The Lich challenges the party to a race across the globe in 80 days

>Gross
Mean
Anyways...
Were his actions those of Justice?

>Wizards find a giant dungeon, renovate it to make it more dangerous, hire dumb adventurers to check it out, and televise them dying horribly.

I think I'll use this.

Played through a game recently with a funny enough story.
>king of a small feifdom calls us into his court to ask us on a quest
>the queen is missing, and he believes that a local warband has kidnapped he to use as a political hostage
>we accept and head off to go rescue her.
>track he movments through a few townships where the local mayors/barons recently hosted her and her maidens
>all rather disgruntled with the king, but rather obsessed with the queen.
>turns out that the queen is quite politically astute, and deals on the backend with the barons in order to keep the balance of power with her husband.
>sexy sexy political favors that, if the dm had explained to any great detail would have made me leave faster than a piss forest. MagicalRealm.dat
>find out from one of the outer-barons of the border areas that she was supposed to have left only days ago to return to the capital, and that she should have been heard from by the next settlement. He also points out that the interval of watchtowers keep an eye on the road they are built near.
>travel the road that heads toward the capital. Turns out the watchtowers saw a caravan that included a royal procession continue south through the great woods that supply the kingdom with its bountiful lumber trade and ship manufacturing ability. But that there are rumored to be the remains of a great orc warband that several generations back was a scourge on the land, and was finally hunted into the forest by the. King's great grandfather who was a great general.
Ill continue it, but if you havent guessed already, youll see why the game is retarded.

Continued now
>By now we think the orcs are rebuilding in the forest away from the lumber camps and will try to attack the kingdom again. We need to find the queen and report to the capital.
>come across a deserted caravan. The carts flipped, several dead bodies, including two wearing armor of the royal house guards. And a damaged but beautiful carrige. Several other dead farmers with the caravan.
>Nothing metal or edible is left, any food stuffs were taken, and the queens body is not there, so we begin tracking the orcs.
>we find the orc camp and its rather primitive but quite large. There are clearly two types of orcs at the camp. Traditional green skin, but two rather different types of orcs are in evidence at the camp. One type are rather smaller and lighter green in color.
>if you know whats going down then points to you. This is where i began to worry about what was happening.
>we are discovered and dragged into the camp to the chieftans hut. What do we find there? The queen, and about 30 other women, none orcs.
>turns out the queen and the other kidnapped women are breeding stock. Turns out half orcs are just as good.
It was around here where the dm described his rape/impgregnation fantasies. Group disolved almost on the spot.

Holy shit why do people insist on exposing their magical realms to people? It's like the same phenomenon as serial killers wanting to be caught.

...That does seem to be the most sensible way for a group of Orcs to form a great Waaagh! as fast as possible. It might be magical-realmy but it's not like it doesn't make sense for them to be doing it.

>Mean
Fucked up desu

>Group disolved almost on the spot.
Please describe the reactions in great detail.

Chorus of;
>oh my god dude, really?
>thats fucking sick...
>so this is a body recovery, not a rescue mission?
>what the fuck is this bullshit!

We then declared the game done, and all decided to leave. That DM is not allowed to DM anymore, and is constanly told to shut the hell up when he complains about anyone else' games. Of the 6 of us only 3 of us still meet for weds night d&d encounters at our local game store.

>A wizard and a lich, both of them immortal and old friends with each other, hire the party to sneak into the other's hideout and plant prank items.
>These include replacing the Lich's toothbrush with a vorpal one, slipping a potion into the wizard's food which causes implosive diarrhea, and other such tricks which would kill a normal person, but these two shrug off casually.

>>Surfing contest versus The Ferryman on the River Styx
Holy shit

I'm gonna need a drawfag on this stat.

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. If there aren't other orc tribes in the area, and you want your people to get more numerous, reproduction is usually the normal way. Maybe it would've just been a shitty thing done by the orcs rather than a magical realm thing if the guy didn't fess up to it?

>Dragon starts shady, black market igloo business
>Dragon becomes day trader at stock exchange
>Ent hoodlums steal lawns, old man furious over latest theft
>Heroes tasked with removing Ancient Evil's alarm clock
>Elves engage in generations-long prank war with dwarves
>Dungeons running dangerously low on treasure
>Shop owners form Unions
>Monsters form Unions (with Dental)
>Evil Overlord attempts to destroy Hero World; ends up at Gyro World

>Wizard tries to make the hottest hot sauce in existence.
>Lich speed dating.
>Male Rogue disguises himself as Queen. King is fine with that.

>Neighbors from Hell: Magical Beings Edition
I'd play that.

Going to use this on an accidental halfling lich with poor memory.

>>so this is a body recovery, not a rescue mission?
This guy knows what's up.

That lich must be depressed or super rich

>there's some big bad evil beastly monsters running around who slaughter villages
>heroes (player characters) want to go around slaying them
>there's a powerful PETAesque group dedicated to protecting them who are backed by scholars in top universities and have significant manpower to throw at the players

Mowing down hippies so you can get to the monsters

>Old man befriends an army of gnomes. Wields a shotgun.
>There's this monk going around punching people in mid
>King cursed by lich to waddle like a duck.
>Duck cursed by lich to waddle like a king.
>Lich cursed by duck to king like a waddle.
>Grim Reaper floating around asking people what time it is.
>Party has to convince a zombie that he is dead.
>Warrior is denied entrance to Valhalla, files lawsuit.
>Lich starts counseling sessions.
>Angry bear turns into promiscuous woman at night.
>Fate of the kingdom depends on who wins bake-off.
>Angry old man yells at cloud. Cloud yells back.
>Lonely lich invites adventurers over for a fancy dinner.
>Dragon steals stuffed animals.
>Adventurers have to take care of a bunch of mischievous children and their pet monkey.
>Adventurers get shrunk.
>Adventurers get grown.
>Adventurers get swole.

> Random Chef comes from nowhere in town as heads towards the players
>He begs them to acquire a strangely specific ingredients for his cake
>Egg from a roc
>Wheat guarded by a farming ogre
>Grind the wheat in the sacred mill guarded by the holy monk
> Milk from the sacred decacow
>No combat was necessary
>party goes and tries to beat the roc in rock, paper, siccors
>Party must steal the wheat from the ogre
>Party must answer a riddle from the holy monk to use the mill
>Party must counter the cow's strange philosophy with their own
>Party came back with the ingredients
>they baked the ingredients into a cake
>It comes out, as a Cake Golem
>they fight the cake golem in glorious and delicious combat
>They win but the cook ran off leaving a letter that his recipe was successful and he was bound to cook more
>They never saw him again, but they all agreed that the cake was delicious
luckily only one player knew what i was plagiarizing from and he let others experience it without stating the source.

>All decks of cards in kingdom replaced with Decks of Many Things, party hired to clean up.
>WiardCon! attracts the ire of real wizards, party hired to clean up.
>HumanCon! going well until queen is replaced by convincing ogre cosplayer.
>Bored lich attacks city with army of clay golems and magically enlarged beasts. Party enlisted by local beholder to fight the lich's army, supplies giant chimera.

No magic-user or cleric can produce any effect other than Cure Wounds and Magic Missile.

Kys

what was plagiarised?

Read off the following, and let the rest come to you:
"Your hands tremble, as you find yourself gripped with grief. How could this happen to you? Why here of all places? Anguish, fear, and pain wash over you as you finally come to grips with what has happened.

Not only is the tavern completely out of ale, but the barkeep is insisting that you pay your tab"

oh god i had a DM pretty much do this in an MTG's Ravnica setting. the orzove, B/W church of commerce and monumental greed. total LE dickbags is the point. anywho, we get hired through one of their shills to go in an loot one of their temples. we were new adventurers in need of money so we agreed. broke in, killed a buch of folks and went down to the basement. but what we found was not as advertized. it was no treasure vault, it was an abusement park. dangerous traps every 10 feet, monsters waiting in ambush, treasure chests that Took your loot, the works. but we kept finding gear that would make lvl 15's wet themselves with joy so we pressed on despite the danger and loss we experienced. get to the end having found all the shineys we were supposed to and come to the exit. with a magical rush all the swag loot we'd found vanishes and our pockets fill with 1/10th the gp value of the treasure we brouth in and lost in this hellhole. and to boot it was invisable gold, only worth silver at any business not associated with the church. we pretty much lost it in and out of game while the dm just laughed like a drunk hyena. total dick move but damn if it wasn't a fun little arch. never did get our revenge on the church, now we never will.

I almost love this thread

>>Odin challenges party to a ego-off (talking yourself up eg “that’s nothing bro, I once…”)
Ah yes the Baron Munchausen Game

A bunch of totally pissed off and super buff ogres are going to raid into the town of my players and immediately demand they have a shot at taking down the alpha of the town (who they think is some kid due to long convoluted shit). I'm going to have one of the ogres foolishly commit to 'winning any challenge posed'

I know my players. I already know from previous experience they'll immediately suggest a food eating contest.

>all of the above

I remember this one.
It was glorious.

SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT

Oh stop it you

Not him, but I think Runescape. There's a quest called Cook's Assistant where all you need to do is get an egg, a bucket of milk and some flour and bring them to the Cook so he can bake a cake.

I read magically enlarged beasts as magically enlarged breasts.

>Horsemen of the apocalypse wake up earlier than intended, apologize profusely, party tasked with fixing the premature apocalypse's damage with some help from the Horsemen.
>Party encounters fountain of infinite ale at the same time as dwarf fortress does.
>Elves start harrasing the party for litttering

Its infinite. there's enough to go around.

There's never enough ale for dwarves

Yeah, but they can only drink so much at one time, and there's an infinite amount of it.

Still enough to go around, and dwarves aren't ones to say no to more partiers.

>Party are captured by a mad king and must create the greatest play of all time or face death

I'm planning on doing something similar one day for my mythological greece campaign. The PC will have to improvise rapidly a play for Dionysus, don't know what will happen if they fail

They need it for ALL DWARVENKIND
Also because giving you infinite ale is a bad idea.

>Also because giving you infinite ale is a bad idea.
in what universe

You'd just drown the world in it, don't lie.
Besides, theyll try to sell you ale, cornering the market.

First part was cooks assistance while the latter half was recipe for disaster. I changed it a bit to fit the theme.

>Players have to deal with the major economical crash caused by wizards getting savvy with their spells but failing to realize the consequences
>Senile Lich believes the party are his grandsons. Hijinks ensue.

One-fag army!

>maybe it would've been a shitty thing....
No, this is one of those instances where you should keep away from your fetishes even with fade-to-blacks in place. Turning women into cattle or breeding things is purely fetish fuel.

>Windows phone

I always enjoy the use of making the players suddenly have to make something up on the spot or quickly come to a decision by setting a timer.

In my latest campaign, haunted house that supplies a local town with wealth and fame in exchange for sending undesirable adventuring groups into it to be slaughtered, the players came across a room with a crib rocking gently, inside a man bleeding out sat turning a music box to keep music playing. It was clear he was going to die at any moment. Set a timer and have the players quickly explore the room and do actions. Pause the timer for certain things like rolling.

Try throwing a dark forest that illuminates to the sound of music and make your players sing a jaunty tune for some brief amount of time to find their way out.

Another thing I like to do is take two random nouns or a noun and verb and see if something comes out of it.

Ex:
Crab Cutlery
Grape Drop
Lamb Jam
Lich Pet

Then take those and run with them.

It's about to be plagiarized again

>fiddle contest

Nice try, Charlie

>city of living armors debate on the proper materials, make, and design of armor. And how that places them in terms of above or below in status to one another
>the party is set to guard a tower from being entered, lest the princess be awoken and her horrible eldritch form revealed!
>group of party magicians need to steal a magical ancient relic/scroll from an actual real wizard school, blending in with no true magic as best they can
>the party are familiars/animal companions to a group of extremely incompetent adventurers, and must do everything in their power to keep their masters alive

...

No more?

He's just having a mid lich crisis

Rolled 96, 5, 86 = 187 (3d100)

Rolling next adventure

i remember that thread. fucking gave me aids

oh quit whining
you know you liked it

Ah, the good old days of .Veeky Forums, when namefags were actually helpful.

>the BBEG challenges you to a rockoff

>The party encounters the BBEG practicing with the banjo, challenges Bard to a contest immediately.

>The most successful pirate to ever live has finally been apprehended by the authorities
>at his execution he publicly announces he left all his treasure on an island no one's ever been to

It's a pretty obvious reference but it makes for a good seafaring campaign.

I guess i could try my hand at this.

>pirates stop doing any piracy, tourists are furious.
>tourists stop doing any tourism, pirates are furious.
>furies stop doing their jobs, tourists become pirates in protest.
>bored drow try enslaving moles, accidently turn a city into a sinkhole
>cult forms around a modron made of reycled weaponry, accidently turn city into a flying fortress
>drow moles encounter modroncube cult, causes comedic unnagrounds war.
>lich queen from the northern wastes challenges suave golem agent to a dance off, with traps.
>lich trap from the tropical south challenges suave golem to a sumo match, somehow wins.
>woodsmen bait lich traps with traps for some reason.
>fish begin discussing bait vintages, fishermen confused.
>mermaids take up spears and join an order of dragoons, inexplicable rain of sardines wherever they go.
>flying dutchman found by drow moles, sky pirate moles assemble.
>unnaground cult converts moles into starnosed moles, accidently creates dire starnosed moles.
>aged demolitionist invents formula for health-boosting steam, nobody believes him.
>aged airship engineer wants to go to space, wife obsessed with safety.
>demons invent gacha rods to lure people to do evil deeds, trio of lawyers exposes fraud.
>army ran out of troops, forced to send in the clowns. Entire battlefield is covered in banana peels and chalk paint.
>yandere girl captures time in a glass clock, holds shotgun wedding.
>clowns sent in to break up unnaground war between drow moles and modroncube cult, city sewers begin smelling of banana.
>giants invent space program based around a seesaw, launches fail due to gnomish ingenuety
>engineer's wife tries to make the giant's space program safer, giants miss the point.

>Bandits pretending to be wizards harass the nearby towns, actual wizard find this hilarious and starts following them around doing actual magic to screw with the bandits.

>world class chef requests party acquire a legendary soup so he can attempt to recreate it
>turns out the stock is actually sweat from the Monkey King's testicles

Toriko Pls. Escalate somewhere else.

honestly the queen being a slut to keep everyone loyal made no sense and should have been a big red flag regardless of detail. good on you guys for having principles and leaving none the less

This is the best list I've ever seen.

And lemme tell you son, I've seen some lists. I wrote down fiddy things in veet man I tell you

>Disgruntled rebel fighters attempt to crash airship into king
How many survivors?

it doesn't even make sense from a social point of view either.
there is so much stuff involved with it that it's not even practical.
its fetish shit end of story

How would your party react if they found out the epic conclusion to their adventure was a dance-off with a giant mandrill that can dropkick Elder Wyrms?

How about an adventure where the party goes around in a carriage solving mysteries, with a talking dog animal companion?

>A Chimera diffuses and produces several animals stacked on top of each other, they are all now sentient

I'm liking the mental image of a snake sitting on a goat standing on a lion because they are used to each other, and I'm loving it. I might throw a deconstructed chimera/manticore at my players. Maybe a Getter Chimera that is normal and can open get into it's components and even change Getter.

>Evil Overlord attempts to destroy Hero World; ends up at Gyro World
>Must be stopped regardless.

Glad I'm not the only one

I thought these were all one idea until I got to the end.

As did I and I'm just imagining a buch of golem with big ass titties.

I'm stealing this, but with faeries instead of wizards screwing with them

I'm giving my party a green carriage and having the druids wolf companion learn common now. Want to see how long it takes them to realize.

>PETAesque
>read that as PETArassque
People for the ethical treatment of Tarrasques? PETA can unleash the tarrasque on their enemies? Or a tarrasque that only eats domestic animals?

> implosive diarrhea

>The party goes back in time to right anomalies.
>1888 France
>Vincent van Gogh is commercially and romantically successful
>PCs must sabotage his career and relationships so that he is depressed enough to commit suicide by 1890

I'm planning on running this adventure in Maid sometime this month

OP here, didn't ezpect thread to keep going.
>Party comes across a fake all-powerful spellbook, it's spells are slightly wrong versions of normal spells. Cure Mass Pounds, Billy's Shoulder...

I didn't even realize it was beasts until I read the comments. It wouldn't be the most outlandish plot hook I've seen.

I think you mean Johnny

>posting a white nationalist

Cute image. What's the source and why does the guy's soda can trip balls?