After killing the evil in the dungeon, you find a tiny mermaid trapped in a magic proof bottle

After killing the evil in the dungeon, you find a tiny mermaid trapped in a magic proof bottle.

wat do.

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Open the bottle by hand? Mages don't think of shit! Put in large fish tank.

Tear a hole in the wall and seal it inside.
I don't want to free what is potentially a demon.

Make into Sushi

Say hello, and try to ask her if she needs help.

Definitely do not leave her with any party members that might try to eat her, such as catfolk or lizardfolk.

Ask if they need help. Consider whether or not helping them is worth my PCs time.

add her to my bottle mermaid collection

Find the other three so I can open up the Water Temple.

put dick in bottle

She bites it off.

adamantine teeth, warforged mermaid 4 lyfe! your dick shatters causing 1d4points of damage, and 2 rounds of shameful silence.

the bottle mermaid does not speak your language. even if it could, the bottle seems sound proof

Go find a tool for language translation, then once found uncork and put em in a more open container to try and talk.
If a tool can't be found just bother some old mage who may know of the mini mermaids.

magic proof is not hammer proof. Smash and release into sea. Gain minimum one undersea ally.

For what purpose was an expendable war golem, which do not procreate but are deliberately crafted in magitech factories for specific tasks all related to war, be constructed with a penis?

piranha mermaid

You smash the bottle open.
I AM COMPLETE

>Smash and release into sea
the mermaid gets slashed the shattered glass. shes dead.

good job user

detect evil

Thanks so how much xp do I get?

>Please assume the position

This thread inspired me. My next villain will be a smuggler/arms dealer under the guise of an exotic pet dealer. If the party talks to him a lot, he'll mention his 'exotic fish collection'.

Which, as you might guess, is tiny mermaids in individually labelled bottles. He likes to look at them.

I shake the bottle vigorously.

5.
2 for the bottle, 2 for discovering a minimaid, and 1 for the mermaid.

Slowly pour alcohol into the bottle.

Hello? I killed a monster so I should get XP, how much did I earn?

Declare bottle and the denizen my property until either of them can prove to have intelligence higher than domestic animal.

That's not much.

Gee I wonder why this bottle is magic proof. Couldn't possibly have anything to do with tales of mermaids singing siren songs.

there should only be one.
it should be special
and rare
and mysterious
and precious

after shaking the bottle, the mermaid spins inside for a few seconds from the momentum of the water, after un dizzying herself she looks at you and frowns.

the mermaid starts to suffocate.

He wasn't.

>He

Looks like I made the right choice.

Equip her floundering body as a cock-sleeve and continue down the trail as such.

>making a war golem that can't rape
why the FUCK would you do that?

Go on...

It was implied that you carefully break the glass into large glass shards you simpleton. Not hard to do. Any idiot could do it

You fool, you were in my magical realm all along.

you place the bottle on a table with one hand, and lift your hammer in the other. as you do so, the mermaid looks up at you with wide frightened eyes and shakes her head frantically.

Ask her for the secret formula.

>turns out the mermaid is actually a powerful sorceress under the effects of baleful polymorph

3 heaping servings of live plankton.

>1 man 1 jar

>Open bottle
>Chug!
>"Delta Tau Chi for life, nerds!"

I ask her if she thinks this is funny.

She can keep the bigger mermaid company in the fishbowl on my guy's back, as we keep questing for gold, fame, and food.

Stop pouring alcohol into the bottle.

Eat the fish half, leave the human half alone.

She says she's incapable of telling lies inside of the jar.

I tie the jar to my belt, I guess we'll go find a marine biologist.

will she use her mermaid magic to turn the party into men

Take care of the poor minimermaid. Feed fish flakes, clean water out every so often, take her to somewhere where the bottle will be safe and try and see if we can't return the minimermaid to said minimermaid's home.

Use a very sharp sword to cut off the neck of the bottle, after making sure the mermaid cowers at the bottom.

>open bottle
the glass lid to the bottle appears to have been sealed shut by a glazier. you cant open the bottle without breaking it.

the mermaid watches you holster the bottle with a doubtful look on her face. she sighs, folds her arms and pouts in the bottle as it bounces on your belt as you walk.

you stop pouring alchohol into the bottle. the mermaid is seems barely concious, her mouth widely gasping for any oxygen in the poisoned water

>>the glass lid to the bottle appears to have been sealed shut by a glazier. you cant open the bottle without breaking it.
Then the mermaid should've suffocated long ago, since there's no way for oxygen to get in and carbon dioxide to get out. You suck at this.

>hen the mermaid should've suffocated long ago
there is a small air hole in the lid.

But is the bottle fireproof? I just ate fishcakes, and now I crave more.

Ravioli, ravioli, give me the real formuloni.

put some bone chips/sand/sawdust in there and shake my new snowglobe.

>Shoot a 1D4 sized load through the hole and shake jar in an attempt to mate with the creature

I ask her if she wants to come and work as a fry cook at my restaurant.

>very sharp sword to cut off the neck of the bottle, after making sure the mermaid cowers at the bottom.
you gesture toward the mermaid to hide at the bottom and show that you will cut the top off. she looks frightened but understands, and moves toward the bottom and curls up into the fetal position, covering her head and neck with her arms. you slash open the neck of the bottle with the sword as if it was champagne.
youtube.com/watch?v=cupnnTpHOGA

ROLL D20 TO NOT FUCK UP

Use an adamantium wire saw to cut the bottle neck off at a wide angle so she can escape

Rolled 13 (1d20)

Here goes nothing.

Buns, 3 heaping servings of live plankton, that mold that grows in the cellar, sea weed, secret sauce (mayonnaise mixed with vinegar).

She says she's ready.

>13
what is your BAB, this is important

Release it so I can get Oxyale and go to the sunken temple.

You gotta smite ALL the evil

If it was found in the dungeon it's probably evil

Smite and cleave

Its obviously a succubus in disguise

Smite evil

Measure bottle for volume.
Find bottle with the same volume.
Fill it with my semen.
Transfer contents of second bottle to first bottle.

Ask her if I can borrow her bottle so I can be immune to magic.

I give her a spatula, put her in the back room, and never pay her anything. AKAKAKAKAKAKA

>Rolled 13 (1d20)
>Here goes nothing.
you wind up to cut the neck of the bottle, your technique is sound but amateurishly executed. the sword cuts mostly cleanly through the glass but some shards break off. the magic proof enchantment visibly breaks from the bottle with a bright flash of light and a pop. a shard has grazed the mermaid giving her a minor cut, she screams out in pain, the sound is ear piercingly loud, the pain forcing you cover your ears.

ROLL CON SAVE TO NOT DROP THE BOTTLE

Rolled 15 (1d20)

Turn water into super high strength holy water.If mermaid is unaffected release it into big tank.

She becomes the party's new mascot.

Why wouldn't you give it a dick?

My God man, do you even play a wizard?

Hylian Internet Defense Force pls.

>Rolled 15 (1d20)
you endure the piecring scream of the mermaid, and manage to hold onto the broken bottle, thus not spilling the water, and not dropping it completely.

the mermaid is clentching her teeth and clutching the side of her torso, where a long cut is bleeding, just below her gills. she looks down at the wound, then at you, with an irritated expression. she speaks a strange language and has a voice that is unnaturally loud and ethereal. it intensely reverberates in the room. she then sighs with relief and leans back in the water.

the mermaid is now free of the bottle.

Roll to seduce.

hmmm i wonder what properities holy water has on water breathing creatures.

What effect does holy air has on people?

Time to check our medical supplies.

Cleric reporting for duty, I have 1 Cure light wound left for the day. Shall I heal your fish friend?

>Time to check our medical supplies.
you set down the bottle and mermaid, and look through your supplies as the mermaid watches you inquisitively. all of your medical supplies are sized for normal people. the mermaid is barely 6 inches long. luckily, you have one used healing potion, with a few drops left on the bottom.

Use a few drops of water to wash the remaining potion out into a spoon. Let her drink that.

This.

Cum either inside or on the bottle

Use Martial Art to attack on the Cut AT with my hand and chop the top off the bottle. Let Wizard cast Understand Languages so we can communicate properly with the tiny water Sheele. If friendly, or seemingly so, assist in whatever endeavor it needs to get home. If hostile, ATATATATA until problem is solved.

you wash the remaining potion into a spoon from your mess kit. you gesture to the mermaid that she should drink the liquid and lower it to her. she looks puzzled and hesitantly lifts herself out on the water to sip the potion from the spoon like a child trying a medicine for the first time. the wound on her side slightly heals. realizing this, the minimermaid drinks until the wound is completely healed.

no longer in any physical pain, she rests her arms on the edge of the bottle like a hottub. she turns palms upward and shrugs at you as if saying, "what now?"

Give her the benis

I tip the mermaid into a 1 litre bottle filled with a years worth of cum and i watch with delight at the look of disgust, horror and fear on her face as she suffocates in cold gloopy semen