Stupidest Player Deaths

Here's a link to the thread:

>Dwarf fighter finds a big patch of yellow mold in an abandoned wizard pantry
>Pokes at it
>A tiny cloud of sickly spores puffs out
>Dwarf shrugs and hits it as hard as he can with his mace

In fairness this may've been partially my fault, since I gave the mold a token, like it were an enemy rather than a piece of enviroment.

Player cast flesh to stone while freefalling assuming that being made of rock would negate fall damage

>sciFi homebrew
>Blade Runner-esque but less 80's dystopia, more shiny 00's
>Players are a privatized military unit
>Encourage them to make unique characters with free reign to make just about any scifi archetype
>they turn in their characters (described as follows): "Spartan II from Halo", "One of those Aliens from Pitch Black", "Samus, but a Dude", "Dante from Devil May Cry" and "R2D2".
>mfw
>figure this train wreck should be interesting if everyone plays as larger than life PCs
>nope.jpg
>rpgs are serious business
>first mission has them infiltrating an enemy R&D lab full of private security
>go through underground access tunnels thanks to R2D2's hacking skills. Spartan on point, AfPB skulking across the ceiling, Dante brooding, R2D2 whistling and Mr.Samus covering the rear
>small security detail at end of hall. Spartan tosses grenade, flubs the roll and drops it at his feet doing a shit-ton of damage to himself
>alerts security and a bloodbath ensues as AfPB rips them to shreds. Spartan tried to cover with his rifle but burned two clips of ammo and didn't hit a thing
>keep moving and get to end of tunnels where two heavily armed sentry droids are waiting
>droids are described as large, dome-bodied, quadrupeds with dual mini-guns, infrared scanners and a hard-line cable connected to the mainframe security system. Cut the cable and they default to shooting anything that moves
>AfPB charges in...get cut to pieces by mini-guns
>Mr.Samus charges his cannon
>Dante aims for hard-lines but can't hit them
>Spartan throws a grenade, flubs the roll. Grenade goes off at his feet again, this time killing him and Dante
>Spartan Player ragequits because "This game is retarded. The Chief would never miss!"
>R2D2 hacks sentry1 and uses it to wreck sentry2
>Mr.Samus fires charged cannon, killing sentry1

The session and game ended there with our heroes down three, having never actually made it into the building.

>the Wild Magic table killed our sorcerer
We killed our sorcerer after his Wild Magic killed several other dudes. His backstory was that he was a dangerous criminal or something, and we only let him go because we needed his powers. Naturally after he killed our NPC friends by accident, we stuffed him in a sack and swung it against a tree for a good bit.

> There is this notorious criminal with a large reward for his head, but he was far more powerful than anyone in our party
> I had been gathering a large quantity of explosives, safely in my backpack, specifically to take him out
> He's leading a guarded convoy with about 50 slaves through a mountain pass, and we're ambushing them on the high ground

Or so we thought

> Right before we commence our attack their guys get the jump on us on the ridge
> They knew
> We're locked in combat, and it doesn't look like we're about to make it, as a last ditch effort I light my backpack on fire and try to run out and chuck it down in to the pass at the notorious criminal
> Trigger attack of opportunity
> I'm downed, and my body slips down in to the pass while armed with explosives

> A giant fiery explosion kills EVERYONE down there, including me of course.

I killed 50+ slaves that day. The worst part is I would have killed them anyway, even if my character didn't fall down in to the pass. I didn't even realize it because I was so caught up in the moment.

The one person in our party who survived the ordeal was essentially blamed for the death of all of the slaves and exiled from the movement trying to rescue them.

>and he rolled well,
On perception. You failed yours, I see

Wow your group is cancerous.

>casting flesh to stone instead of feather fall or literally any of the dozens of spells that would have saved them

they deserved it

I've shared this a few times, but it's so good.

>playing 3.5
>party includes a bariaur barbarian and an elf duskblade
>the barbarian is in the front of the marching order and falls into a pit trap with a pool of acid on the bottom
>the duskblade leaps in after him
>"it's cool, guys, I can teleport!"
>he's referring to the spell Dimension Hop
>its range is less than the depth of the pit
>and he can't take anyone else with him

Learn what your own spells do, kids

Why would the DM assume that the barbarian uses hand gestures, have it fail, and then have him do a useless perception roll? Shouldn't he have rolled animal handling and gone from there?

It sounds like the DM basically gave him an automatic loss and then had him do a nothing roll with no discernible advantage or disadvantage gained from it, and then killed him. That's not super cool.

>Why would the DM assume that the barbarian uses hand gestures, have it fail, and then have him do a useless perception roll? Shouldn't he have rolled animal handling and gone from there?
Because dragons aren't animals, so animal handling is of exactly zero help here? They're sapient beings, you can't Crocodile Hunter them.

But they murder people for being patronising?

Dragons tend to be portrayed as proud and vengeful, and this guy just attempted to shove his thumb up the dragon's butthole.

>Because dragons aren't animals

Yes they are? They're intelligent magical animals, but still animals. Rolling high enough on animal handling should've told the barbarian that animal handling wouldn't have had any beneficial effect, since it's also animal knowledge. Having him autofail, make a useless roll for another thing, and then die without another action is godawful.

Newer story:
>5e
>the party sorcerer gets swallowed by a gelatinous cube
>I explain the rules for using the Escape action to escape the cube or spending an action to try and pull a friend out of the cube
>nobody in the party wants to "waste an action" to do this, and they instead focus on attacking the cube and the other monsters in the room
>the sorcerer asks if he can still cast a spell with verbal components. I say sure, there's enough air in your lungs for another spell.
>he casts Shatter
>centered on himself
>this, combined with the acid damage he'd already taken over a couple of turns, kills him
>but at least he didn't waste an action, amirite?

I have no OC to share, so I will share copypasta.

>Yes they are?
Dragons are classified as dragons. There are other classifications for magical beasts and animals.

The point remains that the player shouldn't have had his character effectively instakilled for asking "Can I do x?", even if it was a dumb choice.

here's a good one from anima:
>level 3 thief, hiding on rooftop preparing to ambush some monster with tentacles on its back
>monster climbs up to rooftop, succeeds hide check and prepares to ambush it from behind
>fumbles attack roll, falls on knife, takes 1/2 hp in damage but survives
>thus begins an epic battle with the monster as the party surges out to help
>monster ends up defeated after thief jumps onto its head, pries out a magical gem and jumps off
>party then sits around chatting while the thief holds the gem, but it somehow drives one party member insane and they swing to attack the gem
>its worth a lot of money so the thief tries to dodge to protect it
>fumbles
>gets sliced in half
everyone was pretty shocked

>do something stupid
>get unlucky and roll poorly
>die
sorry but sometimes it happens
maybe your group is super protective of your special snowflake characters and will never let them die or fail but that doesn't mean all groups are like that

I have to say I'm with him on the whole "skullfuck the barbarian for being a moron in a social encounter".

Sounds like the barbar wasn't aware of your style of dm'ing. Probably should've just had the dragon lazily punt him like a ragdoll for most of his health. For a lesson. If this was lesson two, then I understand. But a moron's shitty social skills are hardly the same as an invading party calling the Dragon an animal in his own lair. If that dragon was CE, then yea, that Barbar was a hand-slapping retard, but then I got to wonder what a CE dragon would be doing assisting anyone with anything.

>I have to say I'm with him on the whole "skullfuck the barbarian for being a moron in a social encounter".
cool, too bad your opinion means absolutely nothing because its clear from the post everyone in the group was cool with it

...

>Get unlucky and roll poorly

See this is the problem. Read the passage again, the guy doesn't even get a roll for animal handling, it's just handwaved as a loss. The roll he DOES get he gets a natural 20 on, but it doesn't do anything. He doesn't even get a bonus action because of his big perception roll, he just gets gibbed.

I'd be all for it if he lost animal handling and it happened, or if he failed perception and then continued being stupid, but from the passage it looks like he wasn't even given a chance after the DM said "Ok, you can do this."

That's not cool. You need to warn against stupid and punish when they willingly go past it, not fucking crucify them for even toeing the line.

I think the post is saying the DM rolled a 20 for the dragon's perception of the situation.

So the barbarian approached the dragon as if it were an animal, and the dragon was like are you kidding me? Then killed him.

Not really, look at it

>Okay. You aproach the dragon showing hand jestures, roll me one perception
>20
>Oh yes!

Then
>DM: You see the Dragon is offended for you behaving like he is an stupid animal, he swings at you.
>You see

It's obvious the barbarian made the roll.

> a new campaign with friends
>Locked in a cell
>Have to think of a way out
>Decide to kick down the door
>Rolled to kick it open
>Hit a 20
>My strength is too high
>Causes the door to crash through another cell and kills our healer mfw

>See this is the problem. Read the passage again, the guy doesn't even get a roll for animal handling, it's just handwaved as a loss.
whether he got a roll or not is unstated, but it doesn't matter anyway. rolling the wrong skill for what you're trying to do will never end in success.
>The roll he DOES get he gets a natural 20 on, but it doesn't do anything.
it did do something. it told him the dragon was about to attack and let the party roll initiative.
>That's not cool.
really? because from the story its clear that everyone in the game was fine with it and actively joked about it afterwards. seems like it was pretty 'cool' to me.
like i said, maybe you play in a group where your special snowflake characters are invincible and don't fail, but that doesn't mean everyone else does or wants to.

It's his word though. Maybe they were all cool with it. But learning how to use a light-hand is useful for future groups.

He can completely ignore that. If he's willing to put up with people questioning him.

>Political coup and shit
>Barbarian is given duty to properly build the bomb and set it
>Ask ooc "what..."
>Party explains that the most apt member of the group will be there to assist him while team B does other thing
>Why the barbarian?
>Cause in case something goes wrong, team A can fight off any interlopers.
>Gunpowder bomb is the choice
>Plan enacted
>Team A comes to the chosen part of the wall with a five covert barrels and cover.
>Barbarian asking me, "How many barrels."
>Do you have any knowledges?
>Can I roll knowledge nature?
>If you want to learn what sort of moss grows on walls, yes
>Can I roll a perception
>ooc I look over at his "help", he's chatting with his girlfriend and paying no attention. Big mistake on my part.
>I tell the barbarian, sure.
>30 on his perception
>Tell him the walls look sturdy, you're probably going to need a lot. You're not sure how they should be set however.
>Barbarian turns to his mate, interrupting kiss. "Five barrels, like there, is that fine?"
>Guy says yea.
>barbar sets five barrels open top and stands back five feet with a alchemist fire vial.
>OOC "what..."
>We've got a plan, says the barbarian.
>Barbar throws it, Wizard casts mass invisibility to "hide" them from the explosion.
>The two of them half a city block light up. The Barbar actually stood in the wizard's front to "block out any flashy lights"
>Everyone on team B is dumbfounded.
>team A's plan was between them. They thought invisibility meant they were shielded from the blast.
>They ask the party to resurrect them out of character.
>Party decides that incompetence is the BBEG and chooses to ignore them once they realized the extent of the destruction caused.
>No girlfriends and retards are allowed at the table anymore.

>stupid player dearth thread
>player death caused by stupid GM

These threads are always good for a laugh

>But learning how to use a light-hand is useful for future groups.
Or maybe you should accept that it's not the GMs job to protect you from the consequences of your own decisions, its their choice.

The GM isn't your tard wrangler. If you do stupid shit like essentially walking up to a person and going "Who's a good boy? Yes you are!" in a baby voice, then yeah, your character deserves to die and your GM isn't obligated to stop you.

You're perfectly able to make points about things without dumbing yourself down to "hurr maybe YOU play in special snowflake games, but for mature gamers like myself" shit, dude.

Everyone makes dumb decisions, and it sounds like (at least in the context of him being barbarian) it might've been one that was fueled by an IC motivation. Dumb decisions in dungeons and dragons should not lead to instant death. It shouldn't have completely stripped the player of having any agency despite rolling a 20 on the one roll he got. A good chance of death, sure. Knocked away and killed instantly by a dragon combo when the DM could've just landed one hit for most of his HP? Not super cool.

You don't need to hit players with a lead hand for mistakes in tabletops. If it was cool with them at the moment, sure, but that doesn't make it a good practice in general.

Nope.

Playing with a heavy hand and killing players outright is fine for some. Not for me. People die in my campaigns and snowflakes never make it very far. But I give them some wiggle room at the start for mistakes, it lets everyone get on the same page without having to reroll and work a new character in. That and I constantly work with new groups.

>That and I constantly work with new groups.

Considering how your GM style sounds, this is entirely unsirprising.

>You're perfectly able to make points about things without dumbing yourself down to "hurr maybe YOU play in special snowflake games, but for mature gamers like myself" shit, dude.
It's obvious from how butthurt you are by this that I am exactly on the money for your type of playstyle.
> It shouldn't have completely stripped the player of having any agency despite rolling a 20 on the one roll he got.
Rolling a 20 does not mean "you win dnd forever", sorry. He was given a chance to roll initiative afterwards, and rolled poorly. Meanwhile the rest of the party rolled well and survived.
>Knocked away and killed instantly by a dragon combo when the DM could've just landed one hit for most of his HP?
Why should the DM pretend a dragon is weaker than it is just to accommodate someone's bad decisions?
>You don't need to hit players with a lead hand for mistakes in tabletops.
And you don't need to handhold them, either. Sorry, but not everyone wants to be babied like you.

>People die in my campaigns and snowflakes never make it very far. But I give them some wiggle room at the start for mistakes, it lets everyone get on the same page without having to reroll and work a new character in.
That's great! There is, of course, no evidence either way for whether these were new players who didn't know what to expect from the GM or not, so describing your style that could very well be the same as his and acting as if its superior is meaningless to this argument.

>I'm incredibly heavy handed, super paranoid about snowflakes, and kill Pcs over petty shit
>I constantly have different groups

I wonder if there's a connection there.

You're being incredibly hostile because I'm saying you shouldn't hardkill players immediately after making a bad decision. Are you the kind of DM that thinks "rocks fall and you're dead" is an acceptable thing to do too?

I choose to take up new groups often, but I still have my standbys like the bomb-tards (who've gotten a lot better).

If you want to start insulting me, at least do it without looking like a salty fuck because people are suggesting someone was acting like a killer dm.

And at least get back on topic.

>From a friend's first game
>He tells me, "So, I gave them a deck of many things at the start"
>I ask, "Why?"
>Because I thought it would help them solve their werewolf curse.
>Ask him if they killed themselves with it.
>No, they killed the king's daughter and that ended up hung because of that
>Apparently what happened
>Find deck of cards
>It magical
>Fighter has ties with the noble family and is betrothed to the princess
>Has the deck and decides to have the princess draw a card to "see what happens"
>Horrible shit happens and princess is horribly destroyed
>Right in the middle of a feast with the king present
>Fighter then tries to "hack and slash his way out of there."
>His party assists him
>Fighter then starts drawing cards
>Murders himself in one draw
>Rogue tries to because "third times the charm"
>Dies
>Other two guys proceed to be dicks while in capivity and end up on the end of a rope.

>You're being incredibly hostile because I'm saying you shouldn't hardkill players immediately after making a bad decision.
No, actually, it's the other way around. You started this by being incredibly butthurt and hostile because someone made a stupid decision, rolled unfortunately poorly on his initiative chance to escape, and died in one hit against a very strong opponent. If people make bad decisions in life-or-death situations, death is one of the outcomes. I'm sorry you can't deal with that.

>Be player
>Playing a barbarian, our party goes up to a dragon
>Because I'm a barbarian I figure a dragon is pretty close to an animal, ask the DM if trying animal handling to communicate would be good
>Dm says sure, tells me I do X for animal handling and doesn't have me roll it. Tells me to roll perception instead.
>Get a 20. DM tells me that the dragon is angry at me.
>DM then describes the dragon using every single skill it has to murder my barbarian.

This is fine and good DMing.

>I choose to take up new groups often
Hmmmm.

>get back on topic
Considering you were never on topic top begin with, this doesn't seem much of a concern to you anyways.

I choose to have them. Some are newbies, others are veterans, and I still have my standbys. I've learned that a heavy hand usually turns people off if its your first time with them. After some wiggle room, I let them die horribly for their outright stupidity.

Most happen in combat, some due to outright stupidity.

I dont agree with his style based on what he described.

>Most happen in combat, some due to outright stupidity.
What a coincidence! the player in the story described also died in combat.

I shared some stories.
You're still shitposting, m8.

What kinda validation do you want out of me?

>Someone posting a reply with something you disagree with is HOSTILE AND INCREDIBLE BUTTHURT
I really hope you never argue with your table. It's gotta fucking suck for them.

>and died in one hit against a very strong opponent.
Except that's not what fucking happened, dude. Look at the post.

> Dragon used legendary actions to skillfuck the Barbarian and kill him before activating rage.

DM having the dragon use a normal attack and the barbarian happening to die is fine, but /going out of his way/ to use every skill to secure a fucking kill on this guy isn't a good move. It's completely unnecessary to actively seek out the death of characters in a fight.

Oh hey, I remember you.

I like how you left out the part where the Barbarian tried to communicate normally, but couldn't because you said out didn't speak English.

>I choose to take new groups
Kek, you're still using that excuse?

>i'm willing to follow the barbarians are stupid archetype but i'm not willing to accept the consequences that come with making stupid decisions
>i rolled poorly on initiative against an opponent that could easily kill me, it's just bad DMing letting them kill me! no just ignore that the rest of the party rolled ok on initiative and made it away just fine, that was totally unfair!
You're right, it is fine and good DMing.

Because it aint an excuse. Its something I like doing while working with my friends. There's a lot of people I've met in life who have never played an rp and really want to. Either because they dont have friends or they're afraid to dm.

I want to help those sort of people, so I have. I've used skype, roll 20, even emails before to help those people experience something fun. I'll never say I'm the greatest DM, but getting people into rps is something I'm proud. And I'm even more proud of it when I see them choose to be dms and make their own groups.

If you want to shit on that, be my guest. I dont think I have to explain myself to you any more on that.

so I feel like this one was on me (the dm)
>players run into a group of 12 goblins
>I roll to see what sort of equipment they might have looted, if any at all
>1 got an enchanted shield, the other an enchanted shortsword.
>out of 12, that was it
>I waited for the players to make a perception check as they neurotically always did to relay that these goblins had something interesting
>they did not
>as the fight goes on, I rolled to see what the blade did
>It casts blight on hit (I had rolled 3 percentiles to determine what it did, if anything at all. It got hella high rolls)
>they were level 1
at this point, I decided to let it go because in this campaign, dying wasn't a big deal, anyways...
>gobbo runs up and sticks the party rogue
>rogue takes like 50 damage
>ded as shit
He did take his revenge on the goblin and took his sword later at least. but the player thinks that I just made that one have it just to kill him
>pic was the players face

Reading things like this reminds me to be thankful for the fact that my DM is a decent human being and that I don't have someone like you anywhere near my group.

>Make in character choice that is stupid
>Don't get a roll for it
>Made to make useless roll
>20 you get on perception doesn't even give you advantage for initiative
>Get fucked and instakilled in the first turn because the DM decided the dragon uses every skill it has to murder your character right then and there, even though this was a noncombative encounter before that action (which if you go by isn't even stupid)

Totally fine. Though, wasting the dragon's turn was kind of unnecessary. You could've gotten the same effect by just saying rocks fell from the ceiling and crushed the barbarian the second he asked if he could try that.

>getting people into rps is something I'm proud
you've run more newbies out of the store than anyone else I know. Last I heard you're even banned from the other ones.

Somehow I fail to believe your constantly rotating groups are by choice.

It makes for interesting story of revenge if your campaign has resurrection mechanics. I know if I woke up in a sacred lake after a goblin one shot me, there would be a Rocky montage coming.

>I-I'm not butthurt!
Sure bud.
>Dragon used legendary actions to skillfuck the Barbarian and kill him before activating rage.
I'm not seeing the problem here.
>It's completely unnecessary to actively seek out the death of characters in a fight.
What do you think a fight is, exactly?

Then believe what you want.

My style has friends and I get my games and I have groups stick with it and new groups coming into the picture every couple of years.

I find it really hard to think you know what's best for me.

yeah, they get resurrected if they want, they end up taking penalties for it though. For instance, that player has a fear of goblins now, and gets -2 on checks pertaining to them. its not dibilitating, but if a player dies enough times, it will snowball

>It's okay for the DM to make a noncombat encounter into a combat encounter and then instakill a member of the party because he wanted to use animal handling to communicate with an intelligent magical beast that couldn't speak common.
>Don't even let him roll animal handling. Initiative and then death, instantly.

That's the problem. When you completely remove any agency or chance of survival for the player because of an IC motivated decision during a -regular encounter-, that's bad.

>t's okay for the DM to make a noncombat encounter into a combat encounter
I'm sorry, I believe you meant to type "It's okay for the players to turn a noncombat encounter into a combat encounter through their actions", which is correct.
>and then instakill a member of the party because he wanted to use animal handling to communicate with an intelligent magical beast that couldn't speak common.
You mean a dragon, which are described in the game books as evil and arrogant beings.
>Don't even let him roll animal handling. Initiative and then death, instantly.
You mean he was allowed to roll perception and succeeded, which allowed him and his party to get the chance to roll initiative. Which he then rolled poorly on and was killed, while the rest of the party that rolled fine survived.

As expected, special snowflake autists like you love to exaggerate the situations to seem like there was nothing that poor player could do and its all the meanie dms fault! nevermind that its clear everyone was enjoying themselves, this situation is absolutely terrible by my autistic standards and nobody is allowed to have fun unless its my way!
consider suicide.

>Which allowed him and his party to get the chance to roll initiative

What?

You realize that perception is limited to that single person, right? The entire party didn't benefit from that initiative roll? If the dragon was going to have a surprise round (which is completely fucking nonsensical), then only the barbarian would've benefited from that perception roll.

In any case, you're saying that the perception roll should've given him more time to act, and I agree. He should've had a bonus action before the dragon attacked, or advantage on his initiative roll.

>y-you're a special snowflake autistic butthurt!!1
Tone it down, dude.

>What?
It's pretty obvious, if you pay attention.
>You see the Dragon is offended for you behaving like he is an stupid animal, he swings at you.
Without the perception roll he would have just taken the swing before anyone could react.
>In any case, you're saying that the perception roll should've given him more time to act, and I agree.
I'm saying the perception roll did give him time to act. You seem to have poor reading comprehension.
But hey, keep complaining, i'm sure your snowflake autism will somehow manage to convince everyone to play the way you do.

Do you understand how DnD works? Players don't have a psychic link with eachother. If the barbarian was the only person who did perception, why did the rest of the roll initiative? They don't all get to bank off his one roll.

If anything happened with that perception roll, he would've gotten advantage or a bonus action. Since his party got to roll initiative too, that roll didn't do shit. Do you understand?

>Do you understand how DnD works? Players don't have a psychic link with eachother.
you're right, i'm sure the player didn't, you know, say anything to the rest of the group, which let them roll initiative. or perhaps avoid the initial swing.
>If the barbarian was the only person who did perception, why did the rest of the roll initiative? They don't all get to bank off his one roll.
i'm not convinced you actually play tabletop RPGs, because it's actually exceedingly common for a party to bank off of one player's roll in one way or another. Of course you not playing ttrpgs makes sense - autists like you are always the most whiny about other people's games.

>DM: Roll perception, if you fail you die instantly to this dragon you offended.
>Roll a natural 20
>DM: Okay, now roll again. If you fail THIS one, you die instantly to this dragon you offended.

wew

cool made up story bro, do you have a fanfiction.net account i can follow?

>you're right, i'm sure the player didn't, you know, say anything to the rest of the group, which let them roll initiative. or perhaps avoid the initial swing.
You're assuming an entire chain of events that weren't mentioned in the first post.

>It's common to bank off perception rolls with no communication between party members
What kind of games do you play? It sounds like you're a fucking grognard that plays tabletops like a videogame and is fine with the DM axing a player in a millisecond because if you don't like hard instant deaths for any offense you're a pussy.

Seriously. You're defending a guy getting axed because the DM made him roll twice to defend from the same attack, when the first was a nat 20. That's insane.

It doesn't exist user. It's imaginary cancer.

Not that guy, but it's still really dumb. The Barbarian did something in-character, trying to use a social skill that is helpful when trying to tell stuff to non-hunanoids that can't speak.

It was a clever idea, and if it shouldn't have worked, then the GM should have said as much. Even then, the dragon doesnt understand common, so he doesn't hear the Barbarian talking to him in any sort of patronizing tone. At most, he sees the dumb human making some simplistic gestures to try and communicate or direct its attention.

The absolute most it should have done is batted the Barbarian away with a tail or claw. The only time it should have gone that poorly is if the Barb not only flubbed the animal handling check and did something that would piss off anything, but also didn't manage tp roll insight or perception to realize it and the apologize.

Having a combat encounter with a dragon because you approached it in a friendly and cautious manner offering it good in the same way you would a crocodile would not be perceptible to a dragon as really being offensive. At least, no more than trying to talk to it at all was.

>You're assuming an entire chain of events that weren't mentioned in the first post.
It's actually pretty obvious from the chain of events described in the post. I apologize for your poor reading comprehension, as well as your autism. Feel free to keep being triggered, though, I'm sure it will help you make all groups conform to your special snowflake ideals.

...

>Even then, the dragon doesnt understand common,
What kind of retarded dragon doesn't know common? A Wyvern?

Beats me, but that's the only reason the Barbarian tried to use Animal Handling ro begin with, because walking up and saying hello wasnt understood.

It's entirely possible the dragon was smug and only learned proper languages like draconic, or possibly only kept up with older tongues like Elven and Dwarven.

Either way, terrible to go back on that by suddenly making the dragon understand and be offended by an attempt to communicate

thank god i'll never have to play with you.

ITT: Autists yell at each other over a story that effects them in no way. You fags do not and will not ever play with each other, so let's just tell silly stories.

> When I briefly was DMing DnD (hated it and eventually quit) I had this one Aarakocra wizard.
> Apparently he was neutral good, but in practice was known as the "War Crimes Bird"
> Regularly used gas attacks on people who arguably didn't deserve it.
> Towards the end he kept doing shit that almost got him killed.
> One time the party was gonna explore a tower, and only he could fly.
> Decides to fly to the top alone to "scout it out and bypass any traps"
> Whole party warns against this since he's an easy to gank wizard.
> Gets attacked by golem who jumps off the tower and sends them both plummeting
> Entire party burns all their inspiration and we practically do a physics equation to figure out if they can use dimensional door to save him from certain death.
> He dies like 2 and a half sessions later to a paladin brainwashed by the BBEG in two swings.

More inc.

>Brags about constantly working to bring new people into the hobby
>Says he succeeds every "couple of years"

Sounds about right.

One thing I realized is we've had a lot of times where someone should have died but we somehow saved them. We've been playing in a Hunter the Vigil game for a long time but this one guy keeps having his character do incredibly dumb things and almost dying for it. He's gotten put into bleed out 3 times in 6 sessions.

As for stupid actual deaths however...

> Had this one guy who's character was a little too into the occult.
> We had just finished dealing with this alchemist who was harvesting special body parts to create a perfect Frankensteins monster.
> My character had killed him, and the next morning my character and Mr. Occult decided to find and investigate his residence.
> We find his unfinished Frankenstein and notes.
> My character immediately gets ready to make a bonfire to burn it all.
> Occult man wants to keep some of the stuff.
> I argue that a man trying to mad science a Frankensteins monster has no knowledge worth taking, and all trace of his twisted shit should be burned.
> He argues to the contrary.
> Long winded argument happens.
> He decided to diss religion, knowing my character is religious.
> I burn the alchemists stuff and go to get the rest of the team together to investigate him, since my character is now worried he's gonna go bad.
> He anticipates this, but as it stands, he didn't have anything in his notes terribly heretical.
> However he did have some tissue from an eldritch creature we'd dealt with earlier.
> He's convinced us religious types are gonna destroy all his work, so he does the rational thing.
> And injects himself with eldritch tissue.
> Like heroin style straight into a vein.
> Then when we go to investigate him we find a disgusting eldritch hybrid.
> He becomes upset his character lost his free will.

At least he made for a fun encounter right?

We have this friend who like to ego boost and talk big about everything, D&D included. Rolled a Wood Elf Ranger. 1st session, attempted to stealth in the plain open.
There WERE bushes and areas like small cliffs to hide. however, he elected to stand in the exactly middle of the various open areas. It gets worse.

2nd Session. Normal meaningless opening battle (there was a tournament they were in) before important things happened.

Important things happened. Ranger chose to chase the thing that /caused/ the important things, dragging the party with.

Person causing important things ends up repeatedly berated by the Ranger. This ends in a pissed off polymorphed young dragon retaliating the opening combat. In a single firebreath, the entire party was almost wiped. (They were level 3...)

Humans are intelligent animals too. Should animal handling be allowed to be used on humans?

One's really dumb, the other only kind of dumb:

>pathfinder
>swashbuckler character with insane AC and tons of hp
>thinks he is invincible
>wandered through a dungeon singing and got sneak-attacked by 4 rogues whose sneak attacks were meant to be spread amongst the entire party
>almost dies
>later on, party finds orc camp near the ancient temple they want to explore
>swashbuckler goes off by himself
>sets off fireworks on one side of the camp
>rushes in on the other side and throws a firework at a cult member he recognizes talking to the orcs
>misses
>20 orcs start chasing him
>he has such high AC that they chase him through the forest for half an hour and when they catch him they can't hit him
>wants to go back to the party but they yell at him not to because they don't think they can take on 20 orcs
>metagaming.jpg but I let it go
>he runs toward the temple instead
>climbs into a sarcophagus to hide
>wraith inside
>orcs start looking in sarcophagi for him
>release more wraiths (I meant for the PCs to find one, fight it, then be smart and leave the rest alone)
>orcs and character are killed by wraiths because none of them have magic weapon
>later is revealed to me that he should have gotten a fortitude save against Con drain so he might have lived longer but unlikely since he was out of tricks
>20 dead orcs rise as 20 wraithspawn making the dungeon impassable
>entire party yells at the player for dying like a retard and taking up 1.5 hours of the session
>party also yelled at me to kill him off through entire session because they wanted him to die for some reason

The other story, from the same campaign (different player though)

>nobleman who was part of demon cult, is found murdered in his sleep
>fighter joins the party
>is brought up to speed
>decides to go visit the grieving widow of the murdered noble
>alone
>without telling anyone else in the party where he is going
>ends up invited inside
>given drinks
>she tells him about her childhood along the river
>starts to flirt w/ him
>tries to kiss him
>she's a succubus
>he fails 4 will saves in a row because I had meant them to meet her as an entire party
>party eventually realizes he is gone
>they only find him because I make up some bullshit that his pet pig can track by scent, if only to move the story forward
>they find his pale lifeless corpse
>succubus teleports away
>they still haven't caught her
>they are leaving the entire cult issue behind to go explore an ancient dwarf city

Well, what happens will happen I guess. Still can't figure out who is to blame for the fighter dying. It was definitely a trap, meant to potentially kill someone, but if he'd brought, I dunno, one other person with him, or made plans with the party, or had ANY sort of skepticism or caution, he'd still be around. But that's my opinion as a GM so obviously biased and I am paranoid as a player, so I am curious what percentage of the blame you'd assign to me and him.

Well, considering the first rule I always harp my players on is never split the party, it's the fighter's fault.

>still at the start of the campaign
>players meet an ancient god
>ancient god is in process of explaining the plot
>one of the players tells the DM he wants to try to apply fear to the ancient god
>rolls a fuckin natural 20
>ancient god shakes a little bit and realizes it
>isnt the merciful kind who just forgives
>fuckin party wipes right there
Now it's basically a inside joke.

>lmao nat 20 xD

my party's first rule is: it's the fighter's fault.

if it's not him it's the goddamn druid.

The big bad used an illusion spell to make it appear that I, the evoker wizard, had become possessed and was poised to destroy the party.

The DM's young son panicked at this, and sneak attacked my character, who was asking why everyone was looking at him suddenly.

Well, he crit. Then he rolled max damage on his damage and ended up dropping me from max hp at lv 5 to - max hp.

Because of a low level illusion spell the DM tossed out to distract the party and an inexperienced rogue :\

Course, I missed that session so I was disappointed the backstory I wrote wasn't going to see any use, but cest la vie.

Your group sounds shit.

Running solo adventure of Over the Edge for a friend who was just beginning to play, rolled ex-military mercenary with 12 gauge shotgun hidden in his trenchcoat. For an hour we build his background for coming to island of Al Amarja in the Mediterranean Sea that his long lost army buddy was calling him in the island with astral projection.

He came to the island by plane and checked in the airport (he smuggled the shotgun). Took cab to the town and went to a bar for a cold one. I rolled for a random encounter and he met a ganger on the counter. I don't remember what happened between the two of them but soon they were at each other throat. Without warning my buddy's character took the shotgun out and tried to shoot gangers brain out. Ganger rolled better initiative and kicked the shotgun up so that the character shot his own brains out...

Whole playing session took out just under twenty minutes. Both of us were dumbfounded and then we laughed our asses off.