Fieldnotes on Kobolds

Fieldnotes on Kobolds
By Abusive Priestess Roan
-Kobold don't seem to age. Instead, they just seem to get bigger, my current hypothesis is that they are technically immortal and grow as time goes on. This hypothesis is supported by the number of scars that the larger members have that the smaller members do not. It should be noted that the largest kobold that I have observed was the size of a 7 year-old human.
-Kobolds are intelligent-ish. They have come to understand a little bit of language and use an extremely crude version of common to communicate. After deciphering the meaningless gibberish they tend to spout, I was able to conclude that the kobolds do have a leader amongst them, apparently, his name is King Tork. From what I have gathered, King Tork is the largest kobold of them all. It is still unclear if there is only one King Tork or if each mob of them has their own.
-They have no real concept of safety which leads to an incredibly high mortality rate from their incompetence and curiosity. As of writing this, the mob I have been studying has had three deaths for every hour. Oddly, this is higher than the number of kobolds born in the same period of time at one birth every hour. Logic dictates that they will be all be wiped out in 10 days. Update: It has been 12 days from the previous observation, the death and birth rates have remained the same but the population has increased by 25 kobolds. I have sealed the cave off to prevent any new kobolds from entering the cave. Update: After 6 days of isolation in the cave, their population has increased by 14 kobolds in spite of the birth and death rates remaining the same.

-They have a very rudimentary knowledge of how to use tools and weapons. While most of their ability is them picking up things and hitting them against other things, they have discovered how to use tools as an extension of themselves. They cannot make their own tools though. They have displayed knowledge about how to use a hammer and how to poke or stab things with pointy objects.
-The mob I have been studying and mildly tormenting has been wiped out. One of them got their hands on a spell book and started throwing crumpled up pages. One of the pages cast the spell written on it and summoned a large amount of soup. Kobolds cannot swim in soup which is strange because I have seen a number of them able to swim in water.

tldr

Bump for interest.

-Upon investigating their cave after they were wiped out, I have noticed something. They have three piles of items in the middle of their cave. One pile is made up of crude weapons, the second has hats and the third clothing. I have yet to find where they put their shiny things. It appears that when they go on a raid, the war party takes an item from each of the piles.
-I have found the treasure pile. While shiny bits have been found in what can only be described as 'nest,' the main treasure pile was deeper into the cave. The corpse of a very large kobold was found on top. The kobold was the size of a small female human adult. This may be a or the King Tork.
-Five kobolds have shown up in the cave. They are very small and I think that they are less than a year old. I do not know how they got in as I have the cave still sealed off. These kobolds do not trust me as I am not a kobold, they have demanded that I bring them a baby.
-I have given them a couple of cabbages wrapped in a blanket, they were unable to tell the difference and have allowed me to continue my investigation.

thanks op the formatting was an eyerape but still funny

That is true. I should have had an enter between the notes. Anyways, if Abusive Priestess Roan uncovers anything else interesting about kobolds I shall report back.

She should put some in isolation chambers to test various qualities like how long they can survive without food or water and if they are immortal should they avoid harm.

- After receiving some advice from a letter, I have drawn up plans for future tests. While I wait for the population to increase, I have begun dissecting the drown kobolds for useful information on their biology.

- It appears that kobolds do not actually have an intestinal tract, this would explain why there are no feces in the cave despite being sealed off. It seems that any of the few things that they cannot digest are regurgitated. They seem to have a complex organ behind their mouth that removes any digestible material from anything that they regurgitate. It also seems that they have a latent ability for magic as they can swallow things larger than their jaws would allow and their stomach seems to be able to hold more material than should logically fit in it. I think I may have discovered a way to make bags of holding, however, their stomachs hold less than a standard bag of holding would.

- After dissecting a few more, I have made the discovery that their eyeballs do not have any nerves connected to them, this would indicate that kobolds are blind. This, however, cannnot be the case as they have shown the understanding of color and one has been reported to been taught to sort socks by color. The only explanation I can think of is another latent magical manifestation. I want to test this by gouging out a kobolds eyeballs and then conducting a vision test. Because the eyeballs are not connected to anything but the kobolds can see, I expect no change in performance.

- The kobolds have returned to a population at which I feel comfortable testing their physical limits without risking the kobolds turning on me for kidnapping them. I have set up two glass boxes and I am putting two kobolds in each box. one shall go without food while the other will be given no water.

- This is the second day after containing the kobolds in the glass boxes and the box without food has suddenly gained a third kobold. The third kobold was not born as the two kobolds I placed into the box without were both males. I do not know how the third kobold got in as the box had a knot keeping it closed. Investigating the knot reveals that it has been untouched. I have begun investigating wizards in the local area testing teleportation spells.

- Fourth day after containing the kobolds, the box without water only contains one kobold now, the other ate him in his sleep to gain hydration. The box without food is doing relatively fine, they have decided who will be eaten tomorrow if there is no food. I suspect that they will fight it out anyways.

- The fifth day, the kobolds without food have killed one of the original occupants of the box and have eaten him. Remaining kobold without water is close to death.

- Eight days after putting the kobolds in the boxes, the one remaining one without water died two days ago. The kobolds without food have killed the second one of themselves. The kobold who appeared in the box has eaten the other original occupant. I expect her to be dead within four days.

- Day sixteen, the last kobold in the isolation boxes has died. No wizards in the local area have been experimenting with teleportation and have not had contact with any kobolds for months now. The third kobold that appeared in the box has yet to be explained.

Thank you so much for writing this up, OP
Keep up the good work

Kobold thread?

Kobold thread.

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>apparently, his name is King Tork. From
Confirmed for bullshit.
The author didn't immediately declare "ALL HAIL KING TORK" after writing King Tork ALL HAIL KING TORK. Therefore they did not witness any mention of King Tork ALL HAIL KING TORK!

thank you op, interesting reading here

please work on your formatting and syntax though

>They have a very rudimentary knowledge of how to use tools and weapons. While most of their ability is them picking up things and hitting them against other things, they have discovered how to use tools as an extension of themselves. They cannot make their own tools though. They have displayed knowledge about how to use a hammer and how to poke or stab things with pointy objects.
I really prefer the cunning trap builder type kobolds

Hopefully, the last two entries were better.
Who knows, maybe the author simply forgot or maybe they didn't think it was important.
The author is studying the common kobold, sometimes known by fans as the Cutebold. Maybe in the future, she will look at Tucker's Kobold.

Really enjoying this

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Th-the kobolds are a proud and noble race!

Will there be more, OP?

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Ditto

saved for prosperity

also for random cave/tower finds

- I have received a letter expressing displeasure that I have been studying the common kobold and that I should be researching Tucker's Kobolds. In the future, I may research Tucker's Kobolds, but I am rather partial to the Cutebolds and shall continue to research them for a while longer.

- I have decided to test how kobolds see. I obtained a specimen who calls himself Pun-Pun. Upon investigation, it turns out that only kobolds who have given King Tork a baby receive a name. Side note: kobolds appear to be compelled to shout All Hail King Tork whenever a kobold says his name. Pun-Pun is rather resistant, but I was able to tie him down. After removing his eyes, he was, to my surprise, rendered blind. As a rather preposterous experiment, I have put cat-eye marbles into his eye sockets and ran the vision test again. He was able to pass the test, to further test this rather odd development, I have replaced the marbles with clear glass ones and he was not able to pass the test. Next, I painted an iris and pupil on a round rock and put it into his head, he was able to see again. It appears that kobolds only need to have something that looks like an eye to actually see.

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I don't know.

Is it mary sue-ish to make a semi-smart Kobold? I'm playing a new campaign and was offered to play as one, so I made a Ranger Kobold that knows a good amount of languages and has 14 wisdom (though he also has 10 int).
Also is it dumb to play as Kobolds altogether?

It is not considered to be Mary Sue to have intelligent kobolds. In fact, intelligent kobolds are more dangerous than their simple-minded brethren. I would suggest looking at the story of Tucker's Kobolds to get a sense of what kind of intelligence they can possess. It should be noted that intelligent kobolds do not know fear and have an aptitude for traps and fighting dirty. If you are playing an intelligent kobold, use your size to your advantage.

I suggest sewing a kobolds mouth shut with a leather strap, then draw a mouth onto the strap. Leave the kobold in a sealed room with food and see if it is able to eat with something that only looks like a mouth.

also
>Can they use anything that looks like an arm as a prosthetic limb?
>How far do their innate magical properties go?
>Can they live without stomachs?

Do this experiment with every appendage

- I have received more letters, this time inquiring about how much latent magic properties they have. It seems there is much interest in my research for which I am glad. Pun-Pun has been staying with me, to make sure that he doesn't talk so I shall run the experiments on him.

- I think I shall begin with the amputation and prosthetic experiment. I am looking forward to hurting him again. I will need to get something similar enough to a kobold arm before I begin this experiment. I think a tree branch will do if I carve it some.

- Have obtained a suitable look alike for his soon to be removed arm. I felt like having a little fun and stomped on his arm until it broke in multiple places then made him beg me to remove it. I know I am sadistic, but was at the top of my class for advanced procedures. After sawing off his broken arm, I quickly cauterize the wound. I know that I could have used a healing salve, healing potion or restorative magic, but I would rather not use them on someone who is going to die. I have attached the branch to stump of his arm with leather straps and I have learned that kobolds cannot use things as a prosthetic arm. It seems that the magical replacement ability is isolated to the eyes but further testing is required.

My suggestion to test the effect of removing the kobolds actual mouth was to test the observed latent magic properties of their digestive system.

- Moving on to replacement mouth experiment, I have obtained a length of thick leather thong to make sure he is unable to tear it easily. For the perverts who will inevitably read this, I do not mean the underwear nor the sandal definitions of thong, I mean a long thin strip of leather used in much the same way twine is used. It was rather tricky to sew his lips closed as he was very reluctant to trust me and fought back, but I was able to finish the task. I then adhered a strip of leather to his lips with a painted on mouth. I then placed a shank of lamb in front of him, he was unable to command the painted mouth to do anything which frustrated him greatly. He ended up ripping the stitching on his lips by forcing his mouth to open and ate the lamb shank.

- After receiving another letter, I have decided to run the amputation experiment again on Pun-Pun's legs and tail. For his leg, I have found a tree branch that looks similar and will be using the leftover leather from the previous experiment to make a tail for him.

- I don't know why I hadn't done this sooner, removing Pun-Pun's tail has eliminated his ability to stay balanced and is making him so much easier to force around. I have sewn on the leather tail replacement and have asked him to try and move it, at first he was able to make it move, but he was able to get it to move after an hour. I have removed his tail again to reduce his ability to fight back. Sawing off his leg was mildly more difficult than expected, it appears their leg bones are much thicker then their arm bones, this would explain why they seem to be able to escape bear traps without a broken leg. After attaching the fake leg, Pun-Pun was unable to move it. I waited and observed for three hours before concluding that he would be unable to make it function like his old leg.

Be careful, if you keep replacing parts, you may end up with a magical creature of wood and leather.

This is story of how Pun-Pun became a God.

Kobolds are intelligent and have structured societies. Cutebolds are disgusting retarded scaly bait and should be purged with fire.

Perhaps you can dump some fake treasure into their pile and see how long it takes for them to figure it out, and what they do with the fake treasure

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>Abusive Priestess Roan
Screw the kobolds, I want to know why she's called that.