Anyone else have really serious, bad suicidal ideation? Like, you really want...

Evilember
Evilember

Anyone else have really serious, bad suicidal ideation? Like, you really want to kill yourself, like, almost all the time, like it doesn't matter how much gains you make, nothing is ever enough, I'm up thousands of percentage points on the year and still want to die, maybe even moreso than I did before.
It's almost as if this shit is stressful and worrying and no matter what move I make it feels like it was a sub-optimal choice and i fucked up and didn't maximize profits and i missed so many pumps and opportunities.
It feels like nothing I do will ever make me happy. I got a car from my crypto gains, I got a new pc, I got a new guitar, I am in talks with an IRL friend who also made huge gains to possibly go into some real estate, and it seems like a great idea, and i should be excited but i hate everything. I hate my job that I've been funneling hundreds of dollars per week into crypto with, i don't trust my girlfriend/fiance thing, i barely have time to really do anything other than work/eat/sleep, weekends and evenings are either consumed by social events that leave me feeling empty, or me chasing the candlesticks for hours at a time. I don't think any movies have really held my attention this year except blade runner 2049.

Sorry for the blogpost. I guess the topic is "did you think getting money would make you happy, and when you got it, did it actually?"

because even though i could go on vacations or do the whole "no one is sad on a jet ski" thing, it feels completely pointless to do, like it's a waste of possible maximum gains.

Other urls found in this thread:

en.wikisource.org/wiki/Moral_letters_to_Lucilius
amazon.com/gp/product/B005NC0MGW
vocaroo.com/i/s0iun02EgOBI
youtu.be/1OQQ52HBQi8
drlwilson.com/articles/NICKEL.htm

whereismyname
whereismyname

en.wikisource.org/wiki/Moral_letters_to_Lucilius

Dreamworx
Dreamworx

lost all my money in link and tenx

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

if you do it
186c1R3cPhwVxikopQEKenRZUHKKpbrtQo

Boy_vs_Girl
Boy_vs_Girl

You are trying to fill a hole with money. Should probably use some of that money for a therapist to find out the real issue then come up with a solution for that.

Firespawn
Firespawn

thanks man, these seem really interesting
therapy didnt help me and seemed like even more of a waste of money and i regret trying it, in hindsight.

Illusionz
Illusionz

Welcome to reality, nigger. Nothing will ever be enough, even if you avoid unreasonable expectations. Your soul is programmed to be dissatisfied. The best you can do is plan your life in a way that gives you steady, small moments of conscious satisfaction throughout the day, every day.

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

Based user

GoogleCat
GoogleCat

I am terrified you might be right.

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

Sounds like you should get some help. That shits not normal.

There's no way to catch every moon. Try to focus on the fact that you are making money and not one of the retards actually losing money in this market. I used to get pissed when I sold before the peak but it's a stupid thing to focus on. I only started making real money when I stopped dwelling on my potential gains and instead moved on to the next opportunity.

Seriously, if you are doing so well and still feeling suicidal, get some help. What if the market crashes all of the sudden?

takes2long
takes2long

I lost my entire BTC stack that it took me two months of working to save up for today cos of fucking ethermon and I'm hiding the kitchen knives.

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

If you find that specific translation to be uncomfortable to read, amazon.com/gp/product/B005NC0MGW is decent. You will not regret reading the book.

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

How old are you user?

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

Hi friends. One of the bitter lessons in life is no matter your external circumstances, your internals will remain mostly the same.
Your pleasure response is from dopmaine, and it quickly wears off. Modern society is designed to wreck you. What makes you "happy" quickly fades away.
What do?
1st dont kys. This is fixable.
2nd if you really think you are schizo, stop doing activities that aggrevate it. Marijuana is really bad for it (sad!)
3rd you need to start doing things different. Stop looking for reward and fulfuliment in outcomes. Seek it in your actions. You may end up a millionaire or broke. But how you feel in the process does not have to be correlated to the outcome. Does that make sense?
Money can hurt or help you. It is hurting you right now because your existing mental problems are not stable. It is adding fuel to the fire. Dont quit, be grateful for your money, but view this as the ultimate sign that even after $ sex and travel you will still be unfulfilled - unless you deal with your internal world.

Deadlyinx
Deadlyinx

I have already cashed out enough to be very very profitable. all crypto wallets could turn empty tomorrow and I'm still up a couple dozen thousand dollars in fiat.
Logically, such a thing does not bother me. but i get very sad sometimes, and have much better expectations of myself than "one of the retards losing money"
When the voice comes, it says things like, "I should be at millions now. I should be at retirement now. I should be capitalizing on this once in a lifetime opportunity better. I knew about this in 2011. Why didn't I invest then? [irl friend] bought right after Gox crashed and tried to get you to jump in for $400, and you didn't. Now you're buying at 2k, 3k, 8k, 12k, and even more at 16k. Pathetic. Simply pathetic" etc etc.

I know it's not true but that doesn't stop it. I know I should be happy but the fact that I'm not makes me feel even more guilty and bad.

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

I just want to make enough moniez to go hiking out in the snow somewhere without any worries.

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

I could never kill myself because I'm afraid of reincarnation. Imagine being reborn as a woman. Or black

Supergrass
Supergrass

"I should" statements from your mind are the ultimate loaded + judgemental statment. You shouldn't be anything - that implied an absolute objective truth that you must submit to.

I know I should be happy
You cant think yourself happy.

If I tell you some books to read will you?

Emberfire
Emberfire

Unironically, this. Read Seneca. Read him.

StonedTime
StonedTime

This, life is dissatisfactory by nature and by design. I think the biggest step past constantly seeking happiness is to look directly at who's doing the searching. Meditate for a while and you'll see that what you're looking for is always right in front of you

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

That will cost like $500.
And you can also be worry free right now, hiking in the snow will be fun at first most likely, but then it will just become your day to day experience and "You" - the ball of desires and fears and preferences that exists right now wishing he were in the snow - will be in the show wishing for something new. Of course i want you to go hiking but its not going to change your reality

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

Dude, I put in $400 a little over a year ago, and have turned it into $27,000. I still feel empty inside and get hammered like five nights a week. At least you have a girlfriend.

Garbage Can Lid
Garbage Can Lid

please share for a depressed user

Soft_member
Soft_member

Well yeah I feel suicidal user, but that's because I lost a lot of money.

I lost .4 BTC trying to ride the bitcoin cash wave and I got burned so badly user

I am so sad and depressed.fuck.

I am a little suicidal because of that.

Inmate
Inmate

This. For fuck's sake, read Seneca. Then let that sink in.

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

Imagine being reborn as a woman. Or black
kek, you're right, it aint worth the risk.

Playboyize
Playboyize

You wanting to be happy is the thing making you unhappy.

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

OP there are plenty of newly-rich-and-suicidal people here on Veeky Forums. I know it because it is my situation, and I'd be able to leave this website if there werent so many posts I could relate to. but i havent left yet.

Firespawn
Firespawn

your mind has stagnated from the numbers, but you lack ideas.

Look into basic philosophy, start reading on that shit. Get some wonder and awareness beyond yourself

Sounds stupid but thinking more about such things helped me tremendously. Amazingly, my gains have skyrocketed - I think because I do not care as much about the money anymore and thus am that much more objective

gl user - look beyond the meaningless numbers

eGremlin
eGremlin

i only want to kill myself when im drunk, which is about half of the time

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

I don't care about being happy, I want my .4 BTC back

REEEE

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

Ok, my book list i have to go to bed:
Thirding the recommendation of Seneca
Bhagvad Gita
A guide to rational living
Creating a bugfree mind
Psychocybernetics

m8 you can get out of this pit.
you can change your thinking patterns, which will change your emotions. its work but you can do it.
make sure you drink water, get off the sugar, and lift.
if you can only read 2: Seneca and "A guide to rational living"
Bhagvad Gita is advanced mode

King_Martha
King_Martha

THIS.

Also, I think you have a gambling problem OP.

SomethingNew
SomethingNew

KILL ME ANONS KILL ME

I HAVE SO MUCH MONEY ON THIS SHIT
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Well I'm up since I started but I lost money today

I lost .4 BTC

AHHHHHHHHHHH

KILL ME ANONS KILL ME END MY LIFE RIGHT NOW

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SOOOOOO SAD AHHHHHHHHHH :(((((((((

cum2soon
cum2soon

Watch anime and don't be such a greedy pig.

Snarelure
Snarelure

how you feel in the process does not have to be correlated to the outcome

this is great advice I had forgotten, thank you

RavySnake
RavySnake

Beware of being happy by unironically being unhappy.

FastChef
FastChef

I feel like the dopamine receptors in my brain are kinda fucked up and don't really trigger the same way anymore.

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

We’ve found that people have a happiness threshold; yea if you win the lotto your happiness will go up or if a loved one dies it’ll go down but it will always stabilize

girlDog
girlDog

And before you say stop larping, .4 BTC is a good chunk of money that I have

BCH is currently crashing and every 100,000 satoshis it goes down I lose like a significant chunk of my money

REEEEEEE

depression mode activate

I watch anime, it doesn't help me feel better about losing money.

OP you faggot you are like me, you will never kill yourself because why commit suicide? Suicide would hurt you, and it would hurt all your family and friends.

But yeah I think we are both still suicidal though, except we can just never commit ever. It will just be forever suicidal.

FOREVER DEPRESSION.

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

This.

hairygrape
hairygrape

to be honest my friends the money doesnt even matter anymore
im just in it for the thrill
and its really shitty
my gf has tried to get me into anime a few times and i just am not really a huge fan of most of it. obviously western-aimed shit like bebop and trigun are fantastic, and i do like some of the better movies (5cm/sec, the girl who leapt through time, miyazaki shit, etc) but i dont really get excited about it
thanks user
never kill yourself over money
the suicidal ideation i have isnt because of the money, and i realize that, but i thought i'd be able to convert some money into self-actualization and happiness.

i do enjoy playing guitar. vocaroo related.
vocaroo.com/i/s0iun02EgOBI

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

This.

VisualMaster
VisualMaster

This.

GoogleCat
GoogleCat

youre probably right
i played diablo 3 just to make money on the RMAH before they removed it
i used to play "competitive" poker and bet NFL years ago before crypto was a thing. i did pretty well with analysis and trends but in the end its still a dice roll.
I wasnt really looking for /adv/ but thanks for the advice bros, i guess other people can kinda relate but not really the same way, i kind of thought people at the top of Veeky Forums would either have so much money they dont even have thoughts like this, or maybe they were in the same boat as me.

Garbage Can Lid
Garbage Can Lid

maybe helping others will help you. send me some gains, I'll put it towards my loans.

For real though, go out and help people, you'll feel that real connection and while it probably won't get rid of your depression it's a start.

I know how deep depression can go and how far its tendrils can reach. Idk how I got through mine honestly, but it's possible.

TreeEater
TreeEater

Thread theme
youtu.be/1OQQ52HBQi8

Methshot
Methshot

How about using some of your gainz to better the world we live in, instead of spending it on yourself and feeling sorry for yourself while doing so?

Skullbone
Skullbone

No, not at all Senpai, you should start lifting heavy weights.

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

Dude. If it doesn't make you happy it's not your calling/call it however you want.
If you can make a living by just hodling, use your time to try different things.

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

If you're looking for some fuzzy feels, check out "Usagi drop".

Booteefool
Booteefool

i have lost so much and missed so many opportunities i am numbed to all pain

win or lose i feel nothing now

cum2soon
cum2soon

Happiness is an emotion, which, as every other emotion, has it's triggers, purpose, and duration.
What triggers happiness is the fulfilment of goals/wishes that are of high importance to a person. It comes as a reward and it's addictive because its purpose is to create a note in your mind and make you want to do more things that lead to that nice feeling and live a purposeful life (or you can just take drugs and have it instantly). But it fades away because you can't stagnate in life, there is no such thing that will make you happy forever because that would mean your life is over and you have no more quests to fulfill so you can just die. You can't be high on one big sniff forever. Don't expect to be happy if the circumstances you brought yourself into do not match your true wishes, no matter how good they may seem objectively. But if you think surreal gains will make you happy for life, you are wrong. Your brain needs to move on and you will always want more or something different. That's perfectly fine because otherwise, life would be easy and boring

Methnerd
Methnerd

all these sad people with their mad gains
is this a psy op? fucking with us? should all sad sack pity party threads be banned on sight?

/r9k/
go there to be sad

come back here when you're ready to talk lambos

SniperGod
SniperGod

i used to work at a big hospital IT helldesk and it was really rewarding, i'd be able to help like 100 people a day, maybe more
now i have a shitty office job where i talk to no one aside from maybe a couple people near my cube
kinda lonley
i have been meaning to get back into /fit/ness because i felt a lot happier (at least temporarily?)when I was doing it more.

Playboyize
Playboyize

is this a psy op?
HAHAHAHA you made my night, holy shit.
also yeah most of r9k thinks their life will be perfect if the right woman lets them hold their hand; not me...so i dont relate to most people there.
also most of them dont have any money.

Deadlyinx
Deadlyinx

Are you still here? Write about your experience user

I told you about mine. I lost .4 and slowly decreasing BTC because of Bitcoin Cash

I am suicidal too. Ironically I had a lot of DOGE that I sold for Bitcoin Cash, if I just held my doge today because it fucking mooned, I would have 3xed my money. But no. Bitcoin CASH had to fuck my ass hard.

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

You might want to try out eating broccoli sprouts on the reg. It's some amazing shit that helps with depression, autizm and shit. Oh and some types of cancer.

TechHater
TechHater

i suppose you have a point

money can be used to fund hobbies, and art, and making shit. so maybe thats something the sad sacks can do with their crypto money.

paintball, drone racing, 3d printing, woodworking

all kinds of artistic hobbies or fun hobbies to do that can't be done without money that you now have.

buiklding something is probably pretty satisfying. can forget yourself long hours into an intricate project

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

clubs, find some real clubs in your area, or start one, make some new best friends. That'll help too

Techpill
Techpill

Oh yeah, I'm totally getting a Formlabs Fuse soon, it's going to be sick. Maybe I'll start a seriously financed hackerspace to surround me with cool people building cool shit.

Evilember
Evilember

clubs
lol, is this an american thing? in canada i don't think we have clubs. people just stay home by themselves or get drunk

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

vocaroo.com/i/s0iun02EgOBI

i play poker for a living, there are so many free resources out there to get you profitable, at least in tournaments, if you ever want to pick it up again. but you have to have discipline. you saying that you're just in it the for the thrill makes me think you're a bit of a degenerate, but if you can find discipline you can definitely make money playing cards while having fun.

also, your guitar playing is beautiful. can you sing? if not, find someone that can and make some music, express yourself. it will help.

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

WHATS UP NIGGER
IM NOT HIM BUT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW
I BOUGHT 1.5BTC IN MAY OF 2017
I SOLD IT RIGHT BEFORE THE FORK IN AUGUST KNOWING IT WOULD DIP
IT DID, BUT NOT ENOUGH, I THOUGHT IT WOULD GO FURTHER DOWN, AND WAS HESITANT TO BUY BACK IN
NOW I AM ONLY UP LIKE $300 WHEN I COULDVE BEEN UP THOUSANDS
AND ALSO HAD 1.5 BCC
ALSO I REMEMBER WATCHING LTC MOON FROM $10 TO $15 THE DAY IT WAS ADDED TO COINBASE
I THINK I BOUGHT IT AT LIKE 25 AND SOLD IT AT 35
50 COINS WORTH.

ALSO I BOUGHT 13 ETH
AND SOLD IT FOR DOUBLE MY MONEY, LIKE $75 TO $150

REAL LOSER COMING IN BOYS
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS HODL

I RECOMMEND BUY GUNS SHOOT AT THE RANGE HELPS WITH STRESS

MPmaster
MPmaster

sprouts can be easily grown in an apartment. quickly too. wont have to wait months to eat it. and jam packed with nutes even more so then the seed or the full grown plant.

happy_sad
happy_sad

SORRY FOR THE LARP, LOL

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

holy shit, a sprout-bro on biz? nice

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

I working on a sprout rack for my bathroom, my current solution takes up too much space.

TreeEater
TreeEater

Thanks OP for the great read. I hope it's alright with you, but you made me feel better coping with my .4+ BTC loss you are a hero.

I might be able to top your story though. I have had BTC since 2013, but guess what? I only bought 1.1 BTC back in 2013. These 3-4 fucking years, I didn't do shit with it. I forgot my password to the wallet entirely and didn't remember until this year. I kept typing in random shit until it worked, and it worked.

The past 3-4 years I have been typing in things and it did not work, this year it did. If I tried today I still don't remember the password, it just worked that ONE TIME and I was able to get my coins out (Bitcoin Cash and Bitcoin).

You are the king of missed opportunities though OP. What do you want to do to celebrate? Should I donate some stuff to you? I can if you want, I feel really bad that you missed out on so much.

You can post your ETH address or make a new one so people don't see your balance. I will send you a HODL coin, don't touch it for a year and thank user then?

viagrandad
viagrandad

earthship home
Mark Passio Natural Law Seminar
Permaculture Principles

All you need to learn to snap out of it

Bidwell
Bidwell

nutes
youre welcome

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

get kids

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

OP post your address, I will send you $50 of a coin that you just have to HODL for a year.

I'm going into crypto hybernation after all my withdrawals are complete, I have lost too much money trading BCH, and decided I'm not cut out for this.

I've bought most of the holdings I wanted, and going to retire from crypto soon.

Post your address OP, I'll send you something before I leave. Just hodl this coin for a year, maybe keep up with its updates in case you have to do something with the tokens in the future, and profit.

Thank user later

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

As if OPs dumb enough to fall for this, kek.

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

i know no one delivers on biz, but he seems genuine.

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

I've tried to kill myself multiple times.
I never used to believe in a soul. I figured that when you died, it was like eternal unconsciousness.
Now, I think that maybe we can't kill ourselves. That our soul just hops to a different parallel reality where you failed.
The last time I tried to kill myself, I put my gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger. The bullet ended up in my ceiling. I felt the pain of infinite multiverse mes dying off, but not this one.

The moral of this story is to find our heaven on Earth. To find our happiness every day. To find the peace in our minds and the love in our hearts and nurture them until your soul finds rest.

Lunatick
Lunatick

how is eternal unconsciousness logical tho?

you had the same state before your birth that you will have after your death a state of oerceived non existance

this state was obviously interrupted by your birth

why shouldnt it be the same after you die then?

this eternal unconsciousness is for brainlet normies who dont wanna make their own thoughts but rather repeat what someone else said because its convient to justify their degenerate behaviour

DeathDog
DeathDog

Money isn't everything and participating in a autistic and modern version of stock trading sure as hell isn't fulfilling but rather stressful and annoying. Most people (not all!) here would be better off working a real job when it comes to the money.

Soft_member
Soft_member

0xCCe56B694d1d5Ee1B039891c4bD9CAd9a6Bb45E4 Eth
On phone now.

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

OP please look at this link: drlwilson.com/articles/NICKEL.htm

“Brain – nickel toxicity is definitely associated with negative feelings, including depression and, if exposure is severe enough, suicidal thoughts. Nickel may also cause a person to be “attached” or abnormally dependent on others. It may have this effect by weakening the body or brain in a particular way.”

Soft_member
Soft_member

you sneaky little cunt lol, fuck off

RumChicken
RumChicken

porn
trading
browsing internet
drinking
drugs
meaningless sex
more drinking
making more money than you could earn working while doing nothing
smoke weed and more porn

We're trapped in the matrix and I know religion/spirituality is the answer but I feel the incessant need to accumulate wealth before I can detach myself........

Dreamworx
Dreamworx

going to retire
cool
from crypto
oh...

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

Buddy you just need to convert some of these gains to weed. Not the coin, dumbo. Actual weed.
Thank me later

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

quitting weed was the best thing i've ever done. even if you don't cut out anything else on this list, if you're smoking weed and troubled, try eliminating it.

Soft_member
Soft_member

not everyone has positive effects forever. usually it starts off positive, then spirals to the negative from what i've noticed.

even if you think it's helping you, it's probably hindering your development as a person long term.

Flameblow
Flameblow

its the porn/sex/masturbation that's my problem, everything else just supplements that. Gonna book a holiday to the himalayas very soon and escape everything for a month or 2 and sort myself out properly. Lost everything including my mind the last few years, but I know its almost over and I'll be free soon. Just need to make myself financially /comfy/ first.

cum2soon
cum2soon

Are you sad because of your poor performance in the market?

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

don't sacrifice your wellbeing for /comfy/ or money or whatever. if you do this, even if you get money, it won't be worth a damn if you don't have your health. good luck bud.

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

Thanks man, definitely almost over, I'm not trying to be fuck you rich, just enough to give me a good chunk of breathing room and I'm almost there.

iluvmen
iluvmen

you ever try not being a bitch?

WebTool
WebTool

/adv/ is this way

JunkTop
JunkTop

user if you have trouble with too much money then maybe you should try giving it to others. Me for example.

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

chasing the candlesticks for hours at a time
You're living the dream user, be grateful to Satoshi!

MPmaster
MPmaster

Yeah just waiting for bittrex to let me withdraw and i'm getting out with my current stack then waiting a year

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

Or try me!
0xCCe56B694d1d5Ee1B039891c4bD9CAd9a6Bb45E4 ETH

Just try it once!

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

serves you right stinky linky scum

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

dont make the mistake to equate religion and spirituality with the major religions tho especially christianity is one of the reasons for our crumbling societies

make your own thoughts

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

want to kill yourself, like, almost all the time, like it doesn't matter how much gains you make
It's almost as if this shit is stressful and worrying
It's almost as if watching numbers go up doesn't make you satisfied with life, who would have guessed

I hate my job
i don't trust my girlfriend
i barely have time to really do anything other than work/eat/sleep

Sounds like the reason you are unhappy is your job is shit. How about instead of wasting your gains on bullshit that only an idiot would expect to make them happy you put it towards the real thing you need to do, quitting your job.

GF problem is easier just fucking dump her, a relationship without trust is already dead and you're dumb af if you go through with the marriage.

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

Yeah I'm making my own. I find the most solace in Christianity, but often I find it lacks some vigour and virility that I think is necessary now. Have spent a lot of time reading and researching the whole gamut of thought in the area though.