> h-hello?
> This is 1-800-ADVENTURE, how may I direct your call?
> W-well, we're at a locked stone door in a dungeon, with no visible means of access
> Alright, it sounds like you need our 'Spelunking' team, I'll transfer you, please hold...
> "Have you considered our yearly subscription plan? 1500 Gold, and you get priority call queuing, ten free extra-planar calls per month, and access to our VIP helpdesk, which provides in-combat help for Legendary Monsters, with free Time Stop so our experts have an adequate chance to assist you!"
> Hello, this is Tim-Tom, Spelunking team.
> Tim...Tom?
> Mother liked both names, sir, and couldn't decide. How can I help you?
> Well, my team and I are at a stone door, far underground, with no means of access
> I see sir, I see, quite a common problem. What do you have with you? Any keys? Explosives, perhaps? Any magic-users in your group?
> No sir
> Nobody strong enough to smash the door down, or move it aside?
> No sir
> I see, this could potentially be a magically-sealed doorway. If that's the case, I need to transfer you to our 'Magic and Ethereal' team. Are there any runes on the door?
> Yes, there are. They look...sort of ancient? Not quite Dwarvish?
> Excellent sir. I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll transfer you to our Magic and Ethereal team, and they should be able to get that door open for you in a jiffy!
> Thank you Tim-Tom
> No a problem, sir! Please hold...
Hello, this is 1-800-adventure, how may we help?
Other urls found in this thread:
mangahere.co
twitter.com
>Hello, this is the SWAT help line, here at Special Wizards and Tactics, we are always here to aid you
>Please be advised that all calls are scribed and may be used as training for our staff
>"HOLY FUCKING SHIT, THERE'S A FUCKING DRAGON IN HERE!! IT"S SEALED THE CAVE OFF AND WE CAN'T GET AWAY!"
>Very good sir, can you tell me what type of dragon?
>BIG! IT'S BIG, AND RED
>Ok, so we have a red dragon, and a sealed off cave, I can help you with that, one second while I check something
>Ok sir, our records show that you're in the Lower Pannten Mountain region? Is that correct?
>YES, OMG PLEASE HURRY! HOW DO WE KILL THIS THING?
>please be patient sir, do you want quick answers, or correct ones? ha ha ha, just a little joke here in the office. Now, You said a Blue dragon? We have no records of any Blue dragons in that region sir.
>I SAID RED!!! REDD!!!!!!!!!!FUCK ME IT'S BREATHING FIRE AGAIN!!
>Oh, I see. hahaha, well now that that's cleared up, we can help. There shouldn't be any blue dragons there, hahaha. Ok, Now you wish to kill the dragon? Or flee from it? Sir?
>Sir?
>Hello sir?
> stealing my elaborately thought out call centre bit
reee etc
>stealing
that's not how you spell "honoring", user.
>he doesn't realize Veeky Forums is a gestalt hivemind
...
>Welcome to the Equipment for Professionals Helpline, how may I assist you today?
>"um...i bought this rope from you guys a couple months ago, and you assured me that it would support up to 600 lbs of weight"
>Yes sir, our rope selection is a thing of pride for us
>"Well, we were trying to lower someone down into a pit, and the rope broke, we don't know if he's dead or alive down there in the dark!"
>Oh, I'm sorry to hear that sir, would you like to bring the remaining rope in, and exchange it for one of equal value? We can give you a store credit.
Bullshit, the technician should have spent at least fifteen minutes arguing about the weight of the person being lowered.
>Thank you for calling Moldorfs Scrolls, how may I assist you today
>"We bought your remove curse scroll when we passed through town last week"
>One moment sir, do you have a receipt? Can you read me the 4 symbols on the bottom?
>"oh, um, sure. It's Disjunction, Resist, Remove, and Purify"
>Very good sir, now, what's the problem I can help you with today?
>"Well, when we bought it, we were told it would remove ANY curse from any item. But we used it on the stone slab covering the sarcophagus, it glowed blue for a moment, and then Jolf tried to open it, and was turned into a sheep!"
>Oh, I'm very sorry for that sir, I assume that the sarcophagus had a polymorph trap laid on it. Please be aware that that specific scroll will not remove a polymorph trap.
>"Now hold on, we were told that it WOULD remove ANY curse or trap"
>I'm very sorry sir, do you have the name of the sales rep who told you that?
>"No, there was only one guy in the shop, I didn't catch his name"
>Well, our policy is to never claim a scroll will remove a curse/trap that it won't. So if one of our employees told you that, we're very sorry.
>"Sorry? Jolf is a fucking sheep! That's our healer, we can't go on now!"
>I'm so sorry sir, i assure you that we will investigate this matter, and respond to you by the new moon.
>Is there any other issues I can help you with today?
Adventurers are resting at the campfire after a hard day's adventuring.
>Crystal ball vibrates
>"Hello, is this Mr. Layingbeard?"
>"What? No, it's Lyonbeard"
>"Thank you sir, when you were last in town, you stayed at one of our luxurious Inns, and you've been randomly chosen to receive a special gift package!"
>"What, I've not been to town in over a year!"
>"Oh, well that must have been an error, but no matter! You're still the lucky winner of our special package!"
>"so what did I win?"
>"Yes sir, you won a special package that very few have ever won before. This is a package that is valued at over 400 Gold!, and today, it can be yours if you pay the tax on it, for only 33 gold. This is a really great package sir"
>'wait, I have to PAY for this thing I won?"
>"No no no sir, you PAY nothing!, you simply must cover the TAX cost on this 100% FREE gift!"
>the lookout shouts "Heads up everyone! Gnolls coming in fast!"
>"look fuck you package, i got gnolls to fight!"
>"Please sir, if you can give me one moment to explain the value of this gift!"
>screams in the background
>"Sir? Are you there sir?"
> "grrrr growl chomp"
>"Oh hello mr. gnoll, our records show that YOU have been randomly chosen to receive a special...........
this is a fantasy setting user, we can fantasize about helpful call centers if we want
lol........that was funny
This thread reminds me of mangahere.co
Fuck off Weeaboo
fuck off charlie, my pappy lost his leg in nam and that's why we don't eat chinese food in december
Missed an opportunity to make them have to retrieve the body and all his equipment so they can weigh him for their claims investigation department.
Bunp==mp
Bump
>there will never be a sexy elf hotline
>there will never be Elven cam whores who pose for the crystal ball for everyone on the Aethernet to see.
>sexy elf hotline
>there's only one elf that works there, everyone else has proficiency in deception
>when you think it's a sexy elf on the other line but it's really an old dwarf throwing his voice so he can feed his grandkids.
That won't stop my boner.
>tfw the elf on the other end is just two halflings in a trench coat
Wait..that's actually hotter.
Female halflings? Whatever, who cares. Yeah, that's hotter.
>Its a fucking drow
>the rest are driders
>you accidently'd the wrong hotline for the BDSM one.
>accidently'd
No, it wasn't an accident
>implying drow women would be subservient to the caller
It would be more likely that the drow are actually illithid prisoners, who probably make some of the worst pimps from an ethical standpoint.