ITT: We create a silly but internally consistent (and usable) setting for 5e.
I'll start.
>Spell names are replaced with things like "I know you are but what am I" and "Need some ice for that burn?"
>Users of magic actually call out these phrases while casting
>There is a chain of taverns/inns all up and down the coast where the purchase of a burger, fries, and a room for the night gets you a free drink and a small wooden toy.
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No.
Thanks for the bump.
>Barbarians have to make a wisdom save if anyone talks shit about their mother or go into a rage and start breaking shit.
>warlocks are consistently edge/broodlords and their patrons make them get emo/scene style haircuts
>paladins all are white knights or black knights. No in between. And call women m'lady.
>And call women m'lady
White knights call them "m'lady." Black knights never use the word "woman" and refer to them exclusively as "females" or, more commonly, "whores who won't sleep with me."
>Thieves' Cant was seen as too negative, so by a popular vote at the last annual International Thieves' Conference, it is being replaced by Thieves Can
>there is a god, or believed to be a god, for everything. God of the Home, God of the Floor, God of Clay Jugs, God of Chairs, God of Toenail Clippings, etc.
>most action should be proceeded by a short (often silent) prayer to the God of that thing (or multiple gods if you're not totally sure) lest you anger that god.
"Roasties"
> There are godless priests whose whole purpose is to help mortals decide which actions fall under the domains of which gods.
> For example if you wanted to chug water out of a clay mug, do you pray to the god of mugs, clay, water or drinking? The priests usually respond with "Probably all of them I guess?"
Wouldn't there have to be a god of prayer? That would propably complicate things.
>the temples of these priests are akin to huge libraries, holding as much written documentation on the "known" and possible gods.
>sometimes, questions about who you pray to can be quite tricky and can take weeks to sort through.
>almost every priest in one particular temple had to stop whatever they were doing when someone asked, "Who do i pray to when my cousin's step- sisters teenage daughter has a bit of pot roast stuck in her teeth and only has an ivory toothpick?"
There is a clan to the north that worships only one God. The God of Ass-Kicking. The other Gods and their followers don't mess with them because they don't want to get their asses kicked.
Perhaps they're the ones who dictate who you pray to? After all, their god is prayer, what would they want other than to make sure people are praying correctly?
At character creation, you have to roll a D10 for dick size, added to your racial bonus.
Example: Half-Orc Penile Bonus - +4 inches.
>Dave rolls a 1
>Dave now has to play a character that gets laughed at by other Orcish women.
>Dave's Half-Orc now goes around raping Gnomes out of penis envy.
That started out silly, but it kinda became more FATAL than anything
Bards' usual choice of instrument is either a digital sequencer, or beatboxing.
>Race is considered a social construct. Calling a dwarf a dwarf, for example is highly offensive. They might identify as an elf, or an orc.
This is how my Bard uses Cutting Words and Vicious Mockery. Coincidentally, he doesn't use much more than those spells either.
>Dave's Half-Orc "Shlonk" grabs his next victim from a dark corner of the tavern.
>It's Rebecca's Forest Gnome "Nani"
>Shlonk takes Nani into his reserved inn room.
>He punches Nani, then chucks her onto the bed like the brutish Barbarian he is.
>Nani tries to scream, but Shlonk grabs her neck.
>Shlonk has the Grappler feat. Nani's fate is sealed.
>Shlonk rapes her to death. The DM solemnly tells Rebecca of her fate.
>"NAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIII~!?"
There is a tribe of Warforge who were made in the likeness of the God of Frogs. They are very isolationist, and prefer to be left in peace in their homes, made in bogs and other such inhospitable to living humanoids areas. Pic related is their banner and battlecry
If she survived, can you imagine how physically tired she'd be after that?
In other words, Nani sore??!
That pun made me want to kill myself
and gave me flashbacks of that girl from Kill La Kill who would scream "nani sore" all the time
>Every building that has 6 or more floors has always the 11th floor on fire
> It somehow manages to spontaneously combust, always
>While a bit annoying for many neighbourhoods, it's actually an extremely reliable method to build lighthouses, signalling beacons and other buildings that require a relatively noisy lightening
> This also made very common for architects employed in large constructions to learn how to cast "spells" like the famous "Can't handle the heat?"
The ass-kicking clan keeps their thoughts and actions simple, however, careful not to anger too many gods at once.
Think someone already did that with the Pokemon campaign.
>Every building that has 6 or more floors has always the 11th floor on fire
>6 or more floors
>11th floor on fire
I... what?
What about the god of prayers to the god of prayers? It's gods all the way down. Recursive gods.
What user obviously means is that, if the building has between 6 and 10 floors, an eleventh floor spontaneously appears, floating into the air if necessary, and catches fire.
>build a 9 floor building
>the theoretical location of the "11th floor" is now on fire
All the benefits of a lighthouse minus the upkeep
That is literally the magic system of Tunnels and Trolls.
>rogues that constantly crouch and sneak around along with singing their own theme music
>assassins/stealth monks must scream the phrase "Ninja" before every steal or attack
Druids in this setting:
youtube.com
Whereas rogues must yell "YOINK!" or "STABBITY" respectively.
I want someone to actually play a campaign in this setting.
Ogres aren't dumb brutes, they're just sarcastic dicks who play to the stereotype. "Oh, yeah, me smash you good, or whatever."
All verbal spell components have to rhyme
>some kind of reflection spell
>"I am rubber, you are glue/Whatever you do bounces off me and sticks to you!"
>blows raspberry
>broodlords
Meme magic is real.
Memers tend to work in politics, or bards but they don't get sex.
If you counter anyone's logic/ shake their world views too much you literally blow their mind, as in the wall behind them turns into a canvas of skull, brains, and blood.
PCs have to be careful not to say anything to amazing to any NPCs, or they may kill them.
>"Is there a god of prayer?"
>"Yeah."
>"Is there a god of the god of prayer?"
>*Every priest in the temple immediately repaints the walls red*
>One must express their prayer the entire pantheon of the recursive gods in Big O notation, lest one never finish their prayer without inciting the entire pantheon's cumulative wrath.