Mages Guild: Familiar Fighting Edition

I honestly have no idea She hasn't given me any money if she has.

Wait, no, that's not the point, this is inhumane! Except that familiars are doing it of their own volition so...

Gods damn it all to hell you old fart! We where supposed to hold a vote on petition 607 today! You can't keep avoiding the issue by holding bogus meetings for these trivial matters! 607 is important dammit!

Would you like me to find some rulebook somewhere?

But I warn you, It could take away the senseless joy and violence.

No, just the Head Librarian. I sold my body to the Mage Guild in order to pay the tuition at the Arcane University for my daughter.

So the familar's have finally decided to go pro? As adorable as that is, I've gotta say; good for them!

To be fair, some of those cats have some pretty sharp claws... And are seven feet tall... And they aren't cats...

I didn't even know you had one.
Floating skull?
Complex, isn't it?
Wait, Jeanne. Which one is 607? I remember 605.
That is true...
But there isn't much enjoyment if a witch's cat versus an imp is a zero to ten match-up because the imp was allowed to bring a stabbing implement.

Indeed they are. This is what happens when we don't pay close enough attention to our familiars. I made the mistake long ago of letting mine run off on its own instead of helping me with my work.
In my opinion Petition 607 is what's bogus, Petition 539 is what should be on the table today. If the table wasn't occupied by the familiars.
Of course not! A proper familiar needs to be alive.

What is exactly IS "607"? Was that the creation of a contingency plan, incase the local bee population gained sentience, and began revolting; or the one on banning nut based spells from the guild?

I say... Do you suppose that's why Piper here has earned so much gold recently? -I- certainly don't pay her.

I suppose if you find one with a green visor...

She isn't paying you? That's the real travesty. You feed her and bathe her and subject her to Quin's weird machinations...

Yes Mal, You have made your point. Now put away the cat ears please.

I'm just confused.
Ungh.
I don't think she's even taking bets...

Was 539, the one where we limit the number of sentient cattle allowed to use spells, or the one where we determine who, during a magic duel, is allowed to use "power beam"?

Meow
>well that's fucking terrifying and probably also not a cat

Really? You're the first person to say that.
What do you have?
The bees were 367, last I checked that one was shelved as well.
...Wait, what have we passed recently?
Thats probably it. Unless Piper has been busking.
What is Piper? I can't see under the table.
I can't tell from back here, are these to the death or until knockout?

Cat ears? What are yo-...
>He'd stop, and would run the top of his head. Realizing he has cat ears.

Ugh! Why do people keep doing this to me!

>He'd switch his ears back to normal.

The new bee defense plan was 367, the anti-tree nut petition was 688. Honestly, are you even paying attention?

I remember we passed 532 last week, had to do with skirt length under robes for witches and divine casters.

I think it was the decision to begin an emergency import of pointy shoes... but maybe I got them mixed up.
Probably. An easy way to tell is if the money has bite marks in them, not all familiars have hands.
Hmm... oh, I see it there, thank you.
Word of advice, don't let Pierre teach your familiar tricks, they become a lot harder to find afterwards.
No it was the banning of running in the Cryomancy Department, which honestly should be common sense rather than the point of a petition.
The only natural creature able to live long enough, obviously.

>He'd turn around, after turning his ears back to normal.

Oh....
.....
........
Huh.... So that's why I smelled tuna....

Count yourself lucky you were not given a pallet curse.
I woke up green once.
...You're being vague here Lazarus.

Oh heavens! Was I invisible this whole time?

I sometimes forget to remove my enchanted rings when I come indoors. On a completely unrelated note, is anyone feeling a bit hot? If so, don't worry. The burns will heal eventually.

Huh... Are you sure the shoe one, wasn't 389, and the cyromancy one, 226? Or were those, "Making sure Goblins don't own shoes pointy shoes", and "Leaving the archwizard a slice of pie"?

...I suppose I will consider myself lucky.

I'm fine, but I'm also not the best person to ask about that.

Actually, I guess we should come clean... Its because the rest of us didn't want to crush your dreams for the 88th time....

I mean, you work so hard on those invisibility rings, and they never seem to work!

I have no idea.
I will not, okay.

I would like to place a bet on the snake familiar of Gregory of the Pyromancy Department. That one over there, you're handling bets are you not?
Sadly it's my familiar's fault, I cannot speak its identity out loud unless whoever I'm speaking to knows about it. Blame Pierre for teaching it.
Glad to see you again, how many enchanted rings are you up to these days? Have you gotten one for each finger yet?
I thought the goblin issue was Petition 643. What's Petition 643 then?

Obroal... When was the last time, we actually managed to PASS anything... Including our students?

So what are you thoughts on Petition 659? I mean, most of my students have been clamoring for that kind of thing since before I took office, apparently.

Hmm... Wasn't 643, that one where we decided to ban all practices of magical trumpet playing before 11 am, and after 12 pm?

Or maybe it was where we decided that all students must have been demonically possessed atleast once in their life, before they were eligible for tuition reductions?

Yeah the summer heat has been getti-
Wait burns?
Would you believe me if I said it wasn't a witch?
Does Reinforce know?
Ok, you can't speak it's name. Can you give it's species?
>He raises his hand.
>Then lowers it.
Ok students, yes, those still pass. But I will agree with you that these meetings usually accomplish things directly and without passing legislation.

Meow
>its rubs against your leg while speaking out cat sounds in a deep voice
>mind the poison quills

I...maybe? I think that might have been the one about dragons perching atop the guild lighthouse, but maybe im wrong.

Not even remotely.

Well, she shut up.
What petition is that?

We passed a measure to turn the king into a young woman in an attempt to make him stop taxing us. That was... two years ago? Or was it three? In hindsight, I'm rather surprised it worked.
Wait, 659? Wasn't that the one about building another tower for reagents on the west side of the guild?
No, the trumpet thing was Petition 111, and it was passed last month. People are just doing it anyway.
Its name, species and gender are all magically protected secrets. I should have never let Pierre look after it while I was taking over Ferronia.
Is that a no on you handling betting?

>He'd attempt to avoid the poison quills, while scratching it's ears.

Exactly! Our collection of teachers and students, couldn't pass the butter to the end of the table, without it devolving into the ethics of whether it should be allowed sentience, or not! And even that would be detailed to where we begin talking about how tasteful, the pictures of Archwizard in the guild's new pin-up Calander's are! ANnd by the by! Turning your nipples into dolphins, isn't exactly tasteful, despite what people keep saying!

I would like to address the rise of dead familiars that accompany the fighting circuit. Please stop chewing on the ropes that hold up the chandeliers on the 3rd floor.

Three, I believe, and from what I hear she's taken to it quite well. Plenty of new suitors, they say she looks quite lovely.

>record scratch

Wait. WHAT pin-up calendar?

A Familiar fighting ring?
Is it exclusive? Cause im sure my bear could win those fights easily!

No, I'm pretty sure you're thinking of Petition 1127. I expressly remember that one, because somebody kept complaining about having to clean up all the droppings.
Than what Petion am I thinking of? Was it maybe, Petition 844?

The redrobes are creative. I've ended up in a small but stupid rivalry with one over Ink magic.
...Familiar mind link, remember?
Wow. That's inconvenient. How do you even know where it is then?
Hmm. I forgot that existed.
Still. The last meeting showed that most departments had a good pass rate.
Hello Ellen.
Nixia. You're in luck. There appear to be no rules.
None. At all.

Wonderful!
My bear is one heck of a fighter!
We spar on almost every morning!

Yeah, the pin-up Calander's... Y-you seriously haven't seen them?

>He'd hand one over to you.

Most of them are just the Archwizard in various stages of nudity, and poses. But some of the Calanders are solely pictures of various teachers.

My favourite, is the one with Professor Thunderdun with the body of an Elephant. Hehe... His head was so tiny...

Oh wait! No, switch my answer, to the one of Lazurus' butt, as a skunk!

>Waves
Hello, Izz. How has this fighting trend treated you?

There have been casualties? Why was I not told sooner?
I do not know. Though that rabbit over there seems to have no trouble with things twice its size. It might give your bear a run for its money, or at least an even fight.
Oh, yes, I think that's it. Petition 844.

Now if I could only figure out which petition was about bringing back the wide brimmed hat as standard uniform...
Usually. Though it's given me the slip at the moment. Which is why I assumed it might be behind the fighting ring. Guess it's just lazing in the sun somewhere, or swimming in the ocean.

I'm not just gonna pry open her mind to figure it out.
Why are you fighting your familiar?

I'm pretty sure, that was Petition 802. I remember, because right after that, we skipped Petition 803, and went onto Petition 804, because the other one, was about whether or not Druids should be murdered on sight.

Does it know any of your magic?
Me? Haven't bet on anything. My familiar Azure has been too busy stealing cookies to actually care.
Do you have a Familiar Ellen?
You can still look at it with your eyes right?
This trick sounds extremely complex.
So be it.
Maybe she'll surprise you and bring home some winnings or something.
Petition 806 was about trying to make peace with the druids, look how well that turned out after 803.

Consering my bear is no less than 10 times that rabbits size! I think he will have no troubles!

We make eachother stronger! And the best way to do that is to spar with each other!
How else would I do it?

Its a bear Izz.
Keep talking like that and Ill have to beat you up more often!

Yes, and Petition 877 was about having the Chronomancers go back in time, and murder the first Druids.

Oh right, I remember now... I suggest we once more bring up Petition 804!
Yes, it's not invisible. That's one trick Pierre didn't teach it. It's fairly visible once it's around, except when it's hiding in my hat anyway.
True... still, that rabbit is dynamite.
Which is sure to fail, so I think once it's time to discuss it we can pass on that and move on to Petition 878, ensuring that all new members of the Mages Guild is given a staff should they not possess one.

I assume that's where they're coming from. Unless of course it's coincidental. I personally haven't been to one.

Me? No. At least I don't think I do, though its possible I did at some point. I had an apprentice, though. Not entirely sure what happened to him.

Is Azure stealing your cookies or just cookies in general?

I have no idea.
She might.

...Nixia. Familiars are linked to you magically. They can inherit you some of your skills and later on, you can cast from them. Like a turret.
And don't you fucking try it!
Which was denied. I remember. Chronomancers are the scum of the guild.
Well damn. That IS complex.
Hmm. Look, a new round is starting. Bets on the lesser drake or the land shark?
Whatever he can find.
Hopefully the fifth floor did not kill your apprentice. Did you say that you are seeing more Familiar ghosts?
You say that like you already know.

Lazurus... Petition 804 was on whether or not Necromancy is an actual school. Petition 803 was the one on murdering all Druids on sight.

Also, I thought Petition 878 was on making it mandatory for all female instructors have to wear magical bikini's when in class?

Your rabbit explodes?
Even more a reason why my Bear will defeat it!

Exactly! Its the best way little Obsidia!

>She holds her arms up in a fighting pose
Is that a threat!?

and I dont know about this magic linking, I became friends with him and he is my familiar now!

...I think I have lost track of this conversation.
Rrrrrright.

That depends... Does the landshark have arms and a battle axe? If so, put me down for forty-seven Dethian Crystal balls!

And yes. Most Chronomancers ARE scum!

I could be coincidental... I'll have a look at them later and see if I recognise any of them.
Five hundred dosh and my hat on the lesser drake.
Really? I thought it was the other way around. Let's skip both 803 and 804 so that we don't do something unthinkable by accident.

And the bikini petition was Petition 969, it will never pass.
No, it's not my rabbit... actually, I'm not sure who's familiar that is.

What bikini petition?

Oh please. There isn't enough space with all the crowds.
And yes. Magically link with your bear. Plenty of benefits.
>Shrugs
How's Ritualism been?
I think it has... Holy fuck, it does have arms.
Looks more like a claymore from here. Though...
Wait no. It has both. One in each arm. Hell's Teeth.
Have you seen that land shark?
Gah. This is what I was talking about needing rules. That match-up would be completely different if no weapons were involved.

No, you brought up a valid point Lazurus. We should reopen Petition 804, and see where it goes. You never know what the others think about your department.

Also, isn't 80% of the faculty here male? It wouldn't surprise me if it Sex'o'mancers finally get their wish.

PUT ME DOWN FOR 88 DETHIAN CRYSTAL BALLS, THE LAST SLICE OF WISH GRANTING PIE FROM LAST YEARS BAKESALE, AND A GORGI SILK WIZARD HAT! PUT IT ALL ON THE LANDSHARK WITH ARMS!

>she shrugs
Well thats a relief. I wouldnt want you to lose your rabbit to my bear.

But my bear enjoys himself!
he can handle the cold just fine!

I wonder if I have as well.

I think you should be a little more worries about this year's, Pin-up Calanders.

Ahem.

Well, perhaps it is a love for cookies in general then as opposed to some link between the two of you.

I suppose the 5th floor would make for a good screening system, though I can't say I'd want to kill potentials.

As for the familiars, yes. Some ghosts and some, erm, more corporeal. I noticed a newly deceased student causing havoc with the 3rd floor plumbing that I traced back to a fallen chandelier on the same floor. The rope had been chewed and happened to fall on him. At first, I thought the vent monsters had migrated, but the bites were totally wrong. Turns out, it was a crocodile bite. On the ceiling. Caught it in the act chewing up another one.

Please do. I've been storing them in room 5B on 3rd floor. By my last count, there were eleven.

As I was saying. It wasn't a witch. Redrobes with Ink magic because apparently I have some kind of rivalry with them now.
...Ha! I can see the Familiar who's taking the bets. It appears to be an owl. That one over there by the keg, can you see it?
So the concept of the bear shooting out cryomancy spells doesn't appeal to you?

Who told you I was in that?
Probably, yes.
What calendars?

Hey! Don't look at me like that! I'm all up for guild teachers wearing bikini robes and all. But that sort of stuff has a time and a place.

The time being, the guild's summer pool party. Otherwise, they should feel free to wear whatever they want!

Mostly the ones with the Archwizard in various poses, and stages of nudity, alongside an assortment of various items. Pointless hats, crotchless bathrobes, one with him having dolphins for nipples. Its really strange.

Although, there are other ones with the facility in them.

I hate that party

>He'd hand his bet to the owl, before going and taking a seat to watch.

This'll be good!

Hold on a fucking second.
He got murdered by a Familiar?
...This is getting extreme.
You're wearing both name-tags.
Only because you think the pool should be frozen.

How are those a thing?
Ewewewewewewewewew
What? No I'm not.

Not that it isnt appealing! Its just not what I would think my bear would want!
He enjoys swimming though!

Have you seen my ice skating skills? I just want to show off

Oh good grief. Have you talked to Diana? She's good with getting ink and paint out of things.

Anything you want to bring up? Might be able to get a petition for it next meeting.

That will never happen.

Oh yeah, that's right... The last time you were there, you almost melted. Also you came dressed in one of those, "Virgin Killer" sweaters. Didn't you? That was hilarious!

Are the rumors true though? Did you REALLY think it would give you the ability to KILL virgins?

You must me thinking of someone else, I would never be caught dead in a single sweater.
Three layers minimum that is my maxim

Yes, those are a thing. All the female "Sex'O'Mancers" wear them.

It often causes their students to fail though...

Also, I entirely agree with you on the Archwizard pin-up calander. Apparently though, it was him trying to show off his "Summer bod".
You had better hope so, Sam. Otherwise our students test scores, are going to plummet faster than a dragon without wings.

Rolled 8, 16 = 24 (2d20)

>For fun, first roll for the drake, second for the shark. Winner is highest.
Should be interesting.
Probably for fish.
No, I haven't. Also do us a favor and freeze the guild table. I want to see the Familiars fight on environmental hazards.
The problem more lies in the damage we did to the corridors. But yes, I shall have to talk to her.

Uh-huh...

>He'd log onto "Wizzer".

Isn't the this you at last year's summer party?

Ban talking about gross stuff. And also buy more less stupid looking robes.
>The 13 year old gets this LOOK like she is suffering just by existing
Is this your first thread? Don't think I've seen you around before

YES!
WOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!

>He'd go and collect his winnings!

NEVER BET AGAINST THE LANDSHARK WITH A BATTLEAXE! YOU'LL ALWAYS LOSE!

>Huff puff

Late again, damn.
Well, thanks for the help sealing up some of those portals to the various hells lads. The island is looking pretty near healthy, if it weren't for all the mutant fish. Where's the damn booze?

I've been around quite a bit. Just not so much as of late. Business is booming at work, so I'm often working long hours. The only upside, is I'm working outside

I also run "FIELD KIT INSPECTION" as Commissar Knochenmus

..That.
That answers of if these are to the death or not.
The drake is DEAD. Someone call a healer.
Booze is at the keg. The portals were for once, not our mistake.
...Also watch out for the familiars.

Well it's a good thing my summer courses are optional. By the time fall rolls around I can only hope for a cold snap...or move the Guild up north.

That'd work.

Right then.

What's wrong, do you not like the ritualism department robes?

I can do that
BEHOLD THE POWER OF ICE
I SHALL FREEZE THIS TABLE
I have no idea what you are talking about
everyone that also shows up for field kit inspection galactic federation and /dragon/ raise your hands

Well, if it was the intent, then I suppose so. Otherwise I believe it is classified as manslaughter. To my knowledge, three chandeliers have fallen with only one having lethal consequences, so I am inclined to believe that it was unintentional.

There was a Bimbology setup on the 5th floor. Emphasis on was.