First time playing 40k stories

A new to 40k and a That Guy story
>LGS is holding a tournament for new players
>Local That Guy. Known for fielding FW stuff in casual games, never paints his own shit always commissions someone else to paint. Has an infinite source of income
>Asks if people new to 7th edition can join
>At this time LGS was manned by some hired help who knew nothing about neckbeard hobbies
>Says yeah whatever
>Tournament day comes along That Guy fields a Wraithknight in a 750pt game
>Tournament organizer didn't think anyone would field a Lord Of War in a 750pt game so only Flyers, FMCs, and FW are banned
>Everyone gets stomped
>Tournament organizer apologizes profusely when That Guy left after the Tourney

That was a few years ago. These days Mr. That Guy owns a Warlord titan and tries to challenge anyone to fight him Apocalypse. He fields the Warlord titan every time. He paid someone else to paint the Warlord titan.

When called out on his bullshit he replies with generic "lol you could always just buy forgeworld bro"

>all boyz list
>it when poorly

How many points Was it?

good luck man im planning on doing my first match as ad mech against a freind who has renegades

Jesus H hell.

Here's a quick way to one-up him:
>Buy a bunch of cheap cardstock, pvc, spare wood etc.
>Get some cheap bulk-paints
>Assemble scale Imperator Titan
>Download old rules for Imperator Titans in apocalpyse.

Show up and ream his asshole for a fraction of the cost and maximum satisfaction.

1v1v1

3rd Ed Grey Knights vs Tau vs Black Templars

I believe I came out on top.

Well the first time I played I proxied in a friends guard as Skitarrii. My buddies had finally convinced me to give it a go.

Got stompted of course, but I had a pretty good time all the same. Took about five games before I got my first win, and to be honest that was luck more than anything really.

My first game was in 5th ed, against space sharks, i had ultramarines. Fairly normal game for the first few turns. Turn 3 a vindicator blew up my remaining tacticals, taking away any chance to score, so i tried to deny points. Thats also when tyberos the red wake and his bodyguard tried to kill my dreadnought. I say tried because he killed 1 with a multi melta, 2 with a heavy bolter, then he charged and i killed 2 more, leaving the red wake alone. He failed to hit then next turn my dread turned him into red paste then on my turn again i failed the charge against the vindicator and next he took out the venerable ancient brutus

>first game is me with guard and my roommate with Space Wolves vs Chaos and two Imperial Knights, 2k points on each side
>oh fuck this is probably gonna go badly, did not expect two knights
>turn one, fire a battle cannon at chaos warlord which the other player put down right between two rhinos
>direct hit, chaos warlord dead turn one, both rhinos damaged.

Almost managed to kill a knight on the last turn with a plasma gun firing overwatch, rolled two hits but rolled a 5 and a 6 to try and glance. It ended at 1hp. Next three games I kept oneshotting the Chaos player's warlord due to poor decisions on his part. Whether or not his warlord could last past turn one became an in-joke very quickly.

Squats (me) vs Marines in a battle to control a bridge over an impassable gorge, back in 1988.

Of course, the marines had jet bikes back then, but my opponent couldn't afford the models. Just as well.

Can't remember who won but it was fun!

Played a 500 point game of Black Templars vs my buddy's Dark Angels- 5th edition rules. Neither of us really knew what we were doing, though he had maybe three or four matches of experience at that point so he had the advantage.

I don't remember everything, but the highlights were:

>I started Helbrecht on the board, at the front of my army, not in a squad, because it was badass and I didn't know any better. He got instant deathed turn 1 by my buddies Las-Predator (if Helbrecht has EW then it might have been just a regular BT HQ- the 4th edition codex is blurry to me now)
>Our tactical squads with zero upgrades spent the entire game shooting at each other, doing like one wound a turn
>he deep-struck a terminator squad into my backline and they accomplished absolutely nothing. one of the tactical marines his termies charged even managed to cave in one of the terminators' skull with his bolter turn 5
>my dreadnought charged his predator on the last turn of the game and exploded it
>I won at the end due to having more kill points

That was probably the most pure and innocent match of 40K I'd ever played- probably the closest to the game dev's vision

this sounds like me, where the fuck did this story come from? thoough i never did tourney, no time.

>Tell me a story about your first time playing 40k Veeky Forums
The first game I played is more a story to be remembered and cherished than told. How about I list some common fuck ups my friends and I made as noobs instead?
>S13 Death Company Dreadnoughts Instant Death-ing every MC (read: Carnifex) before they can attack
>Van Vets w/ Storm Shields and FnP getting EVERY SAVE THEY HAVE on every wound (to kill them they'd have to fail a 3+, a 3++, and a 5+ FnP)
>1v1v1 FFA games in general
>spending more time checking the rulebook than actually playing the game
>still not knowing how things work even after checking the rulebook because lolGWrulewriting
>sweeping whole squads of Marines
>literally never taking Morale tests because every time we either forgot or didn't care
>moving a blob next a Psyker with Haemorrhage because "It's not like he can kill them all!"
Fun times.

Also, not exactly a noob fuck up but
>"my guys run 3 inches"
>doesn't measure
>moves guys up at least 5 inches
>opponent just stares, says nothing, moves on
Every fucking time. It happens so often that we just accept it now and do it on a quid-pro-quo basis.

>That was probably the most pure and innocent match of 40K I'd ever played- probably the closest to the game dev's vision

The real trick, and this is important, is to take two shots of strong liquor before starting any 40k game.

I had gotten my first other player involved because he was my buddy from school. We were in grade 7, about 3/4 the way through. He was a cop's kid and I was a metal head- outcasts. I formed a clique of misfits and about half of us ended up playing WH40K by high school.

The first game was very small. I had a couple tac marine units and maybe a couple scout units. My dad was cool. He was an old car model guy, and he built terrain for us for years. His stuff was the only stuff during that first game that was fully painted.

Mike, my opponent, was playing Eldar, and I don't remember what he fielded. I kept saying I had a secret weapon and it rattled him- it was just throwing grenades. I thought I'd read the rules better than him. Turns out I didn't. I was wiped out in firefights... I never played him again. He played with me many years later though. Those were the old rules, let's see, 20 years ago. I haven't really read a rule book since. I like the splat, I always get digital copies of that stuff, it's just awesome.

Playing Dark Vengeance.

I took out everything except the helbrute and a squad of cultists. I've lost the biker with plasma, but everything else is around, so I start working on the helbrute.

My plasma cannon gets hot, and takes out the gunner.
My 2 guys with plasma pistols get hot and take out the weilders.
My plasma gun gets hot and the gunner survives about 4 instances of this, before blowing himself up.

One marine left, but only one wound left on the helbrute, as it finally makes a successful charge, and about 5 rounds of my grenades failing to hurt it, and it failing to squish my marine, before he finally goes down.

fun read

>killteam

my one friend would move his models fractions of inches to get his guys super close to mine, but just out of charge range. I'm talking 7/8ths of an inch here. I'm still not sure how to solve that one, technically it isn't in any rule book.

shhhhhh that last one doesn't happen also terminator penis formation.

>First starting about half-way through 5th edition.
>My dad use to play Warhammer 40k and thought it'd be cool if I got into it.
>He said I could start collecting any faction but Chaos.
>I decided I wanted to play Imperial Guard because I had started reading the Gaunt's Ghosts books.
>My first army was essentially two minimum sized infantry platoons, an armoured sentinel, a Leman Russ that I forgot what we converted it from, a Rough Rider squad I had converted from a biker gang and Yarrick.
>Find a guy at the FLGS willing to play with me so I could figure out the rules.
>He throws together a quick 850 point Necron list.
>His Overlord and Yarrick got into a punching match that was basically a competition to see who will fair their It WIll Not Die check first. It was the Lord.
This guy willing to play my hobbled together army is why I'm still in the hobby to this day.

1v1
My orks first blood angels, 500 point 6th edition
Actually won, still remember the first model I killed ever.
Ork boy with a rokkit launcha shot a Blood angel assault marine, hit and killed him.
Good times

sounds fun desu

>He said I could start collecting any faction but Chaos.

What

>>spending more time checking the rulebook than actually playing the game
This
I started playing in highschool back when 5th edition was middle aged and the first game me and my friend played at our LGS lasted about 2 hours (for 500 points of space marine vs tau) and half that time was checking the rule book and referencing the table
to be fair we were both idiots, it took us about 3 sessions to learn dnd 4e to give you some reference

or smoke a couple bowls

He played Eldar, so I just assumed he was salty toward chaosfags. I was also, like 15 or 16 so I guess he didn't want me encountering Slaneesh quite yet or something?

1000 points guard vs guard lasted about 3 hours.
You would think that it would be easier considering both are the same army but that was not the case when the variety came to play.
I had fun even though my opponent got bored a bit.

>Start playing this year as SM with friends that are returning to the game
>First match, friendo using Traitor Legion( or Hate?) Khorne
>Nearly his whole army charges me first turn. Fun.

Then he learned about Heldrakes and 2+ jinking Nurgle DPs that can just delete units without fear of being shot. Then he learned something about taking 3 2+ re-rollable jinking DPs as Nightlords or something. I don't know if I like this game, haha.

>he painted his whole army before starting playing
lol

Can't remember my first real game (except for battle of macragge against my brother who was like 7 or something), but I remember the first game I played in-store was me and my friend's IG against some dude's necrons. I was using doctrines so I had drop troops and carapace armour, but monolith just tore apart our 1000 point infantry list. Deep striking meltagun command squad next to his destroyers was a lot of fun though.

>he would let his son be a heretic

>terminator penis formation
Whoa, c'mon man. We can't let the some newfag know about the most effective strategy in the game! the pure taciturn guinness would blow his mind!

>he runs unpainted armies
neck yourself

> First time playing 40k
> diddlying on hero builder for 3 hours making ork army
> first time playing, obviously didn't have models, end up spending an hour cutting out tons of bases out of spare old printer paper
> Spend another 20 minutes color coding the scraps of paper
> play the game
> holy shit moving 20 pieces of paper is tedious
> also paper moves due to the open window
> Everything is a hot mess, rules are broken, ignored, forgotten, etc. Movements were all fugged up
> Get tabled on turn 7
> Realize game took entire afternoon and evening
> it was fun as heck