Oi! Just got back from fightin' da knife ears an' I looted dis from one of 'em!

Oi! Just got back from fightin' da knife ears an' I looted dis from one of 'em!

Da first mekboy dat tells me wot's dis den gets ta fix up my bike!

Make sur t' paint it red t' go fasta.

Fasta, eh? Fasta fer wot?

I tink tat's one a dem sur-presserz. Da panzies and humies like to put 'em on their shootas so they stay ded quiet like.

All da inny bitz muffle da noise, see? Dumb bit anyway, since you can't hear da dakka as good!

Grip fer da choppa. Give et more girth cuz knife ears gotta tiny fingas.

Oi, so you puts da handle inna slit thing? Seems a bit squishy! Roight loose my choppa would be in dis!

Nah nah, is fer stickin yer shank in wen yer not usin it.

Did ya get if from one of 'em spoikey blak knife ears, or from da ranebow pansy knife ears?

'ave ya checkd wots inside it yet? Could be sumthin in der.

From da ranebow 'uns!

I got dis from da 'uns in blacks! Dey must fink deys ded 'ard all in black!

I finks itsa colla fer der squigs, but dey don't have squigs!

I fink da blak ball fing there goes boom, so dey put it on deir boom squigs.

Dats an eye patch dat goes in de eye as well, dat way you don' get da empty feeli in yer hole.

Oi! I wouldn't mind one fer me bum eye! But where's da shiny gubbins go?

I dunno why but I feel like this entire thread needs a "That's not honey Pooh" comic

You should put that back. You really should. Orks can't use it.

Ye panzee! Orks can do whateva dey wants, cuz deys the best! Now tell me wot dis git is for, or I'll bust ya fancy gob wide open!

Oh yeah we can! Orks can do anytin ya stoopid git.

Er, so, whers it go anyways?

Wots it smell like?

Dey don't go anywhere, theys attached to da strappy bit.

Hey! It's unna da panzees wot I looted dis fing from.

Tell me panzee, wots dis 'ere comptramtion fer?

I'd say it's a toof polisha but dem panzees dun got no teef big enuf to polish

Yu fink it's fer ya spanna?

No not dat spanna, I mean da uvver one.

Which spanna you's talkin' about, runt? Speak up!

It's a sheath for a stabba!

So, uh, you boyz don't have dat spanna? Da one attached... uh... har har, never mind. i don't 'av it eiver.

But iz too small fer one!

I just want to chime in that I think "Chugthugga" sounds like a racial slur.

Maybe you jus' gotta git some oil on yer stabba first! Sliiides roight in! Jobs a good 'un dat way!

No it isn't you stupid git. Perfect size for a shanky-stabba.

It's for wearin on ya teef, specifically ya tusks.


Youze lot looks like a snotling inna squig pit! Yer mad! Proppa mad!

Ize seen unna deez when I used ta be a freeboota! I know just whatta do!

It's a wallet fer ya teef! Ye fit as many as ye can in der and carry it around soz you can buy big dakka!

Youz gotz da tiniest stabber I ever seen den if it can fit in dat ting, iz it a toof pick youz got der?

Oi! Yer a buncha lowsy runts ya are. Doncha know nuffin bout nuffin? It's a battle horn. Ye unscrew dat end dats no fleshy bits - da cap keeps it dry ya see - an blow thru da fleshy bit. An when ya do dat, all dem ranebow jokaz run in ta see wots happenin.

I seen dem black boyz put it on dem snots to shut der mowfs. But dat don make no sense eida, why wodn't dey jus shoot da snots?

My purple umie stabba, specific ta shankin umies propa cunnin and sneaky like in da dark, is jus da rite size.

Or even de thin stabba wot I use for pickin me teef.

Wait a sec, do ya meanz dis stuff? I foun it wiv anudda knife eared wimp.

iz know what it iz. i knew when i checked itz insidez. u see it has oil in der, special knife ear oil. itz got my geerz and piston bitz all noice and slick!

So iz like 'n oil can? Iz a stoopid way ta carry it, itz way too tiny, ardly oil at all fits in. WE orkz'd need a bigger un.

>Orks find "Over 20lbs of pussy and ass!"
>Think it's too small to store anything useful so make it bigger
>Over 200 lbs of pussy and ass!

well da knife ears dont av many geerz and pistinz in der walkers, wiv dem being monstahs and watnot. so dez not need as much

'umies get outs

>This entire thread

Who did you even raid to get that thing?

Woz it yourz? We ain't given it back wot ever it iz.

Yeh, so ZOG OFF.

As a propah mek, Iz can tell ya itz da sucky bit for a shokk attack gun! Da insides make it so da snotlin don't crawl back out!

There is no way in any sort of hellish warp that this could ever end well.

Although, I can see how it could be used for psychological operations. Imagine how horrifying it would be to see an ork using multiples of this as a weapon. In fact. actually, tossing one of these at a slaanesh worshipper with a frak grenade stuffed inside would be quite useful. an entire group of them fighting over it and then blowing themselves up when it goes off...

Dammit, I'm using that in my next warhammer game.

Unuvva 'umie! ZOG OFF YA GIT, afore I mess ya up wit me shoota I swear on me mork

Oi! Humie, wot da zog are you on about?

Didn't ya know? Da humies play a game were dey pretend dey as tough as us! Like da diggas, but not dat hardcore!

Get em outta here!

>lel le lewd elf is lewd xD
>le funny Marcille face xD
Why would this item be in the possession of the race that actively tries to avoid Slaanesh? The counter-argument will probably >muh fun, which isn't the problem, I just don't understand what this has to do with the Eldar and why this couldn't work with other races instead.

Hey man, if you can't have sex with each other without risking your delicious soul you might as well have sex with cold, lifeless plastic then hand it to your frigid wife along with a turkey baster. I mean you could collect your mess for her but fuck that noise marine noise.

They use fleshlights to avoid actual sexual relationships. A fleshlight is just a practical thing, it has little to do with pleasure and more resembles a tune-up at the mek shop than hedonist thing.

Pretty much thisThey're sexually repressed fags who present themselves as holier than thou moralists.

It is therefore both funnier and more likely to find them with a fleshlight than any other race.

But indulging in masturbation for the sole purpose of pleasure must be much more dangerous than regular sex, which can be for the sole purpose of procreation, with the lights out, under the sheets. It is done only for pleasure. There is also no source saying that having sex is even dangerous to them, and Slaanesh is also not the chaos god of sex, but excess.

>it has little to do with pleasure
user, this doesn't make any sense.

They don't have sex for pleasure, user. They have sex for SPITE. Spite for Slaanesh, their spouse, themselves, the galaxy. It's not even anger because anger implies they're getting into it. If you could orgasm apathetically you'd be an Eldar, that's what I'm saying.

>user, this doesn't make any sense.

You're telling me you've never had to nut just to nut, not for the pleasure of it?

I didn't need a sex toy for that.

You clearly don't understand the purpose of the turkey baster, then. This IS procreation, dumb dumb.

Might as well, there is very little real difference between cold lifeless plastic and your distant, listless Eldar wife. The key difference is at least the sex toy isn't ignoring you and thumbing through a wraithbone fashion magazine while you're trying to find some reason not to smash your soul stone with a hammer and get it over with.

Nice headcanon, user.

Love Can Bloom was never canon. You're only hurting yourself, let it go.


It's a lasgun.
Imperial Guard uses it as a standard firearm.

Yes, I know. And it's a good thing. Please don't lump me together with these waifu-faggots.

Taldeer is old and busted anyway, this time is all about Macha!

Wot da zog are you talkin bout ya goofy stoopid git?

Iz not a lassy gun, I gotz load of those lousy tings an cant even gib em to gretchins for parts cos dey so weak. Deres no trigger or nuttin an iz too small even for da widdle humie hands to use. Wotz more, we foun' it on a knife eared bastard, even dey don' use prissy lassy guns.

It's a works well as a fleshlight, though.

I finks they store whips in it.

macha's the older character, though?

Flesh-light? Flashlights make flashy light, so... Does dis fing emit flesh?

Good thread

Blue's toy seems pertinent to this bread

Itz not Da Size ov Da Stabba, Itz 'ow you Uze it.

Itz cuz dere snotz don't grow back, so when deyz looze sum deyz gotsta go 'n get moah.

Well my dear Ork, it's for 'sticking' something inside. Sadly you do not possess the necessary anatomy to perform that process. What a shame

Can someone post that picture where Macha gets captured by orks, saying "No! No! No!" while thinking "Yes! Yes! Yes!", and then she is disappointed when orks make her tend to their mobile weapons platform instead of raping her?

da orkz kan do anyfing if wez wantz ta.

HEY BOSS, i iz think dis umie haz autism, roight.

u wot, u grot

The joke was always that she never got the love Taldeer did, either from some random ass sniper or the playerbase. She's like the Milhouse meme.

Dem other gits is wrong, Boss! Dem elfdar call it an "onerhole", but 'umies call it da "fleshlyte"! Dat meanz dem elfdar iz werking on dere own flash gitz! But dey'z doin' it wrong! We outta go and show 'em da roight propa way!" WAAAGH!

Oi boss! We took dat apart and dere was sumethin' white an' gooey in it! I'z thinkin' it's like them 'nife ears' fungus beer or sumthin'! Dis fing 'ere is for storin' booze!

Gimme dat! I wanna know 'f I can git hammer'd with it!

Gork dammned degenerate 'umies

Fuck you, Gorgutz, you're doing it wrong. You always do it wrong. At least you're good at Team Rocket style escapes so you can show up again later.