MTG Story Thread

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> tfw ywn lewd Hazorat the Pervert
Fujoshi, giantess and wolf monstergirls are my fetish. So long as no snout behind that mask.

Well more like she wants the beefslab.

>"Liliana leads the way, and the rest join her, and soon we're all standing inside, looking out at the blur of sand and dust creating a constant sound like a thousand mothers shushing their children at some kind of weird place where there'd be a thousand mothers and their children gathered, only the thousand mothers is just tens of thousands of grains of sand washing over our little dome in this crazy storm."

Is Chandra autistic?

This is not a fucking rebuttal. You shit taste has changed the game for the worse.

I assume she's written from the perspective of having ADHD.

Not even using that as an insult, I think that's what we're suppose to take from it. She has an attention disorder of some kind.

OK.

Ok

She needs to have a conversation with Narset

will happen when Narset joins the Gatewatch

Jesús fucking Christ.
I have ADHD and I'm nowhere near this meme-level "ooh shiny" piece of shit.

OK

>So what was the point of the Planar Gate anyways?

There are some other mysteries waiting to be resolved. Like how Ral Zarek informs Jace that while they're still hiding the fact of Planeswalking from Niv Mizzet, they were able to detect Vraska leaving Ravnica...but they weren't able to tell where she went.

A-user...
the mask is their face. Accept the snout or get out

Likely the Agyrem
>Agrus Kos return when?

>Gideon dies
>Elspeth replaces him two blocks done the line

pls

Calling it now: Narset and Chandra will meet up and compare notes on Tarkir and Regatha, Chandra will mellow out a little, Narset will learn how to be R and thus bring back the old Jeskai colors

> accept the snout
Ammit will never forgive me. I choose to believe there's a qt Human face behind that mask,making her a monstergirl
although I'd tolerate Polt-level[\spoiler]

>Would accept a girl with fur all over their body
>Won't accept a girl with a jackal head
Fucking hypocrite. Theriocephaly is not furry.

Ok, I never liked the old shit anyway. The game and story are much more enjoyable now.

So, just like Kaladesh, we now have a block that revolves all around a single city?

Is this what we have to look forward to? Every plane being defined by a single city, without us ever getting the opportunity to explore another part of the plane?

I can live with that, it's not like anything interesting ever happens anywhere else anyway.

Because they're not bothering to design anywhere else to be interesting. Why do that when you can just make a single city for easy storytelling?

> kissing a dogs mouth
> kissing polt
She's less furry than human with dog head

Average story, I like the conflict Gideon is having and how Chandra starts questions his faith.

Now, the only thing that triggered my autism was the first line at the recap:
>Five Planeswalkers have come to Amonkhet to slay a dragon.

We D&D now? Is Wyatt so desperate to go back to D&D? It should went:
>Five Planeswalkers have come to Amonkhet, a new plane explore and investigate why Bolas is such a dick.

Anyways, the bit with the lady running and screaming was cool, it's like that weird conspiracy guy who turns out to be right at the end.

And Nissa was just there... again.

>Only furry part is the head
>Compared to what is basically a furry except for the face

Yeah and? How much of the whole fuck huge expansive world of Zendikar actually ended up being explored in any real depth beyond:

>swamps over here
>forests over there
>that thing's the eye of ugin, don't mess with it
>hedrons covering the plane like jizz on a 2 bit whore
>watch out for the spaghetti

Besides, how the fuck would they actually make an egyptian setting that's more expansive than a city? That's literally all ancient egypt was, fertile cities on the Nile surrounded by empty desert.

At this point I just wish they'd do away with the story entirely. Print cards with effects and no art if you have to. The nuWalkers have no personality at all and they suck the fun out of everything.

Don't kiss on the mouth.

So who would win in a fight? Nicol Bolas or Yawgmoth

Nicol Bolas, by virtue of being a fuckhuge Elder Dragon who has milennia of experience being a planeswalker, while Yawgmoth ain't shit to an immortal elder god-dragon.
May his return come quickly

But Yawgmoth was more powerful then Urza who was the strongest oldwalker

Post-Mending, Yawg would probably get fucked.
Then again, what even IS Yawg?

I'm actually not familiar with the story prior to Time Spiral. Did Urza & Crew ever specifically fuck up bolas, or is it ever stated that Urza was the strongest of oldwalkers?
Also, is this presumed duel happening when both are in their prime, or at their current power? because if so, Bolas wins by default, as Yawgmoth is fucking dead.

Bolas never really interacted with the Weatherlight crew afaik

Yawg was supposed to be a power that surpassed even oldwalkers, but I don't remember much about him beyond that. I'd say he'd probably triumph if it came to that, though.

Bolas never had cause to fight Urza, but I think he'd probably have been able to win? The Elder Dragons were a pretty big deal as I recall and Bolas was an Elder Dragon++ thanks to his godly magical powers.

Post-mending, Bolas is pretty much the strongest thing around thanks to his absorption of the Maelstrom's power to get a good chunk of his old strength back.

Yawg is basically a machine God originally he was human on Dominaria but he became twisted after experimenting on people trying to heal illnesses, declaring flesh to be weak he then decided that life would be better if all things were machine as machines cant get sick or die. He dwells in the core of the original Phyrexia and is so powerful and rich with black mana that just the site where he died is now a scar in the Earth that pours out black mana see Urborg Tomb of Yawgmoth.
Urza never interacted with Bolas to my knowledge. Urza was only able to kill Yawgmoth due to an entire moons worth of White mana being used as a weapon against him. Also there is one small hint that may imply that hes still alive.

dead

L-lewd

I believe Bolas actually would've beaten Urza, though I could be wrong. Urza wasn't the most powerful planeswalker by any means to my recollection, his strength was in planning and marshaling others to his aid. As for Yawgmoth, well he's on a whole other level entirely. 4,000 years of planning and eugenics and he still cost Dominaria what was probably billions of lives.

Gideon needs to fuck this giant cat chick's furry butt

yeah kiss one of the other 2 mouths

No, he's dead as fuck.
That was the book's author taking more liberties than he usually did, and it's since been stated (in the books even) that that entire bit was essentially Karona tripping balls.
Yawgmoth is dead. And do you REALLY want them to bring him back just for the Gatewatch to beat him?
Not everything need run on repeat constantly. Yawgmoth's story has been told. Bringing him back would serve no purpose. Same with Urza.. Let the dead rest, lest they descend even FURTHER into capeshit territory..

Yawgmoth, effortlessly. Anyone who disagrees hasn't read the old (read: good) lore and is a nuwalker babby shart.

I guess you're right id hate to see him butchered because he is on a lot of classic cards. I wonder if he'll ever see print in Commander products as a powerful creature.

In all fairness, there is ONE possible way Bolas could win.
Pre-defeat, he could park his ass in Phyrexia, do everything possible to protect himself, and wait until the whole planefucking power he had did its magic, since Yawgmoth kind of needed the place to be intact.
Basically Urza's soul bomb plan, but with one Elder Dragon Planeswalker instead of soul bombs. And not something Bolas would be likely willing to do - too much risk to himself for not enough gain. And it may not end up working in the end, because it depends entirely on how long it takes Yawgmoth to figure out what's going on (beyond 'a planeswalker is attacking, how funny') and get serious about his OWN survival. And how long it takes for Bolas's planefuckery to actually work.

Well, it would be more Bolas's style to scheme Yawgmoth out of the way, and twist him to serve his purposes.

Actually, that would be interesting. Who would win in a duel of intrigue, do you think? Yawg has his super-charisma, and Bolas has his 'fuck you i'm an elder dragon'.

I'd honestly rather see Yawgmoth the doctor than Yawgmoth the Phyrexian abomination if we were to get a card in a supplemental product.
The ultimate, completely unrealistic dream is, of course, double faced card.

People forget that oldwalker Bolas was so powerful, lesser planes couldn't handle his presence and he had to manifest along Leylines on greater planes. That's part of the reason his throne on Dominaria was where the red, blue, and black Leylines crossed.

Also, I have a theory that Bolas returning when the second sun sits in the horns is for a similar reason. The Leylines will line up and he'll be able to do THING and/or it's literally just a really elaborate egg timer, and he'll absorb all the gods as they meet up around his monument.

...

I really want to see Bolas end up being Set on Amonkhet, he found the plane, killed the god of the underworld who judged everyone, and made it is his own. Or if he did create it, the gods sprung up between him being defeated pre mending and him coming back during the mending.
anyway, he kills the god who's in charge of the cycles of life and the plane is cursed to undeath.

Considering this place has supposedly been around since his oldwalker days, it could be just the timer for when the plane is capable of supporting Bolas, and a message to him that 'hey your plane's ready'
And, Bolas being Bolas, he can use that ANYWAYS, because his plans are always retardedly multifunctional just so he can always be Just As Planned. He doesn't just make plans, he makes Swiss Army Plans.

>it's literally just a really elaborate egg timer
>When the second sun aligns with the horns, a loud DING is heard across the plane
>The horns glow with massive energy as a portal is created
>Bolas steps out, wearing a massive apron with the words "Kiss the God-Pharaoh" on it, a chef's hat skewered on one of his horns

>it's a regular, human-size chef's hat

Bolas absorbing the gods would be pretty cool. I could also see him just impatiently making one of them blow up to prove a point about his supremacy on this world to the Gatewatch before dispensing with the others just as casually and getting down to business.

It'll probably be Pervert cause Red, with Gideon's Waifu going along with it (first, probably) cause muh god-pharoah

But will pervert get off on it?

Pervert gets off on anything. So yes, she'll be getting off on denying her God-Pharoah, getting off on watching divine snuff, getting off on divine soulvore, and then getting off on participating in the latter two.
All the while, Bolas is wondering what the hell is going on, there wasn't a river here a moment ago.

>"I don't understand. How could the gods serve something like you?"
>Bolas's eyes narrowed impatiently, and he beckoned. Oketra obediently walked forward and knelt at his feet.
>"You speak as though they have a choice," the dragon commented. "Does your sural chose who it will strike? A tool does the bidding of its owner. Your tools are weapons and armor. Mine are gods. But the principle is the same. Their will is irrelevant. They exist to serve me. When they are of no further use..."
>Bolas's eyes flashed. Oketra didn't seem at all perturbed as she glowed, and then burst apart like a clay jar dropped on the ground.
>"...They are discarded," Bolas said casually, looming over Gideon.

Better than we'll get from the entire block's crop of short stories.

GEDDIT? CROP!

I didn't even mean to.

BUT THEY'RE LIKE CROPS SO THEY'RE CALLED CROPS CAUSE THEY'RE BEING HARVESTED LIKE CROPS.
CROPS.
CROPS CROPS CROPS CROPS CROPS CROPS CROPS

I wanna stick my dick in her divine pussy.

>"Whatever you say, General, sir," Liliana said. She swept out the door and into the neighboring room.
>"Am I the only one wondering why Liliana gets a whole room to herself?" Jace said.
BECAUSE SHE WANTS YOU TO FOLLOW HER.

>They aren't even supposed to kill the people who get through the trials
>That's just how Pervert gets off.

>He's doubting that they fully understand the situation because of the goodness he feels from her, but I'm wondering if Bolas, despite not being white himself, is able to craft a powerful white-mana being specifically to create those feelings of order, peace, and solidarity because it's the backbone of the death-cult that worships him on this plane.
Well, if Bolas made this plane while he was an Oldwalker, I would think that he'd have to have designed it in such a way that it could be self-sustaining without his presence.

Serra's realm had no black mana in it, but because of that it required her constant presence to maintain it. If Bolas instead crafted this plane and included a proper balance of all the mana colours (well, he seems to have gone a bit far along the way of Black/Red/Blue, but that's to be expected), then he could also set up the plane in such a way as to have it manifest these gods by design.

When Sorin made Avacyn, he expended a massive amount of his personal power to make a change to a plane that already existed. If Bolas made this plane from scratch, then why not just program a "manifest gods of colours" thing into it on creation, so it'll do it naturally without him needing to expend his own energy?

Jace is both a dork and got burned badly last time he put his dick in that.

Gideon isn't interested because he's got his eye on a certain hyperactive firecrotch and he thinks Liliana refers to him exclusively by nickname because she dislikes him rather than because she's thirsty as fuck for some hot beef juices.

And may we be found worthy.

Bolas was dead and in his Meditation Realm at the time most of the Phyrexia shit and Weatherlight was going down, until he piggybacked his way out of it for the Mending and wrecked Leshrac.

My money's on the dragon in a throwdown, but I wouldn't want to be on the plane where it happened.

Does "hot beef juices" mean piss?

Have they ever really gone into what the endgame is for Bolas?

I mean, yes, I get that he's a colossal prick and right now his every thought is bent on re-attaining omnipotence, but do they ever go into what exactly he intends to do once he's got it?

I mean, Bolas is a pretty smart guy. Ob Nixilis just seems content to follow the cycle of conquer and destroy, but I'd assume Bolas has some sort of goal for when he does have all that power again rather than just amassing it for its own sake.

Pretty sure Liliana refers to him by nicknames entirely to annoy him because it amuses her. She's pretty zeroed in on wanting Jace's blue mind-penis inside her.

Go back to doing what he was doing before then and roll around the multiverse being a big-dicked oldwalker elder dragon-god.

>Gideon isn't interested because he's got his eye on a certain hyperactive firecrotch
Isn't she, like, 16?

Are you from America, perchance?

She's like 24 if memory serves.

I understand that her internal monologue would not suggest this, but there it is.

It's also possible that he either did what Karn did (found the location of a nascent plane and forced it into what he wanted), or rather than making it himself just completely fucked up a small plane (possibly with that whole 'breaks planes apart by existing on them' deal) and then reshaped what was left to his whims. When your world mysteriously goes to complete shit and then some giant magical guy shows up and offers to save you, and wants you to acknowledge that he's the best for saving your asses? Gets results. He just doesn't say he's also the cause of the problems.

Chandra is destined for the Jund salad, user.

That cards pretty good for a custom card. Not busted, has flavor and is powerful enough to want to flip.

Naya sandwich or bust, friend.

what about a saskia tumble jumble?

A valid opinion, but I must respectfully disagree.

I wish there was more good magic R34.

Urza was not the strongest Old Walker, just the most story focused one.

some Arabian one was stronger than him in his own time, and Jeska surpassed them all to become the strongest single being to ever exist (and then she died re-writing the multiverse)

Yawgy had nothing on her, BTW, in the moments before her death she could have done quite literally anything at all, even destroy the mulitverse as we know it.

Lots of little things went into the design, honestly. Tried to make it as flavorful as possible while making it still a usable card.

>Oketra strode inside the entry chamber of the god's temple as the massive doors slowly swung closed behind her. She stopped, and waited until she heard the doors echoing thud before she relaxed her shoulders and sighed, only to jump slightly as a voice spoke up "Well that was a letdown." Oketra maintained her stare on the wall opposite as Hazoret walked up beside her, from her apparently chosen spot of against the wall next to the door.
>"Another simply required my guidance" Oketra spoke carefully, attempting to sound aloof "Oh I heard" Hazoret teased, then putting on a gaudy voice "OH HELLO AGAIN RIDICULOUSLY HANDSOME HUMAN WHAT DO YOU SEEK" before dropping into a the deepest baritone she could muster "You." Hazoret devolved into giggling, and Oketra silently prayed this wasn't the day her golden face would gain the ability to turn bright red "Life isn't like your obscene stories Hazoret."
>"Oh COME ON, when he said 'you' I'm surprised all of Naktamun didn't wake up to the sound of your heart pounding!" Oketra suddenly became concerned that if the heat kept rising in her cheeks her face might melt and glared at Hazoret, who appeared all too happy with herself. "He's an outsider, he might not even be here in a week, what have you got to lose?" Oketra maintained her glare, and Hazoret's grin faltered. A few more seconds passed in silence before Hazoret turned towards the door with a sigh and a grand stretching motion, as the doors began to open "Well hey, it's a new day, a new chance... Maybe I'll take a shot at this Kytheon." Oketra spun with her objection, but Hazoret was already away down the street, her giggling trailing in the air and the massive doors closing behind her.

Literally better written and more compelling than 95% of the trash WoTC puts out.

Seriously?

Is Chandra so poorly written that people feel uncomfortable about waifuing her because she's got the mental maturity of a tween? Is it so bad that people genuinely think that she's just a teenager, when she's in the fact in the middle of her twenties?

Jesus Christ.

MaRo loves monocultural worlds just like the NWO kikke he is.

Shes mentally about as far along as a 7 year old. Im pretty sure she anything you do to her is rape.