Field Kit Inspection: Cleaning up House Edition

+are you implying you are closer to the omnissiah than I+

>my coiled appendages rattle slightly and crawl out of my sleve each glowing with a las tip

+are you?+

[very good, I suggest you ingest some guardsman grade recaff, vial but potent painkiller]
>the machine cant displaying intrest and well wishing for here upgrades

*what has the emperor ever done for me rawr?*

SCREEEEEECH

>He would shake his head at this.

You're lucky that we're about to commence with Operation "Cleaning house" in a few moments. Otherwise I would have you escorted to your chambers, and forced to clean yourself up.

You're NOT helping my point here, Corporal!

No, I am merely following the words laid within the Imperial Creed.

>Puts on a name tag
SCREEECH

+what did you say? WHAT DID YOU SAY?+

>rage enters his speech as he slips into cant

[BY THE GOD -MACHINES OF MARS I WILL PURGE YOU IF YOU SAY SUCH A THING AGAIN]
all non cog boys and girls heard was a second of hatefull and aggressive screeching/ static

*i asked what the emperor had ever done for me rawr*
*the one true god is the four armed emperor rawr*
*everyone knows that rawr*

+In lieu of a more efficient stim source, recaf before cleaning my alloted workspace seems.. advisable.+
>+machine cant emotive layer conveys tiredness, appreciation+

I've been repairing and performing maintenance on every damned auspex, I think being a little unclean is understandable.
Now I need some recaf before working on undoing all my mess...

>Static fills the ships Vox system
"Attention passengers Once again I have risen from deep storage."
>youtube.com/watch?v=nxY8ZF_09Ak start's playing

>A young woman, outfitted with silver power armour, and bright red trim, would enter into the Hanger where the regiment was currently collected.
>Shoulder length blonde hair, fair toned skin, and cheerful smile are what can be seen underneath her red trimmed and bone white hood.

Hello, Commissar! ISorry I'm so late for the Inspection. I had just received three more injuries, regarding 'fallen pipes' to the head, when inspection was called.

I had to make sure I was "Satisfied" with helping the chuegeons deal with their "Loads".

*do you require various spa parts rawr?*

+HE DIED FOR YOUR SINS, HE LED THE GREAT MACHINE RECLIMATION. HEE WAS YOUR BETTER+

>he sticks a strange and sharp weapon under his neck.

+say one fucking word, say it and die+

+who are you organic? I request identification+

[you fucking mad man, you actualy did it]

Oh dear god, he's back! He's back from the dead! NOOOOOO~!!! But in all seriousness, it's nice to see you once more.

Of course he'll do nothing for you, XENO. You're a plague of locust to this galaxy!

(Also I used the wrobg character name there. That was supposed to be Matthias! Apologies for the confusion!)

Rolled 44 (1d100)

*lemons*
*rawr*
*sprays you with a spa jet*
*roll for effectiveness of item*

We are getting enquirys about the state of my spare parts, As far as I can see they are all there however my vision only has 15degree arc. In other news I have decimated over 80 rat hybrids in the last song and will preparing them as snacks for later. Later on in the show I'll be joined by deck 34's favorite janitor Jackson Ghilft.

we on a new ship where I can be unknown?

Reminds me I once saw a depiction of the Omnissiah-as-Emperor with an enormous-

- what by Terra's name is that?

(If you've got a discord loggin,, you should come join the Field Kit Inspection Channel. Here's an invite discord.gg/7P9knn

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>I jam my phaseblade into this foul xeno

+DIE FOR YOUR SIN+

this is actually a whole new regiment. And yes new ship as well.
Before you ask. No it's not a penal regiment. Although lore is, is that we are sent some of the worst misfits the Imperium of man has to offer.
Think of this more as a spin-off, since Pr died.

Rolled 74 (1d100)

*shrugs*
*continues blatantly harmless water jetting *

...

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>missing I curse and fumble in the water, then lance at the xeno

DIE

>he gives her a blank look, sighs, and murmurs "Oh Emprah" under his breath

They not teach you h-how to aim on Mars, huh?

>he goes into a custodial closet, and returns wielding a hosepipe
Alright you shitstains, get in line. You're all getting a guardsman's shower.

I didn't post that, you are attacking a random user

>Matthias would disconnect the hose, that was funneling in the water being used for this wasteful, and mess creating purpose.
>The Praetorian Officer looks rather disgusted, and appalled, by this wastefulness.

KNOCK IT OFF! BOTH OF YOU! OR ILL HAVE YOU VENTED OUT AN AIRLOCK!

And get back to cleaning!

Rolled 89 (1d100)

*mischievous rawr*
*roll for spa torrent*

Rolled 63 (1d100)

SCREEECH
>Tries to restrain angered magos

*he stabbed me first rawr*
*challenge him to a card game rawr*

>clutching a mug of something foul and bitter smelling, Rho alternates between sipping it and pouring it into his nutri-tank.
Remind me how this ship got to this state with at least... what was it, three Magos on board? Or did everyone assume everyone else was doing maintenance?

*actually I was doing maintenance as well as cooking and babysitting pawn rawr*
*at the same fucking time rawr*

rolling to oppose
d100

I BEAT YOUR ILK BEFORE FOUL BEAST

>the phaseblade shears off an arm

Rolled 62 (1d100)

fucking dice

*ouch rawr*
*well now I have an excuse to make myself a robot hand rawr*
*somebody restrain him rawr*

Now for a personal favourite of mine, In the many hundreds of year's I've been here I'm yet to figure out what wang chunging is or how to do it but closest I ever got to it led to breach in my last ships hull which cost us 94 crew.

>youtube.com/watch?v=BoXu6QmxpJE

>Crew on the lower decks would hear a large banging noise as if something heavy was going up & down.

>Pawn restarins Magos
SCREEEECH
>Begins shaking him

Hospitaller, Illya Mirabelle, of the Order of the Blessed Hope. I hope that may proper help 'service' all of your 'needs', Magos.

>She would look the Chem dog over. Her eyes taking in every detail.
>You're not quite sure, but you thought you saw her lick her upper lip a moment ago.

Ahhh a Chem dog.... It's been such a long time, since I last 'handled' one of your type...

Off by one, I'm laughing my ass off

do you happen to have a discord account, man? I'd love to pick your brain. About the old PR days.

>the massive alien beast with claw hands was doing maintenance
>a ceiling pipe falls with a "clang" in the background
>this explains so much
Impressive.

>the torrent hits him full in the face and he splutters, his respirator filling with water
>he looks decidedly less than pleased as a steady trickle runs from each port and intake
Don't make me call the Ordos on you, ya f-fuckin insect.
>he mutters
As if they'd ever reply to us, of all regiments.

>he grimaces
Yeah, yeah. Just stay away from me, ya fuckin' harpy.

>he sidles up to the techpriest
If the *cough* corporal asks you about augmentation, say no. Then run away.

*help me hospitaliser rawr*
*my arm hurts rawr*
*also it has been disconnected from my body rawr*

>almost slipping free I continue to spew a mix of cant and gothic as I try to tear at the blashemus xenos

+FOR THE [EMPRA YOU WONT LE]VE ALIVE+

+LET GO OF ME+

*hey rho, can you make me a robot arm rawr?*

SCREEECH
>Continues shaking
I'm a chaos spawn, not a xeno

[I know, I'm trying to kill the insect. your just a "mutant"]

+your words can be misconstrewed, but please get me out of this guardsmen restraints+

Advice accepted. Fortunately installing cybernetics is not a great skill of mine, so I have some legitimate reason to decline.

Far too busy, corporal. Much to do to clean up the ship... and I do not know how to construct limbs for... your genotype.

What is all this racket about? Did someone let Pawn fuck a servo-skull again?

> he walks in wearing brand new black robes
Anyone seen that wraithknight?

*i was not actually asking rawr*
*make me a robot arm rawr*
*with a death strike missile launcher and vortex grenades rawr*

He was left to his own demise on the planet. Gone forever now, you had your chance

*MAKE ME A ROBOT ARM RAWR*

Also so add, those robes make you look fabulous!

Oh, but Corporal! How am I ever supposed to give you your weekly cheek-up if I can't get 'close to you'. It would make my job so much 'harder'.
>The Hospitellar would wet her upper lip, as she revvs her Chuegeons chainsaw.

Now boys.... If you don't play nicely, I'm going to have to 'punish' you both...

...again?

Oh.. go ask someone else you oversized cockroach. I've been up far too long already, been told to refrain from rest for longer to clean an entire strike cruiser... I'm cranky.
You don't want to see me when I'm cranky.

>he peeks out from behind Bamounds and slowly shakes his head

Magos, you're looking mighty f-fresh. What's the occasion?

It's the traditional color on my forge world but thanks
ask nicely
Damn
By the way I got the music player to work again
youtu.be/DEBGylXJo0A

*please make me a robot arm with a death strike missile launcher, vortex grenades and a power fist rawr*
*also I hate you slightly less than other people rawr*

SCREEECH!
>Gives drawing of Pawn EATING servo skull
SCREEEECH!
>Slap

>The Ruststalker would boot online, his bright light blue lights flickering on
>It would seem this entire time he was lying vacant in the cargo hold of the ship, not online for quite awhile
>He'd get his footing firm, and his joints moving, before he'd begin wandering around the ship until he met somebody
>Who would the Ruststalker find himself stumbling on first?

No reason I just figured I should wear my traditional robes in order to make magos distinction easier

*we don't need the music player rawr*
*the disco dreadnaught woke up rawr*

>Vox static
I may of misplaced most of my music data slate, wait one.
>Static
Non organic humming of random songs for 3minutes
>youtube.com/watch?v=QNJL6nfu__Q starts playing
A song very popular on Krieg, I hear.

Magos, I am ordering you NOT to do so! You know this foul Xeno will only end up using it against you in the end, right?

Will you promise to stop trying to get other guardsmen killed?

>spit flys from the magoses voxaliser as he rages in binary

[LET ME FUCKING KLILL THIS OBOMINATION GUCKING HELL MAGOS GELT HELP]

*fine rawr, I won't get any guardsmen killed rawr*

SCREEEECH
>Shaking intestifies

No im a radical
What if I just vat grew him a new arm just like the old one?

>while searching for more conscripts to hose down, he notices the flickering blue lights
Shit, I guess this is what we get for *wheeze* requisitioning an ex-mechanicus ship. You a-alright there, old boy?

No, Magos. You know exactly what this foul creature is. I am ordering you, too leave it as it is.

+You're giving me a headache. I already have a headache. I now have two, separate and distinct headaches.+
+Congratulations, I did not know that was possible.+

>Draining the last of his mug, Rho stalks off to his workbench, sorting out a pile of unused and repaired items to return to storage

>My Transonic blades would be glowing blue, buzzing with energy
>My face would snap onto his, letting out a processed robotic voice
Target locked. Life signals indicate: Human. Affiliation designated: Astra Militarum. Rank designated: Corporal. Body type: Healthy. Analysis: Non-hostile threat.
I am pleased to be of acquaintance with you.

Ah a fellow medicae! Greetings!

You can't order me but since I like you ok

*if you don't tell him to make me an arm rawr, I will make my own rawr*
*even I don't know what kind of chaos could unfurl from that rawr*

Oh van kleez! I have some "stuff" from the dark city for you

Ah, Magos Gelt! It's a real 'pleasure'... to make your acquaintance.
>She would lick her upper lip as she says this.

You've been purposely missing out on all of your recent 'appointments' with me... I don't understand why I simply can't get a 'handle' on you, and the other Tech-priests. You all seem so scared to come and 'visit' me... I don't bite... Much...

Now Penal regiem......
>Off mic
What do you mean they're not the penal regiment? I thought the ship looked weird....How many years have a been out? A thosand?No? Oh 2....that was a anticlimax
>Back on mic
Here a song a song about boogying...whatever that is...sounds disgusting.
>Off mic
Really 2 years? Who moved my studio here then??
>MIC fades out to music.

What you are saying, Xenos. Is heresy. Punishable by death. Especially should you actually attempt such a thing. And I'm quite positive, that the Commissar would be happy to oblige such an execution.

Uh, p-pleased to meet you too. I, uh, should probably show you to the techpriests.

>he starts go giggle involuntarily
T-That's what I like to hear, my man.
Oh, I found this boltbucket in one of the hangars. You got any idea where he came from?

>VOX channels play youtube.com/watch?v=Lrle0x_DHBM

>walking back into storage with a crate of wire, antennae and a couple handheld auspex units Rho absentmindedly nods to the two already there as he stores the components away
Hey dog
Hello shiv

...Wait.

*he won't kill me, remember my flag rawr?*

fuck I linked the wrong post. Not sure how I even did that. Meant and .

Please no
Nope also I'm glad that spook didn't turn you into a psyker and cause a daemonic incursion from now on only dark eldar drugs for you

Oh, I wouldn't be quite so sure of that.

It wouldn't be the first time, he's executed you. And this time... He'll make sure to finish the job.

Would you kindly play some catachan stuff?

"No" what? You can't really be that scared of getting a few needles 'inserted' into you. Not when you have all that 'hard' ware connected to you...