Be cleric

Not everyone is a fucking cleric m8.

Not everyone is devout enough for that calling.

Top kek.

>Be hardworking doctor
>Deal with dozens of sick and injured every day
>Cleric walks into my hospital and heals 1 kid
>Acts like he's holy for doing it
>We ask him to heal the other kids
>Cleric says he is out of spells for the day, and leaving town tomorrow
>We go back to work treating the sick, like we do every day
>Thanks cleric, you're sure doing your part to make the world better.

>Otherwise it would be profiting on misfortune.

This sure as shit isn't the staff of office of Asclepius.

That's true, but that doesn't mean you should get mad when someone comes and fix something free for another person.

It's like having a bakery and getting mad when people donate bread to the poor.

>Doctors hate him!
>Learn to cure diabetes with these 3 crazy tricks!

Cleric is doing his best. Wait until he levels up!

Also he did do good. Were you going to heal this kid with cancer?

>be nurse at local hospital
>clean wounds and empty bedpans and watch little kids suffer and die
>cleric comes in and heals 1 kid
>leaves 30 kids suffering
>thanks cleric, go fight goblins, we'll still be here tomorrow doing our best to heal the sick
>cleric acts offended that we didn't praise him more

>ok, thanks cleric
>now gtfo so we can go back to work easing the suffering as best we can, while you go raid an orc lair and forget this place ever existed
>ya, thanks cleric, you're a real hero

>be nurse at local hospital
>when you could've been a cleric instead
You worthless cunt.

>be a caring person, but not real wise
>can't remember all the prayers
>still do my part to help as best i can
>clerics mock me for that
>try to help sick kids that the church ignores
>clerics mock me for that
>clerics are shit

>not wanting to be hated for doing good things is being offended
Also clerics can lose their power if they are douches.

And also raiding this orc lair will mean less works coming and hurting people, which means less people will get medical assistance. That's pretty heroic.

Oh boy, are we going back to the era of Veeky Forums having a hate-boner for everything supernatural? Or did we never leave that era?

Not every cleric is a holier-than-thou asshole, not every druid is a tree-fucking hippy.

>Be hospital manager
>Can hire 12 clerics, each of them casting "cure disease" once a day for a total of 12 incurable diseases cured every day
>Instead hire barely literate nurses who can at best provide the needy with a clean place to die
That's the difference between a hospital and a hospice.

>clerics mock
No such thing. Clerics need to be 'good' to stay in favor.

>Be farmer
>have a great crop, and expand my farm
>druid comes up and tells me i'm using too much water for my pigs
>Tell him i have to have water for my pigs tho
>druid says I have too many pigs, it's not natural
>3 nights later, a pack of wolves kills half my pigs
>later find out that the druid had adopted a couple wolf packs when the mother wolves died, thus overrunning this area with wolves
>complain to druid, he says wolves have to eat, this is the way of nature.
>mindfulloffucks.jpg
>but you said too many pigs was bad.....how is too many wolves good?
>druid snorts and stomps off
>tax man comes and takes my other half of pigs
>now I'm broke and homeless
>thanks druids. faggots.

I dunno about that. I'm just trying to put a fun spin on stuff. No animosity involved.

Am I doing fun wrong user?

> Be Cleric

> 777

I think my DM thinks so. Because it's funny he ran me out of town for doing a good action.

This is a blessed thread.

>be hospital manager
>ask a local temple to send some clerics and cast cure disease a few times
>temple says sure, for 11000 gold
>hospital makes about 3 gold per week after buying supplies
>can't afford the clerics
>ask clerics if they'll do it for free
>clerics laugh until holy wine shoots out of their noses

>less people will get medical assistance.

So what you're saying is the clerics are trying to run the doctors out of business in two different ways.....

those BASTARDS!

>be a cleric of Cyric
>mock nurses
>Good standing with my God

Clerics are promoting socialism!

>qt white mage comes to cure me with spells
>decline and request sponge baths instead

>qt white mage comes to cure me with spells
>>decline
>because black lives matter

ff is a perfect world so niggers dont exist

my bad, apologies user

>Be level 7 cleric
>Go to local hospital
>Lots of injured, a few sick people.
>Get everyone that's injured to bunch up within 30ft.
>Do some channeling shenanigans and heal everyone for 6d6 with positive energy
>Do it again twice
>Cure three people of horrible illnesses
>Delay the diseases of another 5
>Within a week the hospital is empty.

Isn't there a Tippyverse thing were they make self reseting Cure Disease and Cure Wounds traps and people just walk through a line to get cured? The same with Create Food and Water.

>Be small farmer/peasant
>Lord is easy to keep happy, only 2 wagons of beets per year in taxes
>Have a happy little farm for 10 years, and even have 4 kids
>druid stops by one day and tells me that cutting the tops off beets and throwing them away, is overfeeding local deer, and the overfeeding is leading to weaker deer
>tell him the Lord wants his wagons of beets cropped before shipment
>druid stomps off to talk to the Lord
>Find out the druid agreed to let the Lords men hunt a certain patch of woods
>in return the druid will magically create beets for the castle
>men-at-arms come and toss me off my farm since my beets aren't needed now
>lord buids a brothel where my farm used to be
>wife leaves me to become a whore
>3 kids become whores
>1 kid stays with me, gets sick and dies because of malnutrition.
>thanks druids

>be level 7 cleric
>don't see a hospital because I'm always off looking for better loot and improved weapons and armor
>doctors in city keep working

if they did, i can totally see local temples/churches owning them, and charging a fee

>Be peasant
>have small farm with a little wheat and a couple chickens
>Cleric runs up one day
>says nothing to me
>grabs all my wheat and steals my two eggs
>runs off
>this bitch was wearing 100k in dragonbone armor and she steals my fucking eggs?
>fuck clerics

>be undead abomination disguised as healer
>see a hospital
>see a sick child
>replace failing organs with superior undying ones
>go into the children's ward
>upgrades for everyone
>church wants to kill me

Pic related

>It's a setting where clerics exist and magic is fairly common
>Clerics didn't replace doctors

>Everyone blames the druids and clerics for providing services for free
>Nobody blames the feudal lords for overtaxing the peasantry

Half the human population has a Wisdom of 11 or higher, which is sufficient to cast first level cleric spells, which are alone leaps and bounds above mundane care. Sure, there may be individuals who want to help even though they have inferior Wis scores, and they can be assistants. However, there isn't really an excuse not to be using divine-magic for your primary forms of healthcare if you're in a relatively well-off settlement. Heck, even Adept can do a decent job.

D&D druids are a shitty mix of overpowered nature themed wizards, spergy manchildren, and a shitty straw man for Romanticism vs Enlightenment thinking.

The requirements for being a cleric who can clap his hands and magically cure any disease are probably lower than being an actual doctor in real life.

This is essentially my point. I can understand them being pretty rare in very rough settings, but if you have nations advanced enough to have sprawling cities, you can afford the educational facilities to train competent healers, which would be an amazing boon to any civilization.

>Roll up a charc, make him a cleric
>Literally every NPC is already a cleric because reqs are so low
>Try to get my 1/4 split of the loot
>party kicks me out, and hires a couple npc healbots for a 100 gold per week
>fml

>be Dhampir
>get sick because not technically undead
>go to local wise-woman
>poultice does nothing
>go to secular physician
>medicines do nothing
>go to crackpot alternative medicine dealer
>surprise, surprise, does nothing
>Cleric comes along, notices I'm sick
>pumps holy energy from his hand into my not-quite-undead flesh
>it burns
>writhe on the floor in agony
>Cleric starts freaking out and crying
>why did the gods allow me to exist

Seriously, some people VASTLY underestimate how hard it is to become a doctor. In the US any common practicing doctor is going to have about a decade and a half of training between college, med school and residentship, and most med schools have >5% admission rates in the first place

>Be local Noble
>As was my father and grandfather
>Get no vote on the Kings counsel
>Tax rate is set, it's my duty to enforce it
>Peasant comes in and accuses my men of roughing him up
>I discipline my men and instruct the sarg's to keep a tighter grip on them
>ask peasant why he didn't pay his taxes?
>he explains that the local druid cost him his mule and has packs of wolves all over
>send men to bring the druid in to speak with me about this
>druid kills my men because he was busy staring at the flowers in a special spot where a unicorn once took a piss
>put a bounty on the druid and declare them unwelcome in my region

>Be village/town doctor
>make good use of herbs and other local ingredients
>Local priest doesn't heal, just preaches
>Been here for 20 years, stitching up people, helping with babies, and treating what sickness I can
>Group of adventures come through asking questions
>explore the area for a few days, then announce that they found an old temple
>come back from the temple with lots of treasure
>party it up at the Inn, going through the booze and whores
>people start getting a lung fungus infection
>I treat it as best I can
>adventurer cleric comes to help, casts a spell and cures most of the sick
>i ask what the disease is
>cleric says 'lol, i dunno, who cares? it's gone now"
>adventurers leave town
>disease pops back up
>send word to another doctor in a nearby large city
>doctor comes and says i've got people with Tomb Rot Fungus
>it's spread by contact, it comes from old tombs and temples
>Thanks adventurers, thanks cleric

Who said anything about eras? People get mad when Pagan Priests try to perform healing rituals at hospitals

This thread needs more druid vs farmer, and cleric vs doctor green texts.

>be druid
>try to tell noble about crop rotation/selective harvesting of timber/discerning hunt of game/don't wipe out predater animals
>get told to fuck off
>lol k
>move on to neighboring fief
>noble takes my advice
>a decade down the line, Lord Fucktard is broke and his peasants are refugees while Duke Listens lands have prospered

>Be Lord Fucktard
>King gives me fiefdom
>King orders me to provide mass amounts of corn
>Corn used to make booze, and to be sold per the trade agreement he signed with old enemy nation
>It's on me to do my part to keep things peaceful
>Order my peasants to farm corn
>Druid shows up and says "lol, u too much corn, it offends nature!"
>Tell druid the Kings orders are final, and to argue it out with him.
>Druid gets buttmad
>Goes to enemy kingdom and boosts their crops
>trade agreement and peace treaty fall to shit
>War
>villages burn, people die
>Druid sits back snorting unicorn farts feeling smug
>Fucking druids.....

>Be lumberjack
>Do my best to keep the forest pushed back
>Bad things like assassin vines and angry treants come out of the forest
>Druid comes up and says "hay, u cut too many trees!!"
>Ask druid to keep the forest critters from killing my family and friends
>Druid says "lol, no. thats nature!!!"
>Druid then blesses the forest and promotes growth
>3 year old son is eaten by wolves
>wife is killed washing clothes by living vines
>Druid sits back and smirks
>Fuck druids

>>Druid shows up and says "lol, u too much corn, it offends nature!"
It wasn't about offense brah, it was about sustainability. Just rotating a couple fields with peanuts, harvesting timber at a lower rate via breed targeting, and only going after deer with more points would have made your lands viable for generations, not just hogging everything up in a decade and making the soil depleted of nutrients.

Hey man....i'm putting a counter spin on this shit.

Don't get all rational with me.

I agree tho.

A little bit of common sense conservation goes a long ways. You don't have to be a PETA druid, or the opposite. I'm just trying to give possible opposing contrary views into a sorta boring thread.

>see lumberjack straight up deforesting
>which is removing serious soil anchors
>which in turn erodes quality of soil
>which in turn expands desert and limits good farming land
>map out a plan to selectively harvest trees
>advise lumberjacks living right at the border of the forest to move away by about a mile or so and to work in grouts
>"too much work, too much plan, too early in the morning, I'm just going to live right by this dangerous as fuck forest with my family in our house right by the edge of it. alone."

Ya, I play my druid as an ecologist. Thinks humans/elves/whatever do belong at the top, but the flagrant abuse of the resources given by nature's bounty is a terrible crime.

>Be lumberjack
>Druid tells me to move away from lumber
>wut?

Thats some hippy faggot druid
Real druids literally blessed the fields with sheep blood and soil and grasses and said prayers to help harvests be bountiful

I see no reason why fantasy druids wouldnt do the same

All of these assume that the world is a early medieval agriculture world anyways, a late medieval, pre industrial urban world would have a very different attitude towards druids and then maybe they'd become more like secluded hippies

>keep living right next to a dangerous forest
>keep being surprised with things come out of it and kill your family
Pick one.

I even offered to summon pack mules to help move his shit, but nope! He'd have to get up at 6 am instead of just rolling out at noon.

Probably. Especially since the requirements for studying to be a Cleric in such settings are usually not as rigorous as say, a Wizard. They'd probably be even easier if you don't want them to be a full-blown Cleric with weapons and armor and everything as well, and just being the NPC version instead.

>The doctors aren't clerics and the nurses aren't acolytes.
What?

>Be me, lumberjack
>Druid comes up and starts spouting stuff about 'Eeeko-loggy', and stuff
>offers me a magic mule that he magiked up from a cloud of smoke if I'd move
>this whole thing seems fishy and weird
>go back to chopping wood.

>Thats some hippy faggot druid
>Implying that there's some other type of druid

>just want man to live comfortablely with the natural resources at his disposal without depleting them
>start seeing the appeal of being a Red Claw more and more

>ITT "and then the Cleric was dick"
>"no, no he wasn't, you're a dick"

PC classes=1% of the population
From that 1%, druids, clerics, pally's, fighters, rogues, bards, etc etc etc........

Not every NPC guard is a lv1 fighter, and not every doctor in the village is a lv 2 cleric

I'm actually planning for a druid and farmers situation in my game.

>At the wild edge of a province, a lord rules over a few hundred acres of farmland bordered by an old growth forest.
>The lord wishes to expand his territory by hacking down the old growth and utilizing the ground for farming. He intends to use the crops for trading.
>However, the outskirts of the forest grow a vast amount of brambles all year around, thanks to the circle of druids that dwell in the woodland.
>The locals subsist on the berries from the brambles and know that chopping down the old growth would mean destroying this bounty.
>This also means that the hungry mouths of the locals don't infringe on the crops that the lord is able to trade away. But if the brambles are destroyed, they will have to start eating into the crops intended for trading.
>At the same time however, there is no room for the lord's territory to expand without cutting into the old growth. Without expansion, his power will stagnate in comparison to his rivals and he will be incapable of protecting his serfs.

It's a more roleplay-heavy encounter but I hope the players will enjoy it. I'm actually not sure what the optimal solution is, myself.

>Be paladin
>Slaying orks with the King's soldiers
>See soldiers sparring ork babies
>Try to explain that all orks are always evil
>they say lol no they have free will
>notmyproblem.jpeg
>ten years time, the kingdom still begs ny paladin order to help with ork infestation

Why are humans so stupid?

I wonder if your god would want you to be treating the symptoms of the children's illness, rahter than the cause.

lol

I can totally understand why a decent druid would summon an elemental swarm to wipe out towns...

>Be druid
>Try to reason with villagers
>Give up and kill them

I'm not condoning such action......but I can understand it.

>I'm actually not sure what the optimal solution is, myself.

ITT, we're seeing that there might not be an optimal solution brah.

Why not go past the brambles and cut a swath deeper in the forest for usage? The locals continue having the berries to eat, and there's more land inside of the forest for cultivating.

>I'm actually not sure what the optimal solution is, myself.
I'd be hard pressed to name one of the top of my head. Someone is going to get fucked.

I play "survival of the fittest" druids that see nature as a bloody free for all instead of happy coexistence. Just needs to preserve the natural cycle so if something can't die, the druid is responsible for killing/destroying it.

The optimal solution, is of course to hamstring his his rivals, poison their wives, assassinate their sons and to expand into their territory.

>Hospital
>In a village
Also, less than 1% than the US population is a medical doctor.

Even with your statics (which I agree with), you could still have a hospital in cities. Mostly manned by Acolytes (an NPC class) who handle minor things and then call a Cleric in for anything major.

The brambles are produced by the magic of a circle of druids, created in order to coerce the civilized folk into maintaining the status quo. Upsetting the druids by chopping into the forest would result in them no longer providing the brambles.

The question is, could they be convinced to sustain a smaller area of woodland and let the locals cut a swath deeper like you suggested? I'll need to think of a favor that would need to be done, in order for them to agree with that solution.

That's actually a good idea.
If you enable expansion elsewhere, none of the NPC's who matter in this scenario will suffer.

I figured a village hospital would consist of a room near the doctors home, with some beds and maybe a table or two?

eh.....bad comparison m8

We don't have a US stat for magical clerics vs standard doctors.

But if we did, I'd assume that doctors would outnumber clerics 10 to 1? Depending on how difficult it was to be a cleric?

I guess it depends on the surrounding area and if there's really no area to expand on. Even if say, the Lord chopped down the entire forest to use as farmland, would there be nowhere to go beyond that? If there is something beyond that, then the answer may be to try and broker for a trail through the forest to reach more land on the other side.

Alternatively, an idea may be to expand their options for trade in other directions. Building towns more tight and compactly with multiple story buildings may help squeeze out that extra bit of land, but another option may be to go for the dwarven route and dig downward. Set aside a place to quarry stone or mine for ore and provide something those other nearby places might not be if they're busy expanding outward with farmland as well.

By that, I'm trying to put a D&D comparison on it.

Doctor would be an NPC class.......and thus more common than say Clerics or such.

For a comparison by today.....doctors would be clerics, and nurses would be npc healers?

Fuck i dunno.

I'm only here to call druids hippies.

>be medic in a free city state
>church has very little influence but we have alchemist everywhere
>most i have to deal with is potion addics,poisened merchants, and the occasional anamoly
>city has a ban on druids too so my wife and son who are farmers live a fairly peacful and comfy life
>oldest son leaves for adventure
>miss him but he's raking in gold buy the vault full
>get bored and decide to run for mayor
>actually fucking win because i have so much money
Its a comfy life in the city nationfolks

>ff is a perfect world
Sounds like escapism to me

He's getting the "only 1% of the population have PC classes" from the 3.5 DMG. It doesn't say what percent of that is Cleric though, but one could guess 1/11 of 1% or 0.11%. I Googled it, MD make up 0.29% of the US population (though only 0.03% are general practitioners.)

It's supposed to be something like 90% are commoners, 9% are other NPC classes and 1% are PC classes.

Also, I accidentally called the Adept class an Acolyte (thinking of 5e).

I would assume the village "doctor" would be an Adept. If you were hurt too bad you had to go to the city to see a Cleric.

If the cleric can cure all illness and the Druid feed everyone then why are there still peasants farmers shoveling dirt for some thug in nice cloths?

Cleric only heal those who have the coin or convert to their faith
Druids are scourges of society

^^This guy.....

Is welcome at my table anytime.

Holy shit this one turned dark at the end. I feel like murdering druids now.