Field Kit Inspection: Mad As a Hulk Edition

I would assume, that they are preparing to board their own boarding tubes. As this Space Hulk, is no mere ship. Oh no, it isn't.

From what the Captain of the Eagle's Fury has told me. This Space hulk, is a foul amalgamation of atleast six different ships, bashed together. With atleast one, of those ship's, being of a similar design to our own.

Unfortunately, sensors indicate, that the vessel itself, is deep within the core of Spacehulk itself. So boarding tubes alone, will not get us close enough.

*why don't you just shoot off all of the other ships with weapons and then board the ship in the centre rawr?*

Because, trooper, who's name I can't seem to find, yet oddly enough, resembles two other troopers I've executed! If we did such a thing, we would risk damage to the warp drive!

Also, you men are both cheaper, and far more expendable, than such a wasteful use of the Emperor's ammunition!

+I will prove it now, my mastery of technoledgy shall prevail+

>the magos motions for the beast to follow him to a table

+we each have the same amount of equipment, time and materials. make a weapon and let us dual+

+be careful you sound like a krighsman?+

*bahaha rawr*
*no, such a challenge is below me rawr*
*this will be a battle of the minds rawr*
*i challenge you to a game of paradox billiards vostroyan roulette 4th dimensional hypercube chess strip poker rawr!*

Could such a thing, every be consider bad? To be so faithful, and willing to die, in the name of the Emperor! It is a feeling, that few men, every truely get the chance to feel!

DEAR GOD EMPEROR, NO! NO, NO,NO!

WE ARE NOT DOING THAT, MINUTES BEFORE WE BOARD A SPACE HULK!

*TOO LATE RAWR! THIS IS NOW AN ULTRA-GAME!
*the room shifts and all of space is visible, although slightly blue*

+Intresting, I am surprised such a delicate game is in the minds of such an incopitant, very well+

youtube.com/watch?v=SFkdcQgNJHo

>his left arm reveals itself covered in a light absorbat grey, and connected to its wrist is the recognisable disk to play the game

+yes commissar, it can. when your dedication makes you do tacticaly unsound decisions purely to kill more of your men+

DEAR EMPEROR! NOT AGAIN!

*BE WARY RAWR! FOR THE LOSER OF THIS GAME WILL BE BANISHED TO ULTRAMAR UNTIL ROUBOUTE GUILLMANS STASIS HAS BEEN TURNED OFF RAWR!*
*two golden duel disks also appear on the creatures arms*

>drawing five pieces of paste board, I smile

+I will go first you giant green fool. placing three cards face down in my back row, I normal summon THE DARK MAGICIAN with ancient rules. YOUR TURN+

...

+make your move so that I may banish you all the faster+

>I look at my face downs, and smile

[this will be too easy]

I'm a dark magician player, you cant beat me

>Matthias would face palm at the idea of being forced to watch this game.

tfw Hamounds is the Swarm lord that cut off Calgars arms and legs during the first Tyranid war.

*I set one monster face down and set 3 card face down in my back Row! Rawr!
*this duel is already lost for you, priest! Rawr!*

[oh cool]

+MY TURN, I DRAW.+
>drawing a card, I smile

+you should give up now+

>I set another card face down in my back row before I acativate ETURNAL SOUL adding the DARK MAGIC ATTACK TO MY HAND. I ACTIVATE THE DARK MAGIC ATTACK I destroy all your spells and traps.

+now dark magician, DARK MAGIC ATTACK SHOW HIM THE POWER OF THE FAITHFUL+

>"I REALLY wish I had my gun right now... Execute them both for this stupidity..."

Let's make this quick, you two. I've got places to go, and things to shoot.

*not so fast rawr*
*i activate dark bribe! Rawr!*

>I will make no such deal

face my OWN DARK BRIBE and draw a card

dark magician shall still attack

*Oh no sir rawr!*
*I DARK BRIBE YOUR DARK BRIBE! Rawr*

+curses, I can not do it again. you darkbribed my dark magic attack but this will not end me. I chain together dark magical circle, to look at the top three card of my deck and add to my hand anything stating the dark magician. and I add the eye of tamrious. and drawing a card, I special summon the apprentice illusion magician. dark magic attack dark magician.

[and I still have one face down I haven't used yet. heh]

*my turn I assume rawr?*

>A loud groan would escape from Matthias, at how long this stupid game has gone on for.

Are you two idiots done yet? Because we've got a mission to deal with, and this sure as hell ain't it!

>a man stumbles onto the floor
reporting for duty sir

oh not another space hulk, oh bother
still getting the hang of this prosthetic arm, but at least i have adjusted to my new innards
>you hear faint whirring from his left arm, and mechanically assisted breathing

im afraid there wont be much of my left after a while

>hefts a large double barreled cannon with glowing green coils
>the barrels are over and under
>an axe is affixed under the end of the lower barrel
my twin plasma cannon overheated and took my arm, so i decided to take another toy out for a spin

The Fire Caste serve with pride
where am i needed ?

*done? Do not disrespect this most ancient game rawr!* *to honour the ancient tradition it is normal for games to last up to 9 years rawr*

Good too finally see you two ready for action! But mechanical appendages are no excuse for anyone to be late!

Also, has anyone seen Captain Wyvern, and those other two he was talking to? I can't seem to find anyone.

could you teach me how to use close combat weapon ?

>His eyes would narrow, and twitch with anger at the Tyranid bioform's explanation.

...You idiots realise, you're playing a children's card game. Right?

Space hulk, space hulk... Maybe a plasma gun is better for cutting into bulkheads? This wouldn't be happening if las-cutters were available, but emperor forbid we take the field with all the commodities available...

(by the way guys. Our own discord channel is up. It would be nice to see more of you in it. discord.gg/Wj5xh )

i'm sorry shas'nel but the toilet were clogged so i took care of that

speaking of Wyvern i think he is with hammounds and Szarek discussing of a "card game"

*...*
*SILENCE PUNY MORTAL! THIS IS AN ULTRA GAME NOW!*
*besides, we can't stop, whoever forefiets is banished to ultramar rawr!*

>She would feel a strong presence behind her. One she had not felt since...

...And what exactly are you doing there, Corporal?

my recommendation is dont supercharge the plasma

this axe came with the gun, dont know how to use it

>the corporal stands up immediately and salutes to the air in front of herself
Preparing equipment for boarding, sir! In no way I'm thinking of rigging a fire selector and odd bits to a melta for an home-made custom cutter, sir!

*MY TURN NOW ROBO-BOY*
*I FLIP SUMMON FIBRE JAR, FORCING US TO RESTART THE ENTIRE DUEL!*
*with no cards on the field to stop this the duel is restarted, with both players drawing 5 cards.*
*i summon the blue eyes white dragon using the ancient rules and set three cards face down*

... Very good, Corporal!

>He would spin the Trooper around, so that she were to face him.

Also, wrong way....

+I have destroyed your monster, and now the apprentice illusion magician will attack for 2000 of your 4000 life points+

I end my turn

Com'issar where are the boarding pods ?
i can scout the way ahead with my stealthsuit !

>Matthias would let out a loud groan of anguish, as he moves over towards the hanger light switch, and flips the now blue lights to regular lights.

Let's go you idiots! That's an order!

[whoops]

+CURSE YOU+

>I set 4 cards face down and set one in defense mode.

I END MY TURN

>don't interrupt our dual, or you will be banished

*too bad, when you tried to attack my monster fibre jar's effect was activated rawr!*
*i attack with the blue eyes white dragon rawr*

What in the Emperor's name, is a 'stealthsuit"? Is that some sort of new camo-cloak? It had better NOT be xeno tech!
(And before you ask. We've stopped using the old PR channel, and we are now using our own. It's cmgit blackjack and hookers.

+ha you fell into my trap+

>you flipped marshmellon, activating his effect you take 1000 damage and he is unharmed+

do you end your turn?

it is a new camo cloak indeed, sanctioned by the te'ch priests

Hmm... I see....

Well don't ruin it then! I doubt we'd be given any new ones, if such a thing we're too happen!

Yes sir, sorry sir!
>the corporal seems to be the same shade of red as a few days ago
I'll make sure that no bulhead will stand between us and the parts we need! You'll see, if it can be cracked open then I will open it, sir! No one is as qualified at spreading things out like I do!.
... this came out a little weirder than I thought, I'm afraid, sir.

I swear to the Emperor, I will vent you both into the void, right now. If you don't put your little toys away, and hurry up!

How comes? Royalties?

i won't, but just tell me where are the boarding pods for the space hulk
i 've got to be prepared

>Matthias would bite his lip, in an effort to not laugh at her, "spread out" statement.

*no rawr*
*i summon one card face down using the ancient rules and activate DNA surgery and select "machine" as the type. I now set one more card face down and end my turn rawr*

No, i realised you had a point yesterday, on the whole pr discord thing. And I figured that for us to truly grow, we needed to have our own things and not ride theirs. So I made a new one, which is for us. discord.gg/Wj5xh come and join in!

Very good, Corporal! But you should be spread out during combat! It leaves you more open for enemy attacks!

>He would quickly take notice of the Corporal's red face. And, worried that she might be catching a fever. Would place his head upon her forehead, in an effort to gage her temperature.

Are you feeling ill, Corporal Rook? Your face is quite red...

+its all over xeno+

I activate pot of greed, then chain recless greed and then different dimension capsual.
[2 face downs left]
you have 2 turns before I win xenos

pot of greed ? this allow him to draw 2 cards from his deck !

*i activate harpies feather duster and then raigeki rawr*
*my turn is not over yet rawr!*

I...
>the corporal sqeeuzes her eyes for a second, then seems to come to a conlusion
I work with melta weaponry sir! Very prone to extreme heating sir! It's normal for me to be a little...
..."flushed".

*i now activate pot of greed, pot of greed and pot of greed rawr!*
*i then flipsummon fibre jar and restart the game rawr*

Ahh! Quite understandable, Corporal!
>He would pat her on the shoulder.

But you'd best take care of yourself. Lest you cause your squad to worry!

>With that, he would head off, to make sure that everyone else, was preparing for their boarding mission.

I have already won, I just need my next turn

I set two cards face down and end.
[you have 1000 health and I have 4000, step it up]

[why do I only have 1000 health?]

[marshmellon, the apprentice illusion magiciaons effects and attack]

>groans before stumbling into view, injectors falling from his armor

What's happening...and where did I leave my damn Raider...

>Matthias would bite down on his tongue, to keep from out right, laughing at the events that had just transpired, as he walks towards the poor Corporal.

Corporal Rook! Front and center!

[I have not been attacked, fibre jar reset the game before that happened]

[okay 2000 left]

Yes sir!

[we start with 8000 hitpoints, how did I take 6000 from marshmallon?]

FUCK I thought we were 4000 start? then you have 6000. JESUS FUCK

Probably, the same place you left it, when it crashed... On the last planet we were on.

You've been in a drugged stupor ever since, Drukhari...

NOW MAKE YOUR LAST MOVE XENO SO I CAN DRAW THE LAST CARD NEXT TURN AND WIN

>The young officer would give the Corporal a once over. Trying to get an idea of who she is, based upon her gear, and outfit.

Trooper, I'm granting you permission to speak freely, this once. Nothing mentioned to me, will go on any reports. Understood? Good.

Do you, happen to have a 'thing' for the Commissar?

Drukhari?! I am outraged. I am an abhuman and my name is Aye Mahn. Surely when I point these things out to you it becomes clear fellow human?

*i activate ookazi three times dealing 2400 points of damage to you! Now I activate bad reaction to Simochi, changing all healing dealt to you into damage of equal value! I now activate gift card!
I now activate gift card again dealing a total of 7800 damage! I set 2 cards face down! Rawr*

>He would cross his arms over his chest, as he gives the 'edgy fuck', before him, a once over.

Uh-huh... Is that your final answer? Because I don't buy it.

A...thing?
>the corporal is a surprisingly tall, red-haired woman, with the kind of build that comes with serving as a special weapons trooper but, surprisingly, very little in the way of skin grafts and all of her ten original fingers. Conversely her flak armor has a number of schorch marks that no amount of care is going to cancel, and she has that slightly haunted look of guards whose sanity is seriously considering the idea of snapping
A... thing. I guess you are referring to the rigged plasma cutter... well, it's done and gone I'm afraid, he didn't seem to like the idea.

Why in the hell, did you gun come with an axe? Why not a simple bayonet?

[umm what the hell? it don't matter now but how much health we sitting on?]

+that was your last mistake, different demmension capsule ends and adds to my hand THE HEAD OF EXODIA THE FORBIDDEN ONE.
WITH THE OTHER FOUR PARTS OF EXODIA, I SUMMON THE FORBIDEN ONE HIMSELF

EXODIA OBLIDERATE AND END HIM+

[isn't that tink of the all guardsmen party?]

Worry not, you don't have to buy anything you don't want. I do have some hypex I could sell you though. This ship is absolutely filled with the primary ingredient!

tink's description of "still having all of his fingers". good catch.

>Matthias would let out a sigh at this.
>Apparently he needed to drop all attempts at acting like a civilized Praetorian Officer. And act more like a simple trooper from Cadia.

That's not what I'm asking you, Corporal. Not even close.

What I'm asking you, is if you 'fancy' the Commissar? Do you want to "nibble on his tea biscuit"? Make him "spill his plasma"?

>Should none of these work on her. He would once more sigh, before simply coming out with it.

Do you want to fuck him?

*not so fast there rawr*
*have you forgotten yourself so easily rawr?*
*as the capsule activates I chain PROHIBITION!*
*i now declare exodia the forbidden one my target!*

now that the game is over we can finally board this space hulk
>is moving near the pods
is someone want to scout with me, he is welcomed at my side

> get into his stealth suit
gun drone activated !

>Matthias would let out a loud sigh.

Great... A bloody Drukhari, AND he's a user of his own product.... Perfect... You'll fit right in with all the others around here.

But that would be heresy!
Or... wait... maybe not? Maybe every trooper is supposing to think of their commissar as a mating partner?! Male troopers? What about female commissars?
I AM NOT READY TO BEAR A CHILD!

[it was activated 3 turns ago, you cant chain it when it ends, and we got told to wrap it up]> I fire a sleep dart at the corpral to calm her down

+good game+

>He would once more let out a sigh.

Ok, so you're slightly broken, and do indeed have feelings for the Commissar. Understood!

>He would let out a sigh, before speaking.

Do you want help, getting "Senpai" to "notice you"?

*fine, we will...
WE'LL CALL IT A DRAW*
*besides, I don't have the energy to banish myself to ultramar rawr*