>be playing a character in D&D for the first time, only DMed until now
>have no idea what to do so I just decide to play Guts from Berserk
>make a 10th level Barbarian, greatsword, daggers, hand crossbow
>roleplay as Guts, don't interact with the party, act aloof and distant
>find a small homunculus, decide to interrogate it to find its master
>catch it in my fist, the same way Guts did to Puck in the beginning of the manga
>go away from the party, get lead down a secret pathway
>two party members are tailgating me, the other 2 are somewhere else and I don't give a shit about them
>hear the sounds of battle
>2 party members persuade me to go investigate with them
>it's the other 2 party members getting assraped by a Giant and 2 drows
>I'm still holding the homunculus in my hand and I need to jump into the fray
>the greatsword is a 2 handed weapon so I need to put the homunculus somewhere safe
>have no place to put it, no pockets or pouch
>I.... uhhh, I shove it up my ass?
everyone keks heartily at this point
>DM allows it but I need to make a Strength check every turn to make sure it doesn't fall out or go up my ass
>first turn I roll a 1
>the homunculus shoots up my ass all the way into my stomach
>end of turn, we hurry so the homunculus doesn't die from stomach acid
>I want to go back to the kitchen and eat until I shit myself
>ranger restrains me and cleric pours a Potion of Gaseous Form up my ass
>fails
>I shit blood
>tries again, succeeds
>I now have to fart the homunculus
>roll a 20
>clench so hard I also shit some gold coins I had ingested previously
MFW I got him up my ass with a 1 and took him out with a 20
Be playing a character in D&D for the first time, only DMed until now
This is stupid.
LOL op for da win xD an internwt for u good sir xD capped for future threads xD
ebin xd include me in the screencap when you post it on plebbit
I would say you sound too creatively bankrupt to be a DM, but your friends all sound like jackasses too so I guess it works out. Also why not just vomit it out if it's in your stomach?
you're all a bunch of no-fun faggots who self-validate by picking on people that do wacky stuff. Try not being spergs for a change.
I'm pretty sure Guts has pouches. Why not stick him in a pouch?
Try making a good story next time.
>Never played before
>Jumps right up to 10th level
Stopped reading right there senpai
Nobody even does that shit. Sounds made up.
How about based GM thread?
>GMing in FLGs for my usuals and one of their female friends
>female friend is a lesbian
>party gets obliterated during combat, one guy is dead and everyone else is unconcious
>bandit leader starts raping the lesbian, as she is the only female in the group
>I can already see tears forming in her eyes
>roll for bandits leader charisma
>nat fucking 20
>"You were raped straight"
>she runs out of the story crying, her friend runs after her and rest of the guys gang up on me and give me shit for rest of the evening
That sounds pretty retarded, but you're probably 14 so that would sound fun to me at that time.
Your friends are a bunch of prudes.
You were roleplaying as Guts and didn't have any bags? That's larger faggotry than shoving a homunculus up your bunghole.
...
That's the most retarded thing I've read and I suffered through to get here.
>gaming in public
>if a girl loses she gets raped
>you describe this in a public setting
>"I really upset an actual human being lol!"
>your friends even call you out on it
you're a shit gm, lol.
Why didn't you just put inside your mouth?
Every character has a bag in 5e unless you specifically choose not to for some reason. . This is fake and gay.
its also got shit on it. dont want that in your mouth
Even Veeky Forums have standards, you know? This story is garbage.