Girls and TTG

How do you tell one of your players that his girlfriend is no longer allowed to participate in your games without losing him too? The bitch is obviously not interested in the game since she's on her phone the whole time and is starting to become a distraction to the other players.

How about be an adult and say "hey could you ask your girlfriend to not distract others at the table? If she's not having fun have her talk to me so I can try and get her more interested in the game."

>I'd like it if your girlfriend didn't come to the sessions anymore, she's become a distraction for other players and conveys no interest in the game to the point that it slows down play and adds unnecessary tension to the group. I understand the request puts you and your relationship in a bad spot, so for your sake and the sake of the other "x amount of players" and their enjoyment of the game, it's best if the two of you no longer show up.

Get to it.

"Todd your girlfriend is a fucking mood killer and I hate her almost as much as I hate you"

>Not peeing in todd's butt and stomping his face
>you're weak bro

Can I get sauce on that hottie?

>not pushing Todd down and forcing yourself inside of him
>not whispering into his ear that he's your Faggot now as you blow a load in his boypussy
>not becoming Todd's new girlfriend he brings to every session

>girls in Veeky Forums
Let's be honest, you're priorities aren't in the right place if that's your thread name.
Either way tell your friend she's obviously not participating, and she needs to shape up or leave

about year and a half a go me and 3 other friends start to play midnight games on Friday night, because our usually game night got packed with normies and other annoying faggots.
I tell my friend who has a gf not to bring her to the session (she was one of the annoying faggots we were trying to get away from)
the first couple sessions went well, but she finally catches on and shows up to a game.
wont stop talking while we play, wont leave him alone, so finally we tell him that he needs to tell her not to show up ever again.
Well she shows up, and he tells her to go into the other room and behave,
she spends 4 hours crying and pouting while we all don't care and have fun.
just the memory of us having a good time while she suffers brings a happy tear to my eye.

unless they are gonna read the rules and play seriously (witch lets face it they never do) girls and girlfriends and zero place at the table

My gf flat out refuses to try a game. She's not a normie, so she wouldn't be a detriment.
But she thinks that she wouldn't enjoy it at all, and doesn't want to take the risk of ruining it.
Her nearly crippling anxiety might also be part of the reason she refuses to try.

I have a story

>sister wants to join my game
>was a PHB game so I didn't allow homebrew, even kicked a guy out for making a home brew class and ruining the fun for everyone with how much stronger he was compared to everyone else
>show my sister the classes and before she even looks she starts describing the type of character she wants to be
>so my character is a patreon of a god
oh so you want cleric?
>no because my god is Circe the goddess of magic
ahh so I guess I could make you a warlock of the fey and we can fluff it a little
>no I don't want to be a warlock I was thinking more of a witch, she has natrual powers and thats why the god chose her
>ffs seriously a chosen one in a level 1 campaign
>try to explain to her that she can be a wild magic soccerer and just have acrolyte as her background and that would perfectly fit
>start telling her about meta magic as I'm sure she's okay with this choice
>she starts talking about how she was thinking more druid as circe turned Odysseus's men into pigs
>tell her she can either pick druid or multiclass
>she really doesn't like the sound of any of them
>I go online and find a homebrew just for her
>wizard architype called witch
>it's basicly every single caster class mixed into one
>can take from druid, cleric and warlock spell lists
>lend her my PHB and tell her to read up all of the rules of combat and travel
>2 weeks later we start to play
>she didn't read a word of the book
>she doesn't pay attention to anything
>she doesn't know what she has to roll for or what any of her skills mean
>anytime anyone has downtime she asks to skip it because she doesn't know what she can do and has no idea what equipment she can buy
>constantly reminding her of characters, what the mission she's took was and what she's currently fighting
>spends close to 10 minute each turn just to figure out what her spells do
>annoying RP about being the chosen one
>drinks heavily and shouts until she passes out and forces us to finish early

That sounds so depresing

based lads

another girl wanted to join us and luckly had a good idea of what she wanted to be

>she was an ex nun halfling who became a monk
>she only read her class and nothing else meaning she had no idea how to really fight or what he character meant in the context of battle, diplomacy or travel
>unintrested as fuck in everything including combat
>refused to RP at any level and just refered to her character in third person
>turned up for 1 game and then never turned up again

>third girl
>friend of a friend came last minute with no heads up
>didn't have a character so I gave her my DMPC
>she gets upset that it's a RP focused campaign and is upset that I only tell her what her character knows
>see she's upset and stop the whole game to explain everything thats happened in the story so far
>she gets upset that it's not an epic adventure against evil
>gets upset that she only got to attack a monster once before it died despite her getting a crit and racking up huge damage with sneak attack
>session starts closing and she bolts out the door before I even finish my summary of the session.

at this point I just don't let girls play with us.
I think our campaign is too grounded for women to be intrested.

Why do you retards expect women to care about the mechanical part of the game at all.
You should've just said yes to all her snowflake fluff bullshit, made her a sorcerer and laid gave her a few spell options

Its current year my man, we have to treat them equally or we're scumbags.

>PHB only
>the same book that has both the monk and the cleric
>complaining about class imbalance

You fucking retard

>You should've just-

He should've just say "No, fuck off, don't ever ask me again about joining my game, bitch"

Fpbp.

Bringing it up in a mature and non derisive way by expressing interest in her level of enjoyment is the best way to open the dialogue. If you are rebuffed with attitude, posturing, defensiveness, or even mere apathy, then it's time to get a little harder. But until then, assume the best.

what I'm about to say sound made up but trust me it's true. the guy was this retarded

I told the guy at the begining not to make a home brew, he had a tantrum and then brought a homebrew thinking I would see that it's intresting and want to keep it.

>air genesi
>chosen one of bahamut
>platinum scails grow from his skin
>class is "soul blade"
>can summon 2 dancing swords of any type
>plays with kid gloves to hide how OP his class is despite everyone already knowing how OP he can potentially be and the fact that everyone was already annoyed with the platinum scails alone
>things get tough as they are outnumbered by gnolls as I like to throw things that they can't handle in a traditional fashion to force them to fight smart or learn to run early
>he take his kid gloves off and summons two great swords in the middle of the pack of gnolls
>he says his sword gets an attack of oppitunity on all units he summons the blade next to
wtf AoO is only for people leaving yoru squares you can't do that
>no I can it says right here on my sheet
>shows me the sheet and it actually says it
>I didn't make this I found it online and everyone agrees that it's a balanced class
>tell him I wont accept it
>he we start shouting at each other until I just allow it
>we close the game up and I ask everyone if they minded him
>they all say they couldn't stand him and they actually wont turn up if he's there
>was going to kick him anyway but now I didn't have a choice

I don't allow homebrew as this was my first experience of it, I don't care if monk is considered weak as it forfills a roll in the party, I don't care if wizard, moon druid or cleric is powerful either. I just want some legitimacy to justify it. making up OP bullshit is pathetic and worst of all snowflakey.

any type of character that would fit into my setting can be made with the already existing classes. in terms of homebrew theres nothing worse than making a new class or race up

>How do you tell one of your players that his girlfriend is no longer allowed to participate in your games without losing him too?

Stop worrying about keeping the guy in the group, just explain rationally what the issue is and if he leaves than he leaves.

"Hey user, is your GF enjoying the game? It seems like she's on her phone all the time and just not having a good time"

this story makes me too happy to be true.

>Well she shows up, and he tells her to go into the other room and behave,
>she spends 4 hours crying and pouting while we all don't care and have fun.
I had a similar experience. Apparently while she was pouting in my bedroom she found my digital camera (back in the days when we didn't use our phones for this). She took a bunch of shots of herself in various states of undress. After they went home she "broke down" and told him I raped her last week, said I forced her to take pictures. He bangs on my door at 2am demanding to see the camera. Fortunately I had found the pics after the game stashed them on my computer for later and deleted them from the memory card before going to bed. He called her and broke up with her on the spot. I probably saved his life that night, last I heard she poked a hole in her next boyfriend's condoms to trap him; they have 6 kids now and live on unemployment if the rumors are true.

Repostan to remove the useless name field entry. It really did happen. That girl was a mess.

>japanese stranglehold
>lift knee up
>press bent knee into his spine
>"lose the fuckin chick. Alright gaybo?"
>release
>kick him into garbage cans as you release
>???????
>PROFIT

I'm lucky that my gf is self aware and when we all got together one night she saw how the other girls werent interested so she'll come along, watch and do her thing, usually vidya in the other room or uni work unless its a board game

>gf is self aware

>hitting things good
>gamebreaking

Maybe if you had a bunch of low-tier classes like fighters or barbarian whose spotlight it stole in your party, sure. But that's what wildshape, knock, save-or-sucks, etc already do.

>How do you tell one of your players that his faggot boy-slave is no longer allowed to participate in your games without losing him too? The bitch is obviously not interested in the game since he's giving him head the whole time and is starting to become a distraction to the other players, who are jealous but also totally not gay, bro.

That just compounds the problem, really.

...

>gf is self aware
ITS HAPPENING!

>since he's giving him head the whole time
>who are jealous but also totally not gay
Get under the table and become everybody's girlfriend

Then why have the pretense of game night at all?Just suck each other's dicks all weekend.

well she is. She saw that the other girls weren't interested and she wasnt interested so instead of whining like my friends gf and a rather tumblresque girl she sat it out for a bit then just watched and wrote up her uni notes

>How do you tell one of your players that his girlfriend is no longer allowed to participate in your games without losing him too?

Given that you won't suck his dick, and she will, you are at an infinite disadvantage. Don't bother, cut and run.

Wow, it's almost like some girls are well adjusted human beings who don't make everything about themselves when they're not wanted.

Seriously though, I suspect the number of horror stories about girls in tabletop games stem from the fact that most people who would bring their girlfriend are spergs who think it's a good idea, even if said girlfriend isn't into gaming in any way.

How about talking to her about being a distraction? You know, not being a pussy and having it where her boyfriend is basically the one that has to kick her out?

team
>ex soldier fighter who left his home due to difference in politics
>uchin paladin who took to the church for an education and a better life
>warlock rich kid who spent his life wanting to be a fighter but at the last minute changed his mind but didn't want to reinvest his time becoming a wizard so he made a pact with a being he didn't understand for free power
>chosen of the dragon god sent to earth just because

>enter ruin to fight un specified number of gnolls
>they don't bother to scout or sneak in
>find out there are 12 vs 4 level 1's
>anticipated this and made a nice 10 ft corridor enterence
>fighter was smart enough to asign a marching order and had the paladin and himself in front
>the relise how fucked they are but they took up the bounty and don't want to admit defeat before trying
>paladin and fighter tanking a lot of damage
>they are killing 1 at a time but new people keep filling the gaps
>suddenly special snowflake float into the air and summons two great swords
>the creator of the homebrew's idea of balance was rolling a d20 to summon each sword with a DC of 10
>only one succeeds and he gets 5 AoP's doing a D12 each slice
>commanding a sword is only a bonus action and the AoP takes the swords reaction to attack every single target with 5ft so in theory he can summon two great swords in the center of a group get an attack on everyone and then use his action for one to attack and his bonus action for the other to attack.
>thats a max potential of 20 attacks in one round with a greatsword
>who knows but probably would have become 22 at level 5
>up until this point he was only summoning daggers because he knew no one cared to see him destroy everything alone

again this is a level 1 party and not even a druid or a wizard could dream of damage output like that

and again his character was supa special, the world needs me while everyone else were really human feeling characters with meaningful and relatable backstories.

idk what the deal is with
>self aware

I meant like she wasnt bitching and trying to be cute and funny and getting my attention cause she wasnt enjoying it she just waited til the next morning to say its not for her.

GMed a game a long time ago with 4 friends (changing names of all involved).

>One friend Eric says he has a buddy, Jack, and wants to invite him, so I give the Okay.
>Jack's a a great player, RPs really well, engages the game seriously.
>6 weeks later Jack no shows for two games, I think well fuck, sucks that I lost a great player.
>Jack shows up for the next game night, asks if his gf Lisa can join, says shes a great roleplayer.
>Eric vouches for her, so against my better judgement I give the Okay.
>Lisa comes does well RPing and is a fairly good player.
>3 weeks later, shit start hits the fan, when Lisa asks to talk to me after the game.
>She claims that Jack cheated on her and she wants to get back at him, and asks if I want to have sex.
>I'm already dating someone and can see this shit going sideways, so I decline.
>Two weeks later Jack shows up to the game pissed as hell, accusing Eric, another Luke, and myself of sleeping with Lisa.
>He attacks Eric, and Jack gets the shit kicked out of him.
>Lisa leaves never to show up again, Jack leaves also never to show up again.
>Following game, another player, John, no shows, also abandons the game.
>Find out later that Lisa propositioned everyone and John and Luke had a threesome with her.
>John started dating her afterwards, and decided she was more important than the game.
>Also find out that Lisa has a reputation for being a slut and destroying groups of friends like a parasite,

well it depends on your definition of "self-aware" it's a major meme word which has lost all meaning.

i'd go as far to say that most men aren't self aware and it's against a womans nature to be self aware.

socially aware=/=self aware

thanks friend this post got me mad
I like being mad.

I suggest having a game without hedonists.
maybe an all paladin game.

This was over ten years ago, and I have since learned to trust my judgement..

>She claims that Jack cheated on her and she wants to get back at him, and asks if I want to have sex.
>I'm already dating someone and can see this shit going sideways, so I decline.
You see, user, this point right here is where you should have seen the writing on the wall.
If you had pulled Jack aside and laid it out flat like 2 men, you would have avoided or at least dulled the foolishness to come.
You kept your mouth shut and didn't take the initiative given to you, and suffered for it.

>How about be an adult
OP doesn't want advice on how to deal with problems at the gaming table. He wants to see people on Veeky Forums complain about wimmin.

Yes I realize that, hindsight is 20/20.

>He wants to see people on Veeky Forums complain about wimmin.

Well, that's fair. Honestly, my advice is not to play with women at all. They are poor roleplayers in that they are entirely self-absorbed and as a result any character they play will be invariably a self-insert. They generally project their minor female problems onto their lame-ass characters, assuming they roleplay them at all.

And in fact, most females do not roleplay, or barely do. That's because a full 75% of female gamers are there at the bequest of their boyfriends or brothers, and as a result have no real stake in the game.

Women are worse at math, they only excel in the younger years because of their faster maturation, but in adulthood they are inferior at logic and mathematics, meaning they have difficulty even comprehending rules let alone the design and meta-analysis that goes along with them. They will not put in any effort to learn the rules and most are quickly bored on a hobby that their vaginas cannot give them an edge at.

Honestly the only reason to invite a girl to an RPG game is if you have intention to fuck her. Otherwise, they really add nothing at all to the game.

It's a dude

Okay, here's advice.

A lot of the outcome will depend on weather or not your player, can separate his emotions from his gf from rational thought. That is something you can not control.

What you can control, is yourself,
>So explain the situation.
>Don't be a dick.
>Stay rational.
>Let the dice fall where they may

Much like the majority of fa/tg/uys are fat spergs with bad skin and aspergers, the majority of women are vapid and self-absorbed who cannot RP.

With words.

Had to kick out token girl as well as she was literally just a seat-warmer, either her boyfriend played her character for her or she'd play Barbarian and charge melee basic every tur, she's still had to have her hit and damage explained every session.

>know all my spells and abilities
>plan my next turn as the others are taking theirs
>be ready and take a quick turn when it comes time
>pay attention to the story, act in character
>be female

It's rough, yo.

I had this problem with a guy, but nothing would be done because he was the DM's friend.
Infuriating beyond measure, and why I maintain stringent standards for all my players, the least of which is "Come to the table intent to play".

go away Marisha you're the worst cast member.
also druids are all gay

Don't. Just kill her and plead ignorance.

Glad all my players are friends, lucky like that, they are my raiding guild, my warhammer buddies, my D&D group, my board-game club and the people I got to movies and get drunk with.

>Not kicking her out of the group as soon as she propositions you.
I mean its not like I don't like getting my dick sucked but if someone is trying to cheat on another player with you that's a really, really bad sign.

I don't want to white knight so I won't press the point but I've had enough good experiences with girls at the table that I think the issues coming up are less girls per-se and more that girls are more likely than guys to be disinterested hangers-on who someone else brought to the table.

I don't think these problems come up if a girl is actually like, at the table because she wants to play. The she's just another player.

These people were my friends at the time, too, it's just that the guy was so disinterested, I asked him why he even bothered to show up.
His response was "Well, it's something to do".
Eventually, I left, and 2 players who wanted a more serious game came with me.
user, don't bother.

it's not gay when you're not same species
bestiality before homosexuality, even alphabetically

Where's Mark

Question. What do you do if your DM is kind of a suck and a wimp so he doesn't kick out shitty players?

Talk to him, talk to the other players, create a consensus.

three options:
you suck is up
you find new GM
you become new GM

In my experience players are plentiful and can be culled and replaced at convenience. GMs not so much, at least the type that won't flake out after 2 sessions.

>drinks heavily and shouts until she passes out and forces us to finish early
Yeah I don't think this is just an rpg thing user, your sister needs help.

...

Yeah that's disgusting and awful.

Question? How do you deal with disgusting people who do shit like drink until they pass out or are fat and eat whole tubs of ice cream and smoke packs of cigarettes daily?

You don't need to be GM to kick a player.

>any character they play will be invariably a self-insert

Kek, everyone does that, user, to a degree. EVERYONE. Yes, even you.

Depends on when it becomes your problem.
I don't think they are eating tubs of ice cream at the game table, and if they are, you ask them to stop, as it is rude.

>"Well, it's something to do".
Well that's why I GM.
Fuck, it's why I do anything, just passing time with minimal boredom and discomfort until I die.

See . I can barely speak up about this stuff because my DM is crippling afraid of causing conflict.

>Wow, it's almost like some girls are well adjusted human beings who don't make everything about themselves when they're not wanted.
Yeah but those ones make for shit stories, who wants to read about reasonable people making reasonable decisions in response to everyday situations when we can read about total psychos doing mad shit in response to situations that may also be possibly insane? We don't come here to take an accurate sampling of the human experience.

Which is why you
and
If the group decides a player is out, then they are out, GM can fuck off.

Yes, some of us come here to share goofy file names on a kazakh telegram system.

>be half-black
>play half-orc

does this count?

Yeah people are basically terrible, that's why the world is such a fucked up place. Sturgeon's law applies to everything, even people.

Thanks god.

I'm pretty sure you're not meant to negatively judge a woman for cheating on her boyfriend/husband anymore user, that would be considered slutshaming. It'd be kind of hard to explain it to the rest of the group.

Is there really anything wrong with smoking a pack each day as long as they don't interrupt the game doing it?

Sure?

I meant more in behavior and attitude. People self insert and project their desires into the character they play. It is impossible to truly remove yourself from your characters.

I have a tendency to play female soldiers with PTSD, almost always chaotic neutral or neutral evil in alignment. And I don't do randum stuff, or constantly backstab the party. I more draw upon life experience and have a healthy dose of alternative morality.

Display teats or depart hence

This is exactly why you are a virgin, OP.

Let women into your hobby. Stop being such a racist, its 2017.

The clothes stinks, the hair stinks. Even if they're smoking outside, they will bring it in on them.
Vaping doesn't have this problem to such extent but seems to be associated with otherwise obnoxious people.

What smells gross to you might smell fine to others. I've always found cigarette smoke to be a pleasant smell. If you have a problem with a smoker ask for him to not smoke during the session or to smoke a different brand. Or ask him to bring a change of clothes, might help a little.

What I've found weird about that is that if you smoke weed but not tobacco you're fine with the smell of weed smoke but not tobacco smoke still, and I'd imagine it would be the same the other way around for people who do the opposite. It's all smoke isn't it, why isn't their any cross tolerance?

>I've always found cigarette smoke to be a pleasant smell.

I love you Veeky Forums but im pretty sure you are the reason I want to have sex with boys

It's probably a product of associating it with the psychological effects of the nicotine, simple Pavlovian conditioning.

That or different kinds of tobacco have different smells and some of them aren't as bad.

I'm seeing a lot in this thread regarding gender, and maybe this is just my experience, but bad players come in all shapes and sizes.
If you have a bad player, be up front and honest.
And don't be rude or mean about it.

Kys, cigarette smells like shit.

At least with the weed faggots I don't feel like I'm literally inhaling cancer. But fuck both of them. Can't you losers be normal? You don't need to dope yourself to live, it's retarded and so are you.

No.
Mainly cause of the shitty adulterants added to cigarette tobacco.

Pipe smoke is fine and smoots but cigs stink to hell, like the tobacco is blended with rubber and acetone.

Acrid shit.

>he thinks men and women are the same
It's about gender.

...

No user, that's too reasonable for Veeky Forums.

You need to ree about how women are inferior and the cause of all the problems in the world.

yes, and?

Eh, personally, I'm pretty much desensitized towards smokes, my country is among the top 10 in consumption per capita, so even if I could avoid the smell at my leisure activities, I can't really avoid it at work or any public space.
Besides even worse than smokers that smell like smokers are smokers that try to cover themselves with way too much cologne or perfume. Those should be hosed until it washes out of them.

I've played with lots of female players. Never had a problem.
Wife: forgets rules sometimes, terrified of her character dieing.
Wifes best friend: clueless on rules, makes up by rp'ing well. Usually makes pretty memorable characters
Hippy: Always a druid of some kind and tries to befriend everything. No real problems apart from characters always being the same
Mother: been playing since she met my dad, who's been playing since day one. Plays whatever class is missing.
Punk girl: knows the rules, puts backstory into her characters. Likes tieflings and rogues.
Bro's lesbian friend: no idea of the rules, apprehensive about playing but has lots of fun when she gets in to it

>You need to ree about how women are inferior and the cause of all the problems in the world.
I would if I didn't enjoy sex so much.
Here's an option that most people don't understand is reasonable. Find yourself a girl that doesn't like tabletop role play games so she doesn't want to come along.

It really just boils down to people who are different than a core group tend to cause problems. Whether it be the differences of the person, the person's behavior, or various group member's reaction to the different person. The source is always the same, that they are different and it causes strain.

Women are always different than a core group of like minded men, so they tend to ruin everything by being present. Regardless if it was their fault, they are the reason.

>she's still had to have her hit and damage explained every session.
I played with a barbarian like this too. Guy was the DM's friend for years, too, but he eventually had to let him go. DM was too fed up with him never learning even the most basic of rules, like "roll a d20" basic.

So maybe there's still hope. I was playing online though.

I wish I lived in your fantasy land user