Be me

>be me
>son of a farmer
>my goal in life is to become a farmer like my great-great-great grandfather did
>dad buys a single acre of land
>druid shits his pants
>spergs out and starts shouting about how we're disrespecting the land spirits or some shit
>father shows the druid the offical magically binding document stating that my father owns the land
>druids rees the fuck out
Summons a massive drought, a plauge that kills 25% of the town , and smashes our house with a tornado
>towns people find out, mob kills my father
>now i own the land
>druid tells me that he won't stop until i kill all my live stock
>kill all my horses, cattle, sheep, and pigs
>druid says im not done
>i have to kill my dogs
>i kill a liter of puppies and 5 dogs that i had for over 10 years
>druid returns all of my farmland to the forest
>royal guard shows up
>druid teleports away
>mfw he didn't even reverse the curses
Druids are the cancer of socity
Druidism should be banned in all kingdoms

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A thread died for this?
I can't remember.

Druids are faggots confirmed

Druids are a mystery.

Sell your land and use the money to hire a wizard to teleport the druid to the plane of fire.

In what fucking setting would this be a likely situation? You're retarded, OP.

>be me
>town watch
>meant to watch over a shitty bog filled with creepy shit
>meant to guard trade caravans from raiders
>me and twelve friends investigate the recent lack of trade carts coming back
>fucking cultists stealing the towns stuff
>we go to murderhobo them
>one fucker notices
>the rest shit their pants and summon something
>finally murder everyone there after an hour of fighting imps
>reports back to the town with the stolen supplies, and more
>gets promotion
>captain of the guard
>sent out to the front during my fucking ceremony
>frontier guard getting buttfucked by demons
>the bog turns into a clay filled hell
>a horde pours out of the cave we went in a month ago
>they were fucking each others brains out the entire month
>turns out, imps evolve
>they burn the wooden wall sealing the cave
>stab the shit out of the frontier guard protecting the area
>leading the counterattack about half a mile out
>5 seconds later
>other half of the demon army surrounds me and my twelve friends
>5 minutes later
>fucktons of demon mutants
>scared shitless as the demon lord leading the attack wants to 1v1 me
>the local druids rain hell and magical shit causing the bog to turn into a forest
>fuckloads of pissed off treants mulch the shit out of the demons
>report back to the new city
>"complete success, with huge casualties"
>get another promotion
>kings bodyguard
>asks the king to not go into the new forest because of what happened
>he agrees
>sent to the forest as an advisor
>the druids could've killed the shit out of everyone, but because my men and friends were killed, it caused the forest to grow
>they're willing to repay the losses
>an agreement is offered

>the forest is filled with demon corpses tainting the soil

>and the portal is sealed
>it's still spewing fucktons of imps

>Clerics and lumberjacks fix that shit with permission
>I gave the new kingdom lumber and a safe trade route
Druids should be praised for their help.

If you're the son of a farmer why aren't you just farming the same land as your dad until he dies? Why split up the family farming business by getting a new farm? Dumb.

He may have a brother.

>magically binding contract
>for one fucking acre of farmland
The whole magically-binding contract thing is seriously overused.

Like shit dude, do you expect the farmer to pick up the plot of land and run away with it?

>be druid
>help bind an ancient evil in the ground
>vow to protect the site with my druidic powers since I'll live the longest
>fellow adventurer becomes king of region, vows to protect the site via his kingly decrees
>somehow shit gets lost in translation a few generations later
>king's office of land management fucks up and sells the acre in some sort of magically binding deal
>talk to the man who bought the property, tell him how dangerous it is
>like, world ending danger
>he tells me to fuck off
>he weakens the binding
>use force to get him to reconsider, mob kills him
>his even dumber son gets ahold of the property and fucks it up even more
>binding repair requires blood and work on the part of who fucked it up
>either A LOT of animals or a few people
>opt for the less bad option and have him sacrifice his animals
>place tree growth over the place to dissuade people from going in
>also keep curses in effect to keep even more people away
>royal guard shows up to rectify the legal end, have other shit to attend to since my end is taken care of
>head off to TCB

>Be me, a rogue in service of the crown
>King hears of a land dispute in a nearby kingdom that is getting out of hand. Sends me to fix it before it becomes a big mess that bleeds over into our kingdom
>Go and ask questions find out some peasant farmer bought some land in a legal contract
>All evidence points to an out of control druid roaming the countryside causing havoc
>Druid has just forced the farmer to slaughter his animals
>the blood from the animals is clearly tainting the ground from some weird druid magic
>Druid heads off to TCB
>Ambush druid on his way, and kill him
>Head back to the king to report that the problem is solved
>Advise king to keep a close eye on druids, as they are clearly insane maniacs that are involved in dark magic rituals that can ruin a kingdom

>*teleport behind you and stab you* psh nothin' personnal kid


You fell for my trap!

>activates my backshield of fedora-wearer slaying

>Be another farmer
>Spend the days working the land for the king and for my family
>Some other farmer buys up an acre of nearby land
>My dad and his dad before him always said that land was cursed
>Try to tell him
>He waves around some sort of paper with writing on it and backed with some sort of witchcraft
>Keep an eye on him, clearly he's in league with the devil
>See him having some kind of dealings with another witchcraft devil worshiper that lives in the woods
>They have some sort of argument
>Horrible drought happens
>I knew their devil worshiping witchcraft would do this
>Gather up the other local farmers and lead them to put an end to this evil wizardry the way the good lord intended, with a good old fashioned burnin at the stake!
>Catch the son sacrificing animals in some devil ritual a few weeks later
>Go to rally up the neighbors for another witch burning
>Suddenly cursed land is now covered in a cursed forest
>None of us are goin near that evil woods
>Post a note in town for some adventurers to clear the place out for a handful of gold the lot of us pooled together.
>Go back to working the land for king and family.
>Fucking devil worshipers.

>druid tells me that he won't stop until i kill all my live stock

If that were a real druid, he would have fallen for suggesting that. You were duped by a wizard posing as one.

>i kill a liter of puppies and 5 dogs that i had for over 10 years

Giving into this demand was subhuman of you. It was subhuman of the druid to demand it, too, but it was subhuman of you to give in.

Any druid that tries to make me kill my dog is gonna serve as the fertilizer for this year's crops.

To quote our favorite user from /5eg/:



>Be a druid
>Live in shitty desert
>Fuck deserts.
>Deserts ain't even natural.
>Start going around the edges of the desert, quick growing trees & hardy plants to stop desertification.
>Continually traveling is kind of expensive.
>Have a family oasis back home in the middle of the desert.
>Go plant a bunch of fruit trees.
>Magic up to size, make them start bearing fruit.
>Have tons of fruit, always able to have some fresh.
>Dry some to always have supplies for trips.
>Start selling huge excess in home city.
>Become food magnate.
>Use profits to fund more planting expeditions.
>Keep planting trees.
>Fuck deserts, gonna end this one.

>father shows the druid the offical magically binding document stating that my father owns the land
the fabric of magic itself in the cosmology of this setting acknowledges the mortal ownership of land? That's stupid. It'd be hard for Druidism as D&D presents it actually forming in the first place under that cosmological makeup.

>Be king
>hear of land dispute in other kingdom getting out of hand, send mercenary to investigate
>he kills a wandering druid responsible for the feud
>He heads back to tell me the problem's solved
>With that druid gone, the curses on the land will expire soon, releasing the Elder Demon Signal Array to conquer the entire planet and bring Hell to Earth
>Exactly what the Druid feared.
>Exactly as I planned.

>towns people find out, mob kills my father
>not the druid
What a bunch of faggots.
Become a brigand and teach those fucks a lesson.


family is likely noble commoners like yewmen.
likely the father wanted to expand the family land so when he dies the 7 -9 fucking kids don't have to farm on tiny scraps
also note
you need some a fair bit of land to support grazing and crop rotation.
agriculture is no joke my dude
>but do druids ever help
>no muh ancient nature gods
this is why clerics are better.
they help people

Oh shit the greentext stories are intersecting on eachother

We need to show those Druids who's boss. Let's tear down the forests and replace them with sprawling suburbs that don't have sidewalks.

> be cobbler
> father was a cobbler
> father's father was a cobbler
> farmer's great uncles cheated my father's father's father
> feud for a generation or so
> druid passes by
> needs new shoes
>"the shoes are half off, if you'll do me a small favor"

>great-great-great-great grandfather was a hero of legend that settled down with land the king gave him
>Everyone since has been a farmer
>The land is cursed with his tremendous disappointment.
Also druids don't fall.

>turn 18
>parents kick me out, say I should stop doing drugs and get a job
>fuck work
>start living in the woods
>after a century of doing drugs in the woods I have learned the secrets of the universe
>leave the woods
>this shitty little frontier town is dying
>enrich their crops
>tell the fey to leave them alone
>kill monsters
>now the town is established and thinks they don't need me
>stop paying me
>threaten to bring down a terrible plague
>i warned them
>bring the plagues
>hold the entire town hostage, pay for drugs with their tribute
And dad said I should stop doing drugs and get a job, fuck that.

tl;dr: A mystical hobo holds a town hostage.

>he thinks you need a sidewalk in the suburbs

inner-citylet detected

If its a bunch of suburbs full of Chinese drivers, I'd want sidewalks too.

About 90% bullshit by volume. Each point of that blog either forgets or willingly overlooks that humans are part of nature. They only apply in the bloggers' game or setting.

Fuck asshole druids and piss on their ashes.
With Chinese drivers, a suburban sidewalk would just be another lane in the road.

Every so often I chill with a small group of crows who come to me for fruit.

I don't know how it started, but they bring me bleached white crab-claws, all about the same size and always totally sunbleached.
I take them and bring them the fruit (usually starfruit as we have a tree in the garden and I can get them for free, honestly not sure why the crows don't just eat them off the tree)

Crows are smart as fuck, I don't know why more druids don't have crow familiars.

My Grandmother has something like that.
She gives crows seed and they give her the dried cores of corncobs.

She said she accidentally gave one of them more seed than another, and never saw that one again.
She's super serious about not feeding them unless you feed them all, and feeding them all the same amount.

Why is your grandmother a commie?

Because she's educated, logical and moral.