My players met a lich who promised to enchant their weapons if he was allowed to cast a spell that let part of his soul...

I choose not to believe you. Even normalfags aren't this naive.

Yes it wasn't even implied. It was stated. And it's not a strictly evil campaign. One of them is lawful good.

Meh, a new weapon is 75GP at most.

I think the concern is less about the monetary value, and more that they willingly disarmed themselves at the request of a lich that also wants to put his ectoplasm all over their souljuice.

For those that don't believe.

I play D&D as a skeleton so meh

Son of a bitch.

Give them the full load, bruh. Make them suffer for being so incredibly stupid. Let the lich kick their unarmed asses. Make sure to rub it in, by having the lich say something among the lines of "I was just messing with you, I didn't think you'd ACTUALLY be this stupid! It must be my lucky day!".

>In my defence

You're still retarded. It's not about weapons, you have a lich leeching off your soul.

I can't believe it's real!

ahahahaahahahahahahaha

You fucking retards!!

The lich should change his plan and actually try to employ these possibly useful idiots.

Wait, that wasn't the plan?

I DEMAND YOU TELL USE OF THEIR ENRAGED FACES AFTERWARDS. ALSO SZECHUAN SAUCE.

I dont see how this situation is much different from an hour long extended cut version of "rocks fall, you die." Best case scenario, if it wasn't an evil campaign before, it is now.

>t. butthurt retard
Why would you trust an obviously evil lich?

>these mortal fools are a riot
>let's give them some errands to do
>I employ them only because I pity them, and not because I'm a 500 years old, sad and lonely abomination, who actually find them endearing
>I said it's not that I like them or something, b-b-baka

of course, i wouldn't, you wouldn't, but now that not just one, but every player has committed to drinking the koolaid, where the fuck do you take the story? roll up new chars idiots, lets try again? meh

Well, did the Lich enchant the weapons or not, OP?

>Well, did the Lich enchant the weapons or not, OP?
This is the important question here.

If it's stupid and it works, then it isn't stupid.

Update: the lich will enchant their weapons. Thede weapons will immediately teleport then into some extraplanar hellscape with only the lich's psychic taunting to guide them through their task.

Any better ideas or additions?

>If it's stupid and it works, then it isn't stupid.
yeah i mean if you light yourself on fire you'll never be cold for the rest of your life, right?

If you light yourself on fire and die, that's the equivalent of the Lich not enchanting your weapons.
If you light yourself on fire and survive unscathed and warm, that's the equivalent of the Lich enchanting your weapons.

Lighting yourself on fire is a a stupid decision regardless of outcome.

This is an opportunity OP.

Go full ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL on them.

If fire deals 1d6 a round, and I ignore the first 10 points of fire damage from any given source, then setting myself on fire is pretty sweet.
I've played low level characters before where my entire combat routine was "douse self in oil, apply match, grapple enemies to flaming death".

Good question. Better question is whether you think punishing them in a harsh way will end well for you.

That said, here's what I would do. The lich has the ability to bind pieces of his souls to things? Have him bind pieces of his soul to their weapons.

On the outside, they are great. They are magical, hard to break, they even seem to grow stronger with enough killing. The only problem is that they are feeding raw soul power straight to the lich.

In the end, use the devoured souls to add personality to the lich and flavor to a boss fight.

>Any better ideas or additions?
the task must be sisyphean in nature. the campaign ends when the players figure out they're stuck in hell forever with no chance to escape. you, as the dm, must never tell them this and must always use the lich's taunting to focus the group's goals. never let them lose hope, but never let them win.

The Lich is stunned for at least 3whole minutes. He just stares at the party, his face flashing a mix between shock, amusement, and confusion. Then he just leaves, he teleports away after saying something like "I'm gonna need a few decades to process this, goodbye, I guess."

This.

They're in the layer of hell where Orcus is. The Lich wants Orcus destroyed, and then have himself take power.

The players of course, then become his slave generals.

seconding

Give them ridicilous over the top laser beam weapons and set it up to backfire. I actually did this one.
>Player is frustated that his character is useless
>He finds a soulstealing sword wich instagibs over 90% of what they can encouter
> It also can shoot laser beams charged by souls
>Problem is, everything comes back as a unkillable semi intelligent zombie who want its soul back
>Only thing wich sets the zombies dormant is to get ahold of the sword/get it stuck in the corpse
>Player gets super paranoid about getting his face eaten while sleeping
>Only kills 2 persons with it, throwing there angry corpses down a cliff and calls it a day

There's somebody who would disagree with you.

Give them retarded, as in silly not dumb hard, handicaps like you can only travel by hopping on one leg.

Top fucking kek.

Pic related for them.

Yes you fucktard. Actions have consequences, do something that retarded - get rekt.

Anyone got the pasta with the demon sealed by swords? I'd say thats somewhat relevant.

Goddammit, he sounds just like one of my players trying to rationalize banging a succubus after passing the Spot check.

pic related is OP's players minus the qt factor

I would probably bang a succubus. Its worth the risk.

Exactly. How many opportunities are you going to get to bang a succubus. Go for it and count on your comrades to keep you from losing your soul afterwards.

Did he die?

>let part of his soul latch onto one of the players.
HOLY FUCK OP, IT MIGHT COME AS A SURPRISE BUT IT IS YOU WHO ART THE RETARD.

LOOK UP THE TERM LICHTHRALL YOU DUMB FUCK, BECAUSE THAT IS LITERALLY WHAT YOU ARE DESCRIBING TO THEM.

>Lich offers to turn a PC into a Lichthrall in return for enchanted gear which may be enchanted using souls per BOVD rules
>Not a decent offer at the behests of quests hooks provided through the player of choice's Lichthralldom, and potential death knighthood, or better deeper lore-based quests to errand run for the Lich to places people wouldn't normally visit without high lore checks or legend lore

Grats OP, once again I have to post and shittalk you because the world is full of low-level necromancy knowledge DM plebs.

STUPID FUCKING NU-DM

It was a trick you goof.
The lich just convinced OP's retarded players to get rid of their weapons and basically become defenseless.

Now hang on, this could be good, have the litch talk to them in their minds, constantly, you can steer the game now as dm by vaguely annoying remarks.

Also poke fun at them, the one hot chick? Whenever she undresses he whistles and such. Everybody hate him after a few weeks. But they cant get rid of him because hes latched onto their souls.

Now you are the retard, because you are assuming he didn't think of any of this.

The question asked was if the players are retarded for accepting this, no questions asked, and the answer is yes.

The hypothetical said nothing about the liches actual intentions or the consequences there-of.

>being this retarded
Unless you were baiting, if so good luck.

Instead of this which completely removes agency temporarily, set something else that still punishes them for their actions but doesn't make them the bitchboy of some Lich. The main reason you don't want to do that is because, even though your players are fucking retarded, nobody likes having to do menial shit for someone who "outwitted" them. Keep your players happy and they won't start murderhoboing your story away.

What you do is this:
>Give the players their weapons
>Have them be verry good
>Slowly transform them into something more akin to the Lich or whatever it looked like before it became a Lich
>Vary the effects of these changes based on how horrifying/magical realm you want it to be
>If you're going for horrifying, have beneficial but still very alarming things change, like no longer needing to breathe, or having your eyes start glowing blue, giving darkvision
>The further the characters allow these changes to go, the worse they can get, such as skin sloughing off revealing only bone, or horrible afflictions appearing across their body

>PCs do something out of greed
Seems like every other group I ever met: stupid as fuck.

They're not retarded, OP. If they were, they would be murderhobos.

Its exactly this sort of thing that leads to amusing adventures. A group of adventurers who are incredibly paranoid and say no to every opportunity will often have a boring game. Even in reference to the OP, the adventurers being dumb as fuck and accepting the Lich's offer develops the narrative further and makes for an amusing story.

>Seems like every other group I ever met: stupid as fuck.
You should met more groups.

Pic related.

A succubus is at least understandable.

DOESN'T EXCUSE THE FACT THE DM DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT LICHTRHALLS, VASSALICHES, DRY LICHES, DEFILER LICHES, ELEMENTAL LICHES, DROWLICHES, PSIONIC LICHES, SHADOW LICHES, LICHFIENDS, BAELNORMS, GOOD LICHES, ARCHLICHES, ALHOONS/ILLITHLICHES, BANELICHES, SUEL LICHES, FIRELICHES, SPONTANIOUS LICHES, AND SPELLJAMMER LICHES, AND I THINK THAT'S ALL THE LICHES, EXCEPT FOR THE YET-UNCONFIRMED MUMMY LICHES.

OP IS STILL A MISLEADING NON-LORE FUCK WHO DOESN'T GIVE OUT NEGATIVE ENERGY CORRUPTION, APPROPRIATE ALIGNMENT ADJUSTMENT, ROLLS ON VARIED EVIL IS A COSMIC FORCE TABLES FOR THE CHOICES THE PLAYERS MADE OR TOMB-TAINTED SOULS

I BET THIS FAGGOT DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A MORTIMER IS.

NOW SHUT YOUR FUCKING WHORE MOUTHS

THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT HAPPENS WITH A FOREIGN SCHOOL OF NECROMANCY MADE VARIANT IN UNEARTHED ARCANA EXPANDED UPON WITH THE PALE MASTER, MORTIMER, TOMB-TAINTED SOUL USERS, HAS HAPPENED TO ORCUS BECAUSE OF HIS SURVIVAL POST TENNEBROUS, AND MUCH, MUCH MORE, AND IS THE EXACT DESCRIPTION OF LICHTHRALLS.

Report and ignore

NOW THEN, THE LICH PUTS A BIT OF HIS SOUL IN SOMEONE TO TURN THEM INTO A LICHTHRALL? GREAT, NOW HE'S CORRUPTED WITH NEGATIVE ENERGY OR IS AT LEAST, SHOWING THE SIGNS OF PROGRESSING TAINT, AS THERE ARE MANY WAYS THIS MANIFESTS AND WORKS BASED ON CONDUIT AND PROXIMITY TO LITERALLY THE FORCE OF DEATH THAT PASSES THROUGH ALL LIVING THINGS ON IT'S KNOWN EXPIRY MADE MANIFEST A FEW THOUSAND TIMES OVER.

BUT WAIT

YOU STILL FUCKED UP

THE ONLY WAY TO DO THIS IS TO HAVE AN EPIC-LEVEL SPELL OWNED BY A FAT FUCKING NETHERSE LICH THAT IS LITERALLY NON-PRESENT JUST ABOUT EVERYWHERE ELSE IN EVERY PLANE SETTING AND LOCATION IN DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS, CUSTOM SETTING OR NOT, THEN USING THE SPLIT PIECE THROUGH A GEASS, BINDING OR EASILY DONE SURGICAL PROCEDURE BECAUSE OF THE LICH'S PARALYSIS TOUCH

FUCKING SUB NORMAL HALFWIT.

Well at least the monk and sorcerrer had their time to shine.

Mr Rage is a cringeworthy relic of Veeky Forums's past.

And again, you assume OP didn't know any of this.

All he asked is if his players were retarded, and the answer is still yes.

where-in does it say he doesn't have this knowledge? even for the sake of argument, you are assuming far too much.

SO NOW, TO FIX YOUR FUCK UP WHICH YOU WILL APOLOGIZE TO YOUR PLAYERS FOR LONG AFTER THIS HAS BLOWN OVER YOU HAVE TO

>BUMP THE LICH UP TO EPIC LEVEL
>PROVIDED ENCHANTED GEAR WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT BE CURSED, OR A DOUBLE EDGED BLADE SO TO SPEAK
>ROLL UP WHAT ITEMS GET ENCHANTED IN A GOOD MANNER AND WHAT ITEMS ARE ENCHANTED IN A BAD MANNER
>READ UP ON EVIL FORMS OF CRAFTING, ESPECIALLY THE BOVD

PUTTING UP WITH YOU FUCKING 4E-5E BABE'S IS THE FUCKING WORST, YOU'RE WORSE THAN A THOUSAND NECROTIC CYSTIC HEMORRHOIDS ON NERULLS ACTIONLESS ANUS.

And they call me autistic.

You are not Mr. Rage, no matter how hard you pretend.

>Everyone else on the ground screaming.
>shes just trying to deliver the mail.

That's not Mr Rage, he was funny

Post more orcus pls.

I haven't seen a bigger idiot in weeks.

Them taking the retarded ass bait doesnt' mean it's time for "Rocks fall, everyone roll up new characters."
These idiot players have handed the GM a plot hook on a silver platter, they took the most obvious bait around. The consequences should be slow, the Lich should help them in the beginning, manipulate their goals into serving the Lich, until it's too late and they have to work to undo all of the stupid they caused.

How in the world do you forget dracoliches? Shame.

OP, you've got material for an entire campaign on a platter here.

Suggestion: The lich is shocked by how gullible the PCs are and honors his end of the bargain. If he can trick them into giving up one soul for +1 weapons, they're power-hungry and/or stupid enough to sell the souls of their own king for a legendary suit of armor.

Being teleported to the hellscape should be part of the deal, and it should have a clear purpose that advances the lich's agenda. Make them think they're outsmarting the lich and getting the better end of the deal when in reality they're getting played like fools. Have their companion's corrupted soul threaten his life if the party refuses or turns on the lich.
Show them the consequences of supporting the local embodiment of evil. Give them a chance to ally with the forces of good and fight back, or willingly become the lich's evil soulless thralls for an evil campaign.

Adam, you are retarded.
Zombie wizard is now attached to your soul, corrupting and eating you.

And guess what, you're a phylactery now. Anyone, say super tough paladin who wants to kill the lich, will now slap your shit because he needs to kill you in order to destroy the lich. Doesn't matter if you're good, he's doing a greater good for killing you.

well. I mean. Being retarded enough to literally sell your soul to an undead "devil" is generally tantamount to shifting alignment to evil in and of itself, so i don't think the paladin would even think of you as a speedbump.

...

>the pirate lord promises you that if you leave your wealth on a nearby island, and go back to the dock, a water elemental will take your treasure and double it
Get shocked when the pirate lord sails out to the island and steals it.

>Giant dragon-worm tells you that its mouth is a portal to the past, foolish samurai
Get shocked when the bastard just tried to eat you.

>The bank tells you that your money will be well invested in this bank
Get shocked when it was all a scam.

It sucks that you're this retarded, because I really wanted to insult you a little more, but I realize it would probably just be a waste of keystrokes.

>Mr Rage is a cringeworthy relic of Veeky Forums's past.
MR RAGE was also intelligent, clever, and helpful. This faggot just has his capslock stuck on.

Update: my rogue has become self aware.

Kek

next time press the power switch instead of capslock, you'll save us all some time

>>Giant dragon-worm tells you that its mouth is a portal to the past, foolish samurai

Seriously, let them have this.

Let the lich chew them out for being retards, but the lich will enchant their weapons, because he promised.

Nah, that's boring. The lich will obviously keep his end of the bargain, but now he can dominate the volunteering PC at will with no save, and will use the ability at the worst possible moment to achieve his own goals. And he'll obviously take over the said PC's body if his own is ever destroyed.

Once I played a security officer on a space station, and hostile alien creature injected me with cryogenic toxin, expecting me to freeze to death. I doused myself (both of us, actually) with some fuel, then proceeded to light a cigar. Worked like a charm.

FUCK
LINGS

Looks like it's Game Over for this party.

What are you waiting for? Just tell them to roll new characters.

Shit was this valid?

What sort of fucking shitcurity carries welding fuel?

Better then freezing like a bitch.
Welding fuel mixed into the pepper spray, easily made and very handy. Forcing the enemy in a prolonged fight to stop, drop and roll or burn, crossing low temperature zones, crowd controlling (boy, does it control crowds!) or interrogating - whatever you need, you can solve it with more fire.
I haven't played for about two years, though. Maybe sprays were nerfed since and would not accept anything but capsaicin. Happened before.
Effective one. I sucked at open combat, but made a decent officer by being prepared and paying attention to what's going on around me. Most players are stupid, blind and think that you are stupid and blind too.
And no, I do not play to win. I know when to throw a fight and accept your death for the sake of the story. I understand that catching all the antags in the first fifteen minutes does not make a fun round, and it is the security's job to maintain the balance. But I prefer to be in control, being able to turn the tide if I decide it would be better to do so.
But when yet undetected ling just brainlessly keeps stabbing you without saying a word while you detain him for two fucking minutes (or maybe just for a harsh talk) for some minor crime, well, just fuck this guy.

This is going in the suicidal PC hall of fame.
archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/51339555
archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/35583455

Power Word Kill

Space Station 13?

Did the lich say the enchantments were to be positive? Let them get their weapons saddled with random curses, preferably of the "magical garbage" variety.