DMing Description Test

1. Within the case you see a well-used dagger. A chill runs down your spine as the torchlight glints off the cold metal. Though well cared for, the dagger smells distinctly of blood.

2. The jolly looking shopkeeper eyes you up and down as you enter, a great big grin forming on his face. "Ah! Customers!" he says "Come in, come in! I have just the thing for you!"

3. This ten foot by ten foot room is a complete mess. Though once finely appointed, it is obvious that whoever has been living here recently has an active disrespect for the place. Furniture lies smashed, wall hangings lie shredded, and foul smelling, greasy substances best left unnammed lie smeared along the walls, spelling out foul epitaphs in some crude script. Half-buried by junk, there is a door in the western wall.

1.) The dagger has a sinuous, somehow-sensual shape, like a sleek tongue of flame. The blade seems to be steel, but with an orange-brown tint. A closer look at the delicate engravings on the blade reveals that they depict people engaged in acts of sex, murder, and combinations thereof with men, women, and monstrous half-breed creatures. The handle is wrapped in pale, supple leather stained with sweat. The pommel is a pale gem with an ugly red flaw in its center.

2.) Snorri is the owner and operator of the Rat & Dog tavern, a working class bar and inn situated in one of Nuln's roughest neighborhoods. Average sized for a dwarf, he is rather fat, with a bald pate and mostly-gray locks and beard. He is most recognizable for his dentures, made from the pulled teeth of an Orc that smashed his own. Snorri had a habit of chomping these to reseat them as a sort of verbal punctuation. Despite his fierce appearance, Snorri is friendly enough and will listen willingly enough to any tales (lies) his visitors bring. His prices are fair and it's rumored that he barely breaks even. Snorri sells a beer he brews himself illegally (he doesn't belong to the guild), providing to those he trusts or who trusted folk have vouched for. Snorri, despite his clientele, is a neat freak, and all entrants to his business must first wash the face and hands. He tolerates no fighting and will wade into brawls with an axe handle and his teeth chomping. Goods left in his tavern are put in the lost and found and eventually sold; few try to steal from this, as Snorri has a keen eye for who brought what to his business.

3.) This room reeks of shit and urine and greenskin, and is dominated by a massive wooden fat that is oozing liquids best not dwelled upon. Various dripping skins on hooks reveal this to be some sort of crude tannery. Some have been carved with crude clan sigils and symbols of the primitive cretin gods of the orcs.

1) You see an ebony dagger sticking out of the center of the crossroad.
2) You see a portly man with a thick beard and a pair of glasses sitting behind the counter.
3) You see half eaten meat and discarded clothing littering the room, it smells like a pigsty mated with a gas station bathroom.

Newbie DM here, let's see...

1. The dagger seems very well-worn and perfectly clean.

2. The old man behind the counter welcomes you all and asks if you're looking for anything. He says he's got rope, candles and pretty much everything you need to go spelunking. In the back of the shop, an old crossbow stands out, next to an unidentifiable medal.

3. In this room you see two filthy hay mattresses on the ground, and a very misshapen sword discarded in the corner. The place smells like blood and rot.

>1- [...] This dagger appears to have seen a lot of use. It's in good condition despite some slight dents, and dry blood on the pommel. The blade looks strangely shiny despite its mileage. (Perception check) After the dry blood, the blade seemed to lose a bit of its shine

>2- In the distance you foresee a cart pulled by a donkey. With your weapons still at hand's reach the cart comes close and you can spot it's driver: A middle aged man wearing tattered clothes, with fatigue leaking through his face. This man looks like had a rough time on his way, and looking closer, you notice not even the donkey was spared in the assault. He finally reaches your position with a rattling sound coming from his cart, and asks the party to check his wares

>3 - The first thing you notice after opening the door is a wave of stench that hits you harder than your father did after a prank. Before you is a room that could only be qualified as the result of a explosion. Broken stuff that once was furniture piled in corners, ragged blankets with half-burnt, and empty space in the middle of the room, and dents on the wall in the shape of slashes

1) Tucked into the hollow is a dagger with a worn-looking wooden grip and a keen blade. The blade's edges are splotched alternately with dark grey and pale yellow stains. The grip, on closer inspection, has tally marks carved into it.

2) Just before you, an aged dwarf woman crests the hill, sitting atop a mule laden with satchels and clay jugs. She almost appears drowsy with her jaw lazily chewing something and her leathery hands resting on a chest sitting in her lap. It takes her a moment to register your presence. "Hail, travelers!," she calls in near as soft a voice as a dwarvish tongue could muster. "Would any of you care for some tea to dull this wind?"

3) Amidst the piles of charred pylons and bricks is a straw dome, with a doorway cordoned off with rope. Stepping inside reveals a large iron brazier, a rough-beated iron helmet with tusks fastened to the sides, and a foul-smelling cauldron with several arrows and short spears stuck point-down inside it.

1. The dagger isn't well looked after. It is chipped in places, dull and has what looks to be caked on bloodstains on it.

2. You don't see anyone behind the counter but you do smell cigarette smoke and hear a table of chinese men chainsmoking and gambling loudly in the corner. One has a large mole with long hair growing out of it above his left eyebrow, he's wearing an apron.

3. The room smells putrid, there are black bloodstains on the floor and walls. Several chunks have been taken out of the walls by weapons, and there's one hole in a bottom corner that appears to have been kicked out, a hole dug under it and used as a toilet.

I don't generally run in fantasy settings, can you tell?

>1. A dagger that suggests that it belongs to a very evil person.

The dagger has no special features - it's a fairly bland dagger with a triangular blade, a simple handle... The only thing that seems to stand out is that the handle seems to be extremely well-worn, as if someone has used it quite a bit, and blade's metal, which while it has kept its sharpness, looks extremely dull due to what seems to be dry blood being forcibly removed.

>2. A shopkeeper that you hope the PCs will be friendly with.

The horse turns into a corner, and all of a sudden all his cargo is gone. Suddenly, from the shop right besides the horse, you hear an excited voice of what appears to be a man in his late 20s. "Oh, hello there! Don't worry about the cargo, it's all here. If you're interested in it, why don't you have a look?" He peeks out of the window, thick glasses, a simple vest (almost like a sweater), and an earnest yet slightly nervous smile.

>3. A disgusting room used by orcs, but with no orcs in it.

The room is, simply put, putrid. Whatever light peeks in from the tiny window, it only serves to highlight the indescript brown muck that seems to cover the walls. The smell is unbearable, in a weird way - it feels like rancid meat that has been left out in the sun to dry out.

1. Outside the charged remains of the orphanage you spot a hastily discarded piece of flint, a dagger, and a flask that reeks of oil.

2. Once you step foot into the shop, you're greeted by the biggest, burliest, scraggliest old bastard you've ever seen. The coot towers over his wares and fills the room with his snaggletooth grin, one eye seeming to wander about aimlessly. "Wha can ol' Hamayk do ya for, fellas?"

3. The smell hits you before you're even at the door. It's like a slurry of meat, mold, sweat, and horse shit all crammed into a burlap sack and left to dry over a summer in the swamps before being dragged across a mile of hobo balls.

C
Kind of weak in terms of evoking particular feelings, but at least it's not too heavy-handed

C+
Some of those points are just from thinking outside the box

B
Functional, if a bit meta

B+
A bit long, but solid

B-
Definitely could be more succinct

B+
Mostly straightforward, but some parts could be edited with stronger imagery

B
Strong imagery, but a tad bit too much poetry

B-
Unexciting, but workable.

B+
Direct imagery, but some redundancy through the effort to get the points across

B
Good descriptions for a novel, but a bit much at a table

B
The first is good, the others are a bit lacking

B-
Simple, direct, and functional, but definitely could use some more flair

B+
A little long, but definitely sets the scene

I think has the dagger down pat. Nothing to do with the dagger, everything to do with its usage.

>dagger
The blade is long and thin, too unwieldy to double as a tool, and the grip is sticky with something. There is no matching sheath.

>shopkeeper
A lanky youth is hunched over the counter, reading. You spot [desired item] on the shelf near him.

>orc-less room
The trail leads to an enclosure where the ground is scuffed and covered in similar tracks. Refuse and bones are strewn around several bedrolls, and the firepit is still smoldering.

1. A jagged ebony black dagger is resting on a table adjacent to rust brown smeared cloth. The knife itself has a humanoid tooth embedded into the fuller of the blade.

2. A portly fourty something half orc man waltzes calmly over you with a happy grin as you hear coinage shuffle in his pack, and he bellows out "I am Gundar Loosehammer, wandering merchant to the stars."

3. As you enter the room, the smell of bodily waste, blood, and decay assault your noses as you see several jagged bloody weapons on the wall and broken beer steins next to a set of ramshackle bedrolls.

1. The dagger seems poorly weighted at first, but upon switching to a reverse grip, you find it surprisingly easy to use. The handle is lightly wrapped in red silk, and you can detect smudges of rusty colouration hidden in the inner folds.

2. As you enter the dimly lit store, a small girl rushes blindly in front of you, giggling as she tears through the shop. "Gilly, careful! Y'almost tripped a customer!" The voice comes from a tall, burly man who gives you an apologetic smile. "My apologies for the mess, friend. Is there anything I can dig out of it for you?"

3. The door shudders as it swings open, and you are greeted with a powerful stench. The room is quiet, but the large muddy tracks along the floor testify recent occupants. Meat barely fit for a dog is scattered on a wooden table in the center of the room attracting flies, and a pile of sodden stained clothes sits in the corner. The biggest clue, however, is the rack of makeshift weapons, clearly the equipment of an orcish warband.

1) Upon gripping the black-bladed dagger, you feel an unnatural compulsion to coat the blade in blood. The though feels alien to you but rather than feeling disturbed by this invasion it feels kind of pleasent, which disturbs you more than an alien though ever could.

2) The chest opens itself, inside is a mimic, not one of the ones that are basically a mouth, this one has a human-like torso. "Customers?" it says with a voice that sounds just human enough, "I have many wears that might interest adventures such as your self. I promise I won't eat you," he says, you are inclined to believe him as he does look rather frail.

3) Moving aside the cloth that served as a door was a huge mistake as out wafts a rather repugnant odor. It smells like rotting food mixed with sweat and some oxidized blood. The floor is slick with what you hope is water, the walls and floor are covered in stains that almost up to the ceiling. The room is far too foul for any human to tolerate for long.

so what would it take to achieve an "A" from you?

1. Some jackass left his Hitler youth knife on the ground.

2. The man at the window gives you a friendly nod. You notice that there are extra nuggets in your meal.

3. You walk into the bathroom, it looks like a jackson pollock painting but with blood and feces.

1. Wreathed by four shackles and gutters, a curved, golden dagger rests in the center of the large stone altar. Otherworldly runes circling its guard glow like dying embers at your touch.

2. A stout fellow towers behind the counter, blue eyes regarding you from beneath a thick brow. A wide smile parts his bushy black beard and mustache, enthusiasm and hair bristling from him in equal parts. "Ho there, travelers! Welcome to the Troll's Head. Here for a room, or just for a drink and a hot meal?"

3. This chamber, once an ancient bathhouse, has been rendered unusable in its current state. The water is stagnant and putrid, with unnameable detritus floating in the water. The orcs seem to have taken particular offense to the statue of a handsome elven male standing over the bath; its crotch has been severely damages and its face splattered with a brownish substance you think it best not to speculate on.

ALTERNATIVELY

1. You find a dagger jutting out of the back of an orphan who was one day from retirement. A tag affixed to the handle by twine reads "If found, return to Killdeath "Bloodthirster" McEvilbastard, 666 Murderstab Alley".

2. As you open the door to the magic shop, a frog hops out. The cranky-looking older gentleman behind the counter lowers a smoking wand, shouting after it. "That'll teach you to try and knick from me, y'bastard!"

3. The orc's closet has a shrine to his waifu. It's lovingly maintained, candles casting their flickering light upon the portrait, smoke from sticks of incense overpowering the usual orc stink. Still, your nose curls up in disgust at his shit taste.

...

Those are largely personal assessments, but an "A" would be something that could be used as an example of how it should be done.

It should:
-Bring players into the scene, and make them excited to explore/interact with what you are describing.
-Be short enough to maintain interest and be simple to remember, but powerful enough that the scene doesn't immediately fade.
-Use efficient language without falling into purple prose
-Clearly express tone, without making too many judgements for the players
-Includes interesting details that are poignant

Overall, this grading is done with a C being average and not bad at all (or having a particular strength), B being good but with room for improvement, and an A being largely free of any big flaws, with an A+ being nearly perfect if not perfect.

Im sorry but what is purple prose

>"On occasion, one finds oneself immersed in the literary throes of a piece of prose where there is very little in the way of advancement of the plot or development of the characters, but the pages are still filled with words. Since the esteemed author has allowed their writing to take a turn for the dry and dull, they gallantly attempt to overcompensate for the lack of stimulation by indulging in elaborate turns of phrase."

...

>1. A dagger that suggests that it belongs to a very evil person.
The blade is hooked and serrated along the outer edge. The metal is a dull ugly grey except for the pommel of the dagger when a single pale pink gem has been affixed.

>2. A shopkeeper that you hope the PCs will be friendly with.
At the back of the shop a man is arms deep in a jar pulling out pickled eggs. From behind a scruffy beard shows a smile with several missing teeth. As he greets the party he waddles over, drying a hand on his apron. If he was any rounder he might well roll out the door.

>3. A disgusting room used by orcs, but with no orcs in it.
In one corner a pile of garbage has been heaped, rotting skins of fruits and picked clean bones are barely covered by a nasty cloth. The remnants of a fire have blackened the floor and ceiling on the far side. A few odds and ends were left behind in haste, the most notable a stone knife and a half widdled wooden depiction of a monkey's face.

1. In your hands is a dark steel dagger, wicked sharp with flecks of rust colored stains on the blade and handle, it's cold in your hands, and almost seemingly has an aura of malcontent surrounding it.
2. On entering the shop you can see various odds and ends, simple weapons and a potion or two, behind the counter the shop keep greets you with a nod and a smile, before introducing himself... [insert greetings here]
3. Passing the threshold of the rather large opening, a smell of smoke and blood attack your senses, in the dimness you can see bones are scattered around what appears to be a snuffed fire pit, grime and ofal are strewn about, bed rolls are in the corner, hinting to something bedding down here.

I've never DMd before.

1. That dagger has nothing in particular
2. This shopkeeper is known to scam his customers
3. You feel right at home

My players are bloody contrarians. So i play around that. Reverse psychology is best psychology

1) The dagger glows faintly green in the twilight. You can barely make out the words 'Gott mit Uns' and a totenkopf on the blade itself.

2) A thin Arab in a striped cloak walks out from between the camels. In boisterous voice he shouts, "Hello, hello sadiq, and welcome to Crazy Hassan's used camel stable!"

3) The garage is filled with trash and discarded BTLs. Even without the 'Ork lives matter' posters stapled all over the walls, the smell of B.O. and angst would have been a big enough clue as to who was squatting here last.

1). The blackened and pronged dagger is embossed with the symbol of Bane and adorned with dark gemstones. Blood still drips from the blade.

2). An older woman, graying hair and warm smile, approaches you as you enter her shop. She, in a surprisingly bright voice, asks if she can help you find anything.

3). The chamber is filthy and molded over, with muck strewn about. There is a talisman of a black wolves head hanging on the wall above a small shrine to one of the orcish gods, which a simple knowledge check shows is Yurtrus, god of plagues and death.

If I take that sheath off, will you die?

It would be extremely sharp

1. The tattered handle of the dagger seems to be recently used and the dull yet serrated blade is dented with chips. The pattern of the chips suggests that it has been used often with too much force. (Perception) The use of the blade in its current state would cause an excruciating amount of pain due to the damage on the blade itself.

2. A small jingle from a bell rings as you enter the shop. Immediate rustling somewhere from the back can be heard as you inspect the modest displays of magic and steel plastered on racks around the cramped store. An elf dressed in a simple dress tumbles out of the back room and placed themselves at the front counter. The bags under her eyes are black with fatigue as she stammers out a greeting with a weary smile.

3. The dimly lit chamber reeks of unwashed bodies and molded food. Ill-treated bedrolls bearing brown and black stains lie grouped up in a corner, while the rest of the room is filled with disorganized scraps of rotten food, weapons, and broken furniture. A desecrated painting of countryside hangs proudly near most of the trashed weapons. It bears marks of three-fingered claws painted in red.

You're a big tang.

>Lying on the table, you see a long, ugly dagger, the breadth of the blade worn down from countless whettings. The metal of the blade is colored black from forging, and though it is carefully clean and polished, no glint of light reflects from it.
>The man leans back in his chair with his arms folded behind his head, smiling contently, his eyes shut. At your approach he sits up quickly and greets you jovially.
>Matted straw crunches beneath your feet as you enter the room, and a pungent musk fills your nostrils. Greasy, well-gnawed bones lie scattered about. Disorganized pieces of a rusty, dented suit of metal armor lie in a heap next to the door. It looks to be of dwarven make, but it's clearly been abused in a way no self-respecting dwarven warrior would ever tolerate.

Everyone of these over 1 sentence is trash.

You're trash.

Short and to the point. Better.

U U U U

>See this
>Think "what?"
>Say "what?"
>Oooooooh.

1. This dagger radiates malice. While appearing plain and almost unused, the weapon is tainted by an outside influence. They say that weapons are extensions of their wielders. If that were to be the case, then this dagger...

2. Behind the counter you see a large and rounded man, his mouth hidden by an impressive beard. The greying beard and curls on his head imply age, or at the very least experience. While his clothes are simple and unadorned, they are well kept and quite fine. As you enter, he looks up from a book and a huge grin appears on his face. "Welcome, welcome. I've not seen you folks around before. Tell me what d'ya need? New customers are the best customers they say."
As if he heard the funniest joke, the man breaks out into a brief fit of jolly laughter.

3. The stench of this room is not unlike that of a sty. Body odor, rotting fruits and blood combine to form a rather unpleasant smell. To the side there is a series of crude cots, each stained with sweat of whoever or whatever dwelled within. Though disgusting, this room isn't used by mere beasts. There is a crude, but well kept, axe on a table in the center of the room. This table holds a few trinkets and a set of what appears to be dice.

>1. A dagger that suggests that it belongs to a very evil person.
I must regrettably inform you that you have not been selected for our position as DM, but we hope that you consider applying for our open positions for which you qualify in the future, and wish you success in your continued search.

Now see if you can guess who's never GM'd, who does it on occasion, and who is forever GM.

1. A dagger floats lazily past you on the street and begins to slowly rotate. Suddenly, it flies off in the direction of a halfling child!
2. An adorable young girl pushes a crate up behind the counter and steps up on in. "Grandpa's busy in the lab right now, but I hope I can be an good enough shopkeeper, instead."
3. There is a putrid stench wafting about the wreckage of the prince's chambers. As you get closer to the source of the smell, roll me a save to avoid stepping in it.

1. There's also a dagger here. In a note to the chaotic players: You feel drawn to it.
2. He's fat and balding and the shop stinks like urine and spilt ale. There's a +2 heavy warhammer on the counter -- it's ornated with diamonds worth at least
3. This is a 10x10 room, just like the others in this orc lair except this time empty.

I'm so glad that I don't have you as a critic.

You're a douche.

>1. A dagger that suggests that it belongs to a very evil person.
...adjacent to the sprawling pile of occultist texts rests a steel dagger.

>2. A shopekeeper that you hope the PCs will be friendly with.
The owner of this humble shop has an old scar across her cheek that tempers her otherwise warm smile.

>3. A disgusting room used by orcs, but with no orcs in it.
Stumbling over piles of trash, you find a relatively pristine cauldron filled with grog in the center of the chamber.

1) A well worn, but well cared for dagger. The smell of old blood lingers on the leather of it's hilt, and a number of notches have been carved into it's crossguard.

2) He was once a mountain of a man; still imposing; though his muscles have gone slack from old age. Though the warm smile never leaves his face, you can see a hint of sadness in his eyes when he looks at the place where his legs used to be.

3) Imagine seaman user's barracks room...

A dagger. A morose shard of steel that reeks of evil

A genial man, scented like cinnamon and with the smile of a jovial uncle rests both palms on the counter, whistling an old tune.

And I can't be bothered

1. Upon closer manipulation of the bizarre looking piece of dark metal, a short blade of similar coloration folds outwards. This toy could easily be concealed behind a forearm, or even in a closed palm when folded up.

2. Entering the store the only other person in sight is currently up on a ladder stocking the shelves. "Just a second, I'll be--" And there she goes, tumbling towards the ground with a good portion of the wares. After sitting herself back up with a hand to her forehead, she sucks some air in between bit together teeth. "R- right, I guess I'm free right now!"

3. The ungodly mix of stenches from what may as well be manure, blood, spoiled food and things left better untold littering the exceedingly damp air makes breathing a particularly aggravating task. Bones litter the spongy mire of a floor where boots sink shin deep. You're not sure what those crude paintings were made in on the slimy walls.

The knife is curved, and razor sharp. Its hilt is wrapped in old, worn leather that smells of dried blood.

The half-man climbs onto a crate behind the counter, beckoning you to approach eagerly. You see a smile behind his gray beard, "What can I do ya' for?"

The rusted hinges on the door squeak as you poen. The foul stench of rotting meat fills your nose, accompanied by the buzzing of flies. Rusted weapons hang from racks littering the room.

>dagger
For being such a well-balanced, finely-crafted weapon, the dagger bears no decoration or maker's marks. The blade is well-worn and looks as though it hasn't seen a whetstone in years. Grime (and presumably dried blood) coat the serrated base of the blade.

>shopkeep
Strangely, the apothecary's shop doesn't smell of fragrant herbs or potent alchemy, but of freshly-baked bread. As you enter, a hunched-over old man looks up from a massive tome on the countertop, and grins broadly.

>disgusting room
The abandoned straw mattresses have clearly been leaking straw for quite some time, and are worn as thin as the scratchy wool blankets that cover them. Chicken bones stripped of meat are heaped in a corner, just under a deep yellow stain on the plaster wall.

>dagger
The knife is well made and kept. You notice right away that the sharpness does not extend the length of the blade and seems made only for the initial stab relying on force to see it through. A closer look shows several strange holes, small and barely precievable without such level of scrutiny. Getting close those offends the nose as the familiar smell of poison fills your nose causing you to drop the thing in fear of poisoning yourself.

>Shopkeep
It's surprisingly sunny outside and the street is filled with people moving hither too and fro. You immediately see and old truck that looks like it's seen several thousand miles and yet yearns for a thousand more and leaning on the hood is a young man and young woman, siblings who ambitions match neatly with the solid determination of the truck

>Orc room
The first thing that hits you is the smell. You open the door and you recoil at the smell of blood and decay and your eyes immediately turn to it's source at the recently killed boar, it's hind legs strung up and a large bucket placed underneath it to catch the blood drooling from well placed stab wounds in the neck and chest region. Otherwise the room looks surpisingly bland with beds made of cloaks stuffed with whatever materials they came across and armor and weapons neatly placed next to them with the only actual bed to be found probably having been claimed by the group's leader from the helmet hanging off the bed's post. Part of the room had been damaged and it seemed new, crude construction being made to accomodate a fire pit for their newly aquired dinner.

1. "You find a slim knife upon a tray, alongside a pair of bloodied pliers. The handle of the knife is well worn and smells vaguely of rot, yet the blade, while well maintained, is itself far too flimsy to have seen use in combat."

2. "You folks seeking your fortunes, eh? Good on you; wanderlust is good for the body and mind. Here, it's not much, but it'll get you started at least."

3. Fetid meat is splattered across the walls, and you see in the corner a discarded necklace; upon further inspection, it appears to be made of vertebrea. Upon the table you seen a deluge of spilled beer, and a few half-emptied mugs; no coasters, of course.

Basically, when a motherfucker gets too loquacious.

>tfw I only posted here hoping would rate/roast me

I can drop some ratings in a bit.

1) You see a dagger on the ground, the dagger has a green moon engraving on it.
You feel a sense of dread and fear after noticing the green moon.
2) You look around the market place and an individual stands out more than the rest, he's a human with messy blonde hair, blue eyes and a long nose. The sign above his booth reads 'Goldberg Equipment'.
3) As you take a glance at the room you realize how grim it looks, the lighting is dim, there's green slime on the ground and there appears to be odd rotted meat in the corner to your right.

>1. A dagger that suggests that it belongs to a very evil person.
The worn dagger has a stained ivory handle that has seventeen notches carved into it.

>2. A shopkeeper that you hope the PCs will be friendly with.
As you enter the shop you see a dwarf well into his years sitting on a high chair behind the till smoking a jaunty looking pipe. As he notices you enter, he gives a polite nod in your direction before returning to reading what seems like an itinerary of some sort. "Let me know if you need help with anything lad."

>3. A disgusting room used by orcs, but with no orcs in it.
The first thing that hits you as you enter this room is the horrifying stench permeating throughout it. Hanging from the ceiling are hooks with rancid offal hanging from them, and the walls are covered in crude tribal imagery. There are a few makeshift beds here fashioned out of straw and animal skins, but they hardly seem comfortable. Next to each bed is what seems to be a weapon rack, each holding mostly clubs and spears with the occasional sword and axe.

Dagger
>1. As you investigate the cavern chamber, you note a particularly worn wooden table, chipped and scraped, but sturdy looking, with many notches and strike marks. It is safe to assume from this, along with the various blood stains dried and wet, and the flesh stripped hunks of meat and bone strewn around the chamber, that this table was used as a makeshift butchers block. Taking pride of place on the table, wedged into a particularly deep notch in the stained wood, is a rather vicious looking dagger. Clearly a favoured item of its user, the light wooden handle has been lovingly cleaned and polished, while the dark metal of the flat blade, albeit still slick with fresh blood, appears to be ruthlessly sharp. Its owner can't be too far behind.

Shopdude
>2. As you push the door, a little bell nestled at the top of the frame jingles, announcing your presence. Stepping into the store, you see an older man on one knee, clothed in a simple tan outfit, talking to a young child, a girl who appears to have been decorating one or two patches of the old wooden floor with chalk drawings. He doesn't appear to be scolding her, as he gives the child a quick hug and ushers her into the back room with a quiet "Go see yer Ma." The shopkeeper turns to your group as his face brightens up with a smile, greeting you as he grabs and ties on a nearby almost-white apron. "Greetins strangers," he starts, "S'been a while since we had any fancy trav'lers round. What can I do fer ya?"

actually ran out of space....

cont.

Orcroom
>3. The second shoulder tackle is more than enough to bring down the door to the hunters lodge. Almost immediately the stench of death assails you. The wide open floor space of the lodge makes it apparent that its owner no longer lives, as his corpse, now with flies circling him, sits in a heap in the far corner of the room, complete with a crude jagged knife jutting disturbingly from one of his eye sockets. Various poorly skinned pelts and furs lie scattered across the floor in no particular pattern, seemingly used as bedspreads to those who are willing to ignore the bits of rotting flesh that still remain. Makeshift metal weapons are spread in haphazard heaps around the space, some with fresh blood, others coated in filth and scum that could start at weeks old. Little of the homey charm the original owner had likely intended remains, and the large, cinder black sigil marked on the back wall marks the association of those who now claim ownership.

Second try:

1. There's an iron artifact on the desk, resting in a stand. It has rusted beyond description, but resembles a dagger - and looks recently dug up.
2. Hold on, make an Int check. Remember Lucious Lamprei, the dork you met last week? Remeber he described a magical interdimensional shop? The one that can pop its door even in the middle of a dungeon, yes. His description matches this particular shop.
(if roll failed:) You are 100% sure this is the shop.
3. This looks like a nursery; there's crude craddles and soiled nappies everywhere, and a bowl with severed human hands - each marked with tiny pointy teeth.

>You find a dagger. It's very sharp. When you inspects it handle you notice that the fabric has gone dark from dried in blood, and that it now smells of rust.
>The shopkeeper is a fat-faced man whose face lights up as you enter his store. He looks a bit like a delighted chipmunk.
>The room you enter reeks of unwashed bodies. In one corner of the room find dirty and used pelts that has been used as a bedding. The other corner smells of piss. In the middle of the room there's a big pot where something has been boiling for a long time.

This thread needs more rate/roast. Give it a go, anons.

Not bad but you are describing them as if players were taking actions - inspect the dagger, test its blade, travel the room (how can you tell the urine smell comes from a particular corner?), etc.

Zzzzzz

Nice. 3 is too long but gets the point across.

Pulpy, I like it. 1 is a bit weak.

I like 1 but 2 and 3 are kinda generic, not particulary evocative.

1 - Why would a simple description cause a PC action (drop the knife)? -- at least make them save vs fear or something. 2 and 3 are too long and unfocused, I feel like you're describing details instead of a whole. Not a bad thing (mignola does this a lot) but it depends a lot on how you present the general scene first.

1 and 3 are generic, but 2 is fantastic.

Generic, it sets the tone but stops there.
Half-man sounds amaaaazing tho, is it divided vertically, horizontally, or side to side? Can you see his exposed organs and veins pumping? Does staring bother him?

Not bad, but not particulary evocative.

Love it, I'd play that.

B
A lot of imagery, but much of it is too subtle and indirect

B+
Overall good, but it's weakest point is that it is rather mundane and not strongly memorable

B+
Imaginative, but on the long side

B+
Strong and bold, but the language is a bit too flourished

B+
Very natural, great for games, but the images could be more imaginative

B
Good language, but straying far too close to cliche

B+
Great scenery, but more novel than game

B
Imaginative, but lengthy and somewhat unwieldy

C
Amusing, but more curt than blunt or direct.

B+
Reminds me of classic modules, though that does carry some of the length that was a weakness of older modules
B-
The heavy-handedness could be refined to be sharper and shorter

B-
The details come off as a bit superfluous for a game, though the imagery is clear

C+
The big weakness is that while you do a good job leading them through the scene, you're not directing their focus efficiently

D
Even contrarians would want more to work with

C
Flavorful, but too much of the Veeky Forums flavor

A-
The descriptions serve purpose beyond simply setting the scene and integrate well with a game. The big weakness is that it steers straight for cliche

B
Great scenes, but could easily be trimmed down considerably.

B
Many of the details don't add much, though some details are well chosen

B-
While there's some interesting language and nice details, it is difficult to use these in a game and better in a novel

A-
The scene is set, the players should be curious, and everything is simple and clear. One or two more details wouldn't hurt to help highlight importance though.

C
Very meta, pulling you out of the scene rather than in

B+
Clear and simple, but the images themselves are somewhat lackluster.

1. A wicked dagger, curved and with a small skull on the hilt embedded into the wall as though used to pin a man there.

2. As you enter you are warmly greeted by a rather large and jolly fat fellow with a small beard and a few gold teeth who quickly says "Come in, come in, I have may wares for you here!"

3. As you travel through the murky swamp, you see a very crude building made of dirt, mud, wood and leaves. Outside it is a small fire pit with a big bowl shaped rock next to it and some crude slabs of metal on sticks that are larger then a halfling.

1. The dagger is dripping some pale ooze- it smells terrible, and seems to dissolve anything that isn't the strange looking metal its made out of; its rough and jagged handle indicate a long period of usage by its owner, and undoubtedly a calloused hand.

2. As you walk into the tent, the homely Dwarvish shopkeeper greats you with a wave and a smile. He scratches his long beard as he leans forward the counter with two arms, telling you about how delighted he is to have someone reach his tannery.

3. The next room you step into leads you about an inch of waste- blood, sewage, groundwater, all of this far too much for the shallow drains the former torturers dug.

1. You see a well used fighting knife that is next to a jar of pickled human ears.

2.At the street intersection you were told of there appears to be a ice cream truck. As you walk towards it the owner sicks his he out and says " Hello the special of the day is one free pint of ice cream per purchase of 5 kg or more of C4." ( I did that in a shadowrun game)

3. On entering the room you collectively figure out two things. First the orcs are using it as a makeshift latrine and second yesterday must've been taco tuesday for them.

1. You stumble on the scene to find a man dead, a dagger firmly lodged in his back. Luckily, it doesn't seem like there's anything too special about the murder weapon, just plain ol' cold steel. Well, except for the demon currently holding it, of course.

2. You enter the abandoned asylum and start walking down its main halls, when you encounter a very disheveled and very unhinged looking man, wearing a trench-coat. He spots you with frantic eyes and shouts at you with a strange intensity. "S-s-stay back! They p-p-put me in h-here because I-I-I-I'm a monster! A m-madman! Because, b-b-b-b-because..." He trails off as he huddles down on the floor.
"BECAUSE OF MY INSANELY GOOD DEALS!" The formerly despondent man shouts as he shoots up from the ground, opening his trench-coat to show a variety of knick-knacks and items no sane man would sell for such a low, low price.

3. It smells like a high school locker room, there's more pelts and furs around the place than Cruella de Vil's dream home, and there's a crude statue built with the skill of an elementary school child in the center, draped in charred meat, macaroni art, and crayon drawings of green-skinned stick figures.
This can mean only one thing.
*Orcs*.

B-
Not terrible, but not exciting

C-
Some odd choice of vocabulary

B+
Good imagery, but could be more succinct

B
Functional, but rather straightforward with few risks taken

B+
Could be more direct and less lengthy, but good scenes.

B
This seems more like the descriptions you'd find in a Visual Novel than a tabletop game. A little generic and lengthy, but thorough

B-
Each has a good sentence, but then some rather unnecessary extras

C+
The language is clear, but it's not compelling and makes some heavy judgements for the players

B
Subtle and not overbearing, but could be much more concise

B
Good scene setting, but needs to be far shorter to keep the players' interest and to emphasize what's really important

B
Very interesting ideas, but the language could use work

B-
A little too simple and flat, and everything could be reduced to the more encompassing details.

B
Rather cliche, but it flows well

B
Interesting ideas, but the language is rather clumsy and could be shortened to focus on the key notes.

B-
Quirky and quickly sets the tone, but falls a little flat

>Not bad but you are describing them as if players were taking actions - inspect the dagger, test its blade, travel the room (how can you tell the urine smell comes from a particular corner?), etc.

Thanks. Some liberties were taken since of the stuff can't really be fairly described before the players properly inspect them (well, at least not without using ridiculous props, and I'm not really into that).

I mean, I could wax on about how when you enter the orc room you are hit with almost a solid wall of stench and how dirty the room seem at sight, but I prefer to be brief and let my players interact a bit (it also gives me time to think on the fly).

>
>Very interesting ideas, but the language could use work
Thanks! Can you elaborate? (I'm not native)

>Nailed it.
Actually I think he took a real good stab it.

>Dagger.
"(blah blah blah) you find a well worn dagger. It's blade is meticulously clean, but shows great signs of use, and it's handle has been worn smooth to a man's grip. It has an unfamiliar abstract emblem engraved on the butt.."

>Shopkeeper
"An eager middle-aged woman whose frame seems more suited to hog farming than coin counting beams a gap-toothed grin at you. She has a single eyebrow which runs all the way across her forehead. 'Welcome to Custom Coulture, customer! How can Misha aid you?' "

>Disgusting Orc Room
"As soon as the door opens, a heavy musk of body odor and Orcish cooking, but i repeat myself, floods the hallway. Though the ashes of the stove have long gone cold, there are still some lanterns burning, illuminating the empty kitchen."

excessive words

1. *rolls dice, beats AC* You feel a stinging pain in your kidney. Someone shouts behind you: "he's been stabbed!"

2. Hi, my name is Shopkeep, and I've got magic items I want to give you.

3. The floor is covered with a thin layer of crusty, wadded up leafs, and adorning the walls are crude drawings of human women.

My main issue with the language is simply that it's got a bit of a distinct staccato rhythm. There's something, and then there's something, and then there's something, but then there's something. I'm just personally a fan of language that flows into itself a little easier.

And, while it's good that you took some grammar and composition risks, I don't think they paid off since the ideas were good enough to be communicated in a more direct and simpler manner. I like the lump of a dagger and the traveling shop reminds me of Howl's, and a simpler description might have been enough to sell the idea to players easier.

1. The dagger seems normal, but you get a feeling of dread whenever you look at it.

2. A young human man with golden hair, and a wry smile greets you as you enter the store.

3. As you open the door, you are assaulted by the scent of rotting meat and fly infested shit.

1) This dagger is wavy, lithe, and forked at the end, with a long bloodline down to the guard. It's handle is scaly in texture, and it's guard is the image of a snake's head, mouth open, teeth flared as a bladecatch- the sinuous blade standing in for the snake's tongue. it's red, gem eye glimmers in the flamelight, almost as if it stares at you, beckoning you- let it taste flesh.

2) As you walk into the door, a hoarse voice calls out "Hello there young man!" as the old man behind the counter sits up from half leaning against the counter. His face is gaunt, but his smile is warm; his nose is a bit crooked, and his crow's-feet have graduated to raven's feet, but the look in his brown eyes is still keen and jubilant. His whispy, cotton candy white hair defies gravity in it's tangles, but obeys a safe perimeter around the balding patch that shines like an oasis pool under the lamplight.

3) It smells... Racid. Your eyes water as the smell hits you- but you muscle through- peering into this cramped space. Not long ago, this must have been a study; but the inhabitants care nothing of the dedication and long hours of work put into both the scripture and the furniture; instead it has been turned to a private bunk. The books have been divided; some only figuratively- as the shells of some sit by the side of a smouldering firepit that smells like the velium that once was. A cobbled bed looks to have once been a bookshelf- judging by the legnth of it- a desk- by the patchwork extention n the bottom so that ork feet don't hang off the edge at night- and a chair- by the fact that the seat now stands in for a pillow. Scattered papers atop the bunk are yellowed with sweat and filth, a trail of them leading to a bucket in the corner- which has many of them scattered around it for puppy-training an orc to use indoor plumbing- just in case he doesn't hit the hole the first time.

>tfw nobody around to rate your writing

1. A rusty and well worn dagger with a black handled with a skull shaped pommel is found inside an odd geometrical shape made up of a two overlapping triangles and containing a pot filled with a dark red substance, a small container of ash, a black rose, a yellow tulip and a bone

2. At the shop stand there stands a man with red cheeks a slight smile and glowing blue eyes, he seems to be energetic tried to get everyone passing by to take a look at his wares, making claims that they are the best in the town. When you aproach him his eyes spark up

3. You walk up into a dark and dingy room filled with rusty iron tools and chains with spores of a strange fungi gather in the corners of the room. The room smells like dried blood and rotting meat.

1. You inspect the dagger for but a moment and note it's sharp blade. You run your hand across it and instinctively pull your hand back as you feel something reach out to your mind. You heard but one word in a language you don't understand or perhaps a name.

2. As you enter the shop near the center of town. You notice quite immediately a beautiful raven haired woman with her hair kept in a pony tail and a smile that bids you to enter further. As you approach you notice she is wearing an apron with several nicknacks in several pockets as well as a decently sized coin purse safely tied at her side.

3.You open the heavy door and into the next room only to be assaulted by a horrifying smell. You take a moment to try and fight through the stench to see the room is covered in grime and muck. The floor has a few scattered bones and coins along the floor. To the east side of the room are a few beds made from hay that look tossed about. More near the center is one table with a few chairs surrounding it. The only thing in the room that is in any order is a shield upon the wall bearing markings of some sort.

1. "Tucked away in the shadows you find a single dagger, as if it were hiding from the rest of the world. As you examine it by the flickering torches, you see several notches carved into the handle. What they are counting, you can only imagine.'

2. "A cheery bell jangles as you step through the door. 'Oh goodness me,' says the elderly woman behind the counter, 'You're a bit early dears, but you're welcome to have some tea while I finish setting up."

3. "The smell from outside hardly prepared you for the carnage inside. Butchered carcasses, mottled bedrolls and rusty weapons lay strewn around the room, all covered in a sheen of muck, mold and maggots. In the center of the room is a single totem, crafted from bone and fur, the hollow eyes of the skull that adorns it, gazing down upon you all."

>1. A dagger that suggests that it belongs to a very evil person.
"The dagger gives you a very odd feeling, like something is off about it"

>2. A shopkeeper that you hope the PCs will be friendly with.
"The shopkeeper is a big, burly and happy man. Since you're new in town, he offers you all free drinks"

>3. A disgusting room used by orcs, but with no orcs in it.
"The room contains no enemies, but it bears the distinct smell of orc nonetheless"

>A dagger that suggests that it belongs to a very evil person.
If you are using things like this, you are a shit-tier GM by default

Oh, wait, you've asked for DUNGEON Master, not Game Master...So you are shit-stain with no redeeming qualities

Is he?

1.A Sinister blade nicked with neat rows, the blade stained with the sin of ages, dully sits, perfectly upright, in his spine .
2. A friendly smile, steady eyes, and bright voice greets you as the shopkeepr stands behind her till, hands folded in a familar geuasture of freindship
3. Empty, if you could you call it so, the room was packed with meats and fine cheeses. or what smells like fine meats and cheeses. You do not return. to this room again

1. The dagger has a long, triangular blade that has been blackened with soot and honed to a razor edge. It's plainness suggests that whoever it belongs to regards it as more of a tool than a weapon.

2. As you enter the shop, you see a dwarven shopkeeper with well-groomed beard smile at you from behind the counter. "What'll it be, lads?"

3. Though the room is now grimy, you can still see signs that its previous owners took care of it, as most of the furniture seems to be well-made. What became of them is not entirely clear, though the human head mounted above the doorway suggests their fate was not pleasant.

>A lot of imagery, but much of it is too subtle and indirect

If anything I thought the pale yellow stains and the burnt bricks were too explicit.

>This dagger's design suggests it belongs to someone of an evil disposition.

>The shopkeeper hopes to establish a friendly relationship with your characters.

>The room looks and smells disgusting, like a bunch of Orcs used it.

1 The auctioneer raps his hammer on the desk. "Lot 31- a knife belonging to the infamous serial killer Sammy Hyde. A real talking piece. First bid, starting at $50. Any takers?"

2 Warm sunlight streams in through the floral patterned stained-glass windows. The shop walls are decorated with a cute wallpaper depicting puppies, kittens and greatswords. Behind the counter, a pair of axes hang, bound with pink ribbon. The little girl wakes up, and lifts her head from the counter, rubbing sleep from her eyes and stifling a yawn.

3 The hotel room is littered with broken glass and fast food wrappers. The bathtub is full of green slime. Someone has wiped their ass on the curtains.

1. A dagger rests before you on a pillow of velvet, and a plinth of what looks to be pure gold. It is lit from all side with colored lights in shades of white and blue and red. As you examine it, you see that the dagger's hilt is made of ivory and covered in gold embossed eagles, while the blade itself is made of gold with two letters picked out in diamonds.
D and T.

2. As you enter the ramshackle little store you are greeted by the smell of lemon, and a smile with more warmth than teeth. A very little and very old lady leans on a counter petting a cat, and bids you welcome.

3. You all file into the barracks, to view a hideous sight. A green painted room, with darker green trim, and little pastel green knit doilies. Above the mantle of a crackling fire is a little (green) crochet picture that reads, "WAAAAAAAGH".

1. The dagger keeps a sharp killing edge. It is meticulously maintained, and holds that unmistakable stench of human death that cannot be erased with simple cleaning. It is not well-marked by signs of clashing with other blades, but of plunging into the defenseless. As an experienced warrior who can read the story told by a blade, you can tell plainly that its owner is a murderer.