That guy thread?

My dm let me play one once.

When I went to use smite he said

"You delve deep inside yourself to draw upon the energy of... Secular Humanitarianism...."

I still was playing a generally good person, but the focus was more on just being good instead of rejecting a god or something.

>that guy who makes the autistic girl in the party cry IRL because he spent an entire session doing unnecessary PvP on her

>not accepting a paladin of slaughter

>they told me I could be anything
>so I became a pineapple

>that guy who brings his girlfriend
What if my gf likes tabletop rpgs and can play them? What are you scared girls or something bro?

>>that guy who asks if his hard can play [random musical instrument that nobody has heard of] for laughs
Depends on how hard he gets, but either way, I only see him playing a skin flute.

>unnecessary PvP
nice pleonasm

>5e point buy
>player goes 15/15/15/8/8/8

The classic "not gonna talk about the subject but about the image" thread

>That guy who never plays anything but a rogue
>That guy who says his rogue is a thief, but doesn't steal, pick locks, climb things, or do stealth
>That guy who decided to play something else other than a rogue but really meant playing a rogue that just calls itself something else.

>That guy who always puts minimal effort into his characters, never reads the source books, and still cant make a character by himself, but acts like the dm should cater to him and is entitled as fuck.

I'm curious what you think is wrong with this unless the player missed the chance to go 14/15 and put his racial +2/+1 into those.

I hate that guy... I threw a guy out of my game because of that.

If I'm the first and third, does that make me That Guy?

inb4justaskingmakesmethatguy

I wish I could throw him out, but our group is all friends irl and it would be more drama then its worth.

No, because you're do number 2 and actually playing a fucking rogue. Just don't call yourself an Alchemist and then refuse to make potions, and only do rogue things and you're good.

Not him, but I know that feel. A friend of ours joins our games, and he'll roleplay just fine, but when it comes to ANYTHING rules related the game slows to a crawl. I mean simple shit like attacking things.

When we all help him finally figure out all the bonuses, he might remember for a few rounds and then he'll forget again because two rounds ago he did something OTHER than just attack.

Thankfully (and also sadly, because he's a pretty funny guy otherwise) he doesn't show up much anymore.

>That guy who kicks players out for optimization in 5e.

>That guy who always brags about how much sneak attack dice he can roll against the party if he sneak attacked them

>what's wrong with min/maxing
t. That Guy

>min
>max

those stats are neither.

>That guy who invests heavily in sneak attack and then does nothing but charge into combat without stealth

>that guy who has GM'd before and now tries to "help" me by "pointing out" good plot hooks for the party, telling other players to roll checks and decides when and how he does his own rolls

Optimization was definitely not the issue. He wouldn't make a physical copy of his character sheet, he'd basically never roleplay, he'd always have a massive chip on his shoulder and if he failed at ANYTHING he'd leave the room and do something else which was annoying because he was kinda unlucky too. He just oozed a miasma of fail...

>that guy who thinks sneak attack damage crits
>that gm who lets him

>that guy who is too autistic to even be around a female and shits himself when your girlfriend walks by the table

lol

>what is a Favored Soul

>that guy who brings his girlfriend

To be fair, I bring my wife when we play boardgames

>That guy who never does anything outside of our sessions.

We usually create characters together, so that's not that big of a deal. But I swear the next time we have to waste the first 15 mins of the session because he didn't level up I am kicking him.

With 5e point buy 8 is min and 15 is max

>that guy who brings his girlfriend
>that guy who asks to fuck every female NPC

I hope this isn't the same guy.

I am retarded and didn't see who you were responding to. Yea, that sounds like a god awful person to play with.

>That guy who's so annoying that your players kill your campaign in order to spite him
>Can't get rid of him, so it was pointless
Was it worth it guys?

Why can't you get rid of him? It sounds like your players hate him as much as you (if not more).

Not that guy, but we got our own that guy that always fucks up the plot for the lulz and we can't kick him because he's a mate of all of us outside of the game. So it would just lead to a whole lot of bitterness and bullshit.

Also, I proposed we kick him and the rest of the group did not have the balls.

It does in 5e.

Because my players think it's more fun to fuck with him than just get rid of him outright. I'm not the usual DM, so I don't get to make the call anyway.

...

I had all of these guys in one in the same campaign

Oh, my bad.

No problemo

Sounds like your whole group is Those Guys

Only one I have sadly. I'd go online, but I don't want to disturb the people living with me.

I just imagine a valley girl gnoll texting away, laughing all the while.

If you think everyone at the table is an asshole, chances are you're the asshole.

O-oh no. I do this.

...

Favored souls are favored of the deities you numnut

Honestly people that gimp their main stats just to not have any debonuses annoys me more.
It's fine to have flaws! Fuck.

just make him a cheat sheet? a list of their most common actions with notes such as bonuses and aspects of the mechanics they need to know but frequently forget.

You're literally the worst kind of player. I bet you also have been a perma-DM literally because you sabotaged other wannabe DMs in the group with your "help".

...

This. I'm really, REALLY bad with rules and I hate when people get mean/rude to me about it. Like, fuck off your character doesn't even have a name at least I have a backstory/personality..

My point is, people have different strengths and weaknesses and not being able to memorize a massive tome for a game isn't that weird.

I try to point out if a character should be allowed a roll (if the player is too inexperienced to notice and gm didn't request it.) Ie- "can she roll persuade?" I'll also say like, "so... do I get a balance check or..?" if the gm just has some shit happen.

i thought wayne static was dead

>5e
>halfling rogue mastermind in party
>minmaxed
>hides behind normal size players for sneak bonus, shoots with crossbow
>never fucking shuts up about sneak attack damage
>keeps pulling chaotic-dumbfuck stunts
>keeps siphoning off party funds

We're a neutral-evil party, but the second his mishandling of party funds comes to light, I'm going to eat that little cunt.

>DM keeps postponing the session because two players can't make it last minute every time we try to play
>they're both That Guy
>one is a zany ohlol xd so drunk/stupid/other attention whore
>the other is a "you know that character from Skyrim/Bloodborne/Overwatch..." motherfucker
>but our player group is too small to remove them

I just play with two players and run either a weaker adventure, or more powerful characters.

Having only two people is better than having four really shitty ones.
It requires some GM Fiat but damn I'm getting desperate.

Give them hirelings.

Literally scum of the earth.

>he made her char for her, it's tailored specifically to assist his char
>their chars icly have a relationship, regardless of whether or not it actually makes sense
>he drug her there, she hates the whole thing
There's plenty of reason for that to be that guyish

>GM Fiat
Small groups need General Motors and Fiat to do a colab to run well?

I'm sorry for my fellow cohorts, maybe y'all should take it up with your "backseat GM" folks though, I know I should stop now at least
>tfw incredibly neurotic and filled with doubt at all times
>suddenly this

Fiat will slowly buy all american car manufacturers

GM and Ford are too big to get acquired by those cucks.

>That guy that plays on his phone between turns
>That guy that texts his GF between turns
>That guy that outright leaves the fucking table between his turns
>Then they complain that a basic combat is taking forever

Hell yeah, eat that piece of shit.

why does his face giggle? he isn't fat

>why does his face giggle? he isn't fat
First, it's jiggle.
His face jiggled, my face giggled.

Second, human beings are all ugly bags of mostly water.
They tend to jiggle.

>Jimmy NuMale

Josh?

>I just play with two players
This.

To paraphrase a Rowan Atkinson punchline: "I wouldn't cancel afternoon session to bury that little shit!"

I can't think of a situation where cancelling a session would ever be necessary just because some players didn't show up.
If there's some reason I can't have their character separate from the group, I usually operate with a rule of running their PC as an NPC with low level plot armor.
If the player doesn't want to miss the specific adventure, and the other players are on board, I run a one shot.

A session with too few players isn't as much fun, but it's still more fun than no session.

Don't worry about it.
It's like needing to adjust yourself in public and realizing your fly is open, so you turn to a wall, adjust your goods properly and zip your fly.
Then you realize you're facing, not a wall, but a darkened window with a mother and her children watching you in horror.
Nothing to do but just move on.

I've played in a 12 man party where only about 5 were guaranteed to show up. Anyone who didn't was said to have "watched the horses" it kind of became an inside joke with my group

>Player can only play a Human
>Will only pick Paladin Class
>Hasn't read the book, doesn't know what he can and can't do
>Doesn't look into shit about his God or ideals, has no idea how to roleplay, doesn't give the character goals, and frequently abstains from roleplay while the rest of the party roleplays heavily and has tons of fun
Looking at you John

>is careless with the game book or damages it
>Bonus points if he borrowed it to run a game with other people

Still pissed me the fuck off

I'm just scared I'll look like an idiot.

>what villain archtype are we going for?
>how about school shooter
>ship it

honestly he was a great villain though

>That guy who only plays Paladin, Samurai, and Jedi (when applicable)
>who frequently steals shit, fights over loot, and suggests torture for information but is still LG guys
>That guy who says he is too busy to level up his own character literally while playing video games with DM
>Who shows up to session and in front of DM's face begins leveling up and putting points into knowledge checks that were just asked for
>who forces DM to pick feats for him, and later starts pounding table in angry fit because the feat chosen (cleave) isn't working and the party keeps stealing his kills.

That's fine. What's not fine is this:

>player A: alright guys, what do you think we should do? Try and jump the ravine and risk falling? Find away around or double back and see if the enemies have left?
>player B: this ravine isn't too wide, I'll jump across it and go scout for enemies up ahead.
>player A: well your funeral if you fail, but up to you
>backseat GM: don't worry about. Player B, just roll athletics to jump over, I personally wouldn't make this skill check difficult since falling down would add nothing to the story. Then while he's doing that, we'll roll dungeoneering to find our way around it and meet up with him and since the light conditions aren't bad, that wil be an easy check for us.
>Me: well, tha-
>backseat GM: rolls. See easy as pie, I find my way around easily. You guys, roll.

Reading this made me angry by proxy, holy fuck.

I honestly can't understand this.
I can get not being into roleplaying.
I can get being determined to playing only one type of character.
I can get being a poor rollplayer and not interested in improving.
But all of that together just mystifies me, unless it's literally pic related

>I don't want to look like an idiot so I'll participate in an activity but only halfway
Game or don't.
Splash around in the pool or just swim laps.
Halfway doing some of it is just lamely doing neither.

Protip: Spending your time being scared of looking like an idiot is a waste doomed to failure.
Embrace looking like an idiot, the world won't end.
youtu.be/31Qnoo-giv0

>That guy who minmaxes diplomacy
>That guy who thinks that because gunslingers exist his Rogue can get a Lahti L-39
>That guy who responds to you telling him "No way in hell are you getting that rifle" with burning down the town the party is in
>That guy who never rolls his dice in view of other players
>That guy who brought a Paladin specialized in mountain combat to a dungeon crawl
>That guy who insists on giving every character he plays some accent that he does really, really badly

That last one is me, I admit

*mounted

>That guy who believes his minmaxed diplomacy means he can talk anyone into doing anything he wants
>That guy who gets really fucking butthurt about being told no

OOOOOOH, YE'V GOT A PROLLEM WIT ME BAD ACCENTS, DO YE LADDIE? YE CANNAE SEE TH' ACCENT'S HALF THE FOOKIN' FUN!

I've always tried to talk the way my characters would, such as a ~8 int being fairly simple with his language, or a foreigner speaking what i call foreign, which is just randomly shifting between a few stereotyped accents, mainly german and british.

am I that guy?

Godfuckingdammit I had a backseat GM who also backseated other players. He would actually take sheets and try to write on them "for" the other person. I'd tell him "Cut that shit out. Don't ever write on somebody else's sheet. ESPECIALLY not in ink."

"Well, there's no pencil."

The last straw was when he decided to betray the party by attempting to blow up their main transport and gtfo. I had a bunch of TIE Fighters swarm him for opening fire with military-grade weaponry in an urban area. There were already enough in the area that he had zero chance to escape, but he INSISTED on doing combat rolls, cut me off at every step to contest the rules of a homebrew that he had no understanding of. I finally said "Fuggit, you're dead."

"You can't do that."

"Rule Zero, fuckface. Go home. Sick of your shit."
The next day, he texts my wife to apologize and say that he's dropping out because "It's painful being the sole torch bearer and watching you all stumble over yourselves."

This is my brother-in-law.

Goddamn right! Hell, I once played a Dwarf that spoke with a Russian accent, and put in her backstory that she spent her childhood in the Underdark before getting rescued by a Crusade. She wound up being the source of my favorite quote: "Is pretty tree, Elizabet! Let's go have Picnic, Elizabet! THOSE ARE NOT BONES ON GROUND, THOSE ARE JUST ROOTS, ELIZABET!" said in the sassiest tone you can get while pretending to be from the motherland.

My only That Guy experience was a That Girl.

Playing VtM through Roll20, she talks to me outside the group over skype, convinces me to proofread a story she wrote. Find out it's smut, and horribly written smut. Finally finish correcting it, I'm tired, she convinces me to read it aloud so she can listen for mistakes. About halfway through hear what sounds like mac and cheese being stirred.

It wasn't mac and cheese.

>It wasn't mac and cheese.
then what was it?

She was masturbating to me narrating her smut. Furiously.