Writing exercise for the lazy user

Surprise, user. That 5 hour first session we had planned? Well, it's actually going to be a 4 hours and 40 minutes session, because your lazy ass is writing a 4 sentence backstory right now.

I'll start:

From Daguin's own mouth, he only really started living when he joined the holy order as a monk.

Under the tutelage of masters such as St. Lange and St. Beins, he quickly grew in knowledge and ability, and impressed his instructors with his seemingly unbreakable faith.

Once his training was over, he returned to his home town and its monastery, where he was not taken seriously by those who had been there much longer than he.

The constant ridicule and the lowly and dirty tasks he was given ground at his sanity until, provoked by a reprimand by the high Abbot, he took a knife to the man, who, rather than complain of his wound, sent Daguin away to seek penance and grow wiser in pilgrimage.

I can taste salt in every word.

Ok, FINE! if that is how you work, then shit...
>He's a knight.
>He fights evil.
>He defends the weak.
>He is a male.

There... 4 sentences, now shut up and play!

None of that tells anything of what he is. You're basically just repeating shit we can all already read on his character sheet.

Give us four equally short sentences that aren't just his class, alignment, what the class does, or gender.

fuck you man, just start the session, i'll write it as we play.

>Shield up at everything
>Meatshield, defends others
>Deals with his problems by smashing
>Fears magic and undead

That's what I had on my character before play began. Would it have been so insurmountable for you to do? Would it bind my character to shit that might actually not work out in game?

Darzo was a hermit with very low impulse control.

One day a caravan decided to stop near his hut and ask for directions, at which point he greeted them swinging his giant sword.

Being better equipped, they fought with him until he was exhausted, at which point he decided that he needed to grow stronger if anyone ever came again to disturb his peace.

He follows the caravan until the next town, now introducing himself with "I am Darzo and I'm looking for a very good fight."

Can we fucking play now?

>Doomed Planet
>Desperate Scientists
>Last Hope
>Kindly Couple

Not the OP, would be completely fine by me, though I'd like some vague nonsense about his origins, but at least you and I have some vague idea about how he would go about things.

Said vague origin stuff could probably be mentioned or made up when we have some roleplay between characters.

A couple notes of personality and party role, like in that post, are added to all my characters. If I either suspect his history is going to be relevant in the campaign, or get particularly inspired about it, I'll add a word or two on that as well.

In this case it was neither.

I love that an old joke about superhero writing leads to a way more compelling character than anything this troll thread will shit out.

You won't and you're not going to be there. Don't call or text.

Like two more days before the game time, why not take ten minutes off to write something about your guy while you're waiting?

Ah, we've found our OP, was wondering if that faggot abandoned the thread.

I tell my players that writing back story is largely a waste of time.
Write what your character is like, how they act. You can figure out why they're like that whenever you want, but the more you have written before the game the more boxed in you're going to feel.
And for God's sake, don't make their back story a complete story with no loose ends. It will literally never come up if you do that.

Hey, I'm the dude you were arguing with in the last thread and I gotta say man, you're better off just letting sleeping dogs lie.

I mean fuck dude, what are you trying to prove? Go home, get some sleep or something, the joke's over.

A couple lines on how he ended up where he is probably wouldn't hurt, especially if they have a big impact on how he behaves.

>Here's a story
>Of a man named Greg
>He fucks your mom
>with his wooden leg
Can we play now dipshit?

>anyone calling me out on being a brainlet is OP

Lol. Neck yourself.

We can.

You can't.

I gave you your four sentences and at the moment, you're the only one holding up game faggot.

Y'know what, get out of the chair, I'll run the campaign myself!

Get the fuck out of the house, Jared. You are not welcome at this table, especially not when all you have to rely on is flaccid smarm and semantics. No one wants you here.

As someone who was also calling that guy an idiot in the last thread, he was also pretty obviously a troll.
Let it go user

Rely on DES NUTS NIGGA!
>*dropkick*
Alright fellas, what are y'all playing? I wanna get through this shit ASAP to make up for lost time.

All I ask for in your backstory is 4 sentences. I just need an idea of his personality, why he does what he does, where he's from, and whatever other things he's done before now.

Within reason of course. I'm not taking a legendary veteran of a hundred wars with thousands of kills to his name for a level 1 game.

That's what makes this whole thing so hilarious.

I've never gotten someone so butthurt that they made a thread specifically for me before.

I'm going to play a chaotic neutral elf rogue. He will do some different shit every session because he is insane and has amnesia, so no backstory. I'm sure you're cool with that.

Sure why not? Either you reach the end or you end up dying from your own stupidity.

So you've got some notes or something prepared, right? We all know you're terrible at winging it.

Man, if you're gonna play the Veeky Forums assuming the other fella's identity game, you can't just swing off hard on a non sequitor. That's just bad form.

Keep up brainlet. That was not a swerve. And you think you can GM like this?

It is a special kind of event this, and we're all ready with the popcorn and beer. Just need to poke and prod OP every now and then.

I'm OP, not that guy. I haven't posted on the thread past the OP

I went on pinterest and searched illustration exercise and grabbed the first image I saw that wasn't an illustration exercise

He was born in the small fishing village of ports shire. The son of a blacksmith he was given a simple education but is rather handy. After losing a friend to storms large bodies of water began to freak him out a little causing him to leave his family upon coming of age to move inland. He still constantly writes home including small sums of coin, though his family believes him to be a traveling merchant not a thief.

Stream of consciousness over the time it took to type. Let me think about it on the way to work prior to the game, or just in general at some point over the course of a week and it would have come out better.

That's good, though

This thread is still here?
Well anyways, I have notes and shit prepared. I scribbled them on an index card and everything.

Veeky Forums is pretty slow, this probably would have taken a few hours to get pruned even without replies.

How does it go?

>Delaying your own game just to make sure everyone has a backstory
>Delaying your own game for backstory when everyone else has a character sheet ready
>Gets booty blasted due to their own poor planning
Shit DM/10

Would leave and take other players with me.

>Having players who can't come up with a decent bare-bones backstory on the fly in a couple minutes
Shit players/10

>Delays his own game for a shitty backstory that won't even be used.
>Gets butthurt when their players would rather start playing and worry about backstory later.
Shit DM/10

If I wanted to sit down at a table and write a shitty story for other nerds to read, I'd go on fanfiction.net you blithering autist. I didn't buy dice and fill out a character sheet NOT to use them at some point in your shitty "game".

Why not just play a wargame instead of a roleplaying game if you hate roleplaying so much?

Autism. Why else?

I never said anything about roleplaying faggot! I have a problem with shit DM's who will delay their own games just to force players to give them material to fill their barebones narrative with.

I should be able to sit down, roll some dice, and get a bead on what everyone else in the party is like based on how they interact with me and the world around them. If I could figure all that shit out just by reading their backstory, what's the fucking point of even playing at all?

...

>I'm so autistic that I need to be told what each character's personalities are before play.
Sad

>St. Benis