The kingdom is invaded by a new religious cult

The collapse of civilization is always heralded by the cheering of women.

>OP shrugs slightly
>Resigns himself to continue posting again tomorrow

I dont... you need to add something to this. Like, "what does your party do?"
Then its a thread asking questions and inviting reply, not just shitposting.

My party starts to kill them left and right. The king gave us permission and they obviously aren't gonna fight back. Easy payday.

>Hey I hear its funny that these guys knock on doors
>Lol let's totally overuse that joke but make it slightly related to the board

Feck off ye wanker, I met many a mormon and they all are nice lads and lassies who like to make people smile.

give them jobs in the civil service.
they want to help and aren't corrupt. Just keep them away from military shit.

I've seen alot of Mormon threads on Veeky Forums lately. Is there some sort of Mormon shilling force that we haven't heard of? Is this the new JIDF?

No, it's just one guy (Evan McMullin) shitposting about his religion. He's still salty he didn't win Utah.

We've got a petition to remove these people. Would you like to sign it?

>you will never be able to make yourself believe mormon bs and have multiple wives

>Visited my mormons
>Greet them cause I'm not a jerk
>Stand through their shtick
>"Are you religious at all, sir?"
>"Oh, I was. But, uh, some stuff happened and I'm not supposed to talk about it."
>Awkward silence as I glance to floor while rubbing the back of my head.
>They always leave in a hurry

Fuckin flawless

I don't understand what you implied to them

A priest touched his no-no places.

That's for them to come up with.

When bad shit goes down with western religions, what do you think happens?

he got molested

I'm stealing this

The Thirty Years War?

Underrated post

Also I'm disappointed no other konosuba Cult of aqua in thread yet

...

>"So, what happened sir?"
>"Heretics, Jimmy. Heretics and Saracens."

We usually don't demonstrate.
But when we demonstrate, we defenestrate.

Yeah, I was about to say. Not a really deep thread, but making multiple of these? Why? I can't imagine it got a lot of responses before.

Is it because they're an easy target that dont fight back? Something lame here.

If I had met you on my mission I would have just gone through the repentance process. I dont really have to know what you did as long as I can help you feel better about it and move on.

enough with this husshite

user is probably salty that he doesn't live in Salt Lake. Which is perfectly understandable, Mormons can be Extremely passive-aggressive towards others at times...

Outside of Salt Lake and in Utah, I mean.

Honestly, Mormons are the nicest people who believe in the WEIRDEST shit.

It's not even Christianity at all in my United Methodist mind, and even if it were it wouldn't be Protestant by any definition of the term. It's its own extremely heretical sect that, if we're going to be honest, is as much an ethnic religion as it is a religion (much like Judaism).

Modern day Arians, with some other stuff too.

>The kingdom is ruled by a Dark lord who Studies Dark magic
>The Dark Lord new government is founded on meritocracy instead of Nobility, modernize the economy from an agricultural base to a manufacture and service base, castle towns were developed as the center and basis of local economies, And ending the Civil That Plagued His Country.
>The Rebels asks a group of Paladins to deal with the Dark lord

>And ending the Civil War That Plagued His Country.

this looks like a job for an evil party

Women have never been the ones doing the killing.

Speaking as one myself... yeah, pretty much. There's a mildly famous story about some minister or other talking with an LDS bishop, and to sum it up he said that "the Christ you believe in is not the same Christ that we believe in."

Oh, and it's important to make the distinction between Mormons as a religion, and Utah Mormon culture.

Go anywhere outside Utah, and the Mormons you meet are exactly as you say, nice people, weird beliefs.

Inside Utah though, specifically Utah "Mormonville" county, and it's a completely different story. If you're just Catholic or some other religion, that's all well and fine, but the moment you say you're atheist, trans, gay, smoke weed, or are pro-abortion, etc, they get passive aggressive. There's outright persecution, and then there's the subtlety of an entire culture treating you with the worst kind of passive-aggressive behavior possible.

It's even worse if you're a young LDS male who decides he doesn't want to go on a mission. People start assuming you did something wrong, or are secretly gay, and then it's even more vehement passive-aggressiveness. And all of this is specifically limited to anywhere in Utah outside of Salt Lake County.

TLDR: The religion is weird, but fine, but the bubble community inside the state is one of the worst. It's like someone transplanted the Bible Belt over here and replaced the straight up persecution with Passive Aggressiveness.

That seems pretty reasonable. Would there be any downsides to it?

Passive aggression is much easier to deal with than active persecution.

Well it depends, active persecution is usually some flavor of illegal so unless we're assuming institutional persecution you can fight back, but an entire community passively treating you like scum can make living there untenable and there's fuck all you can do about it.

We play Dogs in the Vineyard, are we gonna remove ourselves?

>Visited by mormons
>hi! I'm not interested in religion. Goodbye.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Widow_(Chechnya)

Back to /a/ with your worst girl, user.

How bout you try feeding those dogs before you shoot em, eh boy?

Yeah, that kind of sounds like what I'm going through. People treat me like the bad guy the sheriff is going to dual at high noon.

There was this really cute girl from Pakistan at my high school. I can't remember her name, it's been so long, but she had lovely, pale skin and a very pretty face. It's haunting me that I can't remember her name, because I keep thinking about her for some reason. I know it's hard to date second generation immigrants because of grumpy, insular families, but I'd give her a try in a heartbeat. She was absolutely gorgeous, and super nice, and she loved reading and listening to Queen.

Okay okay, what exactly does 'dark magic' entail here?

Are we so sure this 'dark lord' won't just hire other paladins or adventurers to stop this religious insurgency before it causes too much damage?

Are we dealing with a Dark Lord who enslaves all he surveys, raises the dead and commits ritual sacrifices to demonic gods, for power? Or are we talking a progressive tyrant who just happens to be somewhat heavy-handed and uses spells the dominant religion frowns upon, possibly due to the people they're usually associated with?

But this is the perfect thread to speak about her and her followers.

"Don't Worry, your Majesty. I know exactly how to handle this."

>Great Old One Warlock and High Cult Priestess walks up to the front door of their main temple.

"Excuse me? Sorry to bother you, but have you heard the good news of Yog Sothoth?"

>A thunderous roaring sound echoes from every corner of the room as the inside of their temple becomes an MC Escher painting. Their screams go unheard as time fractures and they run out of breath before they open their mouths. As their ribs are transmuted to abstract parallelograms and their brains are inverted, their shattered bodies are dragged into the shadows of what used to be the 'third dimensional' objects they called furniture, now portals to the vast darkness between the stars. As quickly as it began, it ends. The building returns to being just an obtuse cube of stone bricks, stripped bare on the inside. An odd dust settles on everything, slightly pinkish in color but otherwise unremarkable. The metal fittings now have a strange patina, as if they were vastly older than their actual age.

>Nobody outside the building heard or saw anything. Many of them don't even remember the cult that used to set up shop there.

>Goes to visit the King.

"Thank you for your generosity, Majesty. And for insisting on allowing all your subjects a Freedom of Religion. My order greatly appreciates your fairness and non-interference."

>Yog-Sothoth
>Existing In D&D
His very nature cannot exist in the local cosmology in it's slightest and he's only remembered by the Aboleth through his Elder Evil name, Fucking Illthestine is in the process of unintentionally mantling him and bringing him back through the Astral Plane, however

Twist!
>one of the cultists is highly trained in martial arts and can non-lethally incapacitate several men single-handedly
>he can, however, be bargained with due to his need for treasure for the expensive wedding ritual his sweetheart back home wants
>he's also multiclassed as bard but has no musical talent
>if he joins the part or becomes a contact then access may also be gained to his artificer companion

I remember another mormon user who said that at least in their community it was actually awful and everyone was pretend-polite but the most two-faced manipulative behind the back haters they ever met and the only person who was legitimately faithful and didn't just use religion as an excuse to shit on others and pretend to be better was this sad old man who had lost his whole family and just wanted to see them again.

I'd assume there's a mix here and there.

Say no to a Mormon enough times, they'll give up on you.

Say no to a Muslim enough times, they'll blow you up.

Which cosmology? There are five I know of and any given game could vary from any of them.

And only one of them is socially acceptable to complain about.
>Oh no, these people politely inform me about their religion and leave when I tell them I'm not interested! Surely they're the biggest problem our society is facing right now!

>The Codex Islamic does not support this action.

Aqua is an attention whoring money grubbing bitch who only cares for herself.

Lalatina on the other hand is a pure maiden made for marriage.

Mormonism believes in a third revelation that adds its own canon, basically. In this it's just like Islam. It's only called Christianity because they themselves want that label.

>relentlessly pushy, endlessly annoying everyone who needs to go outside
So, not mormon missionaries then. They aren't pushy at all. My experience with them is that they're very sincere, friendly, don't harass anyone and leave without a second word if asked.

They're the polar opposite of Jehovah's witnesses.

Or they'd just do like the Romans and pharisees. Christians would rather you not know that they were crucifying messiahs daily in jerusalem.

Dungeons are too much work and not really worth it for peasants. Cut his head off and invoice his family the executioners wage

>Visited by mormons
>Let them in
>Sit through their bullshit
>Be nice, offer water since I know they don't do caffeine.
>They ask me if I'm religious
>I say "Yes, I'm Catholic, actually."
>Point to the crucifix I have above the doorway
>Watch them get visibly disturbed
>The 2nd one had a damn good poker face though, I'll give him that
>They invite me to one of their services
>Mention that I'll think about it, but I am a very devout Catholic
>They politely find a way to end the conversation
>They leave

And that's how I'm never visited by Mormons again.

Not American so we have close to no Mormons here. What problems do Mormons have with Catholics, other than the regular (mostly died down) Protestant-Catholic conflict?

Catholics are the "Whore of Babylon" to many Protestants and Mormons.

You know, from Revelations, which was a veiled critique on the Romans and not actual prophecy?

All of them in conventional practice, he's supposed to exist outside of any natural universe but is connected to each and every one, because he's literally omniscient Time and Space so he basically knows everything that goes on within universes where time and space are, unless of course, local space finds a way to deny his sight, which basically translates as him drawing a blank on it establishing it as a place that doesn't exist, because Yog-Sothoth is the gate by which the Spheres meet (universes and technically what makes him up).

In D&D, Good, Evil, Law, and Chaos are cosmic forces which dictate a chunk of what goes on in whatever current universal makeup going on, and the formation of the universe from 1e-3.5 (skip 4e because it was all Elminster's Dream) was a part of ongoing events that would otherwise mark or trigger the shift to the next edition, The Time of troubles was the shift to 2e, and Vecna's little Sigil trip the shift to 3.e-3.5.

Anyhow, the idea that there is a nihilistic uncaring set of beings that are the definition of biological superiority from the beginning of pretty much anything anywhere ever that exceed morality and understanding and most sapient concepts we as human sapients understand is utterly anathema to this, and thus, seeks to actively deny it. Because of this, anything relating to the moral grey or base components that relate to these creatures, are in fact a danger to all of this reality, and are thus, shafted to Chaotic Evil, ejected from reality, or some other horrible end meets it, you know that context of Psionics being the Anti-far realm thing? This was what it meant, they got straight up rejected out of reality, and left quite a mess on their way out, and by that, I mean the left behind what possibly caused the deities to come into being and a shitload of other things.

Now then, as The Gate does not see this universe/reality/cosmos if you follow what Ao's Master mentions (meaning there's more than one cut off reality), that means no Cosmic taxi rides via Necromonicon and galactic fission-hookups which means Lovecraft's servitor and brand of "just fuck my shit up" species and nastiest cannot roll the fuck in to ruin everyone's day.

Except, as far as fictional universes go with this little concept, there is the idea Nyralathotep, tis AWARE of this, and actively uses his shabbos go- I mean Cthulhu to Brute force his way in to realities that get an Elder Sign or some other means to make sure there is not possibility in the idea that he is going to push the kill everyone button and have it not work in it's entirety.

So what does he do? Same thing he always does, work by proxy, people who speak for him, calculations understanding of how everything works, forms and comes to being is a great help to brainstorming how a universe you can't access because you recognize the Mandella effect but your space-chad relative doesn't and need to bring it back into the fold.

Anyhow, work by proxy right? And that's what goes down, and unfortunately, there are gaps in this little universal seal of sorts which keeps them out, in many little workings, for exmaple, there are planes where the gods have no sway out of the local cosmology so, they can potentially send things in, or influence those areas to a infintasmal memetic degree that something comes of it, we're talking shit so subtle you'd never notice it, without say, data mining databases, and even then, something like that would pick up on the largest of these er, "attempts".

A quote sure to go down in history as one of the most philosophically significant insights of its time.

But the core of it is basically the "order established here must go" and that's what they did, with multiple attempts to get in, but you see, they left stuff behind when they were initially rejected in the first place, namely, the deities, (whelp) and Elder Evils, and the Far Realm, which ammounts to the little concentrated pocket of life outside the planes wherer the deities have no sway, and shit get's fucking complex, so I'll summarize what's going on with the aberrations and choice outsiders
>Aboleths made by Fission, to the Blood-Mother,(Shub-niggurath? Mother Hydra?) completely fucking unknown if this occurred pre-GOO-ejection and their entire species makeup, hierarchy and a text from Greyhawk implies they're a Servitor race from R'leyh related to the Deep ones, which explains Scum, and why the eldest, the Paragon of their race which is as large as their euclidean cities has the exact power to drive humanoids mad in a mile radius if it wakes up, next to their worship of the GOO's under proxied names (Think the mandella effect went-down post ejection so, the GOO's and their names, except bitch boy dagon can't exist in the universe either) and the fact they're basically Primordial fish Deep ones that are also biologically immortal, engineer slave races, and other stuff But also could have been from the Far Realm, hard to say as said place wasn't ever breached until the Elves showed up

There's a kernel of truth to it, even if it's controversial.

>The Illithid are literally a last-minute Species made by the Elder Things that may have Triggered the Shoggoth Rebellion, primarily in that they were made from whatever the fuck the Elder Things were fighting at the time that they were losing against (Star-Spawn?) And came out as Neoiillithid, which to the Elder Things was useless, -till they ate their first Sapient Brain, Unlocking their innate Psionics and probably triggered the Shoggoths to take up later before rebelling and killing the shit out of everything else, migrating to the D&Dverse and starting their empire sometime after the discovery of cerebromorphis]
>Their god is basically word for word, trying to become Yog-sothoth and not even realize it with that Elder Brain merger plan, which might actually breach and bring it back, probably doing fuck knows what
>Ruled a wonderful empire, right up until: the heat-death of the Universe, Tharizdun got out, their fucking with the sun went wrong, or Cthugha got in and flash-fried the shit out of them, they then used congealed crushed time, Quintessensce, to blow themselves back to the past before their evil was law, and try again, only to fuck up again anyway.
>Also, Had a deity before Illthestine, but Orcus Krumped it when he was Tennebrous.
>When the deities started out, they were chaotic as fuck, and were essentially mirrors of their unknown forefathers who passed from the Astral sea, till Human faith calmed their shit down, and pretty much everyone else followed suit, well, except for Ghaunadaur, who is living evidence the Great Old ones once trood, in the fact that it's a deity that DOES NOT MAKE SENSE BECAUSE IT CANNOT MAKE SENSE AND IF IT STARTED TO MAKE SENSE THEN THAT MEANS THE END OF EVERYTHING IS GOING DOWN

>Ghaunadaur also used a Demon Lord, who is the proxy for an Outer-god who as his avatar for a time, because god of slimes and stuff
>Tharizdun data-mined every insane person ever, went mad and proposed the destruction of the universe, which he got shoved in a floating space crystal for, but this didn't really stop him because the event was so great, it made a parralel dimension where he succeeded, and then shed his divinity and became a fucking Great Old One, leaving behind the Species known as the Sharn, who are the Entropy raped remnants of said universe post ascention thanks to destroying that parralel worlds alignment system and technically the Cerulean sign, so yeah.
>Basically, he was a deity who figured out everything was bullshit, and limited by design, and decided to wreck said design to escape it, and was also basically a massive broiling pool of "Dear lord it's the grail mud from Fate Stay night, but worse, because it's got that dead-inside mentality of Lovecraft himself" and some other stuff.
>This slighty changed in 4e with his creation of the abyss, which technically following how the abyss works falls into his designs for blowing everyone up anyway because all of Demonkind HAD THE EXACT SAME AIM, Except The Queen of Chaos and Pazuzu, who just want to fuck with people and maybe a few others, like Orcus, who just wants to be big-man-chief of something, but accidentally cast a Dweomer that kill himself and every other person on his native plane and became a big leader of Sychophantic moron death-lovers

...

>Elves one day decided to get every base caster class ever to drill outside the planes to the ones where the deities had no sway
>Dug so far they ended up in the ever-shifting literally described as a giant cosmic onion of horror zone where all the cosmic bullshit was ejected from concentration of tumorous eldritch Life
>Let in an Elder Evil whilst doing so, almost making this plane connect with the cosmology, which would give it a permanent connection allowing it to terraform the entire universe in the process
>Instead, it now enroaches on the Plane of Nightmares and the Dream demiplanes, which literally makes them real in some choice incursions that cause nightmares to manifest with the aberrant life granted through this bizzaro planar shift
>Oh, and killed all the elves involved.
>Few ten thousand years later, they do it again
>Except they decide to try and do it by Teleporting there
>Last 10 seconds before the Astrally projected intelligence of an Elder Evil looks at them turning them into an an entirely diffrent species with their old memories and desire to get back and terraform everything into them and the Far Realm b extention, which basically lets in the lovecraftian shit anyway. Become Kaorti.

As for Beholders? Not actually a Cosmic threat, opposed to the other Aberrant/Outsider Far Realm species they're reliant on the weave you see, Dead Magic zones drop them dead as per what NWN1 showed still capable of ruining entire ecosystem with their appetites though.

Oh right, and Dagon is the only one retaining his name but no memory of his nature.
Unless an Alienist summons him, then that will be that.
As for Alienists? Well, once upon a Time, the Demon Lord Obrityh proxy for what is Implied to be the Nameless Mist, (extended mythos, but still) Screwed Nyralathotep's Elder Evil Proxy, and then gave birth to Graz'zt and a number of other horrors in a ploy to marry the one that took the title of Prince/King of Demons therefore making her the Queen (ew)
So- Nyralathotep fucks it's genderless sibling's proxy in female form, who then wishes to fuck the offspring of this union to marry it.
And this is why Graz'zt has the extra fingers and toes, and is pitch-black skinned (got it from his dad). Oh, and this made some other mentionable horrors which you can read about on Graz'zt's Dragon Magazine Article
Amazing he only has one cock then.
Anyhow, due to all the nightmarish shit she sends out of her cunt, she eventually causes the origin of a template where a horrible far realm creature is squashed and compressed into the place of it's native equivalent where it is summoned, and there's a set of nutjobs who revere the Far Realm and summon said Pseudonatural beings.

And this just so happens to interfere with summoning spells, in an underwhelming PrC which got worse post 3.t, because no, you do not summon horrible cosmic horrors using the antibody of cosmic horror and process that through your mind you dumb shit, who thought making Alienists Psionic was a good fucking idea?

So, if you were to Summon Dagon, Demon Prince of Darkned depths, and some idiot alienist comes along and touches the Summon circle, then "Dagon" get's replace by it's equivale-

oh.

Yeah, and then the Old ones break through. Whoops.

so, mormons don't have crucifixes?

They don't even have crosses, user.

Revelation.

Singular.

Even in the Greek.

Strange thing to get 'tisms about, but God does it bug me. It's generally the first sign someone hasn't read it.

Mormons are some of the nicest people around. We have a few from the States and they come to our FLGS to play Magic. Thought that shit was forbidden for them, but nope.

>capitalizing god

lol

>Visited my mormons
>They invite themselves in, too polite to refuse
>They sit down
>They stand up and leave
>Why did they leave?
>What was that they were looking at on the coffee table?
>Oh.
>OH

The previous night was a fun movie night.

Yes, that actually happened.
Yes, really.

Please tell me that's a so-bad-it's-good movie.
I honestly don't know after Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. There exists a comedy spoof of that movie... implying the orignal ISN'T a comedy.
Same with Cowboys vs Aliens. It sounds like goofy pulp, but instead it's the most boring movie I've ever seen.

Muslims take Jerusalem/Constantinople

Who cares about that user. There's a kingdom that needs saving from this dark lord. We must help the rebels in disposing him. its our duty as paladins

Are you saying that Mormon's don't believe in easily disproven nonsense?

There have been plural Revelations, but when most people are speaking of it, they're talking about The Revelation to John (No, Not That John, Another One).

If you're so stuck on the plural, remember that John was shown a bunch of different shit, making it more a series of revelations than one big knowledge chunk. That it may have been the same prophetic dream or hallucination is both unlikely and immaterial. The simple folk are technically correct.

>Those cultists don't look bloodthirsty.
No, they just want to let the bloodthirsty ones in.

>Queen

Literally the Reddit of bands. You dodged a bullet there chief

>passive aggressiveness is equal to persecution

I hate this fucking pussy generation

That reminds me of some shit I pulled in college
>live in a de facto college only appartment
>visited by mormons
>let them in
>ask them if they're thirsty
>immediately pull three beers out of the fridge
>Mormons say no
>ask them if they want a shot instead
> they immediately say I think we should go
>tell them come again
>they left the whole complex and never came back
I kinda wish they had drank with me.

Le based xD mind if screencap this for r/Veeky Forums /b/ro? XD

I actually did that.

>aren't going to fight back
>Mormons
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mormon_Battalion

youtube.com/watch?v=LpIyaIHsJbc

nice meme

That's easy to say, but still...I feel like I'm losing my damn mind, can't even remember her name. I can hear her voice, see her face moving as she speaks and everything, I even remember her shapely rump, but no name.

I guess it doesn't matter. She's probably married with a whole mess of kids now.