Application form

Fill out three copies, cos one needs to go to the recycling bin, another to feed the dog, and another to be used as toilet paper

In all seriousness, its because they want extra copies in case they lose one copy or HR wants to file a written copy or w/e

Some other ideas from my own experiences with bureaucracy:

- Papers proving their last three years of income
- Signed declarations of my last three workplaces
- Copies of all my diplomas
- Copies of criminal record. Not having one is not an excuse
- Any and all identifying documents, including ones which are no longer valid
- Complete list of identifying physical characteristics
- A portrait with some very specific rules about where to face and how to look.

Long forms, with portions they AREN'T supposed to fill out. Names of party members, their residences and DoB, religious and non-religious club affiliations. Itemized documentation of gear, magical components, spell lists, and special techniques, along with any other combat or non-combat equipment. Release forms for insurance purposes, non-disclosure clauses, non-competition forms, liability waivers should you die on a mission, next of kin or other emergency contact information.
A separate application to adventure, after which the party receives a writer stating they have been approved, which would need to be returned to a specific department within the guild to actually allow the party to adventure on behalf of the guild.
A required 2 hour long orientation, teaching safety on the job and how to avoid hazards, and proper decorum when operating as agents for the adventuring guild. Included in the second portion is how to report all loot to the guild and how to divide said loot equally amongst party members, with the adequate deduction for the guild's dues. At this point make it absolutely clear that gear and loot cannot be used until it is reported to the guild.
Once this is complete, the party should be ready to adventure. They are given a log book, the cost of which is added to the dues required upon completion of their first mission, which they are required to fill out during the course of each mission. Included in the log are fields for time of day the mission starts, who in the party participates, any non-party members that accompany the party on the mission (with separate liability waivers for each, to be included in the log), the locations where the party goes, descriptions of any enemies and non-party non-combatants encountered, any items acquired that don't fit the loot description that were not part of the party 's inventory form, the length of time spent on each part of the job, and of course, all loot acquired in the course of the mission.

Trick them into joining the Axis Cult. If you have a Paladin they insta-fall due to swearing allegiance to another goddess.

If you make this please post the pdf I need a copy to abuse my party with

Three copies. Common practice back before computers; one copy used by the clerk to do the actual filing, one copy sent to the manager so he can ignore it, and one copy stored in the company archive as a backup.

Have lot of optional perks that you can sign up for, promising some service from the guild in exchange for progressively greater cuts of the loot they take, stuff like

>Advertising special to potential clients
>Free repair of nonmagical gear
>Standard starting kits of things like rations, bedrolls, simple tools
>Access to a standard library of spells

etc. Now make it so that in some of them, you have to check the box to be included in the service, and in others, you have to check the box to be excluded from the service. Make sure it's expressed in a way that's confusing and non-intuitive.

I'll make a first draft tonight.

Upon completing the mission, the party is required to report directly to the guild. At this point, all loot is turned over to the guild, along with the log book, to be copied for documentation purposes, then notarized by the guild notary. A separate mission report must be prepared, basically stating everything that was documented in the log book. Then the party must get examined by the guild's medical examiner, to document any and all injuries sustained during the course of a mission. Then the party attends a debriefing, at which time the party is interviewed by the guild's debriefing officer in the presence of a human resources representative, to go over the mission regarding its expedience, tactics, and procedures.
Finally, once this is finished, the party must fill out a brief form applying for the loot they acquired from the mission, to be delivered to the guild's treasury department. There, after the loot has been accurately assessed for value against what was listed in the log book and mission report, the party has the choice of either receiving the loot acquired and paying the guild's due percentage, or just receiving the cash equivalent of the party's share of the loot, to be divided equally amongst all members that participated. A final form stating the party's choice of compensation must be signed and dated by all members. The party is then paid, and the process can start again.

Or they can partake of a special category of missions that are described as "lucrative" and "less extensively covered with paperwork." If they feel like taking it up wherein the party is given a few sheets of paper that are completely blank, aside from the words "Health And Safety Information" and a few lines for signatures.

The bureaucrat, being what he or she is, has had people accept this alternate line of work before, but doesn't know anything about it due to being too busy with paperwork. If they sign it, they get another health checkup, this time in a room that's more central in the guildhall. The party will, during the course of the checkup, be offered grooming haircut, shave, etc, free of charge. Unfortunately, the contracted worker they have only does crew-cuts and clean-shaves whoever takes them up on the offer, regardless of requests.

The party is then charged a few coppers apiece for strange new clothing of varying solid colors with matching boots. Black, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet, white, one set of each color. Each party member may pick whichever they wish, but they may not go without taking at least one set. Once selected, the group is shuffled along to the next room, where an older gentlemen takes their names to confirm their appointments which they didn't make, of course and gives them the few details that he's aware of.

It's a scouting mission. There's a magic mirror in his desk that will send you to the location of the adventure. People have come back after being sent on this thing. He doesn't know where they're going, and he doesn't really care. It's not too late to back out, but doing so is going to be a lot more paperwork that has to be done by sundown or they're going to be heavily fined.

At a certain point the correct option is to start signing your name in Explosive Runes.

If they don't back out, now they get to peer into the mirror and get swept away by a rush of magic. After each person looks, the older man snatches the mirror with a practiced ease before it can smash on the ground. Each person finds themselves dumped into a sterile-looking environment, white walls with a single horizontal black stripe.

The room is a twenty-foot by twenty-foot cube and has the same number of chair-and-desk assemblies, forged from what appears to be a single piece of metal, as the number of people in the party. Straight ahead is a strange smoked glass window, too opaque to see through. On the right is a door without a knob. On the left is a window that provides a small view into a desolate wasteland.

When all have arrived, the opaque window alights and reveals a gigantic eye.

"Welcome to Alpha Complex, citizens," a heavily modulated computerized voice chimes in. "If you are not a Communist traitor, please take your seats and submit a genetic sample."

>You do this for several adventures
>Nothing happens
>It dawns on you that no one reads the paperwork and you slowly go insane, Brazil style

You're talking about bureaucrats. They don't read the forms most of the time.

No, the correct option is to sneak into the file storage facilities and cast fireball.

If you want your players to never want to play with you, sure, go ahead

Have them look for form A38
youtube.com/watch?v=GI5kwSap9Ug

Do you want your players to be murderhobos? Because this is how you make someone into a murderhobo.

To be honest: it's a complete setup. I want them to reject working for the adventuring guild, and build them up as the "working man's adventurers", increasing their popularity, before their own hijinks build their own downfall for the end of the second act (so far they've convinced 500+ kobolds to stop worshipping dragons and go their own way, which is pure gold for me as a dm, and some of the players have as their background that they were in an asylum together).

As I promised: here is my first draft of the contract. What do you guys think so far?

The early pages, the ones with the lots of player information, are too blank. Give them lines, and make them more cramped. Ideally, the more information that's required, the less space you should give them to put it in. Also, I would like to repeat the idea of , give a bunch of options the party can sign for, but make some of them check the proverbial X to sign up for it, but others are check the proverbial X to opt out of it

Make the test racially biased.

>Question 1: What SPF lotion would you use if you were gonna spend a day at the polo grounds, fellow klan member?

>It's a trick question. Everyone knows you don't need sunblock if you have your klan hood on.

It's not bad for a first draft, but it definitely needs some work.

First, it just needs more stuff. You've got a lot of blank space you can work with and full in.

Second, once you fill that space in, make sure you use multiple fonts with varying sizes. Also, generous use of italics.

Think about a financing application looks like and try to emulate that. Or, you should br able to go to your local library and get multiple copies of tax forms and use that as a base.

Alternate between squares, triangles, and circles for all checkboxes yet they need to be specifically checked/filled in/circled with no particularly clear instructions on which is which.
Blank lines to fill in.
Boxes to write in.
Two lines of free space in what is supposed to take at least a paragraph to answer.

Naturally, the proof of soundness of mind, certificate of good conduct, and other things have to be gotten from adventurer guild institutions, all in totally different parts of the city and opened at specific time gaps.
Other totally useless certificates they could be forced to pick up; proof of biological race, checkup against curses, checkup on physical health, a literacy test, an examn on monster species, an exam on spell effects

Version 2
Changelog:
- added more inane personal information.
- Added lines to write on
- Reduced whitespace, reduced number of lines they have to write stuff on.
- Added more insane terms and conditions.
- Added optional packages.
- Reduced font-size of footnotes.

Todo:
- Still too much whitespace.
- Try to figure out how to get LibreOffice do - Create references to more other forms as per

Note to self: try to work in something like this: danashultz com/blog/2010/06/04/if-you-see-a-contract-like-this-dont-sign-it/

OP, don't forget to show that you don't want them to sign up in other ways besides the contract as well.
Have there be jaded and weary adventurers who refuse to help them. If th party new someone bright and optimistic prior, have them meet the broken and weary version who decided to join before they showed up.
Have people grumble and not like the guild, but who haven't done anything about it yet.

>all that morphological diversity
It should be a family (Dracoidae) and those images should be representative examples of major genera.

>TODO
Also make a separate form for registering a party, requiring the numbers of constituent adventurers, next of kin, a document number for the party contract and a place to get a notarization from the guild archivist, attesting that the party incorporation contract is on file with the guild.

Well, I mean, dragon tends to be a really broad concept in most fiction. Often it's a class apart from mortals, gods and spirits!

The standard application form should assume the party you're in is already registered, while the standard party register form should assume the founder is already a member.
If you want to join the guild together as a group you need to explain your situation three times to a really dumb clerk, get redirected to an overworked bureaucrat that really doesn't want to deal with you right now and wait a workday until it gets explained the special application forms were in the tray underneath the standard one.

came here to post this.

The worst is having them tell you that your case has been put on stand-by because they need additional docs, but realize that your file is complete when you ask which docs exactly. Twice in a row.

Bureaucratic application forms always have the logo of the company/agency on them. See if you can find some kind of transparent black trade guild logo to put on the paper in the top left corners.

>lololol make the paladin fall XD

>Requests exact species/DoB/birthplace of applicants to fuck over drifters
>Inquires about whether you're over a set height (ostensibly to fuck over stunties), but it doesn't actually matter
>Requests a cover letter that summarizes the exact same details as the application itself (brown-nosers encouraged)
>Are you or are you not currently engaged in a state of living hitherto describable as equal (or equivalent) to that which as known as the "Undeath" Y/N?
>Pointlessly tiny font
>Separate request forms to register yourself, with each individual member of the party, and the totality of the party itself
>Fees for each and every object that can be considered a weapon by the Guild's database (innocuous items like books, canes, etc. aren't excepted)
>Any acquisitions (weapons, valuables) are to be reported to the Guild via yet more forms as soon as possible
>Fees are required to cover the costs of a Wizard (to confirm the forms aren't forgery). He's the only one on staff and seems to have a lot of vacation days
>Clerk only speaks the native tongue of the least-eloquent party member

Don't forget to make the registration forms require a confirmation form, which is inexplicably hard to obtain and requires extensive rigamarole to track down (works best if the application has a time limit). It's also not referenced by the forms, since it IS the fine print. And is effectively the receipt for the application(s).

And let's not forget that you're supposed to hold onto your OWN copies of all of these papers, and losing one puts you and any joined registrants under their zero-tolerance policy.

>They must provide name and contact information from the last five quest givers they have completed quests for.
>A total value of the party, itemized by character, listed in ascending order of worth, adjusted for local market value, separated into magic and nonmagic catagories. NOTE: some enchantments and magics are exempt and not classifies as 'magic', see sub form 19b for list.
>Total liquid assets of the party, adjusted for region and local market value.
>Secondary character skills not related to adventuring. Application may be denied if character claims professional skill in a trade with excessive local trade skill. A second application to local trade guild may be required.
>Racial composition of party. Half blood characters must submit paperwork proving their percentage of other races. Full blood characters must also submit paperwork proving their not mixed blood.

For inspiration look at US Tax Form 1040 or W4. Or any tax form really.

Thought you might like shiny version.

Make a second asterix to company in adventuring company that says *Note not Company company, but company company

>you am not still hasn't been fixed
Cmon son.

Require them to turn in all their loot for evaluation and taxation. They'll get it back in 6-8 weeks, minus the guild tithe.

Have unusually dogged and exceptionally stubborn Guild bureaucrats hound them every now and again with updates to paperwork that they must sign, undersign and notarize before they are allowed to continue with their adventuring. Ideally spring this on them in the middle of a dungeon, with the Bureaucrat having miraculously dodged all the traps from the entrance to the party, in record speed. Attempts by the party to go past him without signing and notarising will result in a permanent strike against their probationary guild record and will force the functionary to physically stop them from continuing with the dungeon. He is a Lvl. 20 Bureaucrat.

If they try to sign it hastily just to wave him away, have him insist that they didn't read through the updated terms and conditions carefully enough, and have him refuse to clear their updated memberships until rote memory of the new guidelines can be proven.

Impressive. Looks good!

Reminds me of the time my character joined the Fated. After being told to come in the next day when applications were open, then being told I had to fill out a long form I wouldn't be able to complete during their application hours, then barely being able to find the room I was told to meet with the recruiter in, and finally being rejected, I managed to be enthusiastically accepted into the membership after setting a pile of the recruiter's documents on fire while leaving the room. Of course, that only worked because for them bureaucracy is just a manifestation of their "We'll do whatever the fuck we want and you'll just take it and like it" philosophy.

And when they're done

>Would you like an adventuring package with that?
>Oh, no? Just a starting capital adventuring loan, then.

I wonder what comes in an adventuring package.

get inspiration from PAranoia stuff

Nothing you really need. I'm thinking an assorted package of life insurance (fill out form #12), a bedroll, a cloak, generally things an adventurer would already have. Accompanied by a shit ton of forms for an overpriced goodie bag.

A quill,a bottle of ink and 15 kinds of forms you need to fill after each of your adventures. Reporting is important!

You are taking that weird dice-roll paperwork game to the next level.

More than one form is even more of a nightmare. There have to be several. Even better if the instructions say *not* to turn in some of these forms, depending on circumstances.

To really make it anoying, all those * you have.
Move all of the explinations to the very last page.

So the first one will be *
The second one will be **
ect.

Then the explenation of all of them will be on the last page. Keeps them checking back and forth

Updated!

This has become a thing of beauty.

Add to this the need to have some forms completed before others can be filled in. If Paranoia has taught me anything, it's that making a bureaucratic loop of "Form A needs B, B needs C, C needs D, D needs E and E requires a signed receipt for Form A" will quickly drive players towards treasonous fun.

This is evil, I love it.

it needs more fine print clauses. Also it needs more tedious unrelated clauses and circumstances with small check mark boxes that must be marked to either indicate that said circumstance is or is not applicable. Leaving said box blank renders the entire form null.

Such as > selling or equipment that has benefited from the Free-repair service leaves said member liable to fines by the guild, or said member will need to perform guild assignments without any pay until the guild deems that value that said member profited by using guild "free-repair service" to repair items and then resell is made up.

> Any infractions or violations of the guild's code of conduct will be arbitrated and resolved in the Guild's own internal court system.

> All guild members are responsible for purchasing the tomes on the Guild Code of Conduct, Guild code of Social Conduct, Guild Code of External Conduct and must always have the latest edition.

new editions of the Guild codes of conduct may come out quarterly, or bi-monthly

>Inter-guild intimate relationships are only allowed if a consenting local guild chapter master deems such a pairing/or grouping to be viable. However both/all partners will need to have their full sexual history disclosed to the guild chapter master, the guild lead healer, and an assembly of guild witnesses. Equally in the same setting, physical checks may be performed in order to ensure that such a request for intimate coupling is not a ruse to defraud the guild.

> Any children/offspring produced by a pairing/grouping of guild members will be granted automatic admission into the junior guild for hero/adventurer development. Tuition rates are not covered by regular guild fees and are subject to the markets.

> Intimate relations formed between a guild member and a non guild member are subject to the codes of conducts. However it is to be clear that all guild members must maintain themselves in a manner that respects the guild.

> Bastards produced by guild members and non guild members will fall into two categories. If said offspring come from a sanctioned Guild/Nonguiild relation then refer to Guild Code of External Conduct. If said offspring is from a nonsanctioned relationship, if the guild deems it prudent, the guild will maintain legal custodianship of said offspring and it shall be a ward of the guild. However the parents of the basterd/offspring are still liable for monthly payments to cover the care of said offspring.

> In regards to any legal trouble a guild member may find themselves in, the Guild holds exclusive rights to appoint any defense for the member. If the member appoints defense using personal funds, the Guild is then free to terminate said status of the member and sieze any assets that the former member has in order to pay off any outstanding debts, fines, charges, or predicted disgraces. Additionally the Guild is also then free to press charges against the former guild member for tarnishing the public image of the guild.

Subsection D. Mounts
> Any and all mounts maintained by a Guild member are not allowed to be housed in Guild stables/accomodations unless said mounts/beasts/mechanisms/conjurings/creations are certified by the guild beast house.

> Certification by a Beast Master of the Guild's Beast House is subject to the pedigree, provenance, history, physical condition, legality, precedent, and name of the mount/beast/mechanism/conjuring/artifice/creation.

> If a name for said mount/beast/mechanism/conjuring/artifice/companion/creation is found to be in violation of the Guild's Code of Conduct Pertaining to Mounts, Beasts, Mechanisms, Conjurings, Artifices, Companions, Creations and Familiars, then the Guild has the authority to request or assign a new name for said mount/beast/mechanism/conjuring/artifice/companion/creation/familiar.

> Any examination and certification by the Beast House is not covered by regular guild membership fees.

Here's one for if they actually manage to get in: The guild continuously sends notices, and eventually legbreakers, because you have an unpaid balance in guild dues of zero copper pieces. They in truth owe nothing, but the fact that there is an overdue charge at all is what spurns this on.

There is no way to solve it. The clerks either are retarded or don't care, and attempts to speak to higher ups are stonewalled because you cannot speak to them without paying your fees of 0 copper pieces.

> If a mount/beast/mechanism/conjuring/artifice/companion/creation/familiar is certified by the guild, the guild member will be responsible for bi-annual fees to keep the mount/beast/mechanism/conjuring/artifice/companion/creation/familiar registered in the records of the Guild.

> Examinations and certifications by the Beast House are of varying cost depending on what type of mount/beast/mechanism/conjuring/artifice/companion/creation/familiar it is. Anything other than a horse of 12 &1/2 hands in height will be automatically subject to the non-standard steed fee.

> Any biological mount/beast/mechanism/conjuring/artifice/companion/creation/familiars will have registration and certification, and examination fees dependent on color, size, weight, species, # of limbs, type of diet, speed while walking, speed while running, speed while running while injured, amount of waste produced in a week, natural odour, temperment, noise level.

> Any byproduct produced by a guild certified and registered mount/beast/mechanism/conjuring/artifice/companion/creation/familiar barring waste products are subject to Guild evaluation to determine if the guild will lay claim to it.

> The removal of any waste created by a mount/beast/mechanism/conjuring/artifice/companion/creation/familiar will be charged to the guild member it it occurs in Guild accomodations and will be charged by the weight, smell, and consistency.

> If a member joins the guild with a mount already, and the mount does not pass certification the Guild will maintain the legal right to execute or take said mount/beast/mechanism/conjuring/artifice/companion/creation/familiar due to violation of guild code of conduct.

> Any & all offspring of guild certified mount/beast/mechanism/conjuring/artifice/companion/creation/familiars are liable to incur fines, charges and fees from the guild. Equally if the Guild see's fit it maintains the right to use a member's mount for breeding purposes

I knew this was going somewhere. It gave me a laugh.

Also each of these things must be initialed.

At the end of the application there is a short multiple choice quiz that asks specific questions about specific clauses to ensure that the applicant has properly read and signed all parts of the application. If one question is incorrect the applicant has to redo the entire application and the application/registration fee goes up

It's a bureaucracy, not an undergraduate ethics bureau.

That's at the end of orientation.

Yeah, but's its considered one of the "tests" of initiation. It demonstrates that the applicant has the skill/intelligence to understand the application and the patience to weather trying and boring things that may come up when adventuring.

Plus its a way to ripoff the applicant