Jumpchain CYOA Thread #1566: Jalter is a Good Girl Edition

Just a quick question so I can get a better idea of what I should work on vs what I want to work on.

Would you all rather I try to finish Batman Beyond and/or Justice League Unlimited? Or try to update another one of my existing jumps?

Start spreading technology and science and cures for every disease. Fix every bit of infrastructure I can. Try to push for various beneficial changes and push mankind towards it's apex using my status as ruler of what would be the most advanced nation on Earth.
What would YOU do, user?

I'd like Beyond and Justice League over an update.

yuck yuck yuck, yeah no it's edgy, I'll wholly admit it.

Starting a new chain... with Light of Terra.

Suggested faction? Must takes? Tips? inb4 'don't break the deadlight'

Could we have a different font color? Orange is very hard to read.

BREAK THE DEADLIGHT.
MAKE YOUR OWN PATH ACROSS THE COSMOS.
FUCK THE CULTIST-CHAN.
DEFY THE FATE THAT THE CHAOS WOULD ORDAIN FOR YOUS.

So what do you look like most of the times jumpers?

Necrons are a pretty sweet faction to roll with.

After it's finalized I intend to make a black and white version for those that want one.

>mfw I did

JLU first, please. I vaguely remember Beyond having some type of continuity with it and I've got more than enough time paradoxes in my Chain.

This is bad. This is beyond bad. This is disgusting. There's a few reasons why.

One, it looks hideous. The font colour, the backgrounds, the changing fonts, the shoved in pictures, it's one of the worst looking things I've seen.

Two, it's unbalanced and powergrabby. Why do I say that? I say that because you've tried to add 800 and 1000 perks when you don't actually have anything to put there for most origins. So some origins get stuff that makes sense at perks, but for most of the perks in this jump, you've just passed them over with a bunch of summoning perks or items. It seems like 50% of the perks in this entire jump are just letting you temporarily summon one kind of unit each, something that makes no sense for DoW for any but a very small number of creatures, nto the huge variety you have.

And the items? It's yet another lazy sign. You talk it up as having 9 origins but frankly, you've barely done the work for 3 origins given every origin barely has 3-4 perks that are actual perks instead of a list of items they get or what they can summon.

Then the 800-1000 perks. Some are broken and meta beyond belief (Invincible to all attacks as long as you have 5 items worth more then 400cp near you) and getting entire growing demon realms to yourself against yet more fucking summoning perks.

Then the power section, which seems to be little more then a list of in game abilities copied directly, except your laziness shows itself here again, as apparently the few perks the origins have that are actual perks are often just abilities taken from here that other races can buy anyway.

Then you have other dumb things like offering all the tech of each race in databases.

This is awful. This is frankly an insult to Dawn of War with how bad it is on a visually, fluff and mechanical level.

Also, what color would people want for the text in the imaged one? Yellow?

>Fuck the Cultist-Chan

Despite Papa Nurgle being a-okay, I'd prefer my dick NOT rot to fuckin' pieces, thank you very much.

A sexy dragon.

A Batman Beyond then JLU if you will KOTOR user sir/ma'am.

JLU
L
U

DO IT!!!

In my current build I've gone pirate space ghost.

...

Just...no. No man. No. Please take this back to SB. There is so much wrong with this that you're not going to be able to fix it without basically rewriting the entire thing.

Aaaaaand our local Asshole Patrol's started howling.
Lovely.

I typically look like a human with tanned skin, shaggy white hair, and slightly glowy blue eyes. I do tend to shift to fit in to whatever world I'm in at the time, though.
There's also the times I wear my armor (looks like blue, silver, and black samurai armor but sleeker and ninja-like in appearance), but if anybody forces me to use that it tends to not end well for them.

Oh fuck off. People having problems with a bad jump is no excuse for you to start trying to shit on them for having an opinion.

How many of our jumpmakers are male?

>This is bad. This is beyond bad. This is disgusting. There's a few reasons why.
>One, it looks hideous. The font colour, the backgrounds, the changing fonts, the shoved in pictures, it's one of the worst looking things I've seen.
> it's a 0.01. I just want feedback at this point.

>Two, it's unbalanced and powergrabby. Why do I say that? I say that because you've tried to add 800 and 1000 perks when you don't actually have anything to put there for most origins. So some origins get stuff that makes sense at perks, but for most of the perks in this jump, you've just passed them over with a bunch of summoning perks or items. It seems like 50% of the perks in this entire jump are just letting you temporarily summon one kind of unit each, something that makes no sense for DoW for any but a very small number of creatures, into the huge variety you have.

> So make it Ownership instead of summoning. Got it.

>Then the 800-1000 perks. Some are broken and meta beyond belief (Invincible to all attacks as long as you have 5 items worth more then 400cp near you) and getting entire growing demon realms to yourself against yet more fucking summoning perks.

> That's actually how Inviolable armor works. You make five shrines, place five relics and it's tied to one battlefield where the living saint is.

The Inviolable Aura is an ancient practice that grants the user invincibility and direct protection by the God-Emperor. It was first discovered and mastered by the Great Ecclesiarch Jonasiah Vuonis

A major part of the process involves placing a true and sacred relic of the Ecclesiarchy within a number of shrines and having them blessed by a Living Saint. After the shrines have been blessed, the ritual is complete; and wherever the Saint goes, no harm may befall his or her allies. If the shrines are to be destroyed, however, the workings of the divine magic will be disrupted and the aura will disperse.
.

Oh I'M not allowed to shit on people, but you hold those exclusive rights?

Yeah no, pathetic.

Just ignore the shitposters. You still obviously have work to do, but it looks fine so far.

>I just want feedback at this point.

Here's some feedback for you.

Go back to Spacebattles.

Children! Children! You're both just... Awful.

I'm a giant demonic snowman, filled by Saturday Morning Cartoon Villainy!

I'm exited for all of them but have been looking forward to the KOTOR and Clone Wars updates for a while now so I hope you get those done some time soon.

>Then you have other dumb things like offering all the tech of each race in databases.

Yes, to have all the tier 3 tech to start.

I presumed people could pillage in jump or buy the initial Cultivation of Talent could gain their own factions tier 3 by the end of the jump.

People complained about not having the ability to buy the other factions tech base though. Thoughts on removal? Idk.

Probably the exact opposite of what I do in a Jump normally. I'd get as heavily involved as possible, asserting world domination as some advanced alien race or god of justice (a front) just so people have the ability to wrap their head around why they can't seem to muster any resistance and who they're listening too. Government, corporations, media, mine now either by direct claim or my moles planted there ahead of time.

After rewriting laws globally using intelligence and wisdom far surpassing normal people that comes with age and perks so the system is the height of fairness, I basically brow beat the world into accepting fairness as what it's supposed to look like instead of what we have, people in power using their positions to do what they want. Super cops and satellites always looking for crime and criminals.

That being said, I'm also completely trashing a lot of dumb, restrictive or exploitative laws and rehashing the rehabilitation system so it can focus on actual rehabilitation instead of punishment. I wanna make the world a better place. Yeah I know this sounds stupid. I generally think people are okay though, it's just what we have going on now that pisses me off every time I hear about it. I want a perfectly fair world, and while perfection is something no one can reach, Jumpers could get far closer than any mortal. If I can institute the closest thing to perfection possible, I'd do it.

>Ownership instead
NO. That does not fix it. That does not fix the problem that you have more items then perks in your perk sections. It just makes the item problem worse. Space Marines would only get 3 perks that are not being a space marine or having items. The other origins are about as bad off as them too.

>That's how it works
It doesn't stop it being better then the others or the fact that the others are just getting more generic summons/items.

I think it's okay, but I don't have a good eye for balance. Right off the bat, what does Warmaster do in other jumps? Does it extend to other militaries, or what? Sorry if this is clarified in the notes, since I'm still going through it all.

Something else is that the jump... isn't very appealing to look at. The font and the color together are harsh, and the placement of images alongside perks- while useful for letting you know what things look like- is distracting in the bad way.

Sorry if I'm not very helpful.

Pro tip, "Ignore the critics, everything is perfect!" Is a fucking TERRIBLE way to end up with quality products. It is, in fact, how you end up with Elite: Dangerous. Tell me, I you want that? Because you shouldn't.

>That does not fix the problem that you have more items then perks in your perk sections
How is this even a problem.

There's nothing that could fix this trash besides you abandoning the jump so someone else from here could make it. We don't want this, to be frank, nothing would be better than for you to leave and never come back since we would prefer the chance that a /jc/ proper jumpmaker could produce something marginally better than to waste our time with you. Fuck off.

Literally just a normal person.

Why do you people all look like anime losers?

...

>That pic

Lewd!

There's nothing wrong with Elite: Dangerous. You're just coming off as the user that's yelling for SB jumps to be removed from the drive because they're not the quality you want.

all of them, this is the internet. Yes, even the girls. Especially the girls.

...how can you not comprehend how it is a issue? It is a perk section. That has almost no actual perks in it. The jumpmaker, despite having a series where there are plenty of items, simply decided to throw them together so as to not have to do much at all. The jump is so goddamn fucking lazy and the series doesn't deserve some shithead who can't be bothered making actual perk and item trees and doing more then just copying stuff from the game.

>There's nothing wrong with Elite: Dangerous
If you can't see what's wrong with it, go back to SB, since you clearly don't belong here.

So I have a dumb question but what is the Symbiote jump based on? If it's a book who is the author because everything I type in to try and find more information takes me to something about the marvel Symbiotes and I don't think this jump is based around them.

Have you played Elite:Dangerous for more than five minutes?
There is a LOT wrong with it.

I dunno, why is your Jumper pretending to be a normal person?

I think it's a webnovel.

No idea how to find more about it besides playing around on google.

farmerbob1.wordpress.com/

In addition to the many issues others have cited, the origins don't have differing prices despite having different freebies. Space marines get a 400 perk free, same with most of the other races, but then Sororitas and Imperial Guard don't get that.

Also, echoing the complaint of this jump being an eyesore.

To be honest, the level of shitposting right now is too high for you to receive any form of legitimate criticism from this place. You'd actually be better served by trying SB for feedback instead, since they won't just spam you with 'go back to SB' at least.

>Losing touch with your humanity
>Not considering yourself a normal person who knows a few tricks

Childish wish fulfillment.

Fuck off with this powerwanking garbage.

Take over the world, then act like a Saturday Morning Cartoon Villain while actually making the world a better place. Also introduce magic to the general populace and uplift humanity with technology and knowledge from the chain, while also repairing any damage done to the world.

Pretty bland overall, with one notable exception. My work with Life Fibers has left me with leucochloridium-style banded irises, though the color's still blue.
People sometimes wonder why my clothes are the same colors every day, but the styles really aren't all that exotic. Unless my Kamui's exerting itself.

I Look mostly human. This is my current jumper, havent had a male version comissioned yet.

Go back into your hole dirgeposter.

It's a web novel yeah. Just search 'Symbiote Web Novel' and you should find it just fine.

Please just go back to Spacebattles. They like you there. They accept what you make. Why do you have to force this shit on us.Why can't you fuckers leave us alone? You're not even one of the guys from SB that's actively part of the community here, you're just doing this for some quick popularity boost or something. Why can't you just go back and be happy with the people who like you instead of making so many people here miserable?

Please go away.

>I don't agree with him therefore he MUST be a shitposter therefore he MUST be a dirgeposter.
Braben, is that you?
Fix your game you fucking nigger

you realize the jump is based on gaining far better combinations which give access to more in depth perks for free which are unlocked by said ability purchases alright?

I'm sorry you don't like the idea but feedback from rizon said to keep it Very RTS'y to not veer into the territory of the other 40k jumps.

I took a risk on allowing Power combinations to unlock higher Perks. I know that some don't like it, but it's a design choice.

Space marines and other origins have access through powers to some very indepth powers, mainly centered around the powers most shared by other factions:

Building/Tech Knowledge.
Chaplain's Healing Aura
Librarian (for psykers and different origin and background choices give access to different heavier perks.)

Terminator Honors actually allows access to being a grey knight with the right combinations.

Deathwatch + Apothecary has = be like Borro. which was a badass apothecary.

Librarian + Terminator Honors- Grey Knight

With the proper selections of Origin Perks and Powers Each origin can gain several other high end perks.

So while I take it you dislike the idea of perks scattered outside the "common perk" section it basically makes sense since powers unlock greater origin perks.

>In addition to the many issues others have cited, the origins don't have differing prices despite having different freebies. Space marines get a 400 perk free, same with most of the other races, but then Sororitas and Imperial Guard don't get that.

Ah, must have missed that in the flow of it. will ensure the text is switched.

I try to look at least mostly human for the benefit of people that I'm interacting with, including some companions who squick a little more easily than others, but it's nice to just let everything hang out once in awhile.

Alright thank you I'll look it up.

And yet those RTS things just end up being shit. Some origins get them, some don't, some get more then others and for better things.

it doesn't help that the powers section is one of the worst parts, being almost entirely lacking in fluff or appeal. You can say it's meant to be an RTS all you like but that doesn't stop it being badly written and a boring list of game powers that you even admit in the fucking text don't make sense.

It's still not addressing the fact that the perk and item sections are smashed together either.

Here's a link to the Desolate Era Jump if anyone's willing to give some feedback as it's being worked on. It's still a skeleton, but it won't take long to fill out.

docs.google.com/document/d/1kUI1bvc5o3LUISfFDZxNJr9nX0bF_XK3VkMiD74FRf4/edit?usp=sharing

Hello there, we're Imperial Cultists.

We were wondering if you had a few moments to talk about what the God Emperor means to you in your life.

It makes me angry that you people are allowed to post in our thread at all. We deserve better than you. Go back to your shitheap that you pretend is a community and stop bothering us. I'd rather we never get a DoW jump at all than see what you've made get on to the drive, and I'm not alone in that sentiment. Stay on SB where you belong, don't make us deal with your trash 'content', we don't want any of what you're pushing.

Whoever gave you that advice is fucking evil or you took it in entirely the wrong direction.

Maybe if the jump didn't look like utter puke it'd be easier to see what you keep spouting as the good parts but given the ghastly colours and constant font changes and awful writing, it's impossible to see any virtues in this shitheap. Start by fixing the fucking look of this dumpster so we can move on to addressing what I imagine will be the many mechanical issues.

This is kind of a mess, there is just too much stuff packed together that it makes it hard to read. Lots of content is good but the way you have big bunches of stuff tied together under the same option is weird.

Fuck off back to SB.

God the samefagging is obvious.
All I have to say right now is formatting-wise, you've got way too much text jammed into too tiny of an area on multiple pages (origins page especially being obvious with this). I'll critique more as I find more, but that's standing out in particular due to nearsightedness. Sorry.

I'd be very interested in Batman Beyond. What are you changing with the updates, if I may ask?

Colonize and terraform Mars with magitech and spread the weird biological mess I call minions into a real society. Then there will be invitations. And pizza.

Don't worry about it, user. A lot of us have lost fights with our parents.

A moving pile of cloths covered in arcane symbols, with smokestacks of some sort sticking out of the top. Occasionally a scaley, hairless tail will fall out and pull itself back in. Sometimes a clawed hand will reach out and produce a vial of some strange liquid.

I know its a xia but I dont have time to look it over now though I would love more xianxias, I needs sleep. Good luck making it though!

>implying
It's pretty obvious that most people are in agreement that this jump is fucking awful, and that this subhuman should give up on it altogether or leave and never come back. Just because you don't agree with it doesn't mean it's not consensus.

This feels like a power grab, might I suggest trying to simplify this a bit?

>It's a samefag consensus episode

Youre a skeksis?

>Consensus

It's fairly easy to drum up consensus using multiple browsers and a phone, broski. Your vitriol is obvious no matter how you're trying to hide it.

>it's a call everyone a samefag shitposter episode
Put your trip back on Dirge.

No, but I am apparently jacking their style.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Could there be a Dark Crystal jump, or is there not enough there?

There is enough of a world, and I know they're doing more of a Dark Crystal series on Netflix, but it's trying to scrape ALL of that world-building together that'd be the difficult part. Far as I know they're still finding sketches and models.

I got a bit of a headache right now so sorry for not being able to give any detailed criticism, but from a quick glance, I have to agree that the formatting needs work. It's a bit too stuffed together like said, and while I would think that black and orange should be a fine colour combo, it's worth experimenting with others to see if they're more readable.

I'm also concerned about the implications from other people that the perks have a lot of stuff that would really be better placed in an items section. Maybe it's not that bad, but it could lead to a frustrating lack of content for people that aren't all that interested in extra gear.

This is unnecessarily complicated, it isn't actually as power grabby as some anons are REEEEEEing but it needs serious work and simplification.

All these packages and combos. . . why are they necessary?

I do know it's getting a prequel series.
youtube.com/watch?v=OGzVYyV_Jsg