WANTED: Fairytail Creatures

By order of I, Lord Farquuad, I demand that you bring me all your fairy-tail creatures, and bring them to me! Dare you disobey me, Veeky Forums?

What, like skellingtons?

I was going to bring you the great clean shaven heterosexual op, but I think it's a myth cause we couldn't find one

Or elves?

Or giants?

Or giant elven skellingtons?

I shall comply shortly.

Ah, good, good! Those are all fairy-tail creatures by any means! 500 gold schillings to you, my good man!

Now, to throw them into the swamp!

I found a dragon in the swamp. Do you want it ?

Yes; But no. I want the dragon; but on the oher hand, it is already in a swamp! Where would I put it?

Ah, I know! I'll gather a band of adventurers lead to the dragon out of the swamp, capture it, and than put it into another swamp!

Thelonious, start putting fliers in the dark corners of every Tavern in the kingdon!

A brilliant idea sire! A question, if you will, is this goat-demon-thing a fairy-tale creature worth five hundred golden shillings?

Do you take me as some kind of fool? That is clearly just a goat wearing a human body suit! 5 schilings, if only because you amused me, ever so slightly!

You've got a nice little demesne there...
Sure would a shame if a band of murder hobos laid claim to it...

I've got a box full of these little bastards. Where do you want 'em?

what about this horrid little monster m'lord, its not me daughter I promise.

I-I apologize sire, I will cease bothering you at once... Er, might I trouble His Majesty with but one more question?

Just trying to protect their furry fairy-tale trap waifus.

Are you sure that these are fairytail creatures? They seem more like tiny hobos. 10 Schilings for the lot of them, less you- Hey, where did I put my money pouch? Bah, to the swamp with them!
Urgh, with the way you smell, she might as well be your daughter. 50 Schilings, but your both going to the swamp anyway.

Fine, what is it? Dont you see Im a busy man? I'll have you penciled in after my daily torturing of the dungeon prisoners.

Hm... Is that so? Perhaps I might have some sort of... Journey... Or Task... Or even... a Quest? But only for the most ruthless-er, valient of warriors!

I'll have no such thing! Take your monster girls, and go back to the swamp!

Why? Are you looking for your missing dick?

found the ogre

> Fine, what is it? Dont you see Im a busy man? I'll have you penciled in after my daily torturing of the dungeon prisoners.

The Saint's blessings be upon you sire...

If I might ask, what in the Nineteen Hells is this thing, and what would you be willing to pay me to take it to the swamp?

I do not know, nor do I want to! Here, you can um... Have the deed to this inconspicious lot of land. The lot which is very, very, very far away. Now go.

It.. Disturbs me.

I found this thing hanging around a local all girls school.
What should I do with it?

Erm... Its a cat isn't it? Um... Mirror, Mirror on the wall, just what is that thing sitting in my hall?

There's this giant fairy that hangs out in a fountain out in the woods.

CANDLE SNIFFING FUCK FENCE GO CLIMB A WALL OF DICKS

I thank you my liege. This may interest you, I think I have managed to find what I believe to be an onion with a face! It speaks in riddles and sarcastic insults! Is this a fairy-tail creature as well?

So... you got shillings and I got a Satan. I might need to use some of the reward for the families of those that perished trying to capture the foul monster

Now thats my kin... No, no! I must ne strong! 100 Gold Schilings.. and a note containing my personal Magic mirror number. Just in case there is trouble.

Oh dear, my mirror... What has this creature done! Get it out of here! 20 Gold Schilings to first man to drag it tail first from my castle!

You again? Did I not send you away? And where in gods name are you procuring these things. Here, 20 gold schilings! Now leave me!

Ah, a "Satan", the most rare of mystical creatures. Truly, for such a heroic feet, you deserve a heroic award! 100 Gold Schilings, and the location of any princess you desire!

I found a jolly little man singing something like "Hi Ho" or somesuch.

I think he's a halfling.
Is that worth anything?

Milord! I found this absolutely repulsive monster impersonating you at the beach, and upon witnessing its disgusting visage, I was unable to contain the contents of my bowels! Whatever shall I do with him?

You fools! How dare you insult my likeness! They are my bulwark against fairytails! The shield of humanity! They are the Farsquaad, and they know no fear.

Then, milord, if there are many Farquaads, how do we know which one is the real king!?!

I saw this creature running around. It seemed to have posses many crowns, where it got them I do not know.

Best thread on Veeky Forums?

Best thread on Veeky Forums.

You idiots! That was merely a doubleganger posing as me! Only the real Farquaad is this majestic! If you could not tell, all of those are clearly edited! 2,000 shilings to the man to bring me these imposters alive! Or dead!

Bah, im sure it is of no concern. But if you must, make a trail of crowns leading to the swamp. 30 shilings for your trouble, comminer. Now where did I put MY crown?

I've got these little bastards for you mi'lord.
Damn things have invaded my garden for years now.
I've taken to calling them nids since they keep niddlin muh damn cabbage patch!

Milord, I found this genie! How much is she worth to you?

What about creatures that are just really shitty puns?

I caught a really weird one. It's.. all pink. And squishy.

It's fairy tale, cretin.

>no-ones posted fairy butts yet
How?

How do we differ the us from the them?

I mean we humans could just be as fairy-tail as them.

I'm pretty sure one of these is a giant but for some reason I'm unsure which

AH, that horrid creature is back, but now its riding some type of tracking device-shooting bird plane shell!

Whatever shall we do sire? ...So far it has only desired crowns...

I found this near my garden, does it count as a fairytail creature?

M'lord I found a strange golem or a construct of some sort whilst I was tending to my fields.

Milord i found this eating my garden will ye take it Milord

M'lord here is a mighty figabop im sure this will count as a fairytail beast

My lord! This pair hang around near my farm, i just know they are stealing my crops, would you compensate me for their capture?

He's asking for Fairy TAIL creatures, guys.

Hey Fuckwad. How about some Azathoth?

'Ow much for t' wolf?

I like werewolves that look skinny rather than muscular, wolves in real life are built for endurance not power, it's their fur that makes them look bulky. If one was humanoid it'd look more like a champion marathon runner than a professional bodybuilder.

does the lich gives the bone to the elf boy on the long cold nights?

Ah, tis such a warming sight to see such loyal peasantry! Who, even while I slumber, carry out my deeds!

If they are as you describe, such tiny, insignificant things, put them in a glass bowl and bring them to meat once. They may find use in my dunge...ant farm. 10 Gold Schilings.

Oh my... I believe a adequete sum of 500 Gold Schilings, and a all expense paid trip to Duloc would be adequte? Although, you could double that price, and get a free Horse-cart, if she were a princess...
Terrible pun based creatures are the rarest of them all! 2000 Gold Schilings, and a free T-Shirt! Now, hang that up in the swamp!

Bah, what ever it is, throw it into the swamp! I could not care less for such creatures. 10 Schilings, and not a hay-penny more.


By official decree, I have changed the spelling. Your welcome. And now to the dungeon with you.

The only thing I despise more that fairy tail creatures, is fairy tail creature sympathizers. You LOSE 5 schilings, and get a free trip to the dungeon. Thelonious, if you would?


Does it matter? I'll just put them into a "giant" swamp. 100 Schilings for both.

Well than put a crown in a swamp, and than leave it there! Or better yet, have it track me down a suitable princess. Maybe give it crowns, in exchange for its services?
That depends. How well can It dance?

It seems... far too smug. And yes, I believe I have seen this creature before. To the swamps with it, so it may be with its own kind. 35 Schilings. Away with you.

This is obviously just a horse with a horn glued to its head. By god, you are really getting desperate now.
Wings? On a lion? How droll. But if it is real, 20 Schilings. I wish you'd bring me something more realistic, like a talking puppet or gingerbread man...

This is why we need to move them to the swamp!

100 Schilings EACH if you catch them, and prove its not just a homeless midgit and s child painted blue.

Why, I dont believe we've met. But quick pro-quo: I only date princesses. You are a princess, correct? But if your not, I do also have a thing for red heads, and girls who like Pína Coloda's, and getting caught in the rain...

Your not even trying now. What is this? Its just a mess of eyes, mouths and ungodly parts. Did you just throw this together at the last moment? What a disgrace. But I will humor you. Put it in the cage with the Kender , and I'll give you a schiling for the entertainment.

Hrm. That is a wolf. But I thought wolves were supposed to wear grandma clothing? Regardless, 10 Schilings. Put it in the swamp, next to the fairys.

>this thread
That's the dumb, good old Veeky Forums, that I know and love.

We're still working on a way to move her, but we'll bring her to you as soon as we can.

Have you considered making them pay for building a wall around the swamp, my lord?

I've captured these three on account of them being far too beautiful to be human men.

A capitol idea, my countryman! I pledge my wholehearted support behind it!

Milord, I have captured this creature, it violently opposed capture, and I lost a steak finger obtaining it. How much is it worth?

My father's an elf, so I do not think I will do that.

>t. Half-Elf Oracle

is this vile creature one of those fairly-tails?

... My Lord, I do not believe this one will fit in the swamp...
...do I still get paid?

What's the story behind this picture anyway? Why is the Kirin (that's what those things are called, isn't it?) God humanoid?

Yes m'lord, but this creature is extremely rare.
How much shall I be paid for such a creature?

Found this thing crawling onto shore last week while I was at my nana's beach house. Seemed pretty harmless at first minus the weird chanting that's been floating about the air since it arrived, lately though my nose has been bleeding a lot and my ears won't stop ringing. Also I've been getting some weird ass dreams. How much is it worth m'lord?

Totally a "fairy tale" creature.

Cages don't work.

M'lud, there be a purveyor of hexotic pets waitin' to speak to M'lud in yonder courtyard. 'E says 'is prices be fair, 'is long journey notwithstandin'. "Monster Manuel" 'e names 'imself, M'lud.

Found this little guy at my golf course last week and it followed me home after I gave it a scrap of turkey sandwich. Pretty friendly, although it did try to take the mail man's hand off once. Hate to see it go really, bout I'm curious as to how much it'd be worth.

I have some right horrible beasts for you here, m'lud.

I just love that one

>500 shillings
That man is insane! It's almost 3 years of a carpenter's wage! He will ruin our country!

A snakelady. I heard that their scale make exquisite boots.

Are libertarians fairy tale creatures? Can we also throw them into the swamp?

I found this in the local crypt, all it seems to do is scream at people, m'lord

The creature has attracted many people who continually waste resources building monuments and art dedicated to it. Here is an example of such work

This one is a bit stepped on, but I think it could still be thrown into the swamp

M-my lord, there seems to have been a problem while sending the creatures to the swamp. T-this beast freed a magical mule and has resisted capture from some of our finest men! I do believe the creature is what they call an ogre.

pic related, what our reports say the thing looks like.

T...That elf is not for lewd!

My lord, wait! is a magical creature, for those bunny ears art not merely a fetishistic headband! She has rabbit heritage, my lord! They are her real ears!

If you cannot move her, than it is clear: you must build a swamp around her. I will not tolerate giants in my kingdom! Their height makes the local midgit minority incredibly jealous. 200 Schilings.
Bah, I already take all their possessions upon being turned in. What would they pay with?

But I do like the idea of a wall... let us get in on it! I shall hence forth begin the forced construction of a wall around the swamp! We shall use the creatures as labor!
As you can tell from my own visage, there is no limit to masculine beauty... But, on the other hand, I think their false beauty tarnishes my own. To the swamp, and 50 schilings.
Such a tiny thing, eh? Hrmph. To the swamp with it, less it gets anny funny ideas. 10 schilings for each you find.
Elves are strictly prohibited. No schillings for you, or your creepy father. Now, dont you have a workshop or two to work in, less The Fairy Godmother or Santa Clause get angry?
Erm... For this case, I think we should leave it be. I wouldn't want to know what the effects of removing it be, and I enjoy my jacuzzi far too much to risk it.
Non-sense, there is enough room in the swamp for all creatures. If its too big, they simply sink within, and await the unwitting band of questers to unearth it.
25 Schilings out 300, for daring to questioning my intelligence.
That... That is going straight into the swamp. I feel insulted by its pressence on every possible level. 50 Schilings, 75 if you make post haste.
Ah, you see, the way we price such creatures is based on 3 factors: Size, Authenticity, and magical-ness. Yours looks rather fake, but it seems both magical and is quite big. 100 Schilings will be your reward. Now remove it from my pressence, the chanting is giving me a migraine! Next!
Then use rope you baffoon! 50 Schilings, but you have to buy the rope with your own money.

You may thin this is merely a wooden chest, but it is in fact a dangerous creature that has killed many brave adventurers! It is a vile creature called a mimic. I will take no less than 350 shillings for it.

What about a Pooka?

Excellent! He must be a creature of good reknown! Send him in!
What a little mutt! But, if you were willing to part with him, 20 Schilings and two tickets to Duloc-Land would be yours.
Truly the blight of T-Rex and Lawn alike. 1 schiling for each of the little beasts seems fair.
Quiet! I am the master of Economics! And to prove you wrong, and balance our budget, I will donated 2000 Ducats to the Carpenters without thumbs charity group! Whose laughing now? I am! Ha!

Let it be said, that I, Lord Farquaad, is the most merciful of lords. And thus, I have come up with a way for those born with lower halves of mythical origins to live amongst us! I present the Farquarter Box! Simply slip into the box, place your head through the top, and fit it to your waist! Now you are free to rejoin my perfect society!

The wheels for the box are sold seperately. Those who buy the box are put ontoa watch list as well
I dont like the sound of them. The Lib-er-tar-Ians sound very unpleasant. By order of me, under my Monarchal power, I banish them to the swamp. 20 Schilings!
Then let it scream at its own kind! Move the crypt to the Swamp! 50 Schilings!
Thats time and effort they've wasted doing that, instead of time and effort they could have spent making Monuments and Art of me! To the swamp with him! 80 Schilings!
Now, this is very, very, VERY important, peasant. Listen to me closesly, and consider your next words very closesly.
Does it have layers?

How much for this bundle of creatures?
They may look tiny, but they are the most foul, vile beasts there are, you may confirm this as you have already met one. But worry not, for they are sleeping. However I do not know for how long, Sir.

Does your prohibition of Elvenkind extend to the entire Fae familia or just the Elves.
For m'lord I have one of the True Fae or Gentry as you might call them here with me.

You nincompoop! If rabbits were Fairy tail creatures, we'd have to check every pot in the kingdom! They are clearly Fluffy tail creatures!
Hm. Prove it. I am not to be scammed, and that "mimic" lacks size, authenticity, and magic.
A bit shabby, but I suppose it counts. 10 Schilings for the beasty.

This one's been insulting me and your person in a language I do not understand. He said something along the lines of "feekin teeny weeney" at some point.

Ah, yes, it looks shabby- but it is a shapeshifter! It can look considerably less shabby if you whip it enough. See?

...If I get my foot bit off, I'm raising it to 600.

There is only only one way to be sure... Fetch me... The MILK!

Bah, do not ask me! Elves are the fairy God Mothers thing. Elves are prohibited from entering my kingdom solely based on the fact that the stupid cow hasn't given me my happy ending!

SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I got one! It keeps biting me. Send help.

If that is the case, then may I interest you in this giant creature. It has very nice feeling hair.

Ser... I am afraid they were just pretending to be asleep! How much for me to re-capture them and bring them to the swamp?

I heard you where looking for fairy-tale
creatures, I'm half snake, half liquor. what did you need me for, my lord?

I also have this monstrosity... I do not know what it is, or why it keeps making these weird noises but, maybe it interests you. Honestly it scares me more than the Beast and Fae.

I heard this one come from the scorched ninth circle of hell beyond the end of the world, I think the swamp could be a suitable containment.

It's been sixteen years and I still read it all in his voice