How can we fix elves?

As they should be.

>Elves are merely extremely long-lived - on the order of centuries, rather than just the decades that humans get.
>As a result, they tend to take longer over everything.
>Perfectionism is a common trait among elves, with some putting decades into certain endeavours.
>Their craftsmanship is, in actuality, no better than that of humans; they just put a lot more time into making it better and discard everything that is even remotely substandard.

>people that want to shit on elves.
How many dwarfs you need to pile to shit on an elf?

When in doubt, "Huge boobs" is always a plus.

Only 1 but you might as well set up a toll/stool booth.

The only elves that need to be fixed are the magical realm androgynous tumblr bait trap elves that Veeky Forums loves hating on despite the fact that they do not exist in canon in any setting whatsoever.

TL;DR? OP is a faggot.

No, never. Just shows how little you actually care about elves.

>not even 40 words
>TL;DR

So you are "that" kind

Fuck off newfag, I bet you don't even know how to get to the cake.

there are guys at omegle that complain about text size (complaining about the question size)

Elves are tall lanky beings. At most they are 7 feet tall. They have bloodshot eyes and faces twisted into horrifying grins. A common thing for an elf to do is wear a cloak and enchant the hood to hide his face.
All elves are biologically immortal. The only way to kill one is to eviscerate it's body so much that regeneration is impossible. Elves are fast. Faster than anything. Blink and you're over. Elves naturally hunch and hide so well that you won't even smell them.
There I made elves into an undying race of super-stalkers.You

>people that want to shit on elves.

>Dwarflet detected when will they ever learn

Give them a schtick beyond "just humans but better".

That's it. Done.

Stop listening to Veeky Forums whining.

You don't have to "fix" anything about Elves or fantasy races. Just stop listening to Veeky Forums which is a cesspool of despicable losers who have to bitch about everything.

Success breeds jealousy.

> how do we fix X
> how do we make X interesting
> how do you do X

>Tolkien's elves
>better at everything
Not at surviving, that's for damn sure.

>image
What, you don't want Olivia porn?

Can you stop posting elf threads

Let elves be human in all ways except for their pointy ears - but they have the *attitude* of elves turned up to 11.
There, fixed. Bing bang boom.

There are living too good to leave their houses and stalk shitkin

make them exactly like humans but with pointy ears

How about we all just report these stupid daily elf threads, until one day a good one appears that is actually worth everyones time and greatly benefits the boards quality?

lol just go to the undying lands

That sounds like a GREAT idea

Werent there old folk christian tales about how elves secretly gave their kids tot humans (by replacing actual child with elven) to raise?
and those changelings raised by humans were considered to be prestigious amongst their kind?

KILL ALL KNIFE EARED SCUM

There is any proof of its existence?
It could be a honeypot to grab free slaves

>stop having the wrong type of fun

kek, about what i expected from seom /a/ weeb virgin. shit like this is why no one likes you in real life

>There is any proof of its existence?
Ask Earendil.

>Questioning or denying the happy end in Tolkiens book
gtfo

>trap elves
>bad

cuck spotted

You two need to both stop spamming.

Yeah and who is going to decide it?
A elf judge?

Extremely long lives is better than being outright immortal.
Physically, Elves should be slightly weaker than humans. Lighter frames, less muscle mass, they depend a little more on magic to get heavy lifting done (they'd need to drink a strength potion or something to move large furniture)
Maybe split elves between one sub-species more connected with nature and another that absolutely hates natures and seeks to escape it. They build large cities and try to combine magic and technology/industry.
Wisdom and beauty? Well, elves are slightly more wise than humans just because they live so long and have so much experience, but they aren't actually very wise. In fact, they overestimate themselves to the point of a mild arrogance that tends to put off other races. Also, they start to lose their looks after about age 600 or so, wrinkles, health issues developing with old age. Eventually they'll die of oldness, and it's especially bad because they age so slowly. Humans bodies slowly decay into death by old age for about 50 years tops (that's if you live a good life up until you're 50 and prolong your oldness to age 100). Imagine your body slowly decaying for a good 500 years. That's what aging as an elf is like. Suicide is common in elderly elves. That's why you don't see as many of them, they greatly fear the pain of aging and decay.

Fun is very subjective. In this and the several elf bait threads before anons already stated that they get annoyed by these increasingly often low effort, low quality threads. I still think that OP just wants to make Veeky Forums mad at elves by spamming these threads.

And yet they was unable to get into the stars and they died in a swamp, yeah

>>Yeah and who is going to decide it?
Janitors and/or mods, though they are really lazy and most likely won't lift a finger. It's up to every single user if he wants to report this thread.

No one came back from there, its like fucking death, you can't prove you will get into a eternal paradise full of elf boobs totally into dirty hobbits with their 5cm dicks instead of into a cage or some weird god sacrifice

Wow, you must be tired from jumping to all those conclusions.

>threads should be deleted because some people is mad alt elves
We have 18 threads about races that I don't like active right now, should they be deleted too?

>No one came back from there
Again Earendil.

This has nothing to do with me not liking elves, on the contrary, I love elves. It has everything to do with this thread being of low-quality and that we had too many of these kinds of threads in the past weeks.

>fun is subjective
>now let me tell you why your fun is wrong

you are not very smart

>mad alt elves

No one actually goes there aside from the elves or the ring bearers and Gimli.
When human die their souls leave the world forever.

Why isn't dwarf+elf breeding a thing?
You could achieve great things

He is a paid shill

Half-anything was a mistake.

Nah, its got my quads swol af brosephine

>insulting Earendil
Leave. You are not contributing anything of worth to the thread anyway.

It's fucking impossible to find someone willing to cross with you that isn't already bound to a human.
Fucking humans have sex with everything.

ITT people so miserable, that they feel threatened by fictional race.

>Remove immortality?
YES. The whole tolkien-esque "immortal, timeless elves" schtick doesn't work for races that are supposed to be PCs. Leave that shit for the elusive NPC races.

Also give elves a clear niche. Are they supposed to be civilized peoples who live in grand cities, or woodland hunters? Remove all the archetypes and simply create an elf niche, with stats that fit the niche (for example, wood elves would be strong and agile but probably lacking in the intelligence department, while educated city dwellers would have less con but more int).

The problem is that elves have become more versatile than humans, the supposedly versatile bland race. There's an elf sub-type for fucking everything.

No

>The whole tolkien-esque "immortal, timeless elves" schtick doesn't work for races that are supposed to be PCs
Good, because they aren't immortal in most settings that you can play.

Solid advice for any Veeky Forums related question

/thread

>phone-fag
>dwarf-fag
So, you just outed yourself as someone that makes these threads so people start hating elves more?

In D&D they can get as old as 700 years, that's close enough to immortal from the human perspective to make them unrelatable.

>700 is close enough to ∞
Retard.

It's my headcanon that this is actually where the human race came from.

>phone-fag
What?
>so people start hating elves more?
They are hated enough already

Even Tolkien's elves had glaring, existential flaws. Muh beauty and near immortality were balanced by an attachment to their culture that kept their heads up their asses for much of the war of the ring, a ridiculous addiction and susceptibility to magic, and a sense of superiority that makes it impossible to maintain alliances to any substantial degree. Marysue nuElves are the problem with elves, and I blame tumblr, deviant art, garbage fantasy, and shit anime for that.

See your image? Stop that.

>half elf half orc girl
>she was sold in a pack with a sheep and bread
>dual class as food-tier prostitute and dwarf ashtray
She was forced to swalow so much cum she can get mana from it and her cunt achieved fire resistance

The same way you fix any fantasy race: by making sure you don't conflate details from every version into one generic slurry.

>from the human perspective to make them unrelatable
You need to get your ass Hooked On Phonics.

What the fuck originated elf and dwarf conflict?

Why can't they just get along outside eventual homolust like legolas and gimli

Simple, bring them back to their roots.

Just make them unfriendly. Any kind of unfriendly, from being dickish to disliking contact with others. There, all of their positive traits wasted.

Well, for Tolkien, elves didn't help the dwarves in a battle that cost them their homeland.

For generic settings, you can always just say that they can't find common ground, being focused on entirely different things.

>implying you can on need to fix perfection

It's even worse if changes are from witcher, that universe is pretty bland

Make them entirely alien, both in look and thought.

Give them elongated, angular faces that no mortal could ever be born with with overly large monochromatic eyes. Give them some classic fairtytale shit, like the ability to steal your eyes and your voice because they thought they were pretty. Have them whisk away babies and children, never to be seen again. Make them more of a monster, and most of all DON'T LET YOU PLAYERS FUCKING PLAY THEM. Allowing them to be PCs ruins the mystery because, at the end of the day, your players are just going to make them act enirely like humans because, whoopity-fucking-doo, THE PLAYERS ARE HUMAN.

>Extremely long lives is better than being outright immortal.
No it's not, unless you mean unkillability, which is different.

I'll have you know that I can on need all the time.

Elves are fine

give this elf balls and a cute juicy dick

Marysue nuElves predate the rise of tumblr deviant art and anime by a massive degree. Shit, people have been bitchign about marysue elves longer than there's been DnD (and DnD didn't help what with the original Elves in DnD were the only race to be both casters and warriors and 2e had the Complete Book of Elves)

>average level 1 human is ~16 years old
>average level 1 elf is over 100 years old
What's so good about elves? They're literally retarded.

I'd shorten the lifespan of all the 'immortal' races to be no longer than 200 years without any serious magical shenanigans.

Most should count themselves lucky to live so long, owing to the vagaries of violence, famine, disease, and BBEGs.

>THE PLAYERS ARE HUMAN
Pleb tier

Make them not literally humans with pointy ears.

>>Well, for Tolkien, elves didn't help the dwarves in a battle that cost them their homeland.
Only in the movies.

>Are they supposed to be civilized peoples who live in grand cities, or woodland hunters?

They used to be the greatest empire that ever was, and the ruins can be found anywhere. Now they live at a nearly stone age, primal level, in commune with nature. Elves refuse to talk about why this happened with anyone who isn't an elf, and it tends to be very poor manners to do so.

>Less elf threads based on anime

Ask the folks in Iceland where they still have to get permission from the elves for construction projects.

It actually originates with the Vikings. Way back then, what we understand as dwarves and elves today were both basically the same demi god servants of the Gods, such as Odin. One group manufactured goods, like weapons and nails and wooden furniture. AKA Dwarves. The other lived in forests and lakes and rivers. AKA Elves.

Then Loki fucked shit up by instigating some sibling rivalry between them in the form of a competition, and Odin chose the dwarves as the winners. And they have been hating each other ever since.