According to the mos maiorium I, the consul Lucius Manilius Cotta begin this meeting of the Senate. I will now begin my verba fecit now I know a good amount of you have only recently joined the senate so I will merely list a few of the rules first of all we are supposed to begin at dawn, we didn't this time but a cogere has been issued so if you don't show up I can legally have your house torn down. Now as soon as this required opening speech is over I will announce what we are debating today, ordinarily we'd then speak in order of seniority but someone has destroyed all records of seniority so were just gonna ignore that rule. You can discuss the issue a little, a lot or completely change the subject and this secession ends at nightfall theoretically.
Now then to business, today topic is the children, they are not properly reflecting the steely values of our ancestors! What is corrupting them so? and what can we do about it?
Senate Meeting
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>The door to the senate is kicked in. Late 1990's music blares as a large green figure stretches and yawns, then looks over the room in shock.
>"What are you doing in MY swamp!?"
It's all those fucking barbarians outside the walls. Kids these days want to go shirtless and swing a sword around like a retard.
sirs if I may be so bold, I think it is the uncultured goths swarming upon our borders.
the Britons have been brought to heel but their last stubborn defence has riled up much feelings of venerability.
kill the mutant
An excilant point my friend but I belive you mean toga less
You are aware the chamber Is open to non senators right? you didn't need to kick in the door though you are supposed to be silent
A good point good centurion, heroically non senators are not supposed to speak so i am designating you senator for the day a ancient and honorable position that totally exists and I can totally give out
>Oi! I'm no senator boy, alright? I'm an ogre boy, and this is MY swamp! Who let all of you in here? Did you not read the signs??
Rome has not been a swamp since the cloaca maxima was built under the kings! Have you been forgetting to thin your wine with water?
thank you my lord
>I clang my gauntlet over my heart in salute
be silent plebeian, lords permission to execute this unsightly beast?
That's not very nice.
It's just a donkey.
sadly we cannot legally execute plebeians for being dirty unwashed plebeians
but lord, we can execute them for harassment and obstruction of justice
I move that we all point our fingers at Cataline and laugh.
Look at him sitting on his own like a treasonous weirdo
lord you are acting unbecoming of a senator
...
>Amidst the Senatorial meeting,a loud crash is heard from outside,and a strange,mutated creatures walks through the door.Tall,bipedal,and with a jagged maw and dessicated looking body,it speaks.
Anyone here have Italian?It's lunchtime on the Serenity,and I was kinda hoping for some ravioli.
motion seconded
Uhhh we got
Mullet with garum
Octopus with garum
Bread with garum
and garum
Oh my, someones getting strangled in the Tullianum
I'll take some octopus with garum and leave,then.Thanks.
>The thing grabs the plate,and while leaving,shoves a handful of bread in his mouth.
just FYI this is what garum is en.wikipedia.org
How much do you reckon it tasted like modern thai fish sauce?
Its really salty and fermented
its a lot like soy sauce in that its salty and used in stead of salt
but made of fermented fish
Well that definitely sounds like the shit I have in my cupboard.
I guess I'm basically a Roman
Congrats! all you need now is to wear a toga, learn latin and pretend to believe in the pantheon and your in
>wear a toga, learn latin and pretend to believe in the pantheon
I'm not gonna lie, I have poured libations before Classics exams. I mean, you gotta hedge your bets right?
And a friend of mine is trying to join a monastery in Italy to learn Latin, I guess I could try to join in too
So what's the opinion on elves?
Allies? Peregrines? Dare I say, fellow Roman citizens?
Depends on whether or not they assimilate
>I have poured libations before Classics exams.
Nice one lad.
May the gods spread cheeks and ram cock into elvish ass! I have yet receive payment for grains shipped to elvish shores and yet they demand more, like dogs on carcass. Let us put thoughts on further means to profit from other races. The dwarves are of pleasant mood in the matter of commerce.
But we must put mind on more pressing concerns, like games to be held for arrival of summer. Set to task gladiators of renown, or be forever found wanting in the eyes of the gods for absence of blood upon sand.
>May the gods spread cheeks and ram cock into elvish ass
How about we make the elves pay for their grain with fresh elf puss?
Strike thought from mind, for the gods themselves must descent to make elf part cunt open in moist embrace. No, we must wet cocks with proper human women.
>Human women
>Proper
>Implying your wife isn't fucking a Carthaginian slave boy RIGHT NOW
Mos Maiorum are dead among human women. Just like how the Sabine virgins saved Rome in the age of kings, Elven virgins will save the Republic!
CENTURIONGET THE CROSS!
Seize tongue or see it forever parted from skull! I will not take insult from plebian scum tarnishing sacred grounds of glorious senate.
Romes own success is the result of her children's deficit. When we were young, we were under constant threat and at war with the Gallic Hordes. But those barbarians have been pacificed by the sword, as have all else who would challenge Rome. Lacking any credible threats, the energy of her people's have turned inwards, towards the many luxuries afforded to her by her great wealth.
First, like Pompilius on ages past, we must look to the gods to find religious services to occupy our troops, lest they grow restless. As for our children, well, that starts at the home, and as free as this new generation has been there is little Rome can do. We must find new evils to vanquish, or at the very least rattle our sabers at.
I suggest the Parthians, long have we owed the Persian dogs revenge for the loss of our legionary standards.
Well spoken senator!
who are you?
I am Lucius Licinius Lucullus, son of the gens Licinia. And more importantly, a Roman who realizes that all the censors, sumptuary laws, and public reinactments in the world cannot recapture Rome's glory if we allow ourselves to rest on our laurels. We are now the greatest empire, and the greatest beacon of civility and civilization to exist in the world. Surely the Gods have placed us this to spread it's light to all corners of this miserable Terra firmament.
None of you can be trusted. I will do what I must.
Sulla must you alwasy be such a voice for gloom?
You have Mithridates to conquer no need to burst into the senate to complain.
Values? What values?
>Shits in auditorium
THIS IS THE SENATE
YOU YOU
DOUBLE BARBARIAN
So I see. I will find no honest man in a house of politics. Allow me to gather my torch and I will take my leave.
I mean Cato is pretty honest. But hes in Sicily right now
I would consider it for my next destination, but that would assume that you are a honest man this moment, which is impossible to know. Nonetheless I shall consider it. Oh, I hope you won't be needing this. Well not really, for I am a man with few hopes. Farewell.
>locates nearby wine barrel dedicated to today's senate meeting
>sets it on its side
>opens barrels, flooding the ground under several nearby senate members
>enters barrel
>rolls away into the sunset
Motion to ban philosophy from the senate
Second
Bump
It's that damn Greek game "Labyrinths and Minotaurs" that is corrupting the children! It undermines our traditional values laid out by our ancestors and make the children soft like those luxurious Greeks.
> garum
Do you not realize that garum sociorum, that expensive bloody mass of decayed fish, consumes the stomach with its salted putrefaction? How can the Senate stand idle as Rome empties itself of gold for this filthy foreign condiment?
Whatever forces are corrupting the children, there is but one cure: THE LEGIONS! No better scola exists to create Roman men. In its ranks the soft man learns hard living, the epicure discovers the crunch of leather harness and the honest feel of earth under hobnailed shoes, the sensitive man learns that conquest and administration are our greatest gifts. By its sheer weight of logistics the legio is a school for the barbarian too: the learn that settling, civilizing, and trading with us is to their benefit, while resistance is most certainly not.
Only the sturdy farmers' sons that once manned the legions are in short supply, their lands consolidated into slave-worked plantations. The urban wretches make famously poor soldiers, whether from underfeeding or squalid morals. I therefore propose we incorporate the settled barbarians themselves into the legions. We will benefit from the injection of their vigour, and they will be brought deeper into our civilisation. I see no way it can go wrong. Do I jave a second?
Come on, the Greeks aren't that bad. I think that we, fellow Romans, can learn a lot from them and their superior ways!
>How about we make the elves pay for their grain with fresh elf puss?
Abvsing the trvst of honest Roman tradesmen then prostitvting vile elf pvssy? Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo.
Telvs Achaevs is a catamite and a fellator, and wishes to introdvce his filthy foreign ways only to make good Romans the same.