Awful Fucking Players thread

This isn't strictly That Guy, but just instances of really shitty players that have ruined things for you.


For me, I'm in a game right now with a guy playing a face character, but he's beyond socially inept himself, and about as bad when playing his character.

It's not just that though, his RP is completely out of character feeling, and definitely way far out from the setting we're playing in.

He also complains in character about being there, but provides absolutely 0 character options for the GM to latch onto and give him a reason to be there with.

He's slowly killing this game for me, which is sad.

>huge fat retard that brings like 12 cheeseburgers in a sack to every game and eats every single one himself
>has been 'playing' for 8 years but still unironically asks the DM how to calculate his 'to hit' rolls
>always makes completely ineffective archery based characters and complains that he isn't relevant enough

Everyone is waiting for him to die of fatness.

>Party is Wizard, Ranger, Sorcerer (me) and That Guy
>That Guy is playing barbarian monk
>homebrews this huge pile of retarded shit and would whine at the DM to allow it
>starts dictating setting details
>character is chaotic neutral and basically acts like a 3 year old kid
>complete psychotic and is jealous of every single god
>Practically a loner, except for every other day of the week
>does shit and makes unfunny jokes constantly
>laughs like a retarded chucklefuck at everything.
>his special move: Hug Time For the retarded breeding slaves in harems
>We were all too stupefied by "why would he do that" to even argue
>I'm a tiny female sorceress who wasn't a reploid
>it countered the stupidity of That Guy
>Wonder why I even bothered

cont.

>we cross a desert and are somehow poisoned from the goddamn liquid sand
>eventually find our way to a Catfolk tavern
>that horse dick stew looks so good to me right now
>I try to negotiate
>Have fairly high charisma
>I try and use the fact that he is a Catfolk, because Catfolk are so soft and cuddly
>ended up with an 18 eyed fat and sphere-shaped elephant
>I try to start negotiating again
>I think there's a difference between being retarded and flippant
>That Guy gets bored
>Runs into crowd and begins suffocating a faggot
>a faggot in full plate armour
>a Paladin faggot in full plate armour
>FUCK. GRAVEYARDS.
>DM expects a bloodbath
>worried_laughter.gif
>People outside notice the commotion and alert guards
>DM warns That Guy one last time "I'd suggest you try this diplomatically, someone who doesn't understand what the phrase Devil's Advocate means"
>That Guy outright declares "if you stop now I will simply let you leave"
>Paladin says "no, you'll work for me and do as I say, or I'll gut you right now"
>Paladin throws a javelin through the head of the wizard
>wizard dropped to exactly 0 HP, unconscious but not dying
>Paladin runs demanding I stop
>MORTALS SUCK FOREVER.jpg
>tell the wizard that he finds bodies
>really wild gross and obnoxious
>paladin is raging, demanding justice, saying they all kill
>starts attacking me as I run into the forest
>How the hell did he recognize what I was doing?
>Personally felt it was ruined when That Guy and approximately 100 guards defect to the side of the Paladin
>That Guy wants to knock me unconscious in one hit because of some crazy overpowered homebrew rule
>DM flabbergasted
>Me trying to cast fireball
>Paladin convinces them all to calm down with diplomacy
>everything back on track
>mfw

>poster count goes up

I was once in a party with a guy who:

>had a nigh unintelligible accent, requiring him to repeat everything he said at least 3 times before anyone could actually understand him
>never paid any attention to the game unless it was his turn in combat
>played League of Legends with headphones on during virtually every session
>browsed sad panda literally next to me during a game one time (didn't open anything, just browsed thankfully)
>on the rare occasions when he did perk up and pay attention, he would try to take charge and get moody when things didn't go his way

To top it all off, it was a club group, so the DM couldn't just tell him to fuck off. Thankfully we could just ignore him most of the time since he was too busy with LoL to even notice.

>had one of my friends of a long time before D&D who would join all the campaigns I would run (as well as other games I was in)
>played like a retard and got dropped to zero constantly in combat
>would harass all the NPCs he could
>constantly make REALLY bad decisions but expect whatever DM to make it work or he would get emotional
>finally in one of my campaigns he starts being a retard to my NPCs
>wasn't having his shit
>gives me shit saying I'm a bad DM and sits there on his phone for like 10min then just walks out and later tells everyone he's done with D&D

Thank fucking goodness.

>friends want to try dnd, but we have to do it over chat
>That Guy, who has the most experience, makes his gf the dm
>he plays a rogue, obviously
>i'm a dwarf something, it's not really important because we dumbed down the rules and everyone is melee
>we have another party member, but they were just along for the ride
>there's a small tower we need to infiltrate because something in it is spawning dire rats or something like that
>outside, group planning
>no idea what to expect or what could be inside, but anything major is up top
>i realize i have a 10' pole and want to vault up to the second story window to look in because it sounded fun
>other guy likes approaching this from two fronts
>That Guy vetoes it
>his plan is "go inside and kill everything lol" and runs inside
>we go in the front door after him
>plot npc standing inside to give us advice
>try to talk to him
>That Guy does a *teleports behind you* and says he kills him
>other guy and i are annoyed
>ask dm why she lets him decide everything
>"he's my bf and he knows the game better than me"
>go up the stairs
>room there was safe, outside of a trap that 10' pole could also have taken care of
>eventually we get to some combat
>That Guy doesn't use the chat roll command, so he clears it all without us by saying he rolls perfectly each time (like he did on his character sheet)

I wish there was a real ending, but we just sort of gave up after that and never tried again. If he was at least roleplaying as a dickass thief it'd be alright, but he just wanted to be told he wins everything. His gf is now a tumblr-gendered cyberbeggar, and it's kind of depressing.

Not too many are bad. Current group occasionally gets distracted as we play online, so sometimes real life interferes. Worst was one guy I used to play with. A few habits of his:
>constantly wanted to play female characters, cat girls specifically if possible
>played said characters as complete whores
>not just a munchkin, but a cheater
>would always roll just the right number to succeed
>would always have the right ability or gear to "save the day"
Just annoying as shit to be around. Far as I could tell, his whole motivation was to be the "winner" of everything. Could see it when he tried to GM. Thankfully that episode didn't last very long.
>thought of the game as GM vs PC's
>most "sessions" ended with at least 2/5 PC's dying
>rest were "rocks fall and everyone dies", usually when we were starting to "win"

These aren't nearly as bad as some examples in these threads but sometimes they get on my nerves.

>Starting new campaign with new DM (also new to DM'ing).
>That Guy is a fucking furfag. >Complains because DM doesn't allows his homebrew furry shit.
>Since he can't bring his fetish to the table, now will roll a "grimdark, PC-killer, human character".
> First session is tomorrow.

The furfag in question is a middle-aged aspie with the maturity of a teenager. Furry shit and cringe aside, he is not that bad player but lately he has been really pushy with his zoophilic fetish and it's getting annoying.

In other group there is a guy who can't shut up about how cool and great his PC is, bragging ooc for any fucking thing he does, thankfully he is been less of a dickhead lately and only brags in character.

Not awful, but just sad.

>softspoken DM
>thinks highly of himself, arrogant, kind of irritating but not terrible guy
>brings his wife to every game
>she blatantly flirts with other dudes at the table and elsewhere in the store
>every time she does he just sighs and looks down at the table
>wife always tries to take the spotlight
>bitches and nags him if she isn't in it
>often relents whenever something doesn't go her way
>but she's otherwise nice to us, especially the dudes, just shits on her husband
>he takes it like a true whipped
>often bring their annoying kid with them
>she completely disrespects and annoys dad-gm
>wife is either verbally abusive to her or ignores/acts totally uncaring to her
>when store staff isn't around
>other people at table give her looks when she does this but never say anything
>wife doesn't care
>all of her characters are stated to have been intentionally minmaxed and made by her husband for her to play

Worse yet, I remember a time when he'd come around without her.
>happy
>confident
>talkative but not annoying
>nice guy
>then his wife walks in
>his smile and optimism gone
>barely talks and just looks sad
>wife of course flirts with every dude she sees and makes endless sexual comments
>he does nothing

The guy himself is mildly irritating, but the wife is the most colossal fucking bitch when it comes to him, despite her being friendly to everyone else, and it's gotten really grating as of late seeing this dude who I know is decently nice always getting literally cucked in the store and pushed around by his asshole of a spouse.

Are you on drugs?

Thankyou user! I thought i was the only one having a hard time reading.

>trying out Ironclaw
>resident powergamer/goon makes Nut Shack-tier Chinese stereotype
>can't figure out how to cheese the system for once
>nearly gets destroyed in the first fight
>as usual is massively insecure because his character isn't practically invincible
>pulls lolrandumb shit every chance he gets
>party finally threatens to gut him on the spot when he tries to eat a little girl

He later admitted that he never wanted to play and decided to wreck the game so we'd move on to something else.

Literally I don't even.

Pls stop having a stroke before you post.

>DM'd a game for 5e, since nobody else wanted to
>That Guy joins
>mumbles all game
>has the roleplaying skills of a wet brick
>generic great old one warlock #83004
>can't cast anything aside from eldritch blast
>stops talking to me almost entirely, only in game
>but mumbles shit to the other players
>notice players breeze through fights
>he started giving other players stuff
>equipment, spells, items, other shit
>friend of a friend
>couldn't drop him because a nice chunks of my players would leave

Haven't DM'd since.

>Eclipse 2e
>Dawn caste decides he wants to be a smith
>has a whole smithing business and everything. 50 workers, teaching all of them
>now he's fucking around robbing mines because he "needs resources"
>rest of the party is dealing with Wyld Hunt
>because of the trouble the Dawn caste has stirred up
>"want to come help?"
>"nah, I've summoned these demons to build me an airship. He needs a year to make it, so I've got to get resources"
>"how long does the contract last?"
>"one year, why?"
>Wyld Hunt proceeds to kill the Zenith PC
>party rallies and wipes them out
>Dawn is still just fucking around robbing mines
>find out later that both the storyteller of the Exalted game, and another DM had an intervention with That Guy because both groups are increasingly becoming annoyed with him
>meanwhile That Guy has steadily reduced the amount of information he gives the party about anything
>when asked, it's because he thinks they're planning to kill him
>his proof is that he doesn't know the last name of one of the PCs

Bump

...

>invite younger brother to d&d
>he wants to play a fighter, cool
>makes a fighter
>with 10 strength
>16 charisma
>using a blacksmiths hammer in one hand and a katana in the other
>says he should be allowed to add his int score to his damage because it helps him know where to strike best
>not his modifier bonus, the whole int score.
>gets salty as fuck when hes told no
>says this game is fucking stupid and its too slow
>turtles up and just starts rolling plain d20s and says single word actions like "attack" in combat
>suddenly perks up
>runs off a cliff and dies
>wants to make a new character based off lemongrab
>starts saying we're all fucking losers for playing d&d when he's not allowed to make that character
>goes upstairs and locks himself in his bedroom and starts screeching autistically at destiny
>ranger player in our group hears him get killed
>shouts "how's it feel being trash at two games tonight!?"
>little bro hears him, rages and throws his controller through the front of the tv

what the fuck

That's pretty funny desu. I'm sorry your little brother is such a piece of shit though.

>0th level campaign
>Doing hit and run guerilla warfare tactics against some infantry under the leadership of our general
>Three successful raids in one night, didn't lose a PC so far
>On the third raid we got a bit too cocky and had to retreat
>Lost the infantry by running into a forest which led us to a cave
>Explored for awhile, found kobolds
>Both our group and the kobolds equally surprised
>Kobold shouts something at us but none of us spoke the same language
>Nevertheless, neither group is hostile, until
>One of our PCs gets bored and decides to shoot the kobold in the face with an arrow

We ended up getting into several encounters that led to only one of us surviving total, all because some guy got bored and wanted to kill an NPC that wasn't hostile to us

This was the third campaign I've played with this dude who has a tendency to do stupid shit, shit that punishes not only him but the rest of our party.

I couldn't even be mad at him anymore but after that happened I left the group and never came back. Shame too because I liked the DM.

...

Wait why were the players all breezing through fights?
>he started giving other players stuff
What, just materialized it out of thin air? I don't get what's going on

You kidnap that fucker and take him to Vegas right goddamn now.

Not that poster or anything, but I think he was trying to pull off the whole
>"joke with a string, shampoo, glue, pieces of bread, soap, pieces of paper in hard to reach places and some other shit that ends up with a dead cat, a freaked out brother and a friend shitting his pants"
kind of greentext that was the rage a couple of years ago.

I'm not saying that he managed to do it correctly, I'm just hinting at the idea that he *might* post like that on purpose.

Blackjack and hookers you say?

...

Ehh, that's gonna trigger neckbeards. Particularly "they've got their own rules" I mean I've got a bit o the 'tism and my first two thoughts where "homebrew" then "just regular SM rules with pre-heresy paint"

So I can understand a bit of how he'd flip

Why wait?

I got a player for an online text game. He's really fucking enthusiastic, energetic, devoted and gives every game his all and gets completely invested.

And he types really really fucking slowly.

Every single action needs a paragraph of HARDCORE ROLEPLAY which can take him anything up to 15 minutes to type. I've asked him to try to speed it up or trim it down and I genuinely believe he tried but its still completely ruining the pace of the game.

I really dont want to kick him, its rare you get a player who gives that much of a shit and he'd take it right to heart.

It's not even coherent though.

Can't say I recall any fad for nonsense greentext stories either.

My players are less bad players and more stubborn fucks that take forever to get into games and will blueball the entire group if they aren't "feeling it"

...

What the flying fuck is going on