Conan Lv. 11 Thief (9HD, 57hp) , Great Sword +1

I suspect Monstergirl Encyclopedianon would disagree.

Well when it comes to molluscs I prefer octopusgirls

What a fucking joke. Conan's had published stats twice.

*All* S&S protagonists that have published stats and aren't a knight or paladin do have thief or assassin levels, but its rarely the main thing.

>17 str

Pathetic.

An ear seeker which has rust monster rusting ability and uses it to circumvent the protection of a helmet and get into a victim's ear may be the ultimate That DM dick move.

How in the fuck did he get a 19 Str? I thought 18/00 was the max a human male could achieve short of magical or divine means...

>divine means
You think being Crom's chosen champion has no perks?
Ye of little faith.

Sure his little wizard friend/historian didn't give him a boost?

I was expecting something a bit more futurama.

>

Conan despises magic, so I doubt it.
The only way he'd even consider it is if it were a blessing from Crom.

>I thought 18/00 was the max a human male could achieve short of magical or divine means...
As you can see from the way his levels rise and fall, and the way his Thief level is perpetually lower than his Fighter level in contravention of all stated rules, Conan ain't give a fuck about the AD&D rules. And, apparently not Gygax either.

If you insist...

Nah. That's nowhere close. Reread the description for ear seekers. Guess which other orifices (much closer to the ground) they are likely to seek out first. They're already making dick moves.

>I was expecting something a bit more futurama.

You're more than welcome to run your slugmen however you'd like. This was the direction I got from the player. I tried to convince him legs were a good idea, but he wasn't having any of it.

Crossover characters are virtually always way better than what PCs get.

youtube.com/watch?v=SQQ-Kps9KaQ
youtube.com/watch?v=Z9D4oKOha60

Who listens at the door with their helmet on? Elves?

>human torso
WTF
I was expecting a Yoon-Suin Slugman.

we doin this again?
youtube.com/watch?v=Agf5qkwzkhY

Well TOO BAD.

His eyes are wet, black things, completely black, and they move in their sockets and bring most of his face with them. It's like two thumbs pressing against a latex sheet.

I've written up the second level of my Learning Dungeon. It's designed to subtly teach new players the basics of dungeoneering without telling them they're being taught.

coinsandscrolls.blogspot.ca/2017/04/osr-learning-dungeon-level-2.html

You should probably read this post first. coinsandscrolls.blogspot.ca/2017/03/osr-learning-dungeon.html

YOU READY FOR ANOTHER ONE?

>cocaine ;)
Why even include the standard table, Henry?

on the off chance that someone hasn't actually seen the legit LotFP specialist skills table before. if im going to shitpost I figure i should at least make a small effort.

i dont want to smear the thing im parodying after all since i rather like it and find the system elegant

>It can be used as a poison dagger, but each morning, the wearer must Save vs Poison.
>If they take 6 damage at once from the poison ring, their finger falls off and turns into a snake.
Can this be avoided if you constrain your finger to avoid scratching yourself in your sleep?

/osrg/ how can we integrate this into our games?

youtu.be/niHMNHEyGO0

I wasn't ready!

Probably not. The ring doesn't stab you. It just poisons you by being in contact with your flesh.

im sorry, as an apology here i made you one

>Drink Your Problems Away

Wait a minute, I don't see "wanking", "purple prose", or "surviving on 3 hours of sleep per night" on this list anywhere. This list is bullshit. You're a hack. I bet you smell like old socks.

Just kidding that's very nice. Have a gif.

those are custom skills you need your DM to approvie

Doing something doesn't necessarily make you good at it.

youtube.com/watch?v=iwQVTBrd6sc
youtube.com/watch?v=2ueZo5i6GPg

Ah, that's easy then.

Me, do you approve these skills?
>Yes I do.
Splendid.
>No problem.
And might I say how handsome you are looking this evening? Why, you've shaved both sides of your face. And is that a freshly laundered bathrobe?
>Thank you, and no, not quite, but it is very nearly freshly laundered. And if I might reply, I would like to add that you are a handsome fellow yourself.

There we go. All sorted out.

I get tens of views per day on my purple prose, so that's clearly at least a 1 in 10 chance of success. I'm not dead despite sleep debt. And I'm /very/ good at polishing pool cues.

It's simple. Just run an all paladin party. You'll always have strong morels.

>He wandered into the pit in room (11) several centuries ago and slowly dissolved.
Pretty sure I would spend the entire session expecting an ambush if a mummy was missing.

if you were/are/will be Sean Plott i would have/will suck your dick and/or pool cues

I'm not, and he's straight (or, at the very least, not actively looking for gentlemen at the moment), so you're SOL, my friend.

I just use Day9 as an attitude barometer. Some people use Jesus, but Jesus sucked at Starcraft.

And that is an important lesson. The PCs are likely to get ambushed by his arms if they poke around the pool too much. Where do you think the mummy fragments came from?

So does Sean. Those who can't do teach.

Rust Monsters all the way. Rust Dragons if you feel fancy.

>So does Sean. Those who can't do teach.

Somebody needs to teach the noobs. Why do you think I'm writing a learning dungeon for players who are "too bad at D&D" to know to check for pressure plates?

He could kick the majority of people's ass at Brood Wars, I'd wager. It's not like he's bad at SCII, but he stopped trying to stay competitive and focused on a more steady, less stressful career.

He's not only one of the nicest, most fun people on the internet to listen to, but he's also a GOOD caster. That's a rare skill, and something tournament scenes badly need.

So what's so cool about Yoon-Suin slugmen anyway?

So what's so sensual about kobolds, anyways?

So how do magnets work anyways?

Wh... what are you implying?

So what's so human about humans anyway?

youtube.com/watch?v=MO0r930Sn_8

Pic?

While I might have posted it, it's not my kink. I didn't write that stuff. Ask the author.

>While I might have posted it,
...when? You also seem to have a kobold folder.

Anyone here use any monsters (demons, death knights, etc.) that have "can create a Symbol of Pain/Death/etc 1/day?" Did you have the monster use it? Did you let them create multiples over the last few days/weeks/months?

I can't recall if this was answered on not on a previous thread when I asked it.

I'm writing up a campaign that deeply inspired by Spelljammer but not quite the same, and for the starmap i'm torn between two methods to procedurally generate it. I'd like your opinion on which method you think is better.

On one side there is building the starmap like a dungeon, with rooms being stars and hallways connecting rooms being the paths between, be is phlogiston currents, astral winds, or hyperspace lanes. The strengths are that the directions the players can go in are controlled so I can always be prepared for whatever they encounter next.

The other is developing a hexmap, and making fantasy space into a hexcrawl. A "day" of ship travel goes from hex to hex, which can be doubled if you have alternating helmsmen. I'm still working that out. It's strengths are that I can intuit relationships between entities and worlds by vicinity, and make up a bunch of tables for encounters by just looking around a hex.

Sounds pretty cool. No fuckin idea how to clear out a single planet (?) in one or even a few sessions though.

1 ahead of time, plus 1 in combat.
If by "like a dungeon" you mean "like a flowchart" then yes, do it that way.
Hexmap makes no sense here. Nothing obstructs vision, so there is no "exploration."

My only issue with the flowchart method is I never know when is a good time to double back a connection to a place. My starchart is growing more like roots rather than a web.

How's Dungeon Crawl Classics?

Roll 1d4-1 "dead ends," then add connections until each has however many.

It's stat-blocks read like 3.5 and I'm not a fan of the dice, but I have heard only good things.

I've been doing that, but when do you know is a good point to connect back to a star/room that is not in the immediate vicinity?

1-in-8 chance? Whatever feels right.
Vicinity is relative and not to scale.

It's fun. It has some unique mechanics and doesn't really 'clone' anything other than the gonzo goofy fantasy that Appendix N was offered for. Dice are odd but there is an app you can download for free to most tablets and smartphones (The Crawler) to speed up a lot of things.

I personally love the funnel system.

Fuckin a, new osr thread!!

Starjammer clone guy you're gonna need a 3d map and hexes just won't do it. I'm not a big fan of flowchart maps but in this case it's the easiest and more natural feeling route. Your players won't notice a difference anyway unless they are freaking Ender.

t. another user who loves Spelljammer

>3d map

I'm not even going to start with that. Space is an ocean.

How many stars/nodes is good to start off with? I've got about 60 with the barebones fleshed out, 27 of which a barren.

>tfw nobody to shill my dumb gonzo setting with
>tfw nobody to dump my weird houserules on
>tfw no OSR
>tfw no group
>tfw no one

Roll20 is your friend, user. I've seen a lot of gonzo OSR games on there over the last few years.

Barring that, check out the /osrg/ Discord and hit up their 'looking for game' tab.

The problem is more with my schedule if anything.

My work likes to change my days every other week and I work night shift so I'm up and active from the midnight to 6 am kind of portion of the day in America on my days off.
Also I poof every game I join in for one reason or another, I just can't seem to go through with it. I never think my own material is good enough.

Sell your soul to me, mortal
>Bzzt

That's plenty for now. You're talking about what, six months of work minimum at this point, user. That way madness lies.

Not particularly, I mean. I have a shit-ton that are just places for forgotten dungeons and ruins. Perfect places to just use a premade dungeon and adjust to suit situation.

I'm using this largely to generate the map, sprinkling some Spelljammer tables to taste. The nodes sort of develop themselves from dice results.

>Conan as a thief

I said it when this bullshit last came over, and I will say it again.

If CONAN, of all people, is a thief, then what exactly would an actual single-class level 11 fighter look like? No, if Conan can be statted as anything other than fighter, then the entire fighter class is literally worthless.

All this monster race talk gives me hope that I might not be the only one here, even in OSR, who's thoroughly bored at always playing a human, an elf, or a dwarf.

agreed, would love to see more games in the line of Pars Fortuna in regards to race and class variety

Playing in a game where the entire party is kobolds right now.

I could tell you why kobold is objectively the best race but it'd probably be worth its own thread.

so how are you handling them mechanically, that's often the most interesting part about this sort of thing

We play 2nd edition AD&D, which already has some functional stats for kobolds in the Complete Book of Humanoids. Mechanically speaking they're not that bad: they just take -1 to both STR and CON.

It's more fluff. Cowardly little buggers that nobody likes. In other words, basically your normal kind of a murderhobo except with any pretenses dropped.

We play 2nd edition AD&D, which already has some functional stats for kobolds in the Complete Book of Humanoids. Mechanically speaking they're not that bad: they just take -1 to both STR and CON and can't use the bigger weapons, or even medium weapons with a shield.

It's more fluff. Cowardly little buggers that nobody likes. In other words, basically your normal kind of a murderhobo except with any pretenses dropped.

Kind of a cop out, but I've got a sci-fi setting where I let players basically anything they want. Sentient rocks, mobile fungus colonies, furry aliens, green space babes, whatever. But you're supposed to use your normally generated character stats to determine it. So if you got high con and wis but low dex you could be a mantis shrimp man, or like an obese bunny alien with huge ears but doesn't really hop around much anymore, etc.

So you may say that's a cheat, but it certainly makes things easy.

My group has this homebrew scifi setting that takes place a good five billion years into the future. It gives them a good excuse to play as whatever they want because humans are no longer around at all, but mostly we just did it because it makes for this cool setting where Milky Way and Andromeda are mid-collision.

>tfw divided between a serious dark soulsy campaign and cartoonish gonzo shit
>tfw new player introduces himself with a-
>'idk about D&D but i've spent countless hours in dark souls'
>tfw 'me too'
>tfw i can only think about skeletons moving in a 40s cartoon style and random gonzo shit
>tfw serious d-soulsy stuff already going on previous sessions and everything could go to hell

Can anyone recommend good egyptian-pyramid-themed dungeons?

>be 20th level Athasian Gladiator
>personally killed hundreds of people
>have toppled merchant tribes
>have even overthrown a sorcerer-king
>get caught in the rain
>practically die

lol

As high fantasy as Final Fantasy is I'd love to try a game with the kinds of races the Tactics Advance games introduced.

Personally, I'd actually prefer a similar ecology as most campaigns do right now - i.e. human-centric, all other races are really rare and seen as oddities at best, monsters at worst. If you play a nonhuman, you might as well try and make it worth something, rather than just look different.

If Conan wasn't a thief, why does he sneak around and climb at least one wall?

That's fine and all, though I'd prefer to just give something to make humans unique instead. At the end of the day it's still a game to me, and if silly weird playable races like moogles help my players enjoy the game more I'm all for it.

Dude, he spend most of the stories sneaking around, and he's always climbing shit. Being a fantastic climber is one of his strongest points, because apparently Cimmeria is seriously vertical and they're all half mountain goat there.

Non-thieves do both of those all the time.
A better question is, "Why does Conan pick so many locks?"

I've read most stories and can't recall him ever pick a single lock.

Has there ever been a lock in those stories though? If the DM isn't adding locks that's not the players fault.

If there wasn't a single lock for Conan to pick at all, then that's one less straw for you to grasp.

Virtually all pulp heroes did at least as much sneaking as Conan ever did. Hell, even -Guts- went on a sneaky assassination mission once. If Conan is a thief, then so are they.

If Conan is a thief, then there are no actual fighters left anywhere. Why would you be a fighter, anyway, if a thief can apparently be a god of war, lead armies, wear armor, strangle a fucking buff executioner, endure poisons and crucifixion, and that's not even going to all the insane shit other apparently thieves, such as Guts, did.

If you are actually seriously making the argument that Conan is a thief, then you are a retard beyond comprehension. Or at the very least you've made me seriously doubt why anyone obn /osr/ thinks B/X has any merit at all, let alone worships as their go-to system, since its fighters are so wretched. But if you are trolling me, then consider the bait swallowed and in the process of being painfully shat out.

I wrote this on PHONE for fuck's sakes.

Whatever your material is, I've played with worse.

It /really/ bothers me that the Paladins have turbans instead of the Blue Mages.

>unironically defending this shit