I need some unconventional ways to hide a phylactery asap

Get a bro, make that guy your phylactery and he make you his phylactery
Now you two are immortal

Put it in orbit, along with a spellbook with teleport. The spellbook is important - Re-entry is a bitch otherwise.

Please remember OP, you are limited to Lichthralls stacked with Vassaliches, and the acquirement of an Epic-level spell that lets you split your phylactery into multiple bones owned by a single reclusive Netherese wizard on Faerun who's like, another Larloch which you can THEN use transmutation on.

And of course, are limited to the table of Phylacteries presented in the Libris Mortis, in addition of size category relation to your phylactery.

Don't mind me, just a paladin watching to learn your secrets.

Make yourself the phylactery, but never stop talking shit about how unless they find your super secret hidden phylactery, you cannot be stopped.

Make a bunch of phylacteries for your dog, then make your dog a phylactery.

>falls to the first stupid/stubborn but powerful adventurers

Good idea otherwise but barbarians are a thing.

>A single gold coin released into circulation.
>a warforged that the lich can control
>a rock he transmuted into a human heart and replaced the kings hearth with it.
>a sword enchanted to be invisible/indestructable

>>A single gold coin released into circulation.
risky
>>a warforged that the lich can control
it's like a backup body, nice
>>a rock he transmuted into a human heart and replaced the kings hearth with it.
king does a heroic sacrifice, or adventurers kill him anyway
>>a sword enchanted to be invisible/indestructable
that's cheating

W-would that work?

Lock it behind a magic safe enchanted to only open when an Evil act is done in it's presence.

Sure an Evil party will do it no problem, but if you're primarily worried about Paladins, it's as good as being locked inside Asmodeus's vaults.

So you set up a dungeon with a fake phylactery at the end, with all sorts of traps and monsters. Meanwhile, the actual phylactery is just a random skull in the corner of the room amongst a bunch of other bones and skulls. You hire a guy to lead the adventurers through the dungeon. He pretends to be a prisoner and when they 'rescue' him he tags along until the end, tells them "that vase! That's it!" and if they manage to notice the evil/magic of your phylactery is still around he just says the room is tainted with it after so long blah blah- they won't look into it, they'll drop him off in town and he can walk right back and reset all the traps and put a new vase on the pedestal.

Anal suppository. Face it, when you get killed nobody is going to perform a full cavity search on you!

then you put that safe inside a safe only a good act can open

Stick it in a demiplane of your creation, which consists entirely of a stupidly elaborate dungeon with gravity that changes from room to room and is filled with traps and very powerful minions. The phylactery itself is an adamantium orb forged to be as strong as possible. Which is itself held at the center of the dungeon. Inside an adamantium safe. Which is inside an even bigger steel safe. Which is surrounded by 7000 skeletons in full plate. And they have a cave troll.

And then I'll mail that box to myself.
And when it arrives...

And then lock those inside a safe that can only be opened by a Neutral act?

Deposit it in a bank safe so that if you die you will be reborn a rich lich.

A piece of common jewellery, sell it to a pawn shop.

Put it inside a pissed-off middle-aged dragon's stomach.

>Some dwarf who buys it from the pawn broker then takes it home, melts it down, and makes it into a better piece of jewelry, destroying you in the process.

The party is able to discern that the phylactery is hidden deep inside the Lich's ass

Upon meeting him they're confused to see that he's entirely skeletal

Your soul travels to your butt and begin reforming, adventurers notice, they kill you for good.

A rock or something covered by skulls.

Butt ghosts the lot of ya!

Makes that a brass and synthetic gem jewellery.

hide it in SPAAAAAAAACE
it's not like anyone but a powerful wizard who's also an undead can survive or make that trip anyway.

Ship it threw the mail to an address that doesnt exist from an address that doesnt exist, but with infinite postage. Adventurers have nothing on the mail system.

Or, even better, mass manufacuture a collectible card game and sell the phylactery as one of 100,000 cards via random booster box. Make is a chase rare and you are good.

I hide it within a demiplane of my own creation.
Traits: No Gravity, Flowing Time, Self-Contained Shape, Static (or sentient, both are very good for the defense of a demiplane), Major Negative-Dominant, Strongly Evil-Aligned, Enhanced Magic (Negative energy spells) Impeded magic (Positive energy spells).

Literally come at me bro, you fucking can't, cunt

This, but make sure time passes exceedingly slowly in said demiplane. So that even once the adventurers have found your demiplane, navigated its hazards, and finally breached the safes you've already won.

There's no one left for them to save and you'll be waiting for them with your entire army once they return to find a way to destroy the orb.

Fine, make it a golden dildo. They'll detect evil energy but they'll figure its just from heavy use.

What exactly can a phylactery be?

>Using a phylactery for your immortality
>Not cultivating your mental powers until your psionic abilities can allow you to reject death and simply reform another body constructed of pure psychic energy
Plebs these days

The phylactery is a brick in the abandoned dungeon's masonry.

Doesn't the lich need to always be on the same plane as his phylactery?

>leaving your cozy float-cube
for what fucking purpose

A blink dogs collar

One of my favorites is to enchant an fuck huge adamantine rod and drop it in a sealed room with two gates on the top and bottom. So now you have a setup that looks like portal, what's next? Well you can use magic or tradional pumps but ultimately the room gets to a near perfect vacuum.

Let's do some math eh?

Due to the lack of friction and the constant acceleration of gravity the phylactory approaches the speed of light.

Assuming it's 200kg to make my math easier I'll assume the rod is falling like a freefalling skydiver, meaning

300000000*200=60000000000kgm/s

Which will slow down to if anyone breaks the seal of the chamber

56*200=11200kgm/s

Considering a even higher velocity then the kinetic bombardment we are working on right now, the phylactory will probably turn into pic.

In other words, violate your sanctum, get nuked.

Sorry forgot to attach pic

...

And how exactly will you build that dungeon? Even without considering the absurd difficulty of creating such a thing...
If time passes extremely slowly there, then by the time it's done, your phylactery will be thousands of years as of destroyed.
And if you will be hiding in that demiplane while building the dungeon, imagine the changes you'll see upon coming back. If there'll be anything to come back to.

...

Tooth filling

Or just some metal nail used in the construction of the local tavern.

Dont.

You can be not an asshole and just do it the normal way unless you think your lich is a cool guy. Let them win and have their slices of cake as they feel strong for overcomming the mighty lich.

In the hafling's rectum.

That depends on what the phylactery is.

If it's a gem or something with an insane melting temperature, throw it in a volcano.

Well his fault for not pulling a will check.

Better: One of the grains of stone mixed into the concrete the forms the foundation of a neighboring kingdom's palace. You, the lich, have of course been making these people's lives better for centuries to ensure that it is well populated, the people are well fed, well armed, and thus, you are very well fortified. Of course, they would have to find not only THAT the foundation contains the phylactery, but where the fuck it is.

Put it on a stone altar prominently displayed inside an open, desecrated church.

The heroes will think it's a trap and avoid touching it.

Knowing him, it'll get found within the hour.

Inside of a person, maybe even someone of great importance/notoriety.

The only way we know how.

>Lich with Christopher Walken lookalike minion

Hey kid, this right here was your daddy's phylactery. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of crystal up my as for 4 god-damn centuries to stop those filthy adventurers from getting their greasy hands on it.

The ashes of your old body

Hide it in an egg, which you hide inside a duck, and you hide the duck in a hare (don't ask, MAGIC). Then bury 'em in a chest.

Works every time, and a great hit at parties.

In the refrigerator.
Nobody ever looks in there.

"hes too strong."
>"No HERO the way to destroy him was inside you all along!"

good plan, but what about the guy? doesn't he need to eat and other stuff?
what is, if he is out of the dungeon when an adventure party arrives?
what is, if he dies (I doubt he is immortal)?
also, what is if a a paladin can locate the real one?

In a shoebox in the garage.

>Or, even better, mass manufacuture a collectible card game and sell the phylactery as one of 100,000 cards via random booster box. Make is a chase rare and you are good.
well, at least someone gets the card then

>if they manage to notice the evil/magic of your phylactery is still around he just says the room is tainted with it after so long blah blah- they won't look into it

Boy these are some really trusting adventurers.

Oh my god, thats like harry potter on fucking acid.

>so anyway now the kid is some fucking phallacttery or whorecrux or whatever. Point is, his junk is invulnerable. ALSO i jold his phallactery, and have hidden it well. So find it to destroy him, to destroy me, before i destroy you. Good luck.

Not if he is also a lich, and he has his phallactery next to yours. Your eternal bones touching

Don't you have to sacrifice the thing you love most?

"Power" is kinda a vague sacrifice to make.

what if the party finds that out too?
also...
>Your eternal bones touching
gay!!!!

The guy is the lich.

The mortar in the walls of the local king's castle

A random pebble which I throw into the ocean

Don't tell your players he is a lich. Tell them of a powerful undead guy who is immortal, but the Sword of Holy Fire, a sword wielded by the undead guy, until it was taken from him & purified by a saint is his only weakness. For hundreds of years ago it was used to destroy his physical body. Now the undead guy is back & new heroes must find the Sword.

They will think that they need to kill him with the Sword. They will go to great lengths to find & procure the Sword. They will not think to destroy the only weapon they think can kill him. Because the weapon is the phylactory, crafted by the lich to be the most devious way to make sure he can always come back. As long as the heroes believe in the Sword they will not chance destroying it

...

Crown of the mightiest Empire throughout all the lands. The crown is linked to the life of whoever has assumed its mantle, and so destroying it will kill the Emperor/Caesar of the Empire and throw the world into a thousand years of darkness.

A portrait.

dig a hole on the moon 50 ft deep, 10 ft force cage at the bottom with your phylactery inside it and a wierdstone. you can teleport out but can't teleport in. Impossible to scry for.

Inside a leadlined cookie jar (in a false bottom).

Inside a mimic

top of the highest mountain.

floating above an active volcano (surrounded by anti-magic fields that don't touch the hovering phylactery)

gift it to tucker's kobalds

Have a statue in the likeness of some local hero and donate it to a out of the way villiage with a memorial plaque on the base, the plaque is a secret door to a leadline chest with a map in it leading it to some big badass monster/dragon/demon/w.e. your phylactery is under the statue.

in a maze filled with duplicates that look like something that would be a phylactery. Your real phylactery is hidden inside a wall torch.

>all those faggots talking about mundane items
Phylactery needs to be an item of a great value so it can't be an ordinary rock.

tie it to a balloon and let it out the window.

Through the power of magic'n'shit you use a song as an earworm phylactery. Then hire a few bards

Where does it say that?

Have it in a mine full of gold, diamond and platinum, and have the Phylactery be some mundane looking but expensive shit like uranium or meteorite based iron.
Bonus points if its radioactive so you can become NUCLEAR LICH, SPOOKER OF WORLDS

I reckon it can be an item of great personal significance too. So if you can justify that random rock in your backstory then good on you.

It can be a rock if you make it valuable.

>your lich body reforms around the sword
they'll figure it out eventually

In orbit
Whenever you die you can drop down to anywhere on the planet in a dramatic fashion

Just hide it in a room in a castle that's hidden. Make it a brick, and have it lie with other bricks.

>coming back to your own shit tier plane when you can travel across planes with ease
Do you even high level lich?

It's my demiplane, I'm basically a god there. I can just will the dungeon into existence. That's how they work. I'll have it set to run time faster than the material plane until I'm finished making sure every detail is perfect, then I rest up a bit and set the time to go slow relative to the material plane the moment before I planeshift. Then I arrive back mere minutes after I left, even though I spent months building and testing that dungeon.

Obtain suitably valuable gem, encase in ball of rock, then ward it to fuck against everything, shrink it down to a tiny speck and let it drift about as dust. Sure, you'll rez in random places, but nobody is going to use that against you either. Bonus points for enchanting the rock shell to mask the energy signature.

Could also scatter a few unholy ground zones around randomly just to fuck with people, although that's just a fun trick anyway. Leave a couple expendable guards on some ruins or something made unholy, watch them try to figure out what the fuck you were trying to do.

Put it in a special demiplane: hunger, thirst and aging are disabled. Anyone who enters becomes 5 years old.
Dragon hatchlings can be deadly. Adventurer hatchlings, not so much.

Weapons like that are always put in some kind of antichamber/temple that is far from people

I've considered the possibility of turning a liquid, specifically a bottle of ink, into a Phylactery and writing tomes using it, then spreading them in libraries all over the world.

Would you let something like that slide and would it even be a possible loophole in how Phylacteries work?