ITT tabletop red flags

We're all That Guy, aren't we?

I agree, but less in the sense of people visiting the site often and more in the sense of people not being able to hide their power level. It's a sign of obsession and lack of ability to adjust to meatspace.

If they have coloured hair
The player, not the character.
Every person I've played with who has had coloured hair has been a terrible player

Wow, that seems very sensible and insightful. What the fuck are you doing here?

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Remember the "weird people on the internet" your parents warned you about when you were little? We have become those people, destroyers of innocence.

>put a post in gamefinder
>have to drop ever single response because they come from Veeky Forums

shit. That's exactly who we are. Hell, some of you apples probably even have vans and candy

>Veeky Forums worse than 9gag

Found the Redditor.

this one doesn't really bother me. I run 3.5 and have the savage species handbook. I have no problem expanding the lifespan of a centaur.
this would be a red flag

I like to shitpost about my homebrew race of moose people with vaginal bateriosis.

Spotted the GW apologist

Go back to TV Tropes.

...

I don't really see this as an issue. They are straight forward about the character they would like to play, and are asking the GM their opinion on it. Depending on the game/setting, it may or may not be appropriate. If it is appropriate, let them play. If it is not, tell them that and allow them to either try another character which may be more appropriate, or go along their way.

I'd let them both in, and then kick them right before the session started.

As a warning to the other players: "don't be fucking weird or stupid"

>As a warning to the other players: "don't be fucking weird or stupid"

Would join this campaign.

>Player: "Can we use my homebrew fighter? I made it to try and fix some of 5e's caster supremacy problems."
>Me: "Let me just take a little lookie-loo at this..."

>immediately gets archetype at level 1
>proficient in any five skills
>all weapon attacks automatically treated as magical
>overcomes damage resistance, and later immunity, with weapon attacks
>gets Extra Attack at level 3
>sixth Extra Attack at level 20
>gets the benefits of the Mage Slayer feat spread out as class features
>gets several more anti-mage features, including the ability to reach into an enemy mage's teleport and pull them back to where they were before
>can parry spells, and can later deflect them, choosing a new target on a successful parry

I think this dude might have an agenda. Can't quite place what it is, though.

He just said he'd kick you out.

Joke's on you - I don't like GW. I also don't play their games. Checkmate, redflagfag.

Sounds good to me.

I mean, I can appreciate his sentiment, but buffing the shit out of just one martial class isn't going to fix the problem. The entire system would need an overhaul.

I'm not weird or stupid, I have normal characters turned in on time with no weird, strange, unusual requests made of them.

It's always a red flag to me when a player blatantly ignores the clear and concise rules I have given on what books we are and are not using.

If I say we're using Books A, B, C, and D, and some chucklefuck comes in with a character made using Books E through Q, then I can tell he's not the type to read or care about rules.

This is you just being a fucking cuck. Nobody is going to withhold their sheets from you, you've got yes-or-no control you joyless bitter fuck. just hard pass them, laugh and move on

>the first warning sign should be any association with Veeky Forums
Oh definitely. I'll talk to you guys about board games until the heat death of the universe, but I don't want any of you fucks in my games. You disgust me

>This is you just being a fucking cuck. Nobody is going to withhold their sheets from you, you've got yes-or-no control you joyless bitter fuck. just hard pass them, laugh and move on

Nope.

They wasted 30 seconds of my life reading their bullshit. I'll waste theirs by not letting them in the game..AT THE LAST MOMENT.

>Ok, all the sheets look good? we ready?

>You all will be starting at ......oh, shit I almost forgot. Sorry all. But player (x) and (xx), are fucking booted for being epic faggots/weirdos.
*boot*
*boot*
>Ok, like I was saying, you all ............

You'd be more than welcome user.

I want those people to die of ass cancer or something.

You have a space?

My god you're a sad cunt.

We NEED 1 more player, badly.

But, I've given up on roll20. So unless you live in the mid west...

>psh... nothing personnel... kid

This might be the most beta thing I've ever seen.

Maybe so.

I'm still not playing with fucking furfags, or other freaks and weirdos.

Nor, do I owe them any 'decent' treatment. They deserve being treated badly, because they're weird.

Furfags detected.

Not Related to OP's post, but what's with the whole self depreciation bullshit going on Veeky Forums right now ?
I mean, I don't have anything against self-criticism, but the fact that some people honestly believe that everyone here is unable to play tabletops correctly (in the sense of a containment board for games in general) worries me

Well he's a reddit spacer so it isn't surprising.

Nah, just an adult.

Worse, he posts *actions*

>Everyone here is against me
>must be furfags, those damn bastards !
>thankfully, as an alpha male, I can publicly denounce them ! The hacker known as Veeky Forums will then praise me and we'll take turns fucking each other in the ass !

>people who push ridiculous PC races
>any sort of random SJW bullshit that they cannot give a good explanation for
>weebs, furfags, and edgelords out

I usually require 500 words and 10 questions for online games. It's like a job application. It weeds out the lazy right off, and lets me know how people act. It's worked for damn near a decade now.

>centaur's mentality with an elf's lifespan
The character realistically would commit suicide after the first two centuries.

I refuse to think you live in a house without mirrors.

>everyone in my group had a spirited discussion about Veeky Forums
>I almost outed myself when someone was complaining about how Veeky Forums is nothing but quest threads

You see a geographical limitation, I see an opportunity. Have him skype in and be every crime show's "logistics guy/superhacker at keyboard and on the phone." Through some magical means he's in constant communication with the party but in a physical location where he can grease the wheels for the party, looking up obscure shit in a royal library, bribing the right officials to let the party through, keeping an ear to the ground for intel and maybe astral projecting when needed. The lack of spatial connection becomes a game dynamic instead of a frustration.

...said the furfag.

God damn it, I meant this post for:

That is interesting user.

It is amazing. It is so incredibly passive aggressive. I've never seen anything quite so bad. Absolutely no self awareness at all.

>have normal characters turned in on time

Stop being a furfag, your guilty conscious is astounding. Like all those jew nazis.

Honestly, ranting about red flags is the biggest red flag of all.

I don't want unpleasant people at my table.

I figured that.

It's a very interesting idea. Might not be super fun for that player (as he'd be limited sorta), but I love the idea.

Even better, we're thinking about setting up a twitch to stream a couple games.

Having a "Phone the expert", would be cool.

Thanks m8.

Bitching about people ranting about red flags is an even BIGGER red flag.

I don't want pessimistic people at my table.

By midwest, do you mean Indiana?

It's red flags all the way down!

This is a good idea and you should feel good for having it.

Dunno, I'm not the DM, just suggesting. Nice trips tho

Worse, Oklahoma

Best of luck! Would be interesting if he essentially ran a bard and you fluffed his bardic inspiration as benefiting from the phoned in expert knowledge he has.

^^this

Well done user. I hope you have a great weekend. You deserve it.

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We got a crystal ball from somewhere years ago, that sits on a shelf near the table.

>Place crystal ball on table
>cell phone on speaker is hidden under it
>call user
>"Greetings MrBard of Bardsville, might we impose upon you for a moment to answer a question?"

We could totally make that work.

underrated

^^You sexy beast you.

Now that's some good fucking DMing.

There really is no other way to do it. I thought about having players make character sheets to show me before I decide to allow them in, but I like having everything work on their characters together. Interviewing people on the other hand is great. Even if the questions are not meaningful, having an interview filters out the people who otherwise wouldn't care. If you don't give enough of a shit to answer some questions and chat with me in real time for half an hour, how would I know that they will give enough of a shit to show up on time and be prepared?

>A heavily accented voice cuts in....
>This crystal ball may incur data charges of 3 gold per question
>Do you accept these charges?

What's the problem with the OP?

She can yiff in hell

playing a horse?

She's a freak, and she'll be disruptive. There's no question of that.

Well? Go on.

> calling from certain locations costs more
> you can call reverse if you're low on funds, but then the person on the other end can ask favours, or cut you off

No please. I can only get so hard.

Also, nice trips

This is now a fantasy collect calling thread.

Veeky Forums players are either the best players or the worst. It's a crapshoot. But fuck the others. They always get triggered.

Damn it, man, ungulates are my fetish. You're just going to blueball me like that?

I just have a sweet-tooth, okay? Nothing wrong with that.

>Veeky Forums players are either the best players or the worst.

And sometimes, they are both.

I'm often amazed at the level of creativity some user's have. And then I'll be sickened at how fucking weird they are in the very next post.

Yet I keep coming back. Fuck.

Sounds like Antimage joined your game.

Here's one

>I want to be a werewolf.
>Immune to physical damage and halves magical damage.

Dropped bullshit on him and nerfed him to have that in a minor degree and he still complained. Should have kicked him day one.

A significant number of posters here rarely actually play games, if they do at all. They assume this carries over to everyone posting here.

> h-hello?
> This is 1-800-ADVENTURE, how may I direct your call?
> W-well, we're at a locked stone door in a dungeon, with no visible means of access
> Alright, it sounds like you need our 'Spelunking' team, I'll transfer you, please hold...
> "Have you considered our yearly subscription plan? 1500 Gold, and you get priority call queuing, ten free extra-planar calls per month, and access to our VIP helpdesk, which provides in-combat help for Legendary Monsters, with free Time Stop so our experts have an adequate chance to assist you!"
> Hello, this is Tim-Tom, Spelunking team.
> Tim...Tom?
> Mother liked both names, sir, and couldn't decide. How can I help you?
> Well, my team and I are at a stone door, far underground, with no means of access
> I see sir, I see, quite a common problem. What do you have with you? Any keys? Explosives, perhaps? Any magic-users in your group?
> No sir
> Nobody strong enough to smash the door down, or move it aside?
> No sir
> I see, this could potentially be a magically-sealed doorway. If that's the case, I need to transfer you to our 'Magic and Ethereal' team. Are there any runes on the door?
> Yes, there are. They look...sort of ancient? Not quite Dwarvish?
> Excellent sir. I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll transfer you to our Magic and Ethereal team, and they should be able to get that door open for you in a jiffy!
> Thank you Tim-Tom
> No a problem, sir! Please hold...

And so on, for the next four hours.

I feel ya. It's always either bro tier players or meme spouting murderhobos trying to magical realm at the drop of a hat. Haven't really had one be both yet, though. But I'd gladly take Veeky Forums players over nearly any other community.

To be fair, every time I come here I have to wade through tons of shitty quest threads to get to any actual game stuff.

>plays tabletop RPGs
>posts on Veeky Forums
"They deserve being treated badly, because they're weird."

Oh Lord, this is perfect. This guy:
should have this guy:
brought on to the game as an operator at the 1-800-ADVENTURE hotline, first just answering questions for payment but later starting to do it on his off hours too once he starts to gel with the team, eventually quitting his job to support the team full time.

>Hello, this is the SWAT help line, here at Special Wizards and Tactics, we are always here to aid you
>Please be advised that all calls are scribed and may be used as training for our staff
>"HOLY FUCKING SHIT, THERE'S A FUCKING DRAGON IN HERE!! IT"S SEALED THE CAVE OFF AND WE CAN'T GET AWAY!"
>Very good sir, can you tell me what type of dragon?
>BIG! IT'S BIG, AND RED
>Ok, so we have a red dragon, and a sealed off cave, I can help you with that, one second while I check something
>Ok sir, our records show that you're in the Lower Pannten Mountain region? Is that correct?
>YES, OMG PLEASE HURRY! HOW DO WE KILL THIS THING?
>please be patient sir, do you want quick answers, or correct ones? ha ha ha, just a little joke here in the office. Now, You said a Blue dragon? We have no records of any Blue dragons in that region sir.
>I SAID RED!!! REDD!!!!!!!!!!FUCK ME IT'S BREATHING FIRE AGAIN!!
>Oh, I see. hahaha, well now that that's cleared up, we can help. There shouldn't be any blue dragons there, hahaha. Ok, Now you wish to kill the dragon? Or flee from it? Sir?
>Sir?
>Hello sir?

...

Three biggest red flags at my table are:

Anyone who pulls out a book to argue a rule.

Anyone who spends more than three minutes denigrating a class or race.

Anyone who spends more than three minutes championing a class or race.