The Ass Devourer needs some class abilities

Presumably, the Ass Devourer attacks in the following fashion:

1) Stalk.
2) Attack and immobilize.
3) Consume.

So what kind of class ability helps with the "immobilize" part? And can we give the Ass Devourer class something that works in general combat as well-- opportunistic ass devouring or something?

Or maybe dumb fun is dumb, always was, and only a minority of butthurt faggots that left enjoyed it.

Some kind of chance to stun, maybe? On a successful sneak attack, they can roll to grapple the target to the ground, making the eating of the ass easier.

"Old" Veeky Forums had a thread entirely devoted to making and discussing a character who crawled up people's anuses, this is honestly less batshit insane than that.

old Veeky Forums had multiple threads regarding this.

just start farming ass, then the ass devourer can't do anything

Do you get armor bonuses proportional to the firmness of your ass ?
And I bet an ass-devourer would get increasing bonuses to ass hit, ass damage and ass crit as he levels up, up to the point where he can bite the ass off a steel golem

Also from that image, the obvious weapon proficiency : fork and knife, that can also include dual-wielding a trident and short sword
The fighting style that comes with it allows the ass devourer to pin his opponents down with the fork and slice their sweet tender cheeks with the blade

I feel like this should be a prestige class, accessible to both warriors and rogues (or even barbarian), so as to have more variety in ass-devouring techniques, ranging from sneaking into noble houses to dine on the finest butts, silent and unnoticed, to "AAAAARG KRUK IS GONNA EAT YOUR ASS"

I know right? I literally cannot even. People like him are so problematic

>monkey cheese RANDOM shit from tumblr
>Le Cursing Marines. They said an Uh-Oh word! XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
>How many spiders can we fit in a Drow's vagina? Le ebin.
Truly prepurge Veeky Forums was the height of sophistication and mature humor

I'd imagine tripping and tackling would be important - you've got to get the soon to be assless person in position, ideally face down.

If they use weapons, I assume slicing would be important - though stunning would also be helpful

what said
fork and knife have a nice theme and they allow for pinning and slicing

Agreed. Fork and knife, pinning tactics. Either can be built as an alternative stealth character or a hit-and-run style character that throws you down, takes a chunk out of your rump, and runs.

Also his butt crits have a small percentage of chance to drain charisma points
While he's plump, rosy and happy, you get an ass so flat even elves mock you

How about an ability where when you finish eating the ass (or otherwise get the finishing blow with a devour maneuver) all enemies in the area need to make some kind of saving throw against fear? Probably doesn't work on elemental and the like, unless you can find some way to eat a fire elemental's spicy buns

>unless you can find some way to eat a fire elemental's spicy buns
Sounds like a higher-level ability.

I don't know, in most fantasy settings people are getting eaten alive by plenty of monsters all the time, some crazy guy might not be enough. Maybe a bonus for active attempts at intimidation. People don't want to mess with someone who has experience eating booty.

Give him back stab ability.

I THINK HE SHOULD GET AN ANIMAL COMPANION CALLED T3H RANDUM P3NGUIN OF EPIC D00M, IT HAS A SPELL CALLED UBER PWNAGE FOR T3H WINZ0R WHICH KILLS ANYTHING

Guys i'm *snrk* gonna play a *pffft* KENDER ASS DEVOURER LOL HE'S GONNA EAT ASS

and he's gonna be called HUGH JORGAN because it's a penis joke LOLOLOLOL

This.

If you're so great let's see the threads you've made today

I'm not so consumed with nostalgia that I couldn't remember all the ass-crawling and spider-vagina threads of the old. But I really don't recall anyone complaining about them like these two faggots. We either knew how to have fun with these juvenile things, or we knew to stay away.

Or does a bit of nostalgia plague my mind even then?

I'm actually stealing that name because I find it hilarious
Have fun, user, you look like you need it

>be mercenary
>guarding caravan against goblin banditos
>just want to go home and get shit faced, this part of the kingdom is empty anyways
>suddenly an arrow catches Johnson in the throat
>oh shit they're actually attacking
>bunch of dirty gobbos and jobs flood down the hill
>suddenly, one of the passengers charges up the hill
>he's wearing nothing but sandals, a loincloth and a smile
>brandishing a fork and the strangest dagger I've ever seen
>tackles a goblin to the ground, pins it with his fork
>the other guards and a couple of the other jobbers from the caravan engage the enemy
>sandals-man lifts his goblin off the ground ass-end up
>what is he...
>begins devouring the goblins ass
>screams of horror and pain so profound I actually feel bad for the beast
>throws the now assless goblin to the ground, scream as the top of his lungs,
I STILL HUNGER
>morale breaks and the bandits retreat
>guards are equally horrified
>several of the caravan riders who charged out start making ass-puns as they kick the goblins corpse around like a ball

Fucking PC's, they're gonna be the death of me...

And for the rest of the trip, everyone sat very still

Isn't this just a blue mage?

and no one dared to go to any brothels

Perhaps the ass devourer delivers a brutal pantsing that simultaneously knocks the target over and exposes the ass?

>an entire class based around inflicting butthurt
Lol

>Posting tumblrshit
>hey lets have a discussion about the tumblrcancer of the day!

fuck off Veeky Forums

No one likes you here.
No one wants you here.
You are the cancer that is killing Veeky Forums.

Yes and its absolutely reasonable reason to hate it. Its like using regurgitated memes from 9gags.

No, you shouldn't make it so obvious how hard you try to fit in.
That user is right, old-Veeky Forums would have chased you off with your Tryhard funny normie piss.

You are neo-Veeky Forums and you are everything that is wrong with it, even down to the fact that you defend shit like this.

>retards are bumping a thread they want gone when they could just ignore it and return to their 3.pf shitshow
looks like Sir Rumpmuncher took greater cleave as a feat

Looking at this thread, he's clearly effective at it.

Just make the 5e monk use CON instead of Wisdom, and Strength instead of Dex. Replace his unarmed defense with the Barbarians, add Barbarian tank abilities and the Paladin's immunity to disease.

You now have a brawler style class that's tough as shit, has unarmed strikes that can easily be reflavored to be Ass-eating if they do piercing damage, and a great grappler class build that can pin down anyone they want to eat the ass off of.

Winners

If they were able to ignore it they wouldn't be retards.

I say NO immobilizing, makes it so much cooler!

He just hounds people, taking chomps out of their asses, until it's gone, possibly even with the persons who got his ass eaten still alive!

Maybe some kind of grapple technique to give him proper vantage to attack the ass

God damn, I gave up this "My shipost site is better than your shitpost site!" Sometime before high school ended. Why can't you guys? Is this place the only thing you have?

Don't you have anything better to do?

Sir Flankfeaster claims another victim!

Hello,

Tumblr here

Please, stop misappropriating our memes

Thank you

Heh, actually I was for the butt muncher, i thought it was funny. I was just perplexed by the guys shitting on the thread.

I just don't understand why people are pointlessly antagonistic online. I mean, I get doing it to people you meet at your job or just in public. But doing it online is worthless, you don't get the satisfaction of making someone want to hit you, but they can't because then they are the bad guy and everyone takes your side.

Are they cowards? Do they not know how to stand up for themselves?

Eh, I guess this was a pretty sad attempt at trolling. Unless I said something that hit close to home for someone.

So basically a fighter that specialises in backstabs - like a fighter-rogue, but with all the stealth and trap/pickpocketing stuff replaced with added butt munching abilities, with self-heals and buffs.

>ASS-ume the position:
Can force another character within arm reach of them to face away from and inflicts the status: Bass Ackwards upon the target until the target performs a move action of any kind

>Surprise Backstab
When a character within range is Bass Ackwards, the Ass Devourer can perform a Physical Attack action (STR or DEX) upon the character, on a successful hit, the standard attack damage is rolled and has added the result the result of rolling a number of D6s equal to how many levels in Ass Devourer the character inflicting the attack (up to a maximum of 9d6).
The result of the D6s rolled is also added to the Ass Devourer's HP.
Furthermore, any one who is successfully hit by this attack is considered "Assless" and "Chapped" for the rest of combat or until a cure serious wounds or equivalent spell is cast on them.
A Chapped character has no ass in their armor or clothing - mechanically this inflicts a -3 penalty to their flatfooted AC.
An Assless character has no Ass on their body - mechanically this permenantly removes 1 point from all their saves and inflicts a further -2 penalty to all saves until the Assless status is removed. however, even once the asslessness is removed, the shame remains, and they cannot regain that permenant point lost.
Assless characters cannot be targeted with this ability again.

>Toss Salad
on a successful DEX roll, can use fling a target of their own size category or smaller 1d4 squares away. targets affected by this are considered prone upon landing, and also have Bass Ackwards status upon them as long as they remain prone.

Has a "detect halfling" ability they can use at will to see if someone is concealed in a tight space

This is absolutely genius
Keep up the good work, user

at last, a martial that doesn't suck ass

Goddammit Carlos!

I hope death comes to you slowly, Carlos.

Some lore:

>the harsh matriarchy of the Drow who inhabit the underdark beneath the surface of the Forgotten Realms leads to a few male Drow fleeing their society of birth and fleeing to the surface.
>Though they often find surface is no more hospitable to them, and are shunned and outcast them for their Drow heritage.
>It is common for surface drow to band together and struggle to survive around the edge of society, and it was one such group, forced out into the deserts and delirious from lack of food and water that the way of the Ass Devourer was created.
>The first Ass Devourer speaks of how he and his band of outlaw drow were ambushed in the deep desert by a horde of creatures, said to resemble "a roiling pile of asses, that while made up of asses, also in their greater seeming resembled a slighter larger asses made of those asses"
>he speaks of how his fellow drow were quickly slain by the ass-monsters, who tore off his fellows' asses and absorbed them into themselves, before proceeded to take up their weapons and attack him with them
>in this slaughter of ass, the first Ass Devourer was born as he tore and bit and ate his fellow's captured ass from the monsters, and went into a frenzy of battle and ass eating!
>only once no monster were left did he come out of his frenzy, to find him now alone in a blood drenched stretch of desert, with only the assless bodies of his friends left, for presumably, the first Ass Devourer says, he had consumed the ass monsters so totally there was no trace of them left.
>but now with a full belly, he found himself with enough strength neccesary to escape the desert, where he used his new found Ass Devouring Skills to form a group of bandits and vagabonds who he taught his Ass Devouring ways.
>since then, the art of ass devouring has spread amongst those vagabonds and bandits forced to live from ass to mouth to make ends meet, milling constantly around the edges of society.

No! Veeky Forums can't have fun without quest threads and "elf slave what do?", it is just impossible because they were the height of Veeky Forums and nothing will ever be as good as they were!

STOP HAVING FUN GUYS!
STOP IT!
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

You seem rump ruffled, has something flustered your butt?

If a butt has been ruffled, flustered, jimmied, or just plain hurt, does the taste change? Do you gain greater powers from a modified ass?

>forced to live from ass to mouth to make ends meet

>Don't make an ass of yourself
+5 to Seduction rolls, lvl 4

I feel like this class should be alignment restricted too
CN, CE and NE seem to fit, and conveniently correspond with the kind of player who'd think it's a good idea to play such a character
Could probably expand it to Chaotic and/or Evil (since chaotic good is randumb enough)

TN also seems to work.

>Favored Ass
Works like favored enemy, except it is not race or type dependent, but dependent on the combination of target's size, CON and STR.

>ASS-k Me Anything
Gain bonuses to bluff when talking out of your ass.

>I didn't ASS-k for tihs
Recover 1d8+Level worth HP every time somebody on Veeky Forums gets butthurt about this thread.

What are the stat requirements/bonuses.

Kissing Ass requires a bit of Dexterity
Talking out of it requires Charisma

As in a character that works towards ass-balance in the world ?
Take from those who have too much ass ?

Yes but that's true of every stat.

You need Con in case someone tries to rip you a new one.
You need Strength to get the Maximus out of those Gluteus.
And you need INT so you can be a Smart-ass
And Wis so you can be a Wise-ass.

>recover 3d8+level each turn
Seems a but OP.

Doesn't seem like that much of an asspull to me

>Bottom's Up
Suplex attack

>Ravaging Rimmie
Saving throw against prolapse

>Glutal Brutal
Cutting attack

>Finding Walken's Watch
Deep fist, grapple. Chance to find loot

No morals, just consume.

Same way wild animals are TN

My bad, I confused TN and LN

>Finding Walken's Watch

Fuckin underrated post

I literally can't stop laughing

Holy shit

Can I take a few class levels of ass devourer when playing this? Could be a good alternative to anal spelunker

>Recover 1d8+Level worth HP every time somebody on Veeky Forums gets butthurt about this thread.
Bit OP there, m8.

>>Finding Walken's Watch
Gold.
Also, consider pic related.

>muh mature and sophisticated humor
Dear lord, off yourself already, you joyless wretch.

I'd love to see his example of mature and sophisticated, to be honest. Hell, I'd even love to be proven wrong, shown something much better than this.

bros what if the ass devourer was a girl and she gained ass points from devouring them

user, please... There's a distinction between THICC and meat blob.

She just gained too much experience in ass devouring is all

that why you have to stop playing if your character hits level 20.

That's a deflection, not a counterpoint. user #1 was complaining about LOLSORANDUM humor and user #2 pointed out Veeky Forums isn't much better.

why don't you gtfo the out you scua faglord

and furthermore check out darkscape (tm) u scua

>Ass Devourer
>not an Ass'Assin.
I am dissapoint.

That's a level ability or combo of classes - the base Ass Devourer doesn't necessarily kill their victim (though of course they will if the victim has low HP), rather they inflict mostly-permanent damage and negative modifiers, then move on - they cripple and terrify, rather than kill outright

>Assin
Would this be someone that enters via the ass (I.E. Anal Infiltrator) or an unholy caster class with a derriere focus?

They infiltrate and then devour the ass from the inside out.
Imagine the chestburster, if you will.

...

This is a great thread topic. It's a little off the wall, self-referential, and the question leaves a lot of room for creativity.

I'm a little sad to see so many responding with criticism for the intent or metacriticism of Veeky Forums in the whole. This board is what you make of it, and if you don't like a topic, just hide the thread and move on.

I know that traditionally, this board has had the occasional bout of fun policing. Just the nature of online forums.

But I really wish you guys could take more joy from life. It's too short and brutal a struggle to get bogged down in your own head, gazing down at Whoville hating the Whos.

Try being a little immature sometimes. I mean, you do spend a lot of time pretending to be an elf, or wizard, or space marine, or ass-goblin, or whatever. Couldn't hurt to also be a kid again from time to time.

...