/cyoag/ - CYOA General

I'm going to bring back Fate and Worm after that happens

I'd rather bring back Stardust.

>Implying people aren't going to post the 2.0 update whenever that happens

Why? Are you such a little bitch that looking at two PDF's hurts your sensibilities?

Fate is bland, worm is decent, all versions.

To respond again, please, I beg of you, don't take this the way you are. Honestly, as a first draft your DLC is great, it only needed a minor amount of tweaking, significantly less than your .01 or .03 updates! I know it might not be worth it because of all the "biting the hand that feeds you" going on around here, but I believe this could be perfected in short order. Maybe not today. Maybe today you should go get drunk and bitch about assholes on the internet.

But tomorrow? Or like next week? Come back with a few tweaks. Seeing behind the curtain was great, and so starts my actual review of the thing:

The framing is done with similar style and curiosity as the first. Dreamlike opening, but a new perspective. Either the waifu I've already created, or me if I for some stupid reason picked to become a waifu. (Not saying it's a stupid thing to add, the "be the waifu" ones are great and so is this! It's just that I, personally, say no to that when given the choice 10 times outta 10!)

The ability to choose, from the waifu's perspective, is actually pretty revolutionary and may be a cause of some of the backlash. It isn't what people expect, it isn't how most of these things are designed, and it's disorienting. But then your entire CYOA is a little disorienting, a little unsettling. That's the fun part. Being told you could be put with anyone could be interpreted, by someone who reads carelessly, as meaning you aren't in control of the waifu and you the player may not get them. Naturally this is definitely not the case, and I see that, but perhaps a little of that could be rephrased? I'd almost suggest rejiggering the timeline of this whole conversation so that it's made clear someone already chose you, so the player has a bit of reinforcement of their agency as the one choosing the genie. This could ironically make the player feel more powerful when choosing the genie's reactions.

I voted eronomicon, but I realize my fetishes might not be there.

What are your fetishes? If I make Eronomicon I will have a long list of many fetishes and if your not into some obscure shit like fucking an armpit while eating a hamster sandwich, your fetish will probably will be included.

Either way, there are pros and cons of changing it that way. I'd say there is a payoff at the end, but a little editing is all it needs to clarify to the audience and make them feel in control again.

So, choosing conflict resolution is a fascinating thing, actually. Especially considering that it focuses on how the genie reacts to her subordinates. If this were an anime, they'd be a pivotal part of the supporting cast, and having such a thing sounds lovely. Perhaps there should be some sort of option to make the genie more self-sufficient if the player REALLY wants, but give it an equally strong drawback. I know people might grumble, but I find readers' grumbling hilarious and life-affirming.

Though honestly fleshing this out with other characters was a great idea. And on the first page, they are vague enough that it fits with the "create your own" strengths of this CYOA.

As for the second page, well, you do make pains that the Wheel of Fate is what most people get, but it might help, even without changing a word, to move Wheel of Fate first, and in fact put it in a different section! What I mean is, I lied about not changing a word. It would be vastly more amenable to speedreaders if it was both first, and described separately,

The best thing to do would be to THEN give the blurb about clients, and repeat again (yes, even more than you already have) that these are clients first, people you as the genie can have as complications in the world, an...

Actually, I just thought of something. Something great. Bear with me. For the player, there is a serious complication. It's left vague enough that you can still make it your own, but it's still a set complication.

Maybe the client section could be changed into something more akin to that? Just like the player, you have been pulled aside when this is supposed to be over, and told you are needed to solve some huge problem. So both the player and the genie have a Quest they can pick to give them bennies

I hope that some squads get formed. Seeing how they end up as a unit is neat.

Are you talking about player builds?

Yeah. Players are supposed to group up in squads of four, but I can't remember if anyone's bothered with that in some time.

I like fembulges.

I dream of a battle Harpy squad. Think I talked to a few other harpies last time I was in a thread with it.

I always appreciate your super in-depth responses. I'm really happy you enjoyed it, as I was worried it would disappoint you, especially on your birthday and all. You have some really good ideas for fixing it I hadn't considered. Maybe next week I'll try to implement them, but probably not on Veeky Forums. I think I poisoned the well on that front. Maybe /d/.

Thanks again for your responses and advice. I really appreciate it, and everyone who posted builds, comments, criticism and showed interest in general.

Don't take it to heart, I thought it was neat

Beri released a new segment of this.

>Fembulges
Is that a dick under there? Or is it just a puffy vagina? Never heard of fembuldges before.

Remember, it is usually a smaller party of people who loudly voice their disagreement compared to the contented silent bystanders, who largely outnumber the dissenters.

Reposting this one from a few threads back. Was really well done. Any others by the same guy?

What is a DREAMER, anyways? What happens when one is found?

>Race: Snow Woman
>Specialty: Cold Embrace
>Tattoo: Revival
>Personal Items: HMD [113], Flight Armor [93], Nerve Controller [80], Vitals Chip [71], Launched Explosives (Rocket Launcher) [56]
>Upgrades: Retype Weapon (Rocket Launchers explode with ice) [48], Artificial Intelligence [3]

>General: Sarah Goodman

Alright, everyone. Hailstorm's ready to work.

It's her pubic mound, which is also known as the mound of Venus.

Don't be foolish. TG is full of people who come and go and opinions change from thread to thread and week to week. One time they'll hate X and next they'll say they love X. So if you make a change to "fix" your DLC just post it here where you have a decent file size limit.

You may well very much like the characters you added to the CYOA, and I can see how useful they'd be if the player wanted to Be the Waifu. But it might be best anyway to make them a little more vague, that is, leave wiggle room and make them more like archetypes than these fully, incredibly fleshed out people. You could also add a few options to to customize further, kinda like a smaller version of the ability to customize your genie, but then we may be getting too close to a husbando simulator...

Point is, er, you already did a bit of what I suggested in the previous post, with your additional responsibilities section. Whoops.

I'm glad you appreciated it! I know how difficult even solid constructive criticism can be to take.. (And I've had teachers and producers tell me my work is shit enough times that I had to choose between buckling down and sobbing as my dreams die, or getting MAD, screaming "I'll show them, I'll show them all!" and making better work. The latter part may just be me banging my head against a brick wall. Maybe my calling is an editor instead of a writer. Who knows?)

By the way, my birthday was fine, I got some fascinating additions to the genie waifu simulator, plus ZBG is being his no-chill self after releasing good content. It's a good day, even if I came back to a couple of dumpster fires of CYOA threads. Don't assume you've poisoned the well here. Definitely post on both, but remember I actually frequent this place much more than /d.

And remember, you didn't disappoint me. I definitely want to remake my old character with all this new information. Now we'll get to see my terrifying houri waifu's side of the story...

Well, that's just your creative muse talking to you user. Now get your preferred CYOA maker and create that OC!

damn that's good. I like the unique lay out besides the coffee stain which seems a bit overdone. I would have liked to have more options but this is fine I guess.

My twin and I are the fucking martyrs
RACE:
Superhuman - Bait
TATTOO:
Split
ITEMS: (+120 Credits)
Assault Rifle x 2 (-14)
Longsword x 2 (-10)
Light Power Armor x 2 (-30)
HMD (-7)
Turret (-6)
Shield Deployer (-20)
Support Drone (-7)
Neo Medical Bay (-18)
Infantry Squad (-7)
BOSS:
Natalie Thompson

Thank you. I'm glad to hear it after today.
I guess. I just really do not want to cause another shitstorm like that. I was expecting criticism over things like the "space left intentionally blank" gimmick or making the Mother too much of a villain, but not that.
Glad to hear it. I mentioned last time we talked that I wanted to make more defined characters, so that's what came out. They're still archetypes, just with tweaks. Making the Christmas Cake a happy eccentric instead of depressed and the tsundere paranoid about everything not just affection. But maybe they need tweaks too.
Your comments are really thoughtful and in-depth. You would probably make a good editor of you wanted. Have you written any cyoas?

Spoilers here

I'm sick and tired of hereditary monarchies in cyoas. When will see the superior form of government in a cyoa?

No kidding. Wouldn't an ancap society be perfect for a cyoa?

>be born
>you have to sign a 100 year slave contract to not starve to death
>/quest

yeah it'd be so great

So you're telling me you wouldn't want to be one of the elite in a an ancap world?

More or less the same build I made before but I never saved it.

>Race
Harpy

>Specialization
Hunter
Carry

>Tattoo
Extra Special

>Personal
Heavy Power Armor -25
-Weightless Armor -12
M61A4 20mm Autocannon -10
Launched Explosives - Variety -15
HMD -7
Nerve Controller -13

>Heavy Items
Neo Medical Bay -18

>Staff
Service Personnel -16

>General
Natalie Thompson

A quick and powerful little strike fighter. I favor decisive engagements and so don't plan to stay on the battlefield longer than necessary. It's not exactly how it's described in the options but I figure the Nerve Controller will allow me to control my power armor's weapons mentally seeing as how I don't have hands. I'd like to be in an aerial combat squad with Harpies, Drakes, or anyone that takes Flight Armor.

Maybe instead of Extra Special + Carry I could take Bane for Winged Devils and become the true air superiority fighter but I like my plan as-is.

TO THE user that like five threads ago posted in response to this image, I just wanted to come through for you and post the the source is a wonderful h-manga referred to as "Is My Hobby Weird?"

I wanted to help you out, but I was away for some time, so I only now saw your request for sauce. One of my favorite little series of all time, so enjoy.

After all, I wouldn't be a very good author if I didn't help an user find the sauce to a doujin having to do with one of the primary fetishes I cater my OC to.

An object I use everyday and barely think about...

>My Glasses
>My keys?
>My Phone?

Long term objects... I still use my backpack from highschool, although I haven't for a few months since I got a new one as a gift. The new backpack is for transporting games whenever I'm visiting friends and family, the old one is for spare clothes, pens and a notebook, general stuff that might come in handy to have at work or whenever I spend the night someplace. Been unemployed and regressing into a shut-in NEET since March however, so it's been sitting in the corner of my room ever since...

You taking Broken Facade is like a multiplier. Collectively, all regularly dissatisfied people, DREAMERS, Houri who want more out of life but think being onaholed is all they're good for, all Jann, regretful Juno and so on are small additions, but your influence magnifies them. And with TPTB's delicate state, every single loss counts.

I prefer my cyoas to have roads

That picture is pretty cute

Thank you, brother.

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I like the sound of the Black Guard one, but I'm probably a bit biased (it's like a perfect manifestation of my kinks). Enslaved 2 sounds good as well. I don't think I have enough fetishes to enjoy eronomicon.

...

Acquire more

Something designed to help you carry burdens. That sounds about right to me.
Good luck, user.

...

The only one that wouldn't just be a collection of shitty ancap memes is a Free Cities cyoa, and at that point you can just play Free Cities normally and not need a cyoa for it.

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Ok. I'm more or less out of ideas for [Traits] right now. I'll probably come back to it if I see some creatures with traits I didn't add in.

Eventually if it's ever more or less ready to exit the planning stages and enter pretty picture addy stages I'll open up a google doc or whatever and ask for additions/point values/etc if there's going to be an interest.

>Tropic
Delicious fruits and animals. Don't like the hot weather because it makes me feel greasy but the food is worth it.

>Manor
Comfy but not too tall so I don't need to walk up many stairs.

>Greenhouse
>Armoury
>Grand Library
>Magic Circles
>Ponds
These rooms are mostly chosen to enhance my defence although I couldn't resist growing my own fish and veggies.

>Bridge
>Animation
>Towers
Only one way in and it's guarded by stone soldiers and ballistas.

>Mend
>Supply
>Physical
>Martial
>Magical

I wish those bastards left me alone. I just want to learn magic, eat stuff, cook magical food, eat enchanted delicasies, etc. Fuck off, Abyss. This could be such a dreamworld where I can eat all I want and keep my perfect body if they weren't here to ruin it.

Then again, I wonder what the creatures of the Abbyss taste like.

I hope the fucker who got me banned for 3 days gets eaten alive.

Never leave me again

Make your choices now!

Some skinny bitch keeps trying to get me banned, honeypie.

Ice cream.

Easier said than done when your tastes are patrician

I'm gonna suck down that cutie patootie milkshake.

Vanilla milkshake please

Whatever that chocolate thing is

Is it just me or do the age descriptions not match the actual stat change?

Aw, Come here Puddin'

Pumpkin Pie!

I'm kind of craving a Donut right now.

Here's the results!

They all look delicious but I'm going to be strategic here.

>Cupcake
Looks yummy but not too big. More fluff than meat so to speak.
>Sorbet
Big and delicious with lots of creme fraiche. Strawberry ain't my favourite flavour too. Double chocolate with mint would be better.
>Milkshake
That's not sweets. That's health food.
>Pudding
Even less meat than the cupcake. This won't be filling. Looks yummy though.
>Cookie
One cookie? HAHAHAAHAA
>Donut
Delicious and greasy but not too big. Might even have filling. But won't be very filling. Hehe.
>Brownie
One brownie? Same problem as the cookie. The chocolate looks delicious though.
>Pie
We've got a winner. It's only 1 slice so it can't be too many calories so I can make it extra big. The crust is basically bread too. Healthy and delicious and pretty big.

Damn. I'm going to go with the pie. Unless the brownie is actually an entire brownie cake that hasn't been cut into pieces yet.

Now tell me what I get.

What was the reasoning behind the ban anyway?

>keeps trying
>trying
lol

>quake mode

Coooool

I'll take the cupcake!

>spamming/flooding

Even my ban was a fat joke.

>Ice Cream Bonus

yey

I knew I should've gone with the brownie.

I thought you left us forever

Fug, shoulda picked ye donut. Useless pie is useless. At least disgusting fatposter can stuff himself even more obese with his summoned pie.

Aaaaaaaaah, why do they look different now?! The cake is huge. I would've picked that if I had known. Deceptive twigs.

Anyway, you uhm... can give me the brownie as my second snack. I wouldn't mind people judging me for who I am on the inside instead of the outside.

...

UPDATE TOMORROW maybe...

On the one hand, be the little girl, on the other hand, hey eternal youth amiright?
puddin and puddin

You are a disgusting person on the inside

No, that's just when Highlander stops collecting builds.

No, you.

>Drake with Imbue
Because being a dragon girl wreathed in fire is cool.
>Natural Weapons
Manifesting my weapons from my flame or having a further enhanced body would be neat.
>Heavy Gun
I want it focused on penetration, and range, though only being able to fire a shot every couple of seconds would be fine, I do also want a good amount of destructive power from it. Also I want it as a breath weapon shooting bolts of my enhanced fire, because that would be cool.
>Light Melee
Honestly I ended up with a single point left, and having it apply as enhanced claws or something wouldn't be that bad.
>Launched Explosives
Bolts of explosive flame launched from my body!
>Heavy Power armor
I want to be a stronger more durable dragon girl.
>Magic Ammo
I want to be able to fire my "heavy gun" as often as possible without issues, even if it's meant as a long range weapon I plan to abuse it as much as possible
>Flight Armor
Enhanced dragon girl flying power, because being able to fly fast is something a dragon girl should be able to do.
>Restored Explosives
Don't want to have any issues launching explosions either, I want to be able to produce a constant stream of explosions around me at all times.
>HMD
Spotting for my heavy gun and enhanced communications.
>Melody Shepherd
Improved equipment, because I want to blow stuff up even better.

I hope to get a team that doesn't mind that I didn't spend a single credit on the base, or are at least looking for someone with a lot of firepower.

Cookie
Cookie Bonus.

This is actually really good for me since I find it difficult talking to people I don't know.

>Donut bonus
Probably the best one overall, with Flan's bonus a close second.

Lets try that again, a bit differently.
Choose a tile, and choose wisely...

Red Wealth.

Wealth, Blue

Red Power.

Why is Eronomicon winning? We already have like five lewd magic cyoas.