Good evening and welcome everyone to Veeky Forums, the board where everything's made up and the experience points don't matter!
That's right, the experience points are like my waistline, it varies with my cocaine usage!
Tonight we'll be playing a game called Scenes from a Hat.
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The Bard's last words.
"Agh! You ruptured my organ!"
I roll to seduce the Dragon.
I didn't think i'd ever find a hag as thicc as you
"I tell the orc chieftan I'm really good at playing the bone flute, wink wink".
"Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me"
I'm perplexed.
I let go
"I unclench."
The Wizard's secret hobby.
Trying to make Monster Musume into a reality.
Painting miniatures
Oooooo corpses, we have to stay for the night so I can do some dissection!
Trying on different monster/animal penises.
bodybuilding.
Sending to dating agencies pick of himself with his sword collection.
Why does the wizard have a sword collection?
Dude, MAGIC swords.
They're flimsy lightweight swords to help make him look manlier.
"The reason why the Palladian fell"
Because he couldn't carry the extra L
shitposting on tg
didn't look down
something about a railway dilemna
the pretty doe-eyed tavern wench that helped him to his room was actually the barkeep's son
Because the dyslexic chemist dropped it.
"Im lawful good and slavery is legal here, I dont get the problem your having?"
Love.
He failed a balance check.
Due to tectonic movement. Italy is a hotspot for seismic activity, and I doubt that the palladian style in architecture had such things taken into account.
Uncontrollable lust for bullette's.
That Guy is at it again.
"So yeah, I know this is supposed to be a Good campaign, so I made a CE Drow Rogue named Tylar Do'Urden"
My guy is a special homebrew race that is also its own class he cant be anything else and as a part of his race class he gets to make deals with people and if they make a deal with him i get to steal theyre soul whenever i want to heal myself for 1d8 and also they become my enemy and if you guys dont let me make a deal with you im not playing
"I created this class by combining six classes from four different books. But don't worry, it's really easy to follow."
"I seductively wink at the cleric."
i made a CE samurai from a country that doesn't exist in this setting, he's actually a good guy where he comes from though. the place hes from isnt in this setting so he just falls out of a portal in front of you guys. why are you on guard? quit not letting me do what i want its what my character would do
"Technically female hyenas have dicks... so... my female werehyena..."
What do you mean i cant make a machine gun in this fantasy setting, i know its never been done before and i only have 7 int but my character would totally know how to do it!
He brought the d20 that's as big as half the table. And he plans to use it.
"Can my ranger's favored enemy be niggers?"
I rolled a nat 20! That means he has to do it!
I'd approve it immediately.
So my character is from the future where man has learned how to genetically engineer a humanoid cat species which because they're predators they became smarter than humans and are naturally stronger, more dextrous, wiser, and charismatic because they're evolved from felines so I'm an anthromorphic lion with a huge mane, I get plus six to strength, plus four to dexterity, plus eight to wisdom, and I get an extra attack every turn because I'm a cat person. Also I rolled three 18 scores for my attributes.
you forgot the part where he's a registered wotc dm meaning anything he runs is considered cannon for those characters and he ran the cat person through his own campaign and has +3 equipment
Hit by a trolley
"things you can say at the table, but not at home"
ARE THERE ANY PROSTITUES HERE? I WANNA DO THEM.
I roll to seduce
I spend an hour on cunnilingus before slowly inserting my cock into her anus. I fuck her for another hour making her cum anally again and again. I then need to finish and fuck her missionary until dawn and spew my load inside her as the sun streams in through the window over the horizon. My mother smiles at me as I rest my head on her beating bosom.
It's nice to see everyone together.
"Honey, you've gained weight. Why are you looking at me like that? It's what my character would say."
Ouch.
"The only reason I didn't leave yet is because I want to see how this trainwreck ends."
underrated kek
"That race is evil."
"The DM is unprepared for the session"
Building elaborate fetish dungeons full of wonderful toys.
Quick, derail everything and turn the game into a flying circus!
fuck it, i don't care, fine, do whatever you want, you have full creative input, whatever you come up with is canon
"I'm waiting for someone to light this place on fire, you fucks always do it."
"Right, so on the way to your next destination, the fog engulfs you and you end up wandering to Barovia."
So can we go to the elemental plane of Carol Channing? Can we~?
This actually happened to me once, though it was less "the fog engulfs us" and more "an evil god smashes the moon into the Earth and you're in Ravenloft now."
"okay. so. orcs."
You all meet up at the local tavern...
your party feels very tired and needs to rest
"Just as you open the door to leave, you notice a Deck of Many Things on your desk a few feet away. What do you do?"
...
*commits seppuku*
>6 hours of arguing later
"Great session everyone. See you next week."
"We've been sent by the Mayor to clear out the local crypt"
>legitimate argument criticizing how much of a cunt he's being
>"Fine, do whatever you want"
Underrated
"My Clit!" (Female bard was also a seduction player, and a demon just put a knife into her lower torso. Straight in. Bitch deserved it."
"There's going to be a lot of role-playing today."
WAtching the fantasies of the bitches who need to be taken down a peg. (He also can encorcle them in dreams to get raped with minotaur dick.)
The Fucking White Knight has turned into a sperg after the female pleyer was rightly killed off first.
"what do you mean theres an STD table?"
"hurling magic over the next hill in the hopes it will empower upcoming random encounters"
"he slipped."
"technically, theres no rule saying i CANT carry all this treasure home in my anus."
cant think of anything
"you hear a click and smell gas"
Buckle up boys its about to get weird as he tries to not magical realm
Uh, none of you made the perception check, so uh, when you walk donwn the corridor, uh, one of you steps on a pressure plate, and uh, roll reflex saves for half damage from the acid that starts dripping from the cieling
"The most embarrassing way to die in a session"
I want to start juggling knives to earn money for us to heal our injured friends! *nat 1*
I try and do a fancy trick roll with my d20 and end up choking on it
Challenging That Guy to a duel for stealing from you and dying.
i roll to seduce the dragon
Prepare for the wrath of a thousand autists.
"It's cleaning rats from a basement. How bad can it be?"
Trying to throw a die only for it to fall in your lap and instinctively closing your legs, catching it between your left thigh and left testicle, rupturing it
Suffocated on cheeto dust
I wanted to do this so hard before the campaign died, but you don't just challenge HMF Crits McGreatsword to an honorable duel as any other martial. And trying to be underhanded about it would just land me a spot as That Guy as well.
"the worst change that could come to your favorite RPG"
Someone deciding to remake it "bigger and better than ever"
Essentials.
Graffiti found in the dungeon restrooms.
Go hom Aisha, you're drunk.
cast summon monster iv for a good time
"The magical spicy lamb is actually cursed."
Did they seriously remake it with a nigger?
> Obligatory
[Explosive Runes]
> Variant
[Cast BurningHands(origin: Reader:butthole, durationRounds: 2)