clapping with utter glee at a soon to happen chance to kill things, and show everyone just how useful he can be.

YAAAAAY!!! I GET TI SHOW ENEMY NOT TO MESS WITH THUNDA AND CUR'AH'NEL!

It is fine just don't do it again and remember that guy who saw a monster I think I saw it in a corner he might need extra protection!

it's seems that i am your new recruit
>as he say that he give the colonel a missive
bearing the seal of a high lord of terra
> the missive say that the archscribe maximus scrotum have been sentenced to redeem himself in battle after failing in his duty,he need to be dispatched on the frontline ASAP

>The way the shiny man was talking confused the big Ogryn Bone 'ead greatly. Causing him to tilt his head, before walking up to him, and picking Utitur up to his face.
>He'd stare into the "eyes(?)" Of the shiny, cloaked man. His hot breath stinking of Garlic covered salmon and old chicken bones, as he breaths openings through his mouth. His own eyes squinting in what appears to be contemplation at the shiny figure before him.
>You're not really sure if he intends to eat you, or use one of your limbs to pick gunk from his oversized teeth....
>Then, out of nowhere, he suddenly embraces the Heretek. Giving him a tight bear hug.

You funn'eh, shiny man! I think I call you Greg! And we gonna go on adventures!

>the scholar is light in the ogryn hand and mutter
please don't eat me

>Having read the report the Colonel would mutter to himself
I really need to establish a new line of erotic nightclubs "the front line"... sounds like a good business idea.

>he'd clear his throat

Anyways, welcome to uhh...this place. I'm just going to go and get orders from command so that we can go over and fight wars and..stuff.

>the colonel would chuckle
Yes thunda, soon.

>With the disguised heretek still held tightly in his meaty arms, via an almost unbreakable bearhug. Thunda would jump up and down at this news.

YAAAAAAAY! YOU HEAR THAT GREG!? WE GO TO FIGHT SOON! WE GON'AH GO FIGHT SOON!

>He'd begin to violently shake the Tech-Priest out if pure joy!

WE FIGHT! WE FIGHT!

does the missive say THE FRONT LINE ?
i think i need to sitdown...
>the scribe in now livid and is frozed in shock

Would you please give me back my pupil, Ogryn ?

Nope look for yourself
>would be silently thanking himself for building an off switch into his nasal senses for use against the stench of nurgle
That sounds nice
Yay
>all machine spirits in the vacinity would hear a silent scream composed of code

>Upon hearing another voice. Thunda would stop his joyful jumping, and would look down at the shiny, hood covered man. A curious gaze in his eyes.
>He'd then look down at the other shiny man in his hands. Wondering how it was he had managed to escape his friendly hug.

Huh? How you-?

>He shook back and forth between the two "shiny men" for several moments. Utterly confused at how there are two of them.

....
......
........
..........
>If one listened carefully, they could more than likely hear the lone gear that is Thunda's brain, turning endlessly.
>After a moment, one of Thunda's arms would shoot out, and would scoop the other hooded figure into his arms. Now adding another new, and shiny "friend" to his bear hug!

I like you! I calls you... Hmmmm....

>He'd think for a long moment. The lone gear now spining at an overclocked rate.

I calls you.... TINGLES!

Y'know, when you get out of shock, maybe help me with pet project da? Trust me you like it. Nerdy boys always love make big business plan for strip club.

>he'd take a swig from his bottle
Unless you can tap into command and forge attack documents on my enemies so that I can seize their means of product.

COLONEL TELL YOUR MAN TO STOP IMMEDIATELY OR THE MACHINE SPIRIT WILL BE GREATLY DISPLEASED

it's my duty to serve as you want colonel
>as he say that the scribe unzip the back of his
>robe revelling two mechadendrite shape thing
>one holding a feather the other a set of seals
from whom you want this letters ?

>The large abhuman would look displeased by the shouting that Tingles was doing.

OW, TINGLES! YOUR YELLING HURT EARS! BAD TINGLES! BAD!

>Thunda would wag his finger at the "tech-priest". A look of disapproval on his face.

by the way if you allow me a suggestion :
i know of a paradise world that give shelter to exodite dancer, the inquisitorial report have been lost due to the fact that this world is lord drexus favorite
>maximus have now a wild grin on his face
but i know who to ask to obtain a copy

Thunda do you know about serv-shiny floaters?

Rolled 97 (1d100)

yes do you know about them ?
they are very cool, if you release me i'll get you a caramel and i'll teach you many things

Thunda! Calm shit down. Go for lunch.

AND YOU! DO ...that thing exactly. Immediately we need to depart and conquer!

>the Harakoni runs back to the Colonel
Lemme drop, lemme drop, please lemme drop!

so colonel set the course on pria prime
we should have the document upon arrival

Shut mouth you! Now! Get ready for war!
We shall go and err... "conduct business" with them. Aggressive negotiations, if you catch my drift da?

Right, that's great, but can I please drop in on them to 'negotiate' with them quickly and efficiently?

Da of course, where is ship master place or whatever? Need to go to war!

DA! Ok what now? when we can go?

here his a data tablet on pria prime let's me know if you have any question high gothic can be tricky on those kind of document

>the Lance Corporal is practically vibrating with excitement
GOD DAMN I LOVE DROPPING!
>he sprints to one of the Valkyries

>the Fissure of Woe travels through the warp
>"My lord, we have discovered a stowaway."
Bring him to me.
>"Yes, my lord."
>the prisoner is brought to Telemus
A son of the VIII Legion? What is your name?
>"Drakul... Vladislav Drakul... I ruled the world whose destruction you caused. You cost me much carnage, son of Horus."
Worry not, Drakul. I can keep you sated. I understand that we hunt a former prisoner of yours.

Wot does it say? Tell me?
>He could not read at the moment ass he was staring at booty.

Oh lord Jesus guide that poor child he will need help, and probably a limb or two, also lots of morphine.

>The Colonel would take a swig from his bottle
Okay time for alcohol infused rampages against enemies of imperium, also I need pictures, of spiderman, and butts.

finally on the ground
colonel, where and against who do we fight ?

01001000 01100101 01101100 01110000 00100000 01101101 01100101!

>banging and clanging is heard from inside the Metal Slug
>Gary bursts out of the hatch
>completely filthy

Thronedamn! That was a bitch and a half to install! At least now my baby will be faster...

>caresses the Leman Russ' turret

pria prime is a world in majority oceanic the human live on small cluster of island there is one peninsula with ancient ruin
the inquisitor report say that the eldar live here and pray a flaming giant with one hand dripping with blood so it's will be an aesy fight agaisnt savage

>Sternbridge plants his forehead firmly in the palm of his hand

>THUMP
>the Warhawk lands on the tank's rear
WOOOO!
>he raises his las-carbine, aiming wildly. There's a needle sticking out of his left shoulder, half-full of bright pink liquid

yeah i know it's only his lubricity that prevent the planet gouvernor to purge those xeno
seriously those xeno are retarded to the point they think that the giant will figth for them in time of need
>the scholar laugth his ass off

The fuck are you doing, soldier?!
>sees needle
What the fuck is this?
>yanks it out
WHAT IS THAT, SOLDIER?!!

Why do you need help

>with the sort of smile only a man high as a kite on alien drugs can give, the Harakoni 'woops', and says
FUCKED IF I KNOW, COUPLE OF HUA YUAN GAVE IT TO ME AND I CAN TAKE ON A DAMN PLATOON NOW!

>Thunda would stare at the war machine parked before him, with a look of awe. His eyes wide, and lips lowered dumbly.

Dat a big Horse.... Why you in met'al?

You are an idiot.

>a servoskull appears behind him and attempts to steal the needle
WHY DO YOU THINK?!?

OH SHIT
> grab Utitur body and take cover

>A rather old and scarred guardsman walks up to the ogryn
>His armor seems ill fitting and centuries old despite lacking any signs of battle damage
>On his shoulder is a faded insignia of an Aquila holding a chalice
Because it's a good place for soft ones like us to hide. Unlike you, a mere lasgun can easily kill any one of us.

no i am just a scholar that know that a planetary gouvernor that "lost" 3 regiment of pdf to an handfull of savage and declare a truce is fishy
he even allow them to do their ritual on his land
>the scholar look at caffran like a proffessor to a stupid kid

>Thunda would look down, and tilt his head confusingly at the old man standing next to him.

Buh 'ow d'ey fit all d'ose horses un'dah d'ere? It's confusing...

There are no horses, big guy. Suffice to say it uses a box with the power of many horses, and uses fuel. Don't bother with the details, and don't feed it.

Then go to guard duty while I figure out what to do with you!

>lets the servo skull take it

....
>Has already shoved several carrots into the tank's exhaust pipes, and is about to put another one into the finally exhaust in an effort to feed the starving horses that are OBVIOUSLY trapped inside.

Huh? You speak to me?

>cackling, the man runs to the edge of the drop zone and hunkers down behind a crate of explosives

Yes, I was... Anyway, you should take those carrots out. Either the engine or the pipes are going to blow, or you are creating a new form of projectile in the form of carrots. The cogpriests wouldn't like that, and angering them would make the Emperor sad. You wouldn't want to make the Emperor sad, right?

>doesnt care, backfire will blow those out

Buh the Horses need to be fed...

>Thunda looks saddened that is isn't allowed to feed the 100+ horses that are obviously, through some strange magiks, stuck inside the tank.

If the eldar have truly summoned an avatar of their bloody-handed god, then we will not have as easy a time eradicsting them as you think.

>sigs
Ask the cogpriests. They might know where you should put the carrots so the horses can reach them.

>having dealt with ogryns before
Its ok, I'm the one that feeds the horses. But you can help me. See these horses drink prometheum. Bring me some barrels of promethium.

>Seeing a way to be helpful, as well as to properly feed the horse's that are trapped inside the tank. Thunda would merrily stomp his way over to the canisters of Promethium, before lifting up two large canisters, and bringing them over to the tank.
>A pleased expression fields the surface of Thunda's face.

D'ere! Now 'ow we feed horses?

sure but we have our giant and his hand will be bloodied soon enougth,
>the scribe point out the ogryn
plus i let you the heradicating thing i will be at the command post assisting the colonel

>opens the fuel cap
Like this...
>pours the fuel in
Now ya see how the promethium comes to the top there? That's when ya know the horses are full.
>closes cap before anything can happen

I am an admiral in the Navy and your superior. If you do not lighten your tone I will have you flogged.

do you want a discord link ?