Well

"I died during sex with a Seraptis demon. I actually nailed the seduction roll and she was into it, but I miscounted my modifiers and it turns out that I couldn't actually survive sex with her. I thought my body was ready, but it really wasn't."

I shall explain nothing to you, false god.
A true god of judgement would be an embodiment of the eventuality of justice.
And justice would not matter to the dead, for justice is served.

Where is the god of justice? I wish to complain for this injustice.

Probably in a stupid accident.

I have traveled the land with my companions, defending those who could not from those men and unholy abominations that would prey on those who cannot defend themselves. I gave gold and the gift of healing to the poor of the city streets. I slew undead, and slew those who would raise them.

I kept one of my comrades, a half-orc, from straying down a path of dark violence, bringing him back to the light and guiding his fury towards evil.

My life was given freely to defend my comrades while we fought an unholy demon. I shielded them from the worst of its magic, which killed me in the process.

My only regrets are that I cannot be there for my friends and my lover, to give my life once more for them, and that I will not be able to raise my lover and I's child.

To eternal torment...quickly before I vomit.

Sentence: Eternity with the God of your choosing.

Sentence: Reincarnation. Try again.

Politely stall for time with random adventuring stories while waiting for my clone to activate.

Eternal torment and suffering. Oh, and destroy the clone.

"In life, I cared for nothing more than gambling and competition. So when I and my allies defeated a demon at the request of one of his victims, I converted his den of greed into a temple of Kurgess. In my carelessness, I was felled by one of the local savages. I suppose some people cannot be helped."
I played a Summoner that loved gambling and jousting and summoned a horse-shaped Eidolon in imitation of that, and so worshipped Kurgess (god of Do You Even Lift?) despite being a spellcaster.
The final foe of the campaign was a Jewish demon that ran a synagogue/bank in a place called 'Shankswood'.
We decided that with a name like that it was filled with Mexicans (ents) and black people. My character tried to make a temple of Kurgess/gym out of the demon's lair. Going along with our established stereotyping, the locals shanked my character in the Epilogue.

>Eternal torment and suffering. Oh, and destroy the clone.
Alright m'am, that seems fair.
>Get sent to eternal torment, one of my MANY clones finally activates.
>I swear, once I get a few divine ranks I'm going to punch that bitch in the face.

I was oiling my abs in the name of the emperor.
.....and then I slipped and fell into the webway portal.
.........and then Chegorach told me a joke that made me laugh for a whole month.
..............and then I slipped again and fell on a squad of Eldar Harlequins.
You can figure out the rest.

Sentence: Eternity in the domain of the God of your choosing.

>which character is standing before the Goddess
The one that can't die due to setting bullshit. Checkmate.

I had sex with the wrong goddess that night. Now that I think of it, it might have been a god.

>eternal arm-wrestling with Kurgess
True happiness.

I spent my life on 12 hour days in front of computer screen. I died choking on pork rinds and week old soda that had been left in the sun.

Do your worse.

WAKE ME UP

Waiteth a second, didst thee sayeth "gods"? mine own mistress, th're is only one god, thou art but a m're pretendeth'r. Prepareth to kicketh the bucket wench!

Yes!
One God!
And his name is Ralph!

I thought his name was Lionel?
I rather thought I'd like to get along well with a god named Lionel..

This is a violation of the Pax Arcanum.
>Uses Practice of Transfiguration to put upstart goddess in her place.

No!
Only One!
And his name is Ralph!

but i'm rather found of the name Lionel..

Ayiyiyiyiyiyi! You will die for insulting Ralph!

Christ that early-modern was awful.

>Hold! Dist thou sayeth "gods"? Mine own mistress, there be only one God, thou art but a mere pretender! Prepareth thyself to kick yon bucket, wench!

You learn the weirdest things, watching FiM

I feel like eternal torment would be a step up.

Sentence: Reincarnation, try again

How dareth thee fig me knave! I shall alloweth thee knoweth yond i useth lingojam.com/englishtoshakespearean to translateth mine own w'rds to fusty english!

Eternal Torment and suffering.

Next.

Well, let's see. I scared away a barbarian army by leaving half of their alive and crucified prisoners in their marching path during the daytime, and the night before the battle I set alight the other half of the prisoners and sent them screaming into their camp. I guess after that they figured they'd had enough and most of the men had deserted the barbarian chieftain by dawn.

The love of my life was dying painfully of illness so I killed us both on the same sword.

Thy word processor earlier produceth the word "pretendeth'r" as a noun. Yea, I tell thee that the "-th" ending be applied only to the second person singular of a VERB.

Thy translator be lacking, fool.

Also in early-modern English and actually until about the 19th century, "be" was used rather than "is".

I encountered an Orc infant, and I thought, it is dishonourable to kill an infant, yet I must destroy evil.
So, under my supervision I raised the infant, knowing one day I would have to destroy it to fulfil my oath.
That day has passed.

>dishonorable to kill an infant
Sir user, please, when you kill vermin or crush a spider you don't worry about whether the animal is a baby, you kill it no matter the circumstance.

AHAHAHAHA
No.
>Transfiguration (Any ••••• ••••) The archmaster gains complete control over anything under the Arcanum’s purview

But those creatures hold no importance in my quest to destroy evil.
H-have I disgraced my order's code?

The last character I played was a noble who went into self-imposed exile to protect her lover. She basically wandered around fighting evil until she found out she might be able to find her ancestral sword and go home.

During her roving she slew a demon and stole its magic ring, drove a band of brigands from a fort and saw to its restoration as a way of protecting the local people, and restored a noble man to his rightful throne.

She died in order to free her ancestors from an ancient curse, allowing them to return home after hundreds if not thousands of years being frozen in stone.

Unfortunately yes, sir user. You have vowed to destroy evil, yet what you failed to understand is that evil can take many forms, even the form of a young child. Orcs are evil to the core, no matter the gender or age. You assumed that you'd be able to kill the Orc when he came of age, but what if you weren't able to? What if the Orc was just biding his time to kill you? Well then you would be dead, and he would be free to roam and breed, leaving more death and destruction in his wake.

>I swore to protect the innocent and destroy monsters! I spent my life traveling the realm to do just that, and I died to give my dearest companions a chance to escape the clutches of a misshapen demon!

I really wanted a crown.

Really really.

Can I have yours?

You're a horrible father.

>Dominate ••••• •••••: Plot Device

Caine says no.

I can see where this is going.....
I could've used a psionic or a seer but no, I am now stuck here, with an obviously vain and prideful wench of death itself.

Practice of Transfiguration is from New World of Darkness user.

No.

Your in the God of death's domain. She makes the rules here.

Sentence: Eternity with the God of their choosing

How did I get here I was on the way to the kitchen to get a push pop I think I may be in the wrong place

Sentence: Reincarnation

>Vicissitude ••••• •••••: Plot Device

That's okay. Caine doesn't mind.

Caine's a total bitch, though. He wouldn't do anything besides mope. Pick a weaker but more dynamic vamp, like Saulot or Ashur, m8.

I lived as a holy paladin who saved the lives of innocent people.

I died to save the world.

>Your in the God of death's domain. She makes the rules here
I usurp her with Mage Supremacy. Removing another Supernatural's powers is a mere Practice of Excision, and it works on everything with the right Arcanum, from lowly Ghosts to Old Gods. Hell, Transfiguration is probably overkill anyway, as Practice of Entities is explicitly able to alter the laws of regions of the Underworld.

I find it very funny that OP has just taken his goddess thingy to be unstoppable.

>dying to save the world
Why can't you paladins ever die to save some small village no one cares about? Good gracious, what happens the day one of you fails to save the world?

>He wouldn't do anything besides mope.

Actually in the one Gehenna scenario where he definitely shows up, "Fair is Foul", Caine makes a point of showing up during the world-ending catastrophe that Lilith is causing in order to prevent it, all the while grumbling about the fact that everyone else is apparently so incompetent that he has to deal with things himself.

This implies to me that if anything is going to change the world in any drastic way, Caine gets himself involved and prevents it. An archmage trying to unseat the Goddess of Death probably qualifies.

The enemy had more cannon than we realized and had placed them with better skill than my generals thought due. I was putting my saber to them when the battery they had concealed opened up on my company of cuirassers.

My explanation done, do what you will. I, like an ant would to myself, care not for your doom.

Crucible of God was my favorite because I'm a total fag.

SEE

"isn't it your fukken job to know that already without me telling ya? Or is my promise of eternal torment until the day of reckoning embodied by havven to look at you while you ask me stupid fukken questions?"

A. Saving the world saves ALL the villages.
B. The party member being shielded can be the next to save the world.

>An archmage trying to unseat the Goddess of Death probably qualifies.

Caine is in oWOD, my guy is in nWOD. Normally, I would have the Exarchs and other Archmages after me if I went around bullying Gods, but this is a clear case of self defense.

You didn't expect to end up here so you haven't had a chance to research, much less procure, whatever quintessence you'd need for an Imperial working, if you could even land it on what's clearly one of the more powerful Old Gods.

"A mere Practice of Excision"... I swear, new archmages never used to be *this* arrogant. I blame all these whiz kids beelining straight for ascension, the enlightened in my day understood you need to see a bit of the world and spread your arcane experience around so you have some context for what you're rewriting.

I, Gaius Aurelius, am a God of the Sword. Why the hell are you asking me to tell my life's story for judgement?

You aren't hitting on me are you? Don't bother. Yrel and Lorianna would probably murder you in a jealous rage if they thought someone else was trying to get in my trousers.

>Caine is in oWOD, my guy is in nWOD

Hence Vicissitude 10: Plot Device. Caine transmutes himself into nWoD.

I died fighting a lich who out smartest us, he gave me a choice kill my friends or kill a group of villagers. I chose to strike him instead of fall for his trap and hope my friends could run. Do what you must I have held to my oaths and fear not whatever judgement is to be past.

Sentence: Eternity with the God of their choosing

Sentence: Eternity of torment and suffering

Sentence: Reincarnation

Look here woman. You can't sentence a GOD to an eternity of torment and suffering. Don't make me get Old Man Li on your ass.

Well, let's see. I scared away a barbarian army by leaving half of their alive and crucified prisoners in their marching path during the daytime, and the night before the battle I set alight the other half of the prisoners and sent them screaming into their camp. I guess after that they figured they'd had enough and most of the men had deserted the barbarian chieftain by dawn.

Sentence stands.

Next

Our records show that you fell down the stairs.

Sober.

Sentence: Reincarnation as a housecat

Yeah sure, lady. Well, I'm bored. I'm gonna go kill some Outsider gods.

>You didn't expect to end up here so you haven't had a chance to research, much less procure, whatever quintessence you'd need for an Imperial working, if you could even land it on what's clearly one of the more powerful Old Gods.
I'll come back later then. What I do have is a way to get out of the Underworld by retreating to the golden road, or, if that doesn't work, using an Artifact that I made and always bring along for these kind of trips that transports the user from the depths of the Underworld to a safe location in the material world. The Paradox hurts like a bitch though.

"Never liked Gods. See when I was a kid, I was kept locked up in a small room, just enough room to pace, Enough room to wear out the floor with some pacing, nearly nothing else. Found out about gods, Prayed to every damn one I knew of to get out. Even you. Nothing. Since that day, I've never prayed to a god in my life. Years passed, I learned how to get out of places I didn't want to be in, mostly on my own, some from my Aunt, our family's Spymaster, who was grooming me to take over for her. At least originally, mum took me and turned me into a Drider. Something in the ritual went pear shaped, I went nuts, started eating family members and fled off into the Underdark. I know it's not SUPPOSED to happen, but the drider form sort of..wore off as I got further and further away from home. Eventually, I came to the surface and freaked the fuck out. You gotta understand, I lived in a dank ass cave my entire life. Light, Shadows, Trees, it was all fucking weird. But fascinating. Thing that fascinated me the most was the Sea. Lady, if ever there was an antithesis of the Underdark, wide open spaces on all sides, light above and below. It was the only place I could stand to be.
I can't actually say how I died. Just that, odds are it was doing something really foolish, for what I hope were the right reasons."

And if I choose none of these gods? I shall not. Let the multitudinous gathering wager for my soul, and give me a misty, pale horse and the keenest saber, I shall not beg 'Pray, let me into your paradise'; you must petition me.

I thought i was the quickest blaster in the outer rim, turns out i was wrong, as the last thing i remember is looking down the barrel of a hold-out after a preticualrly lucrative game of sabac

>Dying to begin with
Huehuehuehue

Better link this to the CoD general so you can get flooded with posts about just how wrong you are

"My life wasn't anything spectacular. I died because I challenged a dwarf to a drinking contest. Can I just wait around for a few? I'm sure my party is on their way to resurrect me as we speak. If you overlook this, I promise that my death will be much more interesting next time. We're planning to go fight some uppity, klepto-gnomes tomorrow!"

I starved along with a girl. Did she get to the town?

Desert survival is cruel

I managed to take down 217 skeletons, 114 zombies, 3 wraiths, a banshee, 4 ghouls, and finally fell to some modified 10 ft. tall Death Knight with full plate and a tower shield. I'm sorry I couldn't finish the job, that damned lich had a long time to build his army before we find his little hidey-hole.

>embrace your sentence
I guess I write down the following, then hug the paper.
"Filled with curiosity I fell into a slime pit trap without checking the floor."

>"I got into a dance battle with a Force 12 Great Spirit."
>"I know they said his moves were so good it would blow your mind, but not literally lady. Seriously, should've been there to see it."

Ate too many dicks, I reckon

Do you have any settings apart from reincarnation, eternal torment, eternity with god of choice?

Rolled 11 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>Kenku Bard

Lemme smash

I killed myself in an elaborate ritual to this very moment where my body will become a vessel of eternal piss, shit, and vomit. I will drown the afterlife in putrescence.

So literal shitposting ritual.

Shitrit?
Shrit?

"I've wanted to die for a long time, but now that it's happened I find myself with work left unfinished. If you can send me back just long enough to complete my task, I'll happily accept an eternity of torment in your halls.

I just really need to cockblock that mouthy lesbian"

I remember your thread user

You did good

I traveled far and wide across the lands of Golarion, seeking the truth of my heritage and carving the swansong of my lost clan in to the annals of history.

I dealt out justice divined by my hand alone, unbound by creed or law. I consorted with dragons, priests, cultists, criminals and the spirits of the dead to further my only goal. By spell and blade I ended many. Man and beast, abomination and undead, deserving and innocent. All my deeds remain unatoned for, and I shoulder that burden willingly.

My only regret is that I stand here as the destined champion of the Serpent of Secrets, the song of my people yet unsung, the serpent unawoken from nightmare.

I was banished for “murdering” thief to the land above and had to live amongst the pink and tall people called humans. Good riddance, those fuck’rs just slaving and rotting away in their mines. It was’n much of a punishment of you ask me.

Up there on the surface world I met this young man, or a boy to be honest. It was cute, him thinking himself a man and all. He showed me the ropes. I protected him in return. We became friends – I would even say brothers aye. Gon’ miss that fuck’er! God damned was he a piss poor mage – but he could fight like the best of em. A true swords master – and perhaps a better warrior than me to be honest. I was the better at messin people up. Him being a pink skin and all. He could even rip a man’s arms of and beat him do death with em! HAHAHA

Sorry, mam – getting a lill of track ere. We traveled the world, took what we needed when we needed it - or in my case; when I wanted it. We fought evil when we saw it, took the treasures when we found them, drank all the bear that could be dranked, ate all the food that could be eaten, we bathed in troll blood – most types of blood to be honest, sometimes blood of good men as well I bet, you should know! I send a load of fuck’rs down to ya after all. You member when we met that time hon? Back when we wandered the lands of the dead looking for some trinket or another to do some elvish trickery? You know, that time I SAVED THE WORLD from that chaos god?

Dying was a bit of a bummer. I drowned in a swamp. Turned out I wasn’t that good a swimmer with full plate armor. I guess that most men aren’t. Especially when being dragged to the bottom by the undead. Whats so freaking hard to keep the dead dead? Isn’t that like yer fucki’n job hon?

All in all. I lived free, I died free, WET, and with friends. My beard cought on fire. I punched some people. I saved the world – and I got drunk.

Was that what ye wanted to hear hon?

Committed Sudoku.

Well, I slaughtered dozens of villages, kidnapped an Elven Princess for a necromantic ritual, proceeded to raise said Elven Princess as my undead bride, conquer a greater portion of the Dwarven Kingdoms through the raising of their ancestors (Seriously, they bury EVERYONE in the same area. Too easy.)

I scared the piss out of the other kingdom's too, especially when the elves came for revenge and my wife tied down her own living brother in front of his cowed army and, er, that's probably not something to say in polite company.

As it turns out though, dragons are quite effective at killing the Undead. Who knew? And after they tried burning my army out they had the gall to send in some pissant adventurers. Killed all but one of them, and then the epiphany hit me that I'd never actually died. Sure the ritual to become a lich 'kills' you but you never get to see the Afterlife. Figured I might give it a try, so I let him get a good hit in and act like a hero.

Well, this has been fun and all, but I think I hear my phylactery calling. See you soon.