Why we suck as DMs

Let's get it all out in the open - our biggest DM failings. The three things we're terrible at when we run things, because none of us are perfect and maybe voicing it out will force us to deal with it.

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I get bored fo writing down things too fast, so my campaigns always start with a specific idea and goals but I'll get too lazy to get it through proerply after the first three sessions.

I tried running one-shots but I'm also bad at writing short stories.

Here's mine:

1) I'm absolutely terrible at conveying importance and danger - what is worth focusing on, what is just flavor, and what you should really prepare for. The party will always ignore the important clues and instead look into random false rumors, and won't prepare for dangerous treks unless I outright state them OOC that "Yeah, this shit's going to be a doozy, better bring some food and extra set of warm clothes". I can't find the balance between too subtle and completely hamhanded.
2) I suck at bringing up character backstories and motivations into the game. I mostly just look at the stuff, occasionally say I like it, but it rarely comes up and I always have a hard time dealing with it when the players follow their things, certainly have no idea how their friends or family would pop up. A friend of mine is amazing at this: whenever I play in his games, I'm surprised how quickly my character's own personal stuff starts to come up. The best I can do is to give them stuff of my own and hope they care about it.
3) I have no little idea how to finish things. I get excited about campaigns but they tend to fizzle out before the end, and if they do get to the end, then it's never in any neat manner that would close all the plot threads or be properly and organically epic. Again, same friend is great at this: his endings actually feel like endings.

My three biggest failures?

>allowed switching to a "full' system too early (entire group is beginners)
>have a hard time putting my foot down when my players argue with me in general
>NPCs are either boring as shit or """quirky"""" (not really a good actor)
>forgot my notes one time

Ok, so it's four, but that's what I need to keep working on.

>I can't find the balance between too subtle and completely hamhanded.

Welcome to the club. But I'm more and more convinced that when in doubt, you should be more obvious about things than you think is necessary - tried to run a murder mystery once, and my players had no idea what to do with the few clues they found. Thankfully that campaign fell apart due to relationship troubles.

Uncreative. Vast majority of my material is shamelessly stolen shit mashed together with more shamelessly stolen shit.

1. I definitely could be better at describing things, I usually do it in a simplest and most straightforward way possible with no passion in it at all. I'm just not too good at coming up with fancy words and metaphors, especially on the fly.
2. I suck at impersonating NPCs, I really can't manipulate(or sometimes even control) both my voice and my facial expression, I literally can't even smile for photos.
3.I tend to forget about what my players actually want from the campaign and write it the way I would like to see it. Granted, that's mostly because my players usually have no idea what they actually want or they just want to kill stuff and get gold(with which they then have no idea what to do). If one of my players actually writes a good story and motivation or clearly voices his expectations from the game I usually manage to somehow fit it in.

>Most of my non main characters have similar personalities; they're all wry, sarcastic asshats. Was brought to my attention
>I have trouble cracking down early; players get accustomed to it being easy, then get pissy when they actually die for doing dumb shit in the campaign I made because "we want a really hardcore campaign that actually punishes us"
>I tend to trust players instead of doing my research; had one player who kept casting a spell which seemed way too overpowered. Turns out it's OP because it allows for a fairly easy saving throw. Play neglected to mention this. If I'd actually done my due dilligence, and demanded a list of spells before I let the character be played, that wouldn't have happened

1.) I refuse to run for groups larger than 3 players because I feel like it's a clusterfuck where people don't get stand out enough, even though I've got 6 friends that want to play.

2.) I get frustrated extremely quickly with the DnD thing where wizards can start reality-warping their ways around problems by level 6 or so... to the point where I want to go nerf-crazy on all their spells that aren't direct damage because the only real way to work around them otherwise is to throw anti-magic everywhere or resort to spell-slot attrition via encounter-spam.

3.) I'm good at using character backstories and personal plot arcs, but there always seems to be one player who I end up focusing on. Either their backstory is just better and more fun to work with than everyone else's, or it's just the kind of thing that necessitates alot of playtime to get through properly.

4.)I tend to make far too many of my important NPCs female, not for any kind of fetish reasons, but because players seem to be less hostile towards them or more inclined to actually help them. I know I could subvert and flip this on them, but I'm not really out to "trick" them or anything, it's more being lazy and picking the "easy" way to get them interested in an NPC.

5.) I REALLY hate Tieflings, Dragonborn, Aasimar, and most of the monster races and non-phb races, despite my players really wanting to play them. No matter how much I try to tell myself otherwise, it always comes off as snowflakey shit to me and I think I'd be happier running human-only games despite my players finding that "boring". (And then when I allow all these races, my players all decide they wana play humans anyway, go figure.)

>I tend to make far too many of my important NPCs female, not for any kind of fetish reasons, but because players seem to be less hostile towards them or more inclined to actually help them.
That's... actually quite a great idea to do that. Wouldn't work with my usual group, because I suspect they would either try to fuck her or go "no woman is gonna tell me what to do" route, but this is something to remember for future uses.

Two and Five are actually cases of "Don't play D&D"

Unfortunately that becomes a case of "Do I want to have a game or not?"

For as much of a meme as "Don't play DnD" is, good luck finding a game with even a fraction of the popularity or playerbase, unless you're counting Pathfinder, and that's even WORSE.

It's always been easy to find a game that wasn't D&D. You just aren't trying hard enough. Literally go onto roll20 or into the gamefinder thread and you'll find numerous systems that aren't D+D.

Playing online is an exercise in masochism. I'd rather play with people I know in real life, and fuck knows it was enough of an uphill battle to tear them away from 3.5, let alone get them to actually learn a separate system.

>Roll20
>Finding playable games

Pick one. I think I'd rather play with the autistic grognards here on Veeky Forums than try my luck with the ocean of underaged, anime-obsessed, putrid shit that is Roll20.

Maybe go down the opposite road and teach them about AD&D or even Moldvay?

If its you run d&d or no game. Show up with system X and just tell them that you want to try it, and if they aren't up for it one of them can gm.

I get frustrated with some players and how needlessly antagonistic they are.

I just want to run a game for people who want to do good things.

Yet our usual DM insists on playing characters with few redeeming features. Indeed, he plays up how filthy they are, their cannabalistic tendencies and generally makes enormous trouble for the party.

Simoultaneously, his character are inveitably self serving cowards who flee combat at the first sign of trouble.

His characters arent protagonists. They aren't even villains. He plays mook #6 who gets killed running away from the party and it drains me whenever I run for him. I don't think I do a bad job. My depression is under control. I'm creative and semi-smart. Confidence better too.

But running for him is like pulling teeth.

And I can't get over it. I guess that's the point I was driving at.

I've had a few bad experiences, but quite a few more great ones with online play. I'd much rather not play at all or go through a few groups than ever, fucking ever touch D&D again. Thankfully, I don't have to do that because I've found more than enough players and GMs for games.

Our experiences differ. I'm thankful for never having to deal with that shit, but I must say I haven't had those sorts of issues. Usually it's flakey players/GMs or annoying spotlight hogs.

But this is a thread for GMs, is it not? As a GM you have much more influence over what kind of system gets used.
I mean, I know how hard it is to get people away from 3.PF, but you can do it (after 7 years my group will switch after the current campaign is over). Especially when you play with friends.
To make it even easier, start with oneshots or short games and try a lot of rules light games (Risus, Savage Worlds, GURPS lite and a few "playtest" versions of bigger systems).
Depending on where you live, starting a new group with the new system is might be easier than trying to convince an old group to get away from D&D.

Remember that players are stupid and you have to err on the side of being very obvious about what you want to convey to really get it across.

Point 2&3 can be helped if you map out the endgame clearly. Write down how you want the campaign to start, then leave it mostly blank but have a few scenarios for the endgame ready

2 and 5 also exist in other systems, sometimes at the same time. 5 especially. A player who wants to play a retarded snowflake race or a furry is going to try and shove that shit into whatever system he's playing. It's not exclusively a DnD problem. Although DnD does seem to actively encourage it.

This isn't a problem, unless your players critize you for it/roll their eyes whenever something obvious comes up

This is why I'm glad that almost all my players never GM and are too lazy to read system handbooks. No bitching about rules, no min-maxing and I can choose a system that suits me best without objections from them. I just help them create characters, tell them when and on what to roll and explain any additional key mechanics if it's necessary, it's all they have to know anyway.

1. I give way too much information. Your usual short story arc of 5-6 sessions will include at least 15+ important NPCs, where at least 10 are only used once, and a ton of names and places of dubious relevance.

2. I forget super important details. Literally just forgetting major plot details, often not remembering until a player points out that this contradicts something they figured out earlier.

3. Terrible at making encounters. No guides helps me with this. I literally always make it too easy. Even when I think "fuck it, this sounded appropriate, but I know I lowballed it, let's just double the monsters. I'll just fudge if I have to" they still steamroll through it.

It might not be an active problem, but I still feel bad about it. Makes me feel like I'm cheating them and myself for not being able to generate my own material. I used to be creative, too, which makes it even worse.

How do creative people stay creative?

I used to think I was creative, but then I started to use a bunch of published adventures and I realized I was actually an unimaginitive hack. A lot of the shit in those things is really great: don't feel bad using them.

All you really need to do is to make sure they all connect well.

I can't into personalities at all. Even if I write things down, the character devolves into me after an extremely short time. This is a problem when I'm a player, too.
I'm bad at inventing shit on the spot.
I'm really bad ad getting myself motivated to do anything, so I tend to run off the end of my prepared shit after a very short time. It's the reason I run modules. And why I haven't GM'd for a year or so.

I'm just all-around shit.

My players are the exact opposite. If it's a female NPC, their first reaction is to go into "hero mode" where they'll wana impress her or save her. Even if she's probably a witch or a succubus or something (remember, she can be saved/redeemed).

If it's a male NPC, their first reaction is to be on guard and suspect him of being a worthless incompetent cuck who can't handle his own problems and fails at being a man (and thus is unworthy of helping), he's someone who wants to scam or muder them, or he's some pretentious prick who has the nerve to ask them for anything.

They're not murderhobos, and it's easy enough to change their minds if I put in a little evidence to the contrary or stick with it, but them first-impression stereotype biases seem pretty constant.

They sound like raging fedoralords desu

I just don't think I'm keeping players on track and engaged. Sure, every single player I've ever run for is equally shit when it comes time for them to GM, but progress feels glacial, and I have two pieces of evidence that there is a better way out there:
- This one guy I barely know invited me to a game at his place that a friend was running once, and it went insanely fast
- According to a rep from a local gaming society their usual format is like 2 or 3 hour sessions or one-shots once or twice a month and this somehow results in them getting a substantial amount of shit done.

In contrast, the norm for the groups I'm in is 5 hour sessions where we'll get like, one big combat and all the associated plot and out of combat infrastructure around that done, or if it's something dungeon-esque where there's diffuse combat, it's enough to manage two substantial combats, a puzzle or two and everything in between.

I feel like there are other GMs that seem to be able to run the inception of a quest, an event filled journey to the site, the exploration and subsequent combat at the site, and the fruition of said quest, inside a single 2 to 3 hour session.

Or, to use a more WoDdy example, I dunno, the party manage to research what swamp beast is inhabiting a haunted house, go acquire its bane from a guarded museum, kill it with it, and use the remains to blackmail some supernatural political figure into doing something to help them along the main quest line, and also roleplay a little of their day job and how they replenish their magic, all inside that one session.

Which seems insanely rapid in contrast, but it is the GM skill I covet most. I'd believe my friends saying that I'm crazy to think it can be done, but I've SEEN it. I feel retarded, like I must be missing some simple, single thing that's right in front of my face.

Give them an unrepentant female BBEG to manipulate them, and a male PC to try to warn them that she's up to no good.

Literally me. Especially 2 bugs me a lot since I tend to over prepare plot shit and then end up forgetting to use half of it. Burns me out.

Also I get bored by my own DM'ing sometimes. My players seem to have fun but behind my facade of voices and characters I sometimes get bored out of my mind.

I find even simple prep work agonizing, and I'm not a master of improvisation. Well, uh, not yet at least.

I am reluctant to gravely injure PCs. It used to be different back in the day, making sure that if someone decided to jump in a raging fire, they would get out with horrible burns, but as of recent and because of an old player that would make a huge scene every time he got moderately hurt, I started going back on my word.

Also, I have a very hard time making it known that a scene ends. There are more than one instances of me trying to move to a different locale where the rest of the party is, when a player will keep talking with the NPCs, doing stuff, describing how he goes to prepare a lettuce salad using only his knees, etc. I even tried going "and that's the scene" but it hasn't worked.

pls halp teeg

People like this aren't going to listen to reason. They aren't even capable of learning.

1) I expect the players to do too much digging on their own. They need to be spoonfed like babies but I'm always too oblique about it.

2) In a similar vein I'm way too lenient when people are taking too much time, thus everything takes too much time up

3)I'm not good at killing the players(we're playing Eclipse Phase), even when they deserve it. Now they're all spoiled because they expect to win everytime despite the fact none of them have learned to play the game effectively and just stand in the middle trading blows during combat.

That's the point, in a way. Make them hurt themselves face first into the matter. Get them get to deep lows. Eventually either they realize it that maybe eating babies and burning orphanages isnt what they envisioned themselves doing, or you can just turn the campaign into an evil campaign, with fallen characters.
But they had the warning signs all the way along.

I can't do voices. My games lack polish that would make them great.

I don't want my players to "lose." I can kill one or two at a time, but I struggle to let a TPK happen.

I can't imply strong enough for my players to stick with something. They tend to get 90% of the way and miss the final bit they really need.

My players are orders of magnitude smarter than me, so challenges aren't challenging at all.

and I am hardly willing to go all out in combat like they are because I feel like it's not fun.

Two is a case of "don't play fantasy games." Outside of extreme 3.pf cheese this just is not true.

Legitimately smarter than you? Like they're doctors and you're a wagecuck?

1) I get too lost in playing the NPC to effectively DM. Often times I've skipped over things where I should have given them a roll to avoid because I'd already done something in-character.

2) I'm bad at balancing my player 'wants'. If there's a guy who loves to RP and team conflict in the group and one who likes rolling and team cohesion, I tend to drift with the former.

3) I'm balls for music.

Bonus 4) Also balls for pinning up a clear objective for people to follow in the small-scale sense of B-C-D when going from A to E.

1-I don't prepare sessions enough. Luckily I compensate by being great at improvisation, but some things can end up in bullshit
2- I reward too much. When a player has a good idea that sounds fun I usually think of "how would it work?" Instead of if it would work to begin with (for example using fireball potions to blast a metal door). Also I use the carrot way more than the stick, giving away shiny items and advantages very often

3-I railroad encounters. Because I run a very crunchy game I tend to force encounters and fights when I shouldn't (like making the party fight someone they have no reason to fight with)

Minor failures that aren't as critical:
I suck at immersion
I rarely give elaborated descriptions
I tend to make sessions with some PCs more in mind than others
Monster girls are frequent, god damn I love monster girls

Not quite there yet, but close. Shit, I'm not sure how to explain it, I guess it's more that they are much better at improvising and being pragmatic than I ever was. Different wavelenghts, it's like I'm the autist of the group, I'll see a scenario one way and not see holes in It but they waltz right into a solution that should have been obvious.

Then again, one of them has a aversion for rules so we play It loose and that makes it easy for them to do bullshit. But it's like they can go all out anime and there is this mental block I have about not just turning It into a *teleports behind you* shitfest and trying to keep It grounded on my end.

Maybe what I need is to git gud at murdering them back.

Perhaps its just not being communicated well but it sounds a little like you're just too willing to let them bend the rules.

Yes and no. Snowflake guy is always going to be Snowflake Guy. But as you hint, D&D encourages everyone to be a snowflake. It gives players this huge mountain of choices, with no mechanic that pulls them toward a stable center. I don't mind giving players the OPTION to get weird, but it should cost something.

>I give way too much information. Your usual short story arc of 5-6 sessions will include at least 15+ important NPCs
I'm definitely guilty of this one. Over-complicating things is easy to do. And having too many NPC's makes a storyline feel very shallow.

Highly recommended (because it helped me a lot) for outlining campaigns and characters is the game setup chapters from the Dresden Files RPG. I don't really use FATE that much, but those first couple sections are system agnostic and should be required reading for any aspiring DM. There's an outline here: rickneal.ca/?p=599

The catch all solution to this is make your plots/settings wierd as fuck.
No one ever has an answer to the dogscape for example.

Once your players have to actually learn the rules to your world in order to progress they become way less liable to pull out bullshit. Even more so if the rules are consistent and repeatable and failure adds an element of palpable dread or horror elements.

Good books for inspiration are the Southern Reach trilogy or roadside picnic.

Maybe try one of the collaborative RPG systems, instead of a traditional one? If you've got smart players, that seems like a resource you should be taking advantage of.

1. I feel I can write really well, but that's WRITING, I tend to stutter like an idiot in the game,
2. casual conversation is bad, mainly because
3. I have difficulty differentiating characterless, I've gotten better by just condensing personalities down to simple caricatures for most people.
4. I really really really want to play epic style games, Like exalted, or DTD400007th ed, but those have issues with.
5. All my players use online stuff, and Building in Tabletop Simulator is autistic, and roll 20 takes YEARS to do anything and looks like shit.

Use FORD
Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams
It's what people who struggle with conversations in real life are expected to use, you're just working backwards. Decide what FORDs each character is going to have then keep them preprepared. Don't feel pressured to use them and obviously don't have every character come out with this stuff as a list. Some might not even mention even if pressured to do so.

Remember this stuff goes on top of your caricatures. This level of depth will serve pretty much any non plot NPC and if you have a few preprepared you can insert them when you're asked for an NPC you didn't expect.

>Huh, what is the dogscape
>Look It up

Man, what the fuck.

>combat devolves into a tactical board game and I forget to continue giving NPCs dialogue and character.
>not great at doing voices
>not great at keeping track of the flow of time outside of combat

What I am very good at is giving the players a sense of urgency and danger. Their perception of threats I present is generally spot on, and only one of them has played pen and paper RPGs before.

He has a different concept of what a game should be?

WHEN I RAN THE GAME (online) COMBAT TOOK WEEKS
I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS PLAYERS OR ME BUT IT WAS BAD
I CAN'T WORLDBUILD FOR SHIT
I CAN'T INTO SPEECHES AND DESCRIPTIONS
I'LL STAY AS FOREVER PLAYER FOREVER PARASITE THAT'LL DO LESS DAMAGE

I literally do nothing but look through "that dm" threads so I am deadly afraid now to ever DM a game again.

I am pretty good at coming up with excuses now.

>WHEN I RAN THE GAME (online) COMBAT TOOK WEEKS

Here's how to fix that.
Bullshit every number, just make it all up on the fly. If you feel like an enemy has been up for too long, he goes down next hit. Never have set HP or AC values. Hopefully your players won't notice. Mine never have.

>1
I am horrible at depicting npcs as different people. I don't do silly voices and often forget their ticks and mannerisms. I think I do good in the personality / action part, but for my players it often hard to know with who they are talking until I state it.
>2
I want to play so many different things, and our group gets together so rarely that most of our sessions end up being oneshots of whatever system / setting I hyping at the moment.
>3
I want to play, I don't want to gm. But at the same time I get all bossy when someone else dms and end up doing it myself.

>dogscape
I tried looking it up, but I fear to tread, can I ask for a quick explanation?

Everything bar humans is dogs.

And I mean everything.

Oh god it's like a fluffy version of polythreme, and that's not good.

I'm too easily rustled when players get demanding and entitled, and my unbalanced jimmies completely ruin my social skills.

I also think I've been following the rules too strictly. The goal is to make sure everyone has similar and reasonable expectations going in, not slavishly follow the book.

Don't feel bad, bud. Only Polish people can speak polish.

I find it hard to get my players to care about something unless it's making them angry at it.

For example, I'm really tired of my party constantly working together. No one ever backstabs or betrays - the most they do is argue over the best tactic to defeat any given encounter. So I set up a game in which the players come from rival tribes (2 players on each tribe). Eventually the tribes clash and the players actually end up killing each other, only to be saved by divine intervention. Next game? "You're the one who killed me!? Nah, we cool bro, let's go grab a beer!".

Same thing happens with NPCs. They could have an NPC they've been interacting with for months who gets savagely murdered and all they would do is find the murderer and kill him then find the next NPC who does what that NPC did. Hell, sometimes they're the ones who murder them...

I hate GMing. I put things together and run them mechanically, without art. Like a craftsman. Construction, plodding, like assembling a puzzle. But since I focus on story/mystery/horror, and I'm a writer by trade, my players like it and it tends to come out pretty well. I'm a somewhat decent actor too, and I can maintain a good poker face, so NPCs tend to hit the mark more than miss it. I've run games and then had friends-of-friends retell the story to me years later, because the players regaled them with it as some kind of storied epic. I've run a weekly game for eight years and only missed three or four sessions. Players fight to get into my games, and I've had to set a cap of six players at a time. There are three Discord servers based on the games I run or have run, and all of them are pretty active. I still hate it, and I do not look forward to the game each week.

I GM because I'm good at it, not because I like it.

>I literally can't even smile for photos
Kek

I'm looking at this thread and seeing a lot of reasonable people struggling with the worst parts of tabletop RPGs. Acting out the NPCs, inventing disposable worlds, coming up with "endings" in what should be a simulation...

The narrative shit is the worst. But since Dungeons & Dragons has awful game mechanics you automatically feel like you should make the story extra good. So it's a solution that becomes a problem because it's not what the game is designed for.

I have a lot of anxiety because I feel like I need hours of preparation before sessions

I don't challenge the players as much as they should. Maybe I don't give them the ambience/environment needed for them to get into trouble and create tension.

I have trouble with combat, even with a quite simple system
I read the book several times but I still can't make it work properly, so I just wing it and simplifies the rules on the spot
I also struggle with making one shot and condensed story

I can't help but give every NPC I make some kind of joke name relating to their identity. Some are subtle, some incredibly obvious, but not a single NPC gets a normal name.

You may have japanese ancestry

1.Most of my plot is just planned encounters that I hope the party will succeed at. Sometimes I rather obviously pull punches to keep them alive/let them make a comeback.
2.The party is unbalanced because I constantly give them new abilities and magical items.
3.I've homebrewed crazy anime power-up modes for each character. Each one has been accessed by finishing a story arc mostly devoted to that character.
4.Combat takes way too long for our group of 6 with three animal companions and an npc or two (it used to be seven for a little while).
5.I focus too much on climactic endings to fights. When my players beat a big boss, I typically keep them alive for one more round to allow me to set up an ending. It's kind of a roleplay victory lap where I'll describe the characters doing some cool finishing move or team-up attack.

This campaign is my first time DMing, but we've played weekly/bi-weekly for about 2 years now. My players still say they've been having fun, so I guess I'm not all that bad.

Sounds like you just have shit players that are more interested in RPing a murderhobo than an actual character. Not anything you're doing wrong.

Good advice

>since Dungeons & Dragons has awful game mechanics you automatically feel like you should make the story extra good. So it's a solution that becomes a problem because it's not what the game is designed for.
That's definitely part of what newer DM's struggle with. But I think it's just trying to take on too much as well. I try to tell newer guys "don't be afraid of modules". You don't have to build your own universe. Master the basics first, then move on to that advanced level shit.

I don't know about a game needing polish. My DM speaks only English, and its going just fine.

And here I had a lot of trouble coming up with names for Gym Leaders. thought I did manage on the fly an entire conversation alliteratively with Gravel, the gruff grave ground type gym leader.

I'm scared let players die because my group are manhcildren who need to be walked through every step of character creation in every game or there will be mistakes on their sheets and they never make back up characters.

The two times people did end up dying the tried to make a new character, kept fucking up and then gave up because the session was almost over and just sat there on their phones.

I let players get away with too much shit sometimes. I shouldn't have let them build that mechanized lobster.

In any situation where a mechanical lobster can be built, it is your moral obligation to do so.

I get interested in drastically different ideas as the game runs on and the plot changes from cthulu wants to come back to the world to "Where's that demilich?"

I fail to plan the end of sessions (usually if I plan the end, then I can make it up successfully the rest of the way through).

Usually my players will have specific scenes in mind and tell me before the session, but as soon as the session starts I immediately forgot about what they said

Have everyone make a backup character beforehand. The solution to both of those problems is literally just more experience.

>The solution to both of those problems is literally just more experience.
That's kind of why I've never done anything about it but the thing is we've been playing RPGs for 6 years now. We've played 3 different systems and what's become clear to me is some of them just don't read the rules (or at least them in their entirety) and then lie to me and say they have. They should be experienced at this point, one of them is because he actually thoroughly reads the rules.

You're right though I need to just make them buckled down and make an extra one at the start that I make with them.

1.) I've forced story progression that superseded/nullified the player's actions.

2.) I have made players angry by fudging rules

3.) Too lenient to character's actions

>2.) I have made players angry by fudging rules
The fuck happened? I fuck around with the rules all the time, for npc's and hazards and shit, and no-one's complained yet.
On the contrary, everyone's been having a grand ol' time.

It happened during my first run as a DM. There was a tournament and the player character was fighting against a noble. I didn't write down the AC at the time, so I was going off on a floating number in my mind. Eventually I contradicted myself when it came to an attack by the player on the noble and there was some issue.

Lesson learned: Write down stats prior to the session, take from the Monster's Manual, or write some basic splats in a few seconds.

>number 5

Why do you hate fun?

>gee do i want to be a boring humanoid like i already am in real life or do i want to be a fucking Godzilla-man

I find it helps to have just a batch of stats you can glance and attribute to stuff when you need to.
Maybe shuffle strength and agility or whatever depending on the flavour.
I call mine Small Problem, Problem and Big Problem.

I'm right with you on #2 and #5, man. I accidentally fucked up running a spellcaster so he got BTFO more easily than he should have. Although it was an Int 8 orc sorcerer so I guess it makes some degree of sense.

> Tieflings, Dragonborn, Aasimar,

I don't allow any of these races. I only let them by once because one guy had already made a character that was a tiefling and he was really attached to him so I let it go. Other than that, it's humans elves dwarves and halflings. Maybe orcs and gnomes.

This drives me fucking nuts. I notice when I roll damage and the numbers don't add up. When I'm a player it just spoils the whole thing

Don't add up to what? How can you know how much hp have an npc?

When I DM I (with everyone's permission) roll for damage on their behalf so no one's gauging the total damage but me.

I suck at math, I suck at math, I really suck at math.

I'm forced to DM only simple "narrative" games because of this.

I mean, I'm not judging since I'm hardly a mathematician myself, but most good systems never use anything more complicated than simple additions and subtractions.

I suck to the point that I've been told that I should check myself to see if I have dyscalculia.

I don't allow any of that special snowflake shit in my games either, unless the player really wows me with a good story for their character. It pays off too, because most people try harder to make their characters stand out in small ways when they can't just tack on visuals to do so.

- Despite my best attempts, I fail to do proper DM prep, whenever it is for lack of time or just sheer laziness. More often than not I end up rushing a whole lot of stuff at the last second and end up with a somewhat shitty job.

-I'm not good at doing long descriptions. I tend to be more straight to the point, and while I'm able to give all the answers that my players asks me on the spot, the first impression can end up often underpar.

-I have very little patience towards players that play to win , power players and people that consider the game on 90% or more on a mere mechanical standpoint.

-I fail to spark much talk among the players so far the games go. I have tons of fluff material going on behind the scenes that I'd be more than willing to share with my players, but hardly a "GG" comes out their mouths unless I prod them to say something more. And sometimes it feels like pulling out teeth. My own teeth. Through my nose. With a straw. I believe it's a failing on my part to spark interest and curiosity.

-I'm not particularly great at handling large groups. I do pretty well in solo campaigns, but groups of 4+ can be a bit tricky to juggle both in schedule and managing to link their backstories (if any) into the story itself.

-I end up doing a shit job at handling the amount of random encounters and combats in general. Either too many, or too little. Often the latter. And often they are breezed over from the party for a reason or another.


While getting some "Yeah the game was good" comments, it really feels like I'm doing an average-bad job that nobody is leaving because there's worse DMs around and I'm one of the few that won't quit mid-campaign.

How are elves or dwarves any less of a special snowflake than dragonborn or tieflings? Is it just because we've grown used to their presence? I think it is.

If I forbid one half of this equation, I won't allow the party to play the other one either: it'll be humans only. On the opposite end, if we're playing higher fantasy and players can go for some of these, I might as well let them roll up any one of them.

I run B&X and use race as class, so having elves, dwarves and halflings rounds out the class list. Also, those three races have large populations in most peoples' fantasy campaigns. They're pretty ubiquitous.

If the players go to another region where other races are more prevalent and their current character dies I will allow them to make a character from the more unique local races. A good example would be the Kith from DCC's Purple Planet campaign setting. Players can end up getting teleported there, character dies, they have the option of rolling up a bloodthirsty but loyal lizardman-orc.

I'm terrible at setting tone and atmosphere using just my words and have difficulty describing what kinds of objects are inside rooms in dungeons and the like. I'm just terrible at describing things, I'm a very mechanical man.

I also have an internal spergout when it comes to players who sit there doe eyed waiting for me to spoonfeed them what comes next when no more than 5 seconds ago I just told them about the town they entered; the villagers out doing tasks, the buildings they see and none of them want to interact with anything and just expect me to skip straight ahead like I'm a bot who only dispenses action scene after action scene. I won't budge on it a bit and I'll make them sit there as long as it takes in awkward silence for one of them to take initiative and DO ANYTHING. I'm not going to describe locale after locale until you find one you want to interact with.

Fair enough. That's usually the same logic I use for the occasional human-only campaign: where the party stars, there are only humans around. It'll make the eventual nonhumans feel actually fantastic when they're finally met.

Once that barrier is breached, though, any slain character could be replaced with just about anything.