Liches collecting ancient... recipes?

It's a well known fact that, due to various chemical properties of the stuff that make it impossible for bacteria to grow in it, that honey cannot spoil, ever, if preserved properly (which is to say, in a closed container away for excess moisture). Huge wax-sealed earthenware jars of honey found in the tombs of ancient pharaohs, thousands of years old, was found to be still edible.

So this got me to thinking. Liches pride themselves on their ancient knowledge and collected artifacts, but many also miss the pleasures of their once-mortal selves.

So imagine a lich whose knowledge runs toward the memories of a culinary life...

His prized possession is a jar of thousand-year-old honey made from a flower gone extinct generations ago.
Mixed among spell tomes are ancient collections of cookbooks written in long-dead languages using ingredients once common to ancient civilizations but now far far rarer.

His lair hides a winecellar with bottles first sealed when he was mortal centuries ago and only now are they reaching their peak of aging.

And so forth...

What could you do with such a character?

That's actually a pretty cool idea for a Neutral Lich. I might steal that.

La nouvelle necromancy?

For a moment there I expected you were about to propose a lich that kept its body well-preserved by just sealing himself in a giant jar of honey.

That wouldn't work - how could he do anything in there?

Magic. He could wear a suit of sealed segmented armor full of honey. Become the sticky wizard.

Too much of a hassle.

Besides, honey not spoiling doesn't mean stuff in it can't spoil if it's still susceptible to it. Put a dead body in honey, and eventually you'll have a rotted corpse floating in poisoned honey.

There are a few possession spells under Necromancy. Maybe his real body is his most prized treasure, and he has kept, or think that he has kept, it safe and preserved for a millenia in a tank of honey, at the center of his honey comb-catacomb.
If you remove the bacteria first, probably with magic, I don't see the problem.

Idea: This lich decides to open up a restaurant and gets renowned for his original recipe ideas, but really, he's just following ancient cookbooks no one can read.

You know it would be kind of awesome if some king had a lich like this as his personal chief. One that for over 20 generations has served the food for the royal family. The Players faces would be amazing.

Couldn't any low-level caster accomplish the same feat with Comprehend Languages? They wouldn't have the same access to the cookbooks as the lich, but that's your quest hook right there.

He loves it when you bring him new recipes from far off kingdoms and lost civilizations, he's willing to give the party a translated copy of one of his ancient cookbooks(which includes how to obtain some of the rarer ingredients) every time they bring him a batch of new recipes.

He could be a restaurant owner in a kingdom that's more accepting of undead. Locals freaking love him for having food and unique recipes for all walks of life, You'll get a hearty stew for a couple copper, a fancy meal for a silver or two, and a extravagant specially commissioned feast made from the finest rare ingredients for a high price. (profits go into his business, research, the local community, and donations to the local church to keep paladins and such off his back. He's dead, what else would he do with it?)

A lich that collects food? What a fag. We can't waste our time with-
>and only now are they reaching their peak of aging
THE LICH, KILL THE LICH.

Ah shit, you're right.

Just replace "no one can read" with "he keeps them secret so no one learns his dirty secret."

I don't think that spell works on dead languages, only ones that people still use. Like, for a modern analogy, a translation program could be written for an English speaker that translates from Russian, because there's Russian speakers to use as references, but not something like Ancient Sumerian or Mycenean Linear B.

>he keeps them secret so no one learns his dirty secret
god fucking dammit, i'm tired and can't think straight.

There's no reason it shouldn't. At worst you have to deal with the translation being very awkward because it only gives literal meaning and language is usually filled with nuance.
So a recipe might say "Add five mountaintops of King Saucyfart's ground beard shavings" but really mean something like "5 pinches of black pepper", but that was the colloquial way of speaking at the time.

Astral Projection, Magic Jar, and controlling constructs.

>but many also miss the pleasures of their once-mortal selves.

Not really a problem. He's a lich. He's had decades if not centuries to research and develop a spell that allows an undead to magically taste things.

Of course he still doesn't have to eat, so he just swishes around some food or beverage in his mouth for an hour or two until he gets bored of it.

What a great idea :)

"From the mellified bones of our ancestors"

Thanks!

>demilich so old, even its skull has turned to dust
>it's just bone dust mixed with honey

Next time you see a yellow slime - FUCKING RUN.

"That restaurant is filled with evil, Father, why hasn't anyone investigated?"

"Because the owner pays for the upkeep of our church and the local community, Ivan. we can't disturb him."

Before he took on the guise of a fearsome Lich, his name was John Townsend.

>If you remove the bacteria first, probably with magic, I don't see the problem.
You wouldn't really need honey for this though.

Once you remove the bacteria from anything the shelf life on it is drastically increased. Poultry, red meat, and seafood have their shelf-life more than doubled if irradiated and then stored in sealed packaging. Fruits in particular last upwards of four times as long, even when left out. Apples normally last about two months in the fridge, but if irradiated they can last upwards of a year.

>lich misses pleasures of life
Can't a lich simply use magic jar to borrow a living body?

Yeah, but it's like wearing a badly-fitting suit... it's just damn uncomfortable.

Be aware that a number of Undead are perfectly capable of consuming food if it is Ethereal.

Nobody that chipper could ever become a Lich.

>a chef lich

So... Even if dead he still serves?

Not an evil one, no... but seeking deathlessness to preserve ancient culinary secrets is noble, not evil.

That took me by surprise well enough to make me chuckle.

I'm aware.

But my idea for this one isn't that he collects to create and consume, but so such culinary knowledge is not lost.