Oh no! An angry elf is challenging you! To the death!

Oh no! An angry elf is challenging you! To the death!
How do you politely decline without tarnishing her or your own reputation?

>backing out of an honor duel
Shamefur dispray

I'm a tradesman, I don't even have a sword! Whatever I'll find something to delay death by person with an actual weapon.

...

Offer to lick her thighs instead. Up to two hours.

ROLL TO GRAB HER EARS!

Rolled 8 (1d20)

I roll to seduce.

I leave?
I don't care about my reputation.

Rolled 7 (1d20)

I roll to caress her ears.

Nah, I'm good, thanks

Rolled 18 (1d20)

I roll to lick her thighs.

Rolled 3 (1d20)

I roll to goatse at her until she submits.

Ask her reasons, then fight. If I win, ask if she's still sure about the "to the death" part.

Rolled 6 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

It's Opportunity Attack time, then.

*looks at sword* ... *looks at armor* *laughs*. Tell them that they are not a worthy opponent. If they then attack either dodge or block with buckler. Then grab their sword by the blunt end and bash them in their face with my shield.

Okay, but if I win you have to retire your sword and bear my children.

What the hell is she wearing?

Pole dancing garb. I bet Tulvik put her up to this. Whoreson is always sending pizzas and strippergrams to my work place.

>If I win

She's obviously suffering from Chuunibyou.

You block with your buckler, and can only watch in horror as her stupid sword cuts cleanly through it, and your arm as well. You underestimated elven craftsmanship. You underestimated it greatly.

Would you like to try again?

We ReZero now?

Tell her that this is not the board to play forum games.

THAS A GRAND STORY BUT YE SEE ME BUCKLER IS A LOT LIKE ME SWORD...

That doesn't look like elven craftmanship. It looks like a sharpened piece of sheet metal with a handle attached.

...designed to be weilded in two hands?

Not all elves go for the ornate aesthetic. Its only got an edge on one side, but its a hell of an edge.

You don't block a two handed sword straight on with a buckler you use it to deflect the blade aside, that being said it is still possible that the blade goes trough the buckler and some of my arm I stab the elf through the neck with my dagger.

SURE IF YOUR A NOODLE ARMED
WAFER THIN
MILK SUCKIN
LOW TEST
SON OF A HAGGIS HOARKER

Beat her up and marry her ''till death do us part''.

But no seriously i bet retarded Elven marraige rituals are the true reason they have a low population.

ELF SLAVIN'

"I am a merchant, not a warrior. To cut down someone clearly weaker than yourself is no great honor and for me to tarnish my reputation by offending such a noble race without cause is an even greater dishonor. Allow me to reimburse you for your troubles and offer my most sincere apologies."

I challange her to death by snu snu

> this guy thinks he is hot shit going into a fight with a buckler and a dagger

Laughing so hard I am crying. Even my wizard has better weapons than that.

Okay but duels are a little different for my people. First, we must both get compketely naked.

Knowing my character, he'll just not understand what she's asking, then probably end up to get her frustrated due his non-understanding, and she'll get hugged by the titan-strenght beastman until she calmed down. Probably by the end of it, while her reputation won't be in one piece (and mine was non-existant anyway), she'll just give up on trying to challenge him.


Otherwise, in general?
Bullshit the everloving shit out of her. Give religious/social/whatever reason for which she cannot challenge me and/or viceversa. Apologize profusely, and give an alternative challenge that more acceptable.

She's literally a little girl. I'm not exactly sure how that's supposed to inspire even mild concern.

You're forgetting that she is

T H I C C
H
I
C
C

Look at those thighs. Look at those abs and pecs. She could fuck your shit up then get dis dick

She's an elf. If we go by DnD standard she can be very well smaller than you and still fuck your shit up.

Yeah, that's how my kobold would do it.

>thicc
Gross user, she can't be more than 150 years old!

>attack of opportunity.
Goatse is a ranged attack, user

Disarm her, then when she has no weapon throttle her neck until she is no more.

>1/3

"Iliira!" shouted the elf.

"Me…" Iliira grumbled, looking up from where she stood behind the bar, cleaning one of the mugs. The drow found herself looking at a blond-haired, green-eyed, pale-skinned elf, dressed in what Iliira could only described as the stupidest getup she'd ever seen in her life, holding what might have been a sword if one didn't look very closely and notice that it was wood painted silver.

She also was, maybe, three and a half feet tall.

"What?" Iliira asked.

"I challenge you!" The elf girl shouted. "We'll fight...to the death!"

Iliira blinked. Ulgoth's Beard was starting to attract strange visitors, ever since she'd been part of the party that had sent Tiamat back to the Nine Hells. People coming to see one of the heroes of the Sword Coast. She was certainly the easiest to track down, ever since she'd managed to return home and settle down, running her father's inn.

Iliira leaned down on the bar, looking the elf girl in the face. "Where are your parents?" She asked.

The elf girl maintained her glare for a moment more, before breaking out into a huge smile. "Our ship just docked," she said. “And I heard that the Drunk Duck Inn is where you lived, and you’re the hero Iliira Ii’ilmerias, and you slew Arauthator the White, and helped slay Tiamat, and escaped the City of Brass! So I came right here!” Her face screwed up into a look of determination. “My name is Sereia! And if I beat you, then I’ll be just as famous!”

SHIT POSTIN'

>2/3

The dark elf wondered if that was true. “So, to the death, huh?” she asked, coming out slowly from behind the bar. The other patrons were watching the exchange amusedly as Iliira picked up a mop, popping the handle out and pointing her ‘sword’ at the girl. “You think you can beat me?”

“I know I can! Mama and papa have been teaching me how to use a sword in case of pirates. I’m the best! I beat papa yesterday. That means I can beat you, hero of the Sword Coast!”

“Well,” Iliira said slyly, holding the mop handle up in salute before dropping into a combat stance. “En garde, then!”

Sereia copied the motion, then lunged forward, her ‘sword’ aimed at Iliira’s stomach. Iliira countered easily, of course, falling back a little. Sereia advanced, and Iliira retreated further, up onto a table that no one was at. Sereia followed easily enough. Her sword-strokes lacked any real power or speed, but her footwork – just as important as anything else in a sword fight – was pretty good. To be expected, Iliira guessed, given that she apparently lived on a ship and so was used to rolling decks and climbing riggings and whatnot.

Iliira kept her routine basic, a series of feints, parries, and ripostes that didn’t quite reach Sereia, while she moved around the bar room, hopping from table to floor, even swinging from a rafter at one point. A glance and a few motions at the bar patrons ensured that the others present would cheer at Sereia’s every good thrust or near-miss, while they booed Iliira’s retreats and own counters.

Finally, at what seemed like a good enough time, Iliira let herself swing her ‘sword’ wide, leaving an obvious opening. Sereia saw it and took advantage, diving in and gabbing her own ‘sword’ against Iliira’s stomach. The drow let herself fall back and into a chair, clutching at her ‘wound’. “You got me!” she called.

>3/3

“Yay!” Sereia cried out, jumping for joy – at least until her name was called out, loudly and simultaneously, by two adult voices. Iliira looked, and saw a man and woman elf advancing into the bar.

“What do you think you’re doing?” The man demanded. “Running off into a strange new town?”

“But Iliira lives here!” Sereia countered, pointing at the innkeeper. “Iliira Ii’ilmerias! The greatest thief in the Sword Coast! And I beat her!”

“And I’m sure she has better things to do then look after you,” the older elf woman said.

The dark elf, for her part, shrugged. “Not really. It’s a slow day,” she said as she stood. It wasn’t her job to curb Sereia’s delinquency, after all. And it wasn’t like Iliira’s own habits hadn’t worked out in her favor. “So I take it you’ll all need a room?”

They did, and Iliira provided them with a room key and went over the list of services the Drunk Duck Inn provided. The two older elves headed upstairs after that, and Iliira smiled to herself at Sereia’s eagerness. It was only after the young elf was out of sight, however, that Iliira realized something: Not once had Sereia, or her parents, brought up the fact that she was a dark elf. She’d been referred to as thief, and a hero – and not a drow. Because it hadn’t mattered, hadn’t been important, to any of them.

Iliira didn’t stop grinning for the rest of the day.

Yep. And in other settings, like LOTR, she is probably just straight up better than you.

Settings where Elves are equals or lessers to humans are just lame power fantasies. Why bother even calling them elves at that point?

hah! "to the death"! Jokes on the elf! as a human I'll die of old age long before the elf does, leaving the elf to spend the rest of her extremely long life living in shame knowing that she's been defeated by a lowly human

>equals
To make it possible to play them.
>lessers to humans
You are right.

...

There's more than one stat. Elves can be better at some things and worse at others, making them interestingly different than other races. I mean, that's obvious, you knew that already. I guess you're just being an asshole?

Say I concede and drink a tincture that will briefly kill me.

Found the human.

...

In LOTR, and many other settings, Elves are strictly better than humans in all ways. That's what that poster's saying. They're also saying settings where this isn't the case are lame. You're misunderstanding their points, perhaps intentionally.

>Exalted
>elf/raksha challenging an Abyssal
>angry makes sense, we are murdering large swathes of the Wyldright now
Frankly I'm surprised she can get within thirty paces and not corrode into black ash.
I will have to rip this trick from the wretch and learn to counter it before other whimsical lies like her start to become annoyances.

BLYAT

Orgasm is called "little death" not without a reason.

Another elf for the basement? First catch of the day.

Cute, but that little girl is gonna get the shit kicked out of her when she tries that with some other hero.

I shoot first with my sawed-off, go Gauru, and rip her dumb ass to pieces. Rahu Iron Master COMING THE FUCK THROUGH.

First blood instead. Death is needless, but you still get your taste for bloodshed.

But I'm just a poor pleb with no combat training. What could I have possibly done to offend her enough for her to challenge me to a duel to the death? Can't we just have a cook-off instead?

>get threatened to be killed by a stranger
>without tarnishing her (...) reputation

Why the fuck should I care for her reputation if she's threatening to fucking kill me? I think that by itself is pretty reputation-ruining.

Can we resolve this without violence? We could be cute elf girl friends instead

Sure, but I decide the time and place.

>got an 11 even with +5 to hit
>this much stupidity
>without even rolling damage
Why would I get hit on an 11? What am I, a wizard?

We gun her down and keep moving. We don't have time to deal with rowdy civilians

IF IT IS A FIGHT YOU SEEK THEN IT IS A FIGHT YOU SHALL HAVE

if i win,i want you hand for marriage...as a corpse you will serve no purpose to anyone

I put her over a fence.
Then I'm off to smoke souls and drown a bag of puppies.
>Antipaladin Life, nigga

I tell her to shut the fuck up, grow the fuck up, and get a life.

>In the distant future we forget how to make guns that aren't blocks

Alt version she tries to pull that shit with the That Guy's PC, when the parents come to the tavern she's not there but that guy's grinning ear to ear like a douche.

Moral of the story: Watch your fucking kid, 80% of adventurers are murderous and/or pedophiles.

Your right

I cast Power Word: Orgasm

So what do I win?

I love the blocky aesthetic so it works for me

Rolled 8 + 1 (1d20 + 1)

Rolling for CON save

As she had below 101 sex points, she orgasms instantly.
You win a new elf with benefits.

Stop railroading.

But I, too, am an elf. A half-elf, sure, but an elf, nonetheless!

I am also an innocent half-elf! I shall convince her that she has the wrong person, and if that doesn't work, convince her that she's wrong!

"By the rules of my knighthood, he who is challenged decides the armaments of battle.

We shall fight to the death via wrestling in jello while fantastically inebriated."

>300 years later

"Where is he?!"

The party being challenged to a duel traditionally gets to choose the weapon. I choose faithful loving marriage as the weapon, and accept that she will eventually win in another 50 to 70 years.

Rolled 14 (1d20)

I roll to convince her that she was my toaster all along.

Foot work is actually the most important part of fencing.

Did an elf just challenge the local town noble and mayor.
I don't even need to politely decline.
No. If you want to make some sort of deal with me, do it properly. Don't waste my time in some silly duel.

Rolled 12 (1d20)

I roll to bluff her into backing down out of fear of my apparent power.

>Maam. This is a bread store.

kek

"There will be time for duels when the archlich is dead. You can fight me when that bastard is dust."
>There's no way she'll survive the war with that kit.

Rolled 17 (1d20)

I cast dominate person.

>out of fear of my apparent power.
Read power as "boner" and now I'm weirdly disappointed in us both, user.

Wait until she's grown up and then motorboat her.

"As the challenged i am allowed to choose the method by which we duel. I CHOOSE HIDE AND SEEK! I will of course be 'it' first. Now I will shut my eyes and count to 30 to give you time to hide."

You might want to explain the game carefully to her first or you could run afoul of pesky cultural confusion. Specifically she might decide that the best way to hide is a good offense and stab you while your eyes are shut, then bury you in a shallow grave.

Rolled 1 (1d20)

I propose to it.

RIP THIS GUY WITH A 1

Tell her that you'll fight her in 100 years time.

She might remember, but by then you'll probably be dead

Rolled 5 (1d20)

S-SHIT

I cast Feeblemind?

YOU'RE NOT DOING MUCH BETTER

I THINK IT'S YOU WITH THE FEEBLEMIND