Dumb guys thread

So how do they rationalize your character ever being able to buy or sell anything in the game?

Fuck it man, then just do dumb guy math

>If he has 10 items and sells them, we get enough money to buy one item!

The lesson here is to not brag about exploits, and not antagonize the GM.

Just close your mouth, quietly do the math OOC, make whatever IC justification you want, and get your super cool option without rubbing it in anyone's face. Then you'd have had mad dosh instead of a pissy GM.

>Running Pathfinder for a store to test out the new AP Curse of the Crimson Throne
>Newbie walk ins, player's guide helps make characters have a common purpose to want to get revenge on a low level gangster named Gedren Lam for various reasons
>Enter Rogue
>Backstory: Gedren poisoned racehorses including rogue's racehorse and pinned the poisoning on the rogue. Now rogue is destitute after getting the shit kicked out of him for the crime and can't enter any gambling establishments in the city without getting killed.
>Plot continues, the party gathers together to sack Gedren's hideout
>Rogue is an obnoxious dickbag Rogue, he insisted on making his own rogue without help, takes weapons and loot he doesn’t even need, makes crude awkward jokes that make the lone girl player uncomfortable, player is really dumb tactically but insults the other players whenever they take damage, contributes pretty much nothing to combat,
>Party wades through the henchmen, finally corners Gedren
>Being a dickbag, Gedren's MO at this point is to say 'Well, if you're here I imagine I'm out of henchmen at the moment. Anyone who switches sides and helps me kill the rest gets to be partners in my organization."
>The backstories are designed to treat this offer as an insult (one player's mom died of a an overdose from his drugs, one player's brother was kidnapped, one player got kicked out of the guard cuz he framed him for corruption etc)
>Everyone says 'fuck you'
>Except Rogue

>Rogue "Okay, I'll do it, but I'm the boss now, I get all the loot, and you're my subordinate now"
>Gedren: "Sure!"
>Initiative starts, Rogue rolls shit and goes last.
>Party actually kills Gedren before Rogue's turn
>Me: "Okay Rogue, Gedren is dead, it is your turn, what do you do?"
>Rogue: "I loot the room."
>Me: "Is there anything else you want to do before you start looting the room?
>Rogue: "....No?
>Me: “Okay. Gedren is dead. He will not fulfill any of the promises he made to you just now. Remember, your character only met these other adventurers today, they don't know you very well and you just watched them handily murder Gedren after you promised to kill them all. Is there anything you want to say before you walk out of threatened reach of three of them?"
>Rogue: "No... I loot the roo-OH WAIT I SAY Hey guys, I was just lying to Gedren, I was totally gonna betray him and stuff”
>Me: Okay. Now. Is your character lying?
>Rogue: “I MEAN no I was totally doing that.”
>Me: “…Roll bluff. The rest of you can roll sense motive if you are suspicious of Rogue, you don’t have to if you think he’s telling the truth.”
>Everyone at the table rolls sense motive
>I did not realize Rogue took no ranks in Bluff
>Rogue rolls a 4 total
>Rogue: “Alright guys…I’m gonna start looting the room now…”
>Rogue walks away
>Three characters take attacks of opportunity on him, killing him instantly

Rogue complained that the other players didn’t know how to play and that’s why he died. Rogue was eventually banned from the gaming store for cheating during a Magic tournament.

I love how this assclown was his character in real life.

>Alright guys... I'm gonna start looting the room now..."
>Rogue walks away

I can almost picture the shuffle.

>in that captcha
Are you serious

>Dumb Guy insists we should split up in the dungeon.
>Everyone else says that is stupid you never split up what are you scooby doo.
>Everyone goes right Dumb Guy insists he goes left to prove he had a good idea.
>Dumb Guy finds a door and gloats about how smart he was.
>Dumb Guy tries to open the door and gets shocked.
>Almost dies from the trap damage.
>Rest of the party finds a door after a couple more left turns in the cave
>Rest of the party uses the magic key rod to check if it is the real hatch or a fake
>Rod indicates it is fake so they move on.
>Dumb Guy gets pissy that they didn't get shocked
>Everyone ignores him
>Dumb Guys uses tracking to make sure he continues to go the opposite direction the rest of the party went.
>Rest of the party finds the real door opens it with the magic key and begins to discuss if they should go find Dumb Guy or just rest and wait for him.
>Dumb Guy makes the decision for them by yelling things in orcish while making lots of noise.
>Dumb Guy thinks this will teach them a lesson somehow.
>Rest of the party enters the door and locks it behind them.
>They do the whole dungeon without Dumb Guy.
>Dumb Guy suicides his character because now he thinks he is behind on xp.
>No one reminds him that we level up when the DM says and aren't tracking xp.

Correct response when your character discovers the guy in dark leather armor and a cloak who uses daggers and sticks to the shadows and speaks in a cockney accent actually is a thief and a liar is to just file that away for future reference.

This drives me fucking nuts.
I am in a Dark Heresy game that has gone on for 2 years now, and in the penultimate battle against an unbound daemonhost AND a rival force that is trying to snare it, a player asked how PEN WORKS AGAINST ARMOR.
It took the GM 3 minutes and minutely breaking it down before they got it.
I almost screamed.

Jesus, why would he think this is a good idea. I mean I could understand the thought process behind splitting up to cover more ground or some shit, even if it is still retarded. But To deliberately head in the opposite direction after being fucked up? Christ. I'm glad I've never run into a dunce like this

>Everyone else says that is stupid you never split up what are you scooby doo.

at least I still got a giggle

Or maybe the werewolf passed its save? Black tentacles isnt some guaranteed to work spell.

This guy sounds like a 10 year old, jesus.

Black Tentacles doesn't work like that, user.
It basically creates a magical swampland, you can't "attack" the tentacles any more than you could "attack" a magic missile.

You get a save against Black Tentacles.
You don't get one against Magic Missile.
It doesn't matter how you describe a successful save against a spell, it's fluff.

>Party Member explodes into fire monster due to a spell backfiring
>Bard is knocked out in explosion
>Bard wakes up alone in the middle of the snow
>sees large smooth indent in the snow leading away (very large, enough to walk though easily)
>decides to follow trail
>Thinks that it must be a seal
>Nowhere near water, decides it must be a land-seal
>sees fire spurts in the distance, decides it must be a FIRE BREATHING land-seal
>Turns out to be the fire monster
>gets fried to a crisp

Shame. His music was pretty good for morale.

I feel somewhat vindicated by this story in all the effort I put into my last 5E campaign on rules for how magical blackmarket auctions would work. I wanted players to be able to buy and sell magic items but in a way that wasn't 'ye older fiendly magical shop'

I would have had escort quests like this as well for cuts, I would of course have factored in the cost of the items and made them appropriate. If the players had worked out some way around it, good for them.

Of course the players never bothered visiting it but such is the nature of an open world game.

I'm not even sure why the DM is so mad about you wanting the gold option. Gold is pretty worthless RAW in 5E past a point and magic items are a lot more rare and valuable. The power gaming pick is the magic item.

My guess would be there's some le epic quest linked to that item or some bullshit like a curse so you have to take it for the railroad to continue in the GM's mind.

>>the DM also tried to convince me that my character wouldn't be the type to go for money over a legendary item.

Stop right there criminal scum. You tell that piece of shit DM that it is not his job to tell you why your character does something. He controls everything else, the world npcs monsters and environment. Not you. Your explanation, no matter how trite or bullshit, trumps his.

This is a "DM's Who Have Never Heard or Ignore Rule Zero" thread.

Ding ding ding.
Exactly right.
The reason he wanted me to take an item I assume was for that reason.
The reason I wanted the gold is, I have 50 soldiers under my command only equip with hide and I wanted to equip them all with chain shirts

Best meme of thread

Just had one of these happen today
>We find a puzzle and I need a spell I didn't have prepared, so we all start to rest for a bit while I switch spells
>Paladin says he wants to explore while everyone else rests
>We tell him it's a bad idea but he goes anyways so another party member follows him to make sure he doesn't get into trouble
>He sees a room with a line of floor tile described as perfectly clean and walks on them instead of around them
>DM asks for a constitution save which he succeeds
>He keeps walking straight forward
>DM asks for another constitution save which he succeeds
>Still continues forward on the line
>He makes it 25 fucking feet into the room before he finally fails one and is paralyzed
>If the fighter hadn't lassoed him out of there, he would be dead
It got worse
>Another room in the same dungeon, an otyugh in a trash heap is stomping around a bunch of corpses
>We are brand new characters with very little combat capability
>We are hiding in a narrow hallway too small for it to chase us through
>Checking our ranged options to safely dispatch the creature
>Paladin hears a voice in his head that just says "help me"
>We tell him it could be a trap or a psychic projection from anywhere
>Stealthy character scouts the room for any sign of life and finds nothing
>He decides that the voice must be coming from the room and immedlately charges off with sword in hand
>He fails and falls ten feet down the trash heap landing prone
>Roll for iniative
>Every one charges in to save him using all our limited resources at once
>His first action is to run away

I have this vacant-faced whore of a player who was brought by one of my friends. I hate her.
>Forgot we were in the desert despite spending 3 sessions there.
>Built a face character but whenever they need her to face she says "you're going to have to tell me what to do/say"
>Wanted to be the daughter of a goddess, named her character Raven.
>Adds character features on advancement for no reason, just because she wants another feature. Never uses any of them.

Oh god, I almost forgot the worst one
>Guy plays Rigger in Shadowrun
>Never uses drones because they might take damage, preferring to shoot things with a pistol instead.
>Has no initiative boosting cyberware of any kind.
>Is surprised that he is bad at combat compared to the adept and the street samurai.

>Group face constantly throws faux pas when talking with NPCs
>"What the fuck man?"
>"Nah don't worry dude, I'm just roleplaying my character."
They keep coming in such rapid pace and assburger way that I KNOW he is bullshitting.
Mind you the guy wasn't a face before so it's not like we knew what we were getting into.

We have this trouble with our face too.
He repeatedly asks if he can just roll for it.
Which is fine in and of itself, but he still needs to explain what he is trying to convince them of and he picks the dumbest most outlandish shit every single time.
It doesn't matter how well you roll on your deception when you are trying to refute evidence right in front of people's faces.

So, happy ending?

>Correct response ...is to just file that away for future reference.

I think the correct response is to kill their character so that they get pissy and never want to play with you again, because playing with people like that is fucking aids. These guys did the right thing.

I'm that guy.

Please be patient with me, I got 101 iq.

Does it count if I'm the dumb fuck?

>Sci Fi game
>Stealth mission to steal ancient (projectile) weapons from weird military museum place
>party wants to get as much as they can done before setting off any alarms
>oh shit, a staircase
>oh shit, staircase is guarded by 3 heavily armed dudes
>party starts moving towards them
>no-one wants to be the one to actually RP to bluff past them
>be me, one of the quieter members of the group
>ah shit, guess I have to do it
>uh...'Hey, we're the inspection team'
>fail bluff roll
>'What inspection team? there's no inspection scheduled'
>'Yeah, it's a surprise inspection'
>fail bluff roll again
>they're clearly not buying it
>they start to move forwards with their hands on their weapons

Now, this sounds not that bad so far, right? Here's where I really screwed the pooch.

>negotiations have clearly failed
>decide we need to take these guys out before they set off any alarms
>could have coordinated with the rest of the party
>could have taken one each quickly
>I don't do any of this
>instead, i notice they're standing pretty close together
>decide it'd be a good idea to take them all out at once myself
>check equipment list
>yep, that'd kill them all
>try to sleight of hand a grenade into one of their pockets as they get close
>a fucking grenade
>on a stealth mission

Long story short, they noticed, the dude with the grenade in his pocket tackled me, we both exploded, alarms went off everywhere and the rest of the party barely got out alive.

This happened last week and I still haven't figured out why I thought it was a good idea to do that.

>salty that a werewolf passed a dex save, which it is probably proficient in
>being a bad player
Pick 2.

It's not even math. 1 plat = 10 gold. 10% of a plat is 1 gold. An int 4 character should be able to do it.

>4 Int
I dunno.
That's barely above squirrel.

The awkward cough, then the words. Then shifty eyes and a shuffle.

To further this argument, if you had spell immunity or something and ignored the magic missile damage, you could probably fluff it as reflecting it into the sky, or absorbing it with your hand.

Not him, but it would be one thing if he had immunity, but that the GM has the monster roll to attack the tentacles is as nonsensical as attacking a magic missle. It doesn't work, rules wise. Sure, you can fluff immunity that way, but not just veto your player's ace in the hole and say "Oh, he attacks the unattackable *roll* hits and *roll* cuts the tentacles doing X damage: the spell ends because it took too much damage".

That is just pure retardation.

Is that how it went down? It easily could've been
> *roll* werewolf passes save
>"Uh, he rips 'em off and charges for you"

We don't really know.

Ahab and his white seal.

>Ripping tentacles out
>with a Dexterity save
I am pretty sure you fluffed that wrongly.

Other than this, even if it had made the save the werewolf would have been affected because, and I quote
>For the duration of the spell, the tentacles make the difficult terrain.
yet in the post, it was said
>the werewolf was pretty much completely unaffected.

>Plays shitty joker with a laugh more suitable to Penguin
>Nobody likes it
>I-I-I was tricked! Bamboozled! Swindled!

This.
Do you people know how Evard's Black Tentacles work?
The save is a strength check to not be grappled, but so long as you are in the area of the spell, it counts as difficult terrain, costing twice as much movement speed and you can't charge or run, unless it also had an ability to ignore difficult terrain.

This is fucking gold

>GMing a tiny oneshot dungeon in a retroclone
>characters have d6 HP, weapons deal d6 damage
>somehow player thinks just tanking 3 zombies is a good idea
>after they go down nonlethally, another player uses the only bandage the group had to heal his 1 missing HP instead of helping the downed PC that he was using as a meatshield while swinging halberd from behind her
>doesn't even realize somehting about this is wrong until I point out the unconscious character

holy fuck I seriously need to run more meatgrinder games so my players learn some common sense or just have their characters drop like flies and never amount to shit

>Party wants to buy an airship
>Airships don't exist in the setting, but levitation magic does, so I allow it.
>After a fun little adventure, they finally have a flying ship and are ready to leave the port town they were in.
>Edgy wizard player decides at the last second to attempt to release a plague on the city
>Makes no effort to hide this from the rest of the good aligned party
>Ends up tied to the front of the ship as a figurehead

You precious thing

Sounds about right

Are you in special-ed, user?

...

>face
>That guy decides he wants to play a face in shadowrun
>Acquire nonfunctional android slave
>Set up to meeting with shady group to repair android
>Turns out shady guys are actually Android rebels
>Wants our android back, talk about human oppression, yada yada
>Face decides to tell them that they deserve to be slaves and we aren't giving ours back
>Group goes back and forth ooc on why that is the dipshittiest thing to possibly say
>Face decides to stick with it
>Androids shoot him in the face
>Face player gets mad
>Everyone else: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?
>Face player goes on about "muh rolls"

>>Another room in the same dungeon, an otyugh in a trash heap is stomping around a bunch of corpses
>>We are brand new characters with very little combat capability
>>We are hiding in a narrow hallway too small for it to chase us through
>>Checking our ranged options to safely dispatch the creature
>>Paladin hears a voice in his head that just says "help me"
>>We tell him it could be a trap or a psychic projection from anywhere
>>Stealthy character scouts the room for any sign of life and finds nothing
>>He decides that the voice must be coming from the room and immedlately charges off with sword in hand
>>He fails and falls ten feet down the trash heap landing prone
>>Roll for iniative
>>Every one charges in to save him using all our limited resources at once
This all seems fine and perfectly in character for a paladin.
>>His first action is to run away
ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

this sounds like he could just be playing the character

So many face players in Shadowrunner max Charisma and use Logic as a dump stat. That may actually have been completely in character.

no, he just couldnt grasp why telling ex-slaves that they deserve to be slaves is a bad thing.

Looks like someone just became a fallen Paladin .

>Deep beneath the earth, our party fights an earth themed battle against an earth elemental, a stone golem and a rock/bug thing.
>Our druid, who often tuned out when it wasn't his turn, asks of us a question.
>"Which is better, strength damage or constitution damage?"
>We tell him the virtues of each, but as a group agree that Con damage is usually better.
>He says he has a plan, we ask what it is and he refuses to elaborate. We collectively wince.
>His turn comes and he declares that he shall wildshape into some mushroom creature.
>We ask why, and he informs us that he shall poison our enemies.
>Our stone-like enemies.
>Our "immune to poison" enemies.
>Our GM tries to explain why that won't work and even offers to let the druid take back the action, but our druid does not understand why he cannot poison a rock.
>He refuses to change back and engages anyway.
>He nearly dies.
I have more stupid stories to tell, all from that one player.

Oh boy do I have a lot of these, all in the same campaign too.

> Start series of one-shots that will eventually bloom into a full-fledged campaign.
> All of the PCs are monster hunters to some capacity.
> Enter one character who uses a brace of pistols. We'll call him gun guy.
> First 2 sessions he's not much of an issue, except he's constantly trying to get more pistols.
> Dude already has like 6 flintlocks, any more and the strange looks people give him are gonna be the least of his isssues.
> Gun guy eventually gets to like 10 flintlocks and 1 musket.
> If the NRA existed in this world even they'd tell him to fucking chill.

But now for his actual stupid actions.

> Third session, we're being stalked by a super-powered serial killer.
> Get the impression he's an expert ambush fighter.
> I hatch a plan to have our weakest member feign distress to lure him out, then we light him up.
> Gun guy gets impatient and decides to stealth into an alleyway.
> Is shocked and upset when the killer brutalizes him.
> Ironically the guns saved his life. If he used a quieter weapon we may not have heard him being murdered.
> My character has to preform back-alley surgery to save his life after slaying the serial killer (the other guy with us was not very good at fighting, so I kinda had to solo him)
> Later down the line our team tried to raid a vampire's lair to free the people they're keeping as slaves. We got them out but lost our heaviest hitter in the fight. Now we're alone in the woods.
> Gun guy wasn't there for that session, but he was there for the next.
> Decides to infiltrate the group of vampires hunting us through the forest.
> I'm partially to blame for this because I suggested it as a joke.
> Somehow these vampires are cool with a random mortal mercenary helping them. GM was being nice.
> Gun guy decides to get over to us by pretending to get caught by us.
> Not knowing what the hell is going on, we call him by his name (the vampires weren't in sight).

cont.

> Gun guy says we shouldn't be able to recognize his character.
> We ask how and why, is he wearing a mask?
> Gun guy says "I bet you guys all think my character's hair is black, right? Well it's actually blonde!"
> We ask him why the fuck he dyes his hair.
> He says he doesn't. But since his character is a blacksmith, he's always working in the forge, and the soot and ash makes his hair black.
> Even if that was what soot does to your hair, this means his character must not bathe or wash his hair.
> This man is married. Even had us take an hour of a session for the wedding ceremony.
> Queue 10 minutes of arguing about this.
> Rest of the session plays out normally, playing a violent game of cat and mouse with our vampire pursuers while trying to protect the freed prisoners.
> There's 4 vampires, the big one, the edgy one, the hot one, and the religious one.
> I kill the religious one a lucky crit on my handaxe, which was coated in holy water.
> Big one is taken out by NPC markswoman bro after badly wounding 2 other PCs.
> I faked a surrender to stall the big one, it worked but then the edgy one kicked my unarmed ass and choked me out.
> He's flying off with my unconscious self.
> Gun guy points 2 flintlocks at the edgy one.
> Everyone in the party says "But what if you hit user's PC."
> He says "I don't think you understand, *his PCs name* never misses."

It's a miracle I didn't die from a stray shot.

>why do you do this shit Leeroy?
>Leeroy, you fucking moron.

>stealth

In your defense, no one can hear anything when they are dead.

>"It's a surprise inspection"

Was he screaming the whole trip?

Werewolves tend to have not shit to pretty good strength, so it saving against strength spell isnt unheard of. Especially since he was lower level than thr intended class level so DC would be lower than normal.

Werewolves also tend to have higher base speed. And since Black Tentacles doesnt have a long range. Doesnt surpise me it went down the way it did.

Save and still has enough movement to get to player.

Jeeze how many years has it been

What a railroad DM. You're meant to say yes but. You're meant to fail forward.

This one become a legend in my group:

>be paladin
>elf ranger from party receive a letter from the elf leader, calling him back
>me and the rest of the party (thief, warrior) follows
>elf leader tell us that they will receive an attack by drow elves and asks him to plan a defense
>our elf tell him to count on him
>he buys a lot of combustible material and prepare several fire traps around the elven city
>we warn that maybe this isn't a good idea, he ignores
>he looks through the soldiers and then promotes a warrior named Rey Arteb to protect the leader and his followers
>drow elves attack, our elf shoots a fire arrow
>material burst in flames, forest fires start spreading everywhere
>other traps start bursting too, a sea of flames now burning everything
>most of the drows hadn't even started to enter the forest, they just retreated and watched as the elven city burned
>we have to retreat, finding a quick open space before we burn to death
>we later discover the leader and his subjects was killed because Rey was a betrayer.
I think I never saw a bigger fuck up than this one.

>being this stupid
That isn't railroading, it's basic game mechanics. Players can't use something the enemy is immune to and assume it'll work.

Do you think it's railroading if someone tried to burn a fire elemental and the GM said it took no damage? Because if you do, you're probably retarded.

Let him do it but he gets descending AC

"Oh looks like the monster hit the 2ac fighter again lol, this thing must be pretty strong"

>that name

Really?
Just really?

Yes, no joke.

He gave Rey Arteb authority over the entire defensive garrison and asked him to especially defend his leader.

Now in hindsight... holy cow.

...

More like this.

Sounded like he failed pretty far forward to me.

Why the fuck are you still playing with them? Where is this, north Dakota? Is there literally NO ONE else?

It's funny you should mention fire damage, because the other I have of that player involves him trying to burn the unburnable.

>The party stands on the burning planes of hell, before them is a horned devil.
>The fight begins, their foe proves to be quite challenging. His spiked chain devestating the party martials.
>The druid declares to the party that he has prepared the perfect spell to disarm our foe.
>His turn comes, his allies wait for their salvation, he casts his mighty spell!
>"Burning Disarm!"
>...
>"Now he has to drop his weapon, he can make a reflex save to avoid taking fire damage"
>...
>The GM declares that the devil does not drop it's weapon.
>Our druid argues that he must, the spell says it disarms, the save is just to avoid taking fire damage.
>The GM looks over the spell description, he informs the druid that the spell does not force a disarm, it only damages any who would not drop their weapon.
>The druid concedes the point, having realized his 1st level spell is not a no-save disarm.
>"If he really wants to hold onto it then fine, he takes fire damage"
>...
>This is not the first devil he has fought, every previous devil has been immune to fire.
>The devil takes no damage, the druid pouts.

Im the joker baby

my party is level 8, we're like five-six months deep in this campaign, and they don't fucking understand DAMAGE TYPES AND DAMAGE RESISTANCES

Our Archer who literally does nothing but fire arrows every turn every fight and legitimately does nothing else in or out of combat spent an entire fight last night plinking away at the ONLY ENEMY THAT WOULD RESIST HIS ARROWS

I made every effort to explain without outright saying "don't shoot him you retard" and this thick headed mother fucker could not comprehend how an arrow doesn't really do much against a rock elemental.

This archer player is so dumb that he makes the rest of the party dumb as fuck too. One of the other players is also a moron but has more insight/less arrogance than the archer so he isn't just wrapped up in his own retarded version of reality, on his own he'd probably be fine.

The archer player will convince him of the dumbest shit that would only ever possibly in the archer player's dumbass la-la land he lives in

the party's saving grace is their sorcerer who is a clever enough guy, at the least clever enough to be like "Hey guys this is retarded" every once in awhile, and also me being way too lenient and helping them way too much

Fucking idiots. A character with 6 int could do that math. Children can do that math. It isn't even math, you're just adding a 0 at the end of the big number.

5,000 PP is 50,000 GP. Add a 0.

10% of something means divide by 10. That means take away a 0.

50,000 GP. Take away a 0. 5,000 GP.

They're fucking idiots.

Character with 6 int waters from mouth, user.

Doesn't matter, character is an adventurer, so they SHOULD know how money works.

Where else should you water from?

I mean he could shit himself or piss himself.

>be elf
>put fire in forest

unless someone is metagaming, that is

I am that guy a lot thanks to a generous supply of brain farts. I just stop thinking somethimes.

>Be part of a 10 man party
>Complete clusterfuck
Told to travel trough a cave for a reason I don't even remember
> cave with a shit ton of webs, but no spiders, in one of the big nets in one side of the room hangs a golden key
>Possibly to the giant gate we see further into the cave
>Rationalize "Oh the spiders must've all died, I mean its just the cave entrance, tons of adventurers must go trough here"
>Even better thinking I go "I'm gonna start climbing the web for the key"
>Everyone is yelling at me, but GM instantly makes it so
>Lo and behold, a gigantic spider plops down

But in my defence, after I got out of the web my battle plan was solid. I was behind the spider with its back turned to me and all the other players in front, obviousl- No the GM made the fucking thing sit on me before I could do anything. Its been almost 10 years and I am still salty.

i dont get it

Rey Arteb
Betra Yer

now I feel even dumber.

Isn't 7-8 int baseline for humans according to dnd?

>she starts shouting
>DM agrees with her and shouts
Nigger what kind of disrespectful idiots are you playing with?

Failing forward doesn't mean "failing advances your goals," it means "failing advances the action." If you try to poison an enemy made of stone, failing forward means the unaffected enemy punches you in the face.