Your character encounters a box of kittens in the middle of the street. The mother cat is nowhere to be found...

>FREE KITTENS
Set them free, of course.

Rolled 6 (1d20)

I search for traps.

Congratulate them on their independence and carry on my way.

I like cats. I really do. But I've never been able to finish a whole one.

Set them free, the sign is an imperative command

See if my little sis wants one, take the rest to the orphanage we grew up in. I'll give a few silver to pay for food, as well. The kids will be ecstatic.

Start an army of kittens. Demons, liches, unimaginative grognards and dragons are extremely vulnerable to such a thing.

Adopt them all, then take over the world (of darkness). They will all know once again why the Egyptians worshiped them, for any single cat can best the hardest, baddest of men.

>I like cats. I really do. But I've never been able to finish a whole one.
>I've never been able to finish a whole one.
How much of a pussy can you be?

Hey, I forget. Are cats food for humans? I'm not make the dog mistake again.

Everything is food for humans if we are hungry enough.

>a box full of non-sentient mini-me's
Become officially freaked out.

Kill them peacefully.

I remove them from the box.

The box wants me to free them, after all.

Aoe flame attack. Add BBQ sauce. Party rations for a couple of days.

>Harmless_Offering.jpg

Eat one to gain its cuteness proficiency

Toss a match in, close the lid, walk away nonchalantly.

...Why? What the fuck are you playing?

I'll take the orange one in the front.
Good homes will be found for the rest.

edgy kid simulator 3.dgy

Eat well tonight!

Use detect magic, cast identify on each individually using his familiar to perform the touch. Get the Barbarian to pick them up after casting Protection from evil on him then probably eat them.

Sapient ya nonce, non sapient.

Update never. Kill kazerad with a rusty spoon

take them all and train these clearly monsters to be my loyal murderpurrs

Play with their paw pads, of course.

What's wrong with those dogs?

If my GM presented me with a box of kittens I'd keep every single one as my new babies.

D&D character would probably adopt them all because she's a wizard, and fifty, both of which should add up to liking cats.

Now... my next character is a post-apocalyptic chaotic evil otaku, so he would probably... eat them? Kick them? Keep one and give it a stupid japanese name? It depends on what kind of drugs he is on at the moment.

>a single match
>actually starting a fire at the bottom of a box or by landing on an animal's's fur

You've never actually built a fire, have you

My lizardman would try to eat them until someone explained they're pets, and then he would still try to eat them.

My wizard would give them to the children.

Pester the druid until he awakened every last one of them

Then try and teach the intelligent kitties to be monks

IT'S A TRAP!

Absolutely nothing.

Drag them along on adventures. Get inevitably angry when they wander off or get killed.

Become a wizard/barbarian.

We Punchcat now

I think that this box is too sophisticated for the average medieval setting.

This is like feeding your prisoner with an aluminium plate. We all went nuts went we pointed out our GM that he was essentially feeding the prisoners with plates more valuable than gold.

Do we have a place to stay? If so, take ALL of them.

>free kittens
There's crearry five in there.

Take them back to our guild hall and put them with the rest of our pets.

Proceed to have the druid do his ritual magic shenanigans to make all the other animals like them so the drake doesn't eat them.

>carry it into town
>find someone cute
>tell them you'll give them a gold piece to raise the kittens

How kind. Someone has left emergency rations for us.

Rolled 12 (1d20)

There is a trap on them?

I ask the kittens whether they voted for Trump or not. This is important.

I once did this to my party, except there was only one kitten and the box was full of bloodstains.
The party adopted it anyways and promptly forgot about it and lost track of it in the nearest city, where the kitten (actually a cursed rakshasha) began a commoner-killing spree in order to eat enough human hearts to break the curse.

1. The kittens are in a box
2. The sign says they are free
3. Therefore, being in a box means being free
4. Climb into the box and join my brethren of liberty, for am I no one's slave

I'm stealing this.

Turn them into catgirls.

Go ahead, it was a really fun session.

Since my party was too stupid to figure out the connection between their lost kitty and the murders, the game turned into a whodunnit really fast.

Looks both ways, then starts stuffing kittens into his pockets like a kid told to "just grab as much as you want" on halloween.

Knowing my usual GM I draw my weapon and prepare for combat.

>wildshape druid
I am the mother now

Ask around for the local druid and bring them to him/her

Cast Awaken Animal

They will grow up to be part of my spy network

>Believing in another's preconceived notion of freedom served to you on the side of a box.
>Not finding your own freedom, without relying on others to tell you how or what.
You are still shackled, and I cannot free you.

She checks for traps before joyfully cuddling and hugging them all day.

Ignore it.

I let them ride in my armor like Laius does with carrots.

I follow the instructions and remove the kittens from the box so they are no longer stuck.

Now that the kittens are free, I check to see if the box is updated with further orders.

Lets see where this goes.

If it was my ranger PC who had a restaurant that served magical beast meat I'd roast whole on sticks as Dire Lion fetus. Or do what they do in China and call it tiger soup

Take them back to the inn he's staying/living in at the moment, get permission to keep them in his room, then play with them, petting them and letting them bat at his tiefling tail because it's scaled skin and can take a kitty's claws easily.

My character can't read, but she's probably also very rarely actually seen cats, so this would be an interesting sight to gawk at for a bit.

Sweep his cloak dramatically out to the side, and gesture towards the box, waiting for the camera that only exists in his head to pan away.

Then he picks up the box and takes them home, has his manservant care for them, and manifests a cat playground in one of his endless basement chambers, for them to live in.

He might act like a prick, and to be fair, he is kind of a prick, but he's not cruel, and does in fact have a sense of whimsy.

One can never have too many servitors.

Sapient and Sentient both mean nothing. All animals are both Sentient and Sapient.

Rogue trader explorator:
"How peculiar... Seneschal! I seem to remember that you would like a pet?"

Changeling the dreaming polka:
D'aaaws and takes them all. nursing them until she can either release them safely into nature or finds some trust worthy kithain to give them to.

Shadow run infiltrator:
Basically the same as the pooka but with added abandonment complex and her team yelling at her

KITTIES

Crack a crude joke about eating pussy and starts draining them. If some manages to put up resistance and claws hard enough to draw blood, laughs maniacally and ghoulifies it.

WHFRP Baud

Use them to lure some young looking Halflings chicks to my Brothel ware they get to spend the next 20 years working in the Loli Wafu department

That's not a cat, it's some sort of Thing!

She frees the kittens and then gets into the box.

This so fucking much. I have a rather autistic attraction to cat feeties

Paladin: Smile and find them a good place to live.
Fighter: Stay the hell away since every cat he's met hates him (has the Animal Antipathy: Cats quirk)
Guardsmouse: FUCKING RUN

>playing GURPS
> futuristic U.S. in Civil War
> split TL between 10 and 7
> stuff like gauss guns and spaceships exist but most people don't have them
> characters are genetically engineered humans, part of a special forces program that was basically discontinued
> now they live in basic poverty in a barely-funded program
> war between two countries, old california and sonora, has just started
> characters already had one successful mission to stop genetically engineered creatures last session
> old california returns funding to the program
> today their mission was to capture a warlord who was meeting with the sonorans to discuss a possible alliance
> they sneak in with captured uniforms
> pretend to be sonoran soldiers coming to warn the base of an attempt to kidnap the warlord
> the fact that they know the warlord is there (was supposed to be a secret meeting) gives their story weight
> they barely pass polygraph tests
> colonel decides to evacuate warlord
> guard (Jerry) leads them to mess hall to give them a snack and a drink
> they slip something into his drink so he passes out, they make it look like he drank too much
> use programs to hack locks and take control of the compound
> can't hack through one door to get to warlord
> find out there is a hard terminal in one of the labs that should give them access
> go there
> find mutant bug creatures being bred
> scientist shows them kittens with tentacles meant to be prototype warbeasts
> one character has quirks "like kittens" "hates people who hurts kittens"
> scientist pokes kitten with needle to inject it with weird hyperaggression drug
> character fails self-control check
> "I punch her in the face"

> combat ensues, he ends up killing the scientist with a machete
> he tucks the kitten inside his vest
> they sneak out, lock down lab
> hear jet starting up
> go to landing tunnel, shut off lights
> both characters can see in the dark, one because of nightvision goggles, one because of natural nightvision from genetic modification
> guards fire blindly, they shoot them.
> knock warlord out with injection of sleeping medicine
> same with colonel from before
> put them on ship
> one character forces pilot to ready the ship to take off
> other character: "Im going back for the kittens"
> he runs back to the humvee they came in, to grab their other weapons
> runs back down hallway, kills four more soldiers
> makes it to kitten room, puts them in his other backpack
> runs back to landing bay, killing soldiers with his gauss rifle on the way
> makes it back
> they take off
> they are pursued on the way back, but the enemy planes are shot down as soon as they cross back into old californian airspace

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a critical military mission was almost ruined by one man's love for kittens.

You are an amazing DM.

Did... you mean to post this picture?

One of the kittens responds that they're kittens and as such are too young to vote.

Another one of the kittens hits the first one upside the head and reminds them that they're kittens and shouldn't be able to speak. Then these two kittens get into a tussle.

A third kitten asks you to please ignore what his brothers are doing and imagine that the past thirty seconds or so didn't actually happen, then meows cutely at you, as do the other two in the box.

Meanwhile, one of the fighting kittens has started making suggestions as to the profession of the other's mother, while the other reminds them that all five of them are siblings and, as such, have the same mother. This just makes them fight more.

I am playing CoC with a paranoiac guy who barely escaped being sacrified.

He probably yell at the kittys about how they will never catch him alive before going in a corner and crying.

That would depend why I was walking down the street in the first place. If I've got important shit to do there's no time for free kittens.

Take the front orange one as my familiar, because I've been looking for the right familiar for a while. Help find loving homes for the other kitties, because kitties.

Now that's what I call edge.

Honestly.. probably just walk past, not even noticing them. Then grow incredibly annoyed when the flower druid elf gal in the party takes them along with us. Then when the group's sleeping, grab them and drop them off at an orphanage or something so he doesn't have to deal with them, or the druid breaking down when they would eventually die during the adventure.

remove the sign and add one that says 5 dollar kittens.

Probably reach down to pet the kittens, but then continue on.

Take all the kittens and feed them to his pet snake.

>Lawful Neutral
>Obey the sign
>Free the kittens
>Dump box out and take it to trash can

>Pick the cats.
>Buy a piglet and some sacks.
>Offer on the street piglets for a ridiculously cheap price.
>Whenever a potential buyer approaches, a second one approaches too.
>Are you really selling piglets this cheap?
>Aye
>Oh, such fine quality exemplars! And for such low price, I almost feel like a thief by taking this chance!
>You, sir, whom I have never ever met before, are on the right! What about you, peasant? Will you miss the chance to acquire a piglet for almost free?
>Hand closed sacks after receiving money.

Easy money.